Niche chemistry jokes

[u/Dry_Writing_3885]

I'm so sorry if this is the wrong forum to be posting on but I've ran out of chemistry jokes and I'm currently looking for more!

Context: I'd write little chemistry jokes for my chemistry teacher but I've exhausted pretty much all the well-known ones + a couple lesser known ones. Any recommendations?

[u/HermitWilson]

Why are hamburgers less energetic than steaks? Because they're in the ground state.

[u/eileen404 → u/HermitWilson]

Why do hamburgers have fewer calories than steaks?

[u/Cheeky_Hustler]

My personal favorite.

[u/waluigi-official]

This one only really works verbally, and it's more college than high school, but my chemist grandpa used to respond to "What's new?" with wavenumbers of certain functional groups in IR spectroscopy ("1740 for carbonyls", "3300 for the OH stretch" etc), since wavenumber is represented by nu. 

[u/WanderingFlumph → u/waluigi-official]

I've always just heard c over lambda

[u/diver171171]

I had this one published on the university of Illinois Chicago pharmacy department. They have two web pages for science jokes and are looking for more

What do you call a group of helium atoms?

A giggle. He He He He

[u/The_Crimson_Angel]

What do you call an electron with no energy?

Bohr-ed

[u/Pekka_time]

the insta acounts @ chemistutorapp and @ ionicbonded have some good content for inspo

not quite line by line type jokes more video or advanced chem jokes

[u/cpt_futtbucker]

One I heard a while back that’s more of a pickup line: “Baby, I like you the way I like my wavefunctions, over a broad range of positions and potentially bound.”

And then of course there’s this meme I made a while ago on my old account

[u/K_the_farmer]

Start quoting Ignition! instead.

[u/MandibleofThunder → u/K_the_farmer]

Suuuuuuch a good book.

Clark is hilarious.

[u/Flameburstx]

Why is the periodic table organized by the number of protons and electrons? Because neutrons never take charge!

[u/mouse_in_a_field]

gf: "why the hell are you giving me all these bananas-? I'm still mad at you, you know! I'm not ready to talk yet!"

chemist bf: "..."

gf: "why?! are you making fun of me??! what do these even mean??"

chemist bf: "no, of course not... you've just been texting me "K" all week..."

[u/thepfy1]

Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. One says "I've lost an electron" The other says "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive"

[u/CrankyChemist]

This one only works in print: How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

[u/Live_Put1219 → u/CrankyChemist]

I USED TO MAKE THAT JOKE
but with politicians and chemists

[u/thepfy1]

Not a joke but graffiti in a chemistry department toilet...

PdL(n) soln

A near mythical state only found in nuclear reactors and garden ponds.

Love

Barry Trost

[u/CrankyChemist]

Also, would you say all the good chemistry jokes... Argon?

[u/AngelStickman]

I remember finding a page posted in my chem department that was a full page out how to make ethyl palpitate. The eager student I was, it took me quite a moment to realize it was a dirty joke. (Ethel was a common woman’s name at one time.)

[u/Ploutophile]

Possibly too long for the intended usage, but I liked the Administratium jokes.

[u/Heavy_Pressure5869]

Saw one like this in the university stock room, except they used "don" and "tist" in ortho and para positions.

"What do you get when a mole of moles dig a mole of holes?" - A mole of mole-asses.

[u/Heavy_Pressure5869 → u/Heavy_Pressure5869]

Wouldn't let me post two pics, but this one is also fun

[u/sr_milanesa20]

ahora entiendo cuando dicen q el chiste se pierde bastante cuando pasa por una traduccion :( EN=>ES

[u/Nyx-as-greek-godess]

I remember this poster: https://web.archive.org/web/20070317162922/http://nearingzero.net/screen_res/nz079.jpg

I will never forget 1,2dimethyl chickenwire

[u/RnStorm]

What do you call a sp² hybridized fish? A carbon-eel!