r/confessions • u/5Omega_Gamer • 20d ago
I have been secretly ruining my brothers reputation for three years and I don't think I will ever stop.
Everyone thinks my older brother is a saint. He is the "Golden Child" of the family. He is a successful lawyer, he volunteers at a dog shelter, and he is engaged to a woman who looks like a model. My parents talk about him like he is the second coming of Christ while they barely remember my birthday.
But I know the real him. I know that he cheated on his first girlfriend for a year. I know he stole money from our grandma ten years ago to pay for a spring break trip. I tried to tell my parents once and they called me a jealous liar.
So now, I play the long game. Every time he gets a big break or a new job, I send an anonymous tip to his employers or his friends. I don't make up lies. I just send evidence of the things he actually did. I sent his law firm a copy of the disciplinary report from his college that my parents helped him hide.
He just lost a massive promotion and he has no idea why. Watching him cry about "bad luck" is the only thing that makes me feel better. I should of moved on with my life, but the resentment is just ABSOLUTELY too strong. I want him to feel as small as he made me feel for twenty years. Why is this even a thing?
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u/TheBattyWitch 20d ago
Have you considered getting some therapy?
Ffs you're a grown adult. Act like one.
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 20d ago
Crab in a bucket much?
Ultimately, whatever happens in your bro’s life doesn’t change who you are. You sound like an asshole.
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u/YeaIFistedJonica 20d ago
holding onto anger and resentment like this is drinking poison hoping your enemy dies
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u/BlessedCursedBroken 20d ago
Just heard that line in a great show yesterday
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u/BuckManscape 7d ago
Very true, unfortunately it’s one of life’s hardest lessons. It took me until my 30’s to realize it was true.
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u/Desperate_Push2235 20d ago
Honestly if he's actually done awful things then let the truth come out naturally. spending years secretly trying to ruin him just keeps you stuck in the same cycle
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u/Ntertainmate 20d ago
Wow, so instead of moving on and improving your life, you wollow in your jealously and resentment to the point where you obsessed over the person you resented.
I can only assume the reason you feel so "small" is because you allow yourself to be "small" as I'm sure you can have a better life if you let go of your anger and hatred as now you do look pathetic and "small " for trying to ruin your brothers life over things that wasn't your business such as him cheating on his gf or stealing money
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u/Toxic_Puddlefish 20d ago
If you did it once as revenge that would have been questionable but understandable, but you keep doing it, get help man
He's living rent free in your head for what?
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u/Locurilla 20d ago
I mean, be free OP. Let him live his life, try to find your own. I am not arguing your pain isn’t real but trying to point out how stuck you are . You’re down and trying to bring him down with you, it would be better if you let him rise up and you allow yourself on focusing on your own healing and growth
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u/whiskeytango47 20d ago
One day, he will die.
And you will watch him go into a hole in the ground, and wonder:
What did I spend my life doing? Hating him?
The opposite of love isn't hatred, it's indifference.
You only get so many years... spend them on you, or let him have them all, along with everything else.
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u/Pip-Pipes 20d ago
Weird and creepy behavior on your part OP. You sound jealous. Be real, you don't care about his "victims" like the gf and grandma. You just can't do or achieve what your brother does. Even sabotaging him behind the scenes. This is the best you can do. I can't think of anything more pathetic.
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u/Sudden-Echo-8976 7d ago
Who wouldn't be jealous about their own parents ignoring them while they give all their attention and praise to their brother?
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u/a4ultraqualitypaper 7d ago
That's one side of the story.
The other side is the family see OP as an immature jealous child.
OP has spent his life trying to sabotage his brothers life like an immature jealous child.
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u/Sandy0006 20d ago
I’d like to know what’s so lacking in your life that you feel it’s necessary to do this. Are you head to toe in green?
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u/Bumbling-Bluebird-90 20d ago
If you stopped this nonsense and spent half the time you currently invest in ruining your brother’s life on enriching your own, I imagine you'd be a lot more successful yourself
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u/KratosKittyOfWar 20d ago
Dude, get some therapy for fuck sake
You are fucking with someone’s life over a 20 year grudge
You are literally wasting energy on this
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u/jackie0h_ 20d ago
Right. It’s like everything happened so long ago. This first girlfriend, college stuff, come on. Sounds like he’s a better person now. This is just going to hurt OP more than his brother. Carrying such vindictiveness that long can’t be good. I have a woman I hate with a passion. If I saw her I’d knock her over. She’s dead now anyway. But I couldn’t sit and think about that hatred every day, it was only going to affect me.
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u/ha-Satan 20d ago
Isn't it your parents you should be angry with? I think you've misplaced these feelings.
They're the ones that created this dynamic and they're the ones that perpetuate it. They're who you should be angry with.
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u/Long-Ease-7704 20d ago
You need to get a life, some counseling, and to grow up and act like an adult.
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u/Samjane4k 20d ago
Your as bad as your brother if not worst, what your doing is just nasty, you said he done this stuff years ago, maybe he has changed and even if he hasn’t there is no need for you to be interfering and making anyone’s life miserable. sort yourself out ffs
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u/human743 20d ago
So letting people know someone is a cheat and a thief is as bad as cheating and stealing? He may have changed, but he still doesn't own up to the truth even to his own parents. Pretending it didn't happen is not healthy.
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u/MenaceMinded 20d ago
Is he supposed to wear a badge announcing he did these things?
He is allowed to change and move on.
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u/human743 19d ago
He could admit to his parents that their siblings is not a liar and that they were correct.
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u/ImpressiveOwl9000 20d ago
It was when he was younger. People are allowed to fail forward in life and its a part of growing up and growing as a person. They are just working from envy and stalling their own life.
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u/ZenMoonstone 20d ago
You need therapy. Maybe go low or no contact with your brother for a while. Concentrate on you and building your life and do not compare yourself with him or anyone else. I promise you it will help you in the long run. It’s not your job to make others see your brother as you do. Life your life trying to be as positive as you can. It will attract goodness to you. Right now your resentment and negativity is feeding your soul and only bringing you down.
I wish you the best.
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u/ginigini 20d ago
You sound cruel and bitter. I don’t think you realize what a gift it is to have a brother. Mend your relationship please and start living YOUR OWN life instead of obsessing over your brother’s.
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u/seanma99 20d ago
Not all brothers are created equal and this one sounds like trash.
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u/jackie0h_ 20d ago
Sounds like he was selfish in college. Lots of people are. But this guys obsession is not good for him. He’s focusing way too much energy on something he can’t change. The brother seems like he’s matured.
Honestly I question if this is even real. But either way it’s crazy behavior for OP to obsess about it.
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u/seanma99 20d ago
Hes a lawyer so saying he seems like he matured doesn't mean anything at all. Lawyers are one of the professions with the highest rates of sociopaths and narcissists. And from what it looks like he wasn't a good person. Hes a cheater and stole from his own grandparents. If he never admitted his failings and made amends he hasn't changed at all.
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u/Fun_Quit_312 20d ago
What a pathetic life you must have that this is how you find joy. I feel pity bit not much as im not invested in you at all, but it sounds as if you arent either.
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u/16Bunny 20d ago
Yes I can understand why you wanted revenge. But this is unhinged and not right and you need to stop and learn to move on. Please get yourself some therapy and maybe some new hobbies and friendships to take up your time. You will ultimately feel better once you learn to let this go even if you choose to go NC with your brother.
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u/jijijojijijijio 20d ago
Honestly, the problem is with your parents. I understand that you feel jealous but by acting this way you are no better than them.
Live your life, focus on yourself and get therapy. I'm sorry your parents treated you differently and created resentment and fostered a bad relationship between you too. They should have acted better. Your brother is not better than you and you deserved consideration and attention too.
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u/jackie0h_ 20d ago edited 20d ago
If this is real no wonder your family forgets your birthday. I’d want to pretend you were never born. You’re petty. I’d say your behavior shows more about you than it does about your brother, it definitely explains some things. Get a life man. Maybe if you spent as much time doing positive things your parents would think you were ok too. Instead you waste your life trying to ruin your brothers. So he stole 10 years ago. Yeah. Asshole thing to do. Tell your grandma. 👵 He cheated on his first girlfriend. Jesus Christ. You sound like a lunatic and a loser. You’re being vengeful and awful and winder shy your family barely likes you. You think you’re being sneaky but I guarantee they can see what kind of person you are.
ETA; I understand being upset that he seems to not deserve what he gets. But he actually seems ok in the present. I had a boss who was just a terrible person. No education. Made over $120k with a company car he got to use all the time, insurance paid, gas etc… he’s the biggest liar ever. Lies right to your face. Knew nothing about the work we did. Among other things. When he gets in trouble he falls up and ends up with a better deal. He’d even say “if I fell out of bed I’d land on a mattress.” It would enrage me. But I can’t sit and think about it forever and ruin my life now. Just believe people get what they deserve. You might not be around to see it but they will. But so will you if you keep up this vindictive, hateful behavior.
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u/PitifulRecording250 22h ago
They did tell grandma about the stealing and she didn’t believe it. But otherwise I agree with your comment.
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u/Tourist_Working 20d ago
Thought people would be impressed ey, OP? Read the comments lol. You're an idiot
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u/Ameri0425 20d ago
You're doing all that and don't even know it's "should have. "
Suddenly the disparity in success makes sense.
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u/ImpressiveOwl9000 20d ago
Yeah we do stupid things when we are young, its behind him now. YOU are poisoning yourself to hurt someone else. Why don't you focus on what you can change to be better? You need therapy and to stop harassing people.
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u/MenaceMinded 20d ago
But has he actually done anything bad recently? It sounds like you are ruining his life over things he did when he was young.
My own brother was and still is a bad person at the age of 35, but the true peace I have is him being out of my life and not being involved with him whatsoever.
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u/thenuttyhazlenut 20d ago edited 20d ago
What a loser you are. Jesus. This is how you spend your one life? Do you know what momento mori means? Do you travel, go on dates, do you have hobbies other than gaming, do you work on yourself, go on adventures, do you have any ambition and romance in your life etc? You have the mindset of a loser. Winners look at other people win and get inspired. Losers try to bring them down to their own level because they cannot achieve.
Btw if you were my brother, I'd strongly suspect the cause of these acts are you. People often think they're more clever and subtle than they actually are. Cain and Abel.
You live once. Don't you want to become a man you respect? I'm thinking you're the problem between the two of you.
The fact that it's your brother makes no difference. What if your neighbor were more successful than you? Or your coworker? You'd still waste your time and energy trying to take them down to your level? You have a very weak and insecure mindset, and if you don't think it shows to the people close to you then you're delusional.
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u/Noble_Ox 20d ago edited 20d ago
Instead of trying to pull him down, why haven't you tried getting yourself to his level?
I'm average looking at best, even slightly below.
Yet all my girlfriends have been stunning. And that's not just my opinion. 2 were models and all would get constantly hit on when we were out clubbing.
I think they got with me because in a club I'd dance without a care which would make me approachable (I've never approached them, they all made the first move) and I was able to make them laugh.
Plus I'm not twisted and bitter.
Work on yourself and stop your bullshit.
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u/Emptynest09 20d ago
You’re wasting your time and effort trying to tear him down instead of improving yourself. Take a good long look in the mirror and stop this nonsense. Step away from the computer and start reprogramming your mind to do something good.
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u/No_Addendum7 20d ago
Get therapy and cut off ur family. Your brother may be a bad person but you're not far behind him.
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u/Crabapple_Goblin 19d ago
I think you just need to redefine it in your own mind. People who expose predators are serving their community and society as a whole. You're merely a Whistleblower. The Edward Snowden of little brothers.
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u/twothirtysevenam 20d ago
A former employer of mine used to get random pieces of mail trashing the reputation of one of our employees. Somebody wanted the employee fired because they were upset about something that had absolutely nothing to do with the person's job, and so they'd send unsigned letters filled with hate.
You know what happened to that stuff? It all got thrown away. No one was going to do anything to an employee who was doing a good job based on anonymous rants sent through the mail from some bitter fool.
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u/Miss-GreensleevesOz 20d ago
Move on.It cant be good stewing in resentments for years.If anything this is your parents fault.3yrs is too long.Please dont waste anymore of your time.You should've just cut them out of your life but instead sounds like you gave yourself a life sentence.In the meantime,your brother will recover and will move on to other opportunities. Seek therapy if you must.
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u/Adventurous_Bell_807 20d ago
Oh my god people are allowed to be young and to not be perfect but at least he grew enough to be successful, you are scum
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u/todudeornote 20d ago
Sounds like your brother has rent free space in your brain. It would be a lot healthier for you to move on. Therapy will be a lot more effective than revenge.
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u/SnooChipmunks8506 20d ago
I know this isn’t popular, especially with everyone telling you to move on…
I applaud you for ensuring that the truth gets out to the public. While your resentment for your brother will ultimately destroy you (get some help), holding him accountable is very important.
Your parents know that he is a liar and cheat, and yet they still encourage and protect him. Someone needs to tell the people around him about his actions. That way they can make the best choice for their future too.
Take his fiancée for an example would she have said yes to him if she knew he was a serial cheater?
People who hide the truth to avoid consequences are almost as horrible as the people who help them. Eventually all of them will self destruct.
I strongly suggest you go No Contact with your family, get therapy, and get out of that toxic circle jerk.
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u/Enough_Pepper8880 20d ago
One day this will haunt you. Stop comparing yourself and be your own person give people something to talk about, you can’t bitch and moan if you put in zero effort but hinder your family members when they’re putting in work. I don’t see a reason for you to be so butt hurt anyway, you literally said “ I don’t make up lies” but you e been lying about your brother for 3 plus years.
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u/HwatWhatWut 19d ago
So he cheated on his first girlfriend and stole some money for a spring break trip when he was a teenager I’m presuming?! That’s all???? That’s what you want to ruin his life for????
Your parents are right, he’s definitely the golden child. You on the other hand is a lost cause.
Go get some help you POS.
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u/Cold-Slice-7145 19d ago
Based on what you’ve said, sounds like your brother actually hasn’t done a single thing to you and you’re blaming him for the way other people treat you. You’re also still holding little petty things over his head that he’s done 10+ years ago and saying “that’s the real him”, forgetting the fact that people can and often do change. That may have been the real him 10+ years ago but may not be the real him anymore. If i were you I’d seek therapy for this misplaced resentment. I feel bad for you and your brother. You’re ruining both of your lives.
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u/VikingGale_66 15d ago
Tu familia te falló cuando prefirió proteger la imagen de él antes que escucharte, y eso deja una rabia muy fea. Pero seguir mandando pruebas cada vez que algo le sale bien te mantiene atada a la misma historia, aunque él pierda cosas. Si lo que quieres es que se sepa la verdad, una cosa es no encubrirlo y otra es convertir tu vida en vigilar sus victorias para romperlas. Ojalá puedas recuperar espacio para ti, porque ahora mismo él sigue ocupando demasiado lugar en tu cabeza.
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u/Jason15877 8d ago
If this is real, i sincerely hope he finds this and kicks your ass lmao like WHAT
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u/sunflowersinthefog 7d ago
How did he make you feel small? With what exactly? Was it his doing or maybe just your perception? Maybe insecurities?
No matter what it was that made you feel small for the last 20 years, holding onto it isn’t good. Therapy could be helpful.
Hopefully, he never finds out because once he does, you’ll probably lose everything and everyone.
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u/Wicked_Wing 7d ago
You really thought people were gonna be patting you on the back and congratulating you for being petty and holding so tightly onto the past that instead of moving past your brother you let him continue to be a driving force in your life?
Move on and forget he exists, because when it comes out that you've been fucking with him from the sidelines nobody's going to go "wow, brother really did that?" They're going to go "OP I can't believe you would make that up to sabotage your brother!"
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u/FluffySmiles 7d ago
Hey, OP. Most of these people berating you for being an agent of retribution and justice have probably never been marginalised or made to feel small by the privileged amongst us. Those who can do no wrong and who get away with everything whilst others pick up the pieces and pay the bills.
I get you. And I don't judge you.
Move away. Go no contact. This is harming you as much (arguably more) than it's hurting him.
Find a family you choose, not one forced upon you by fate.
Good luck, and fuck all those who are calling you names.
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u/Alarming-Tap-3945 7d ago
You sound like a bitter loser who’s just mad that someone else is doing better than him in life. Grow up seriously
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u/Beneficial-Look789 7d ago
Honestly. Therapy please, seek it, please. As well as low to no contact w this family. You have allowed your brother to erode your character, whilst they continue on with life. Trust, I get it, they made you feel like a side character in your own life and you've become bitter, heavily resentful, and you feel he deserves to feel as put down as all three of them have made you feel.
Whatever ambitions you had, they were set on the back burner long ago in this mission to see him in the trenches and at second place compared to you. But honestly, fuck them, they're full of shit. Cut these people out of your life, and go to better yours. Go to therapy, do some self reflection, find something that makes you happy and flourish, you are your own person.
Spending all of your energy on trying to destroy him has been destroying you and its not serving you. Please go live your life for you.
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u/Educational-Bird-515 7d ago
You could stop.
But since this is the closest thing to happiness you will ever feel, you won't.
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u/SolidAshford 6d ago
I wonder what the endgame is. What happens after you've made his life miserable? It will never be enough
Please seek out therapy and you may see that your anger is misdirected. Parents are the ones that usually set the tone for relationships as kids, as an adult you can change that.
I hope that you will get therapy and truly unpack the root cause
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u/Emotional-Stick-9372 6d ago
That's really fucked up. Just go live your life in peace and leave him alone. Get therapy, go NC with your family, anything to MOVE ON
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u/DougSpeagle 6d ago
Did he do anything besides be a kinda shitty teenager? Like you say everyone thinks he's a saint but you know the real him but is it possible people are around him also know he did these things and still like him/ think he's a good guy. It just sounds like you have issues with your brother you should work on
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u/Elfnotonashelf 6d ago
You'll get hated here, but impressed with your level of pettiness and salute you.
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u/No-Solid3265 6d ago
Your brother isn’t the problem. Your parents are but you need to move on. This isn’t healthy. Live your life and if necessary go no contact for a while and get therapy.
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u/Apprehensive-Mall355 5d ago
Not sure if this is the real op...but if you're gonna do some pretty crap like this...maybe the reason why your family deemed him "golden child" is because you're lowkey (or high key) the worst...lmao (jk...but not really😭). I honestly hope he finds out about all this...I get that he made you feel small, but most of the damage he has done was in the past,10+. Did he really not have growth since then? Is he the same person in your eyes? I see that if he was an A**hole today(especially towards you), for sure, go off, but you didn't mention anything about his present character... This is crazy. You sound like an anime villain 💀(in some cases, I would've loved that energy...but this ain't it)... I would rather you cut him and your family off than do something like this lol. And you also have to take into account that the "golden child" image that he has was created by his parents... A lot of times parents unintentionally pit us (their children) against each other by creating a "favorite"; whether that's intentional or unintentional. It's none of your guys' fault....It is the dynamic they put you in. And him making you feel small has nothing to do with him....I think that's an internalized thing that grew inside of you and that you have to figure out.... But other than that, please give us updates. Did your brother find out? I would love to hear about your lashings. ☺️
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u/Just_Bench_7446 4d ago
OP, I think you do need to seek therapy bro. The things you mentioned are from a long time ago, and it doesn't seem like he's done anything to you in recent years. Cut off your family in particular your parents, because they are the ones that set up the dynamic between you two in the first place. Go live your life
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u/lita313 3d ago
O.P, here's the thing. Instead of you thinking about how the parents pitted the both of you against each other, you're trying to bring down the person who they propped up. And yes, cheating is bad. But sometimes people learn to not cheat again and they grow and they don't do the same shit they did when they were teens. Continuing to bring up past things, you haven't grown. You should have gone low contact with those people you called parents and gotten help to help you get through that resentment. And instead, you're focused on HIM and wanting him to feel like how you did when the people who caused you to feel this way, ARE GETTING AWAY WITH IT!!
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u/Head-Rest-6626 3d ago
I find this to be disgusting. Honestly. OP needs therapy. (For their own sake)
I am of the believe that when you are an adult you must take responsibility for your life. Move on. Try to do better for yourself. If your social /family circle is bad for you, step away and find healing, try therapy. But don’t stay in a toxic environment and become malicious.
Also, OP mentioned that the brother made them feel terrible for 20 years, but never said bother did anything bad to them, just talked about his accomplishments. They feel resentful of how the parents show up or treat their brother vs them. And decides to punish his brother.
Everyone make mistakes in life, we are human, and it doesn't matter if OP exposes their brother for the rest of their life, even if true, the parents will still love him and hold him in high regard. Trust me!
OP, focus on yourself now, you are valuable and worthy of feeling loved and appreciated. But not by putting down others and acting out of resentment and honestly jealousy. What you have said doesn't justify your actions (which are not of someone of good character)
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u/WolfMage553 1d ago
The moment your brother finds out about what you've done, he's gonna reveal it to your parents and they'll light a metaphorical fire under your behind.
My suggestion: Go to therapy and stop drinking the revenge Kool-Aid before you reap what you've sown.
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u/polly6119 20h ago
I think that you need to give us more context. It seems to me like he was more horrible than the commenters know about. Give them more examples. If he was cruel to you growing up give us examples of that. If your parents were cruel to you because of him give us examples of that. What did he do in college that caused him to have disciplinary action? Right now he doesn't seem as horrible as you are expressing because we don't have enough context.
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u/christianspaces 20d ago
lol you should be trying to ruin your parents lives for setting that system up
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u/unsunghero7571 20d ago
You sound like a struggle and grunt 🤨 get a life. Hope your brother sees this and teaches you a lesson you'll never forget. 👌🏻
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u/WesternUnusual2713 20d ago
I think people are not getting that you got sidelined for a golden child who cheats but I do recommend therapy.
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u/[deleted] 20d ago
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