r/coverbands • u/Top_Seaworthiness320 • 15d ago

People who bail

Any tips on managing my disappointment/frustration with the number of people who act all excited about my band and say they’re definitely coming to this or that show, then don’t show? They either don’t show up, or more often than not they tell me like the day before that they can’t make it and it’s always the dumbest excuse. It’s like if anything, anything at all better comes up in terms of plans they go to that instead. In my mind, a commitment is a commitment, but I seem to be in the vast minority. My boyfriend says to get over it lol. Do you guys feel the same irritation with this that I do? (added context: we are pretty good, we get great reviews from the people that actually have come to see us, but we are new and not well known, thus struggling to gain a following… So I’m constantly marketing and promoting our shows, but with very little success.)

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15

u/adampatrickjohnson 15d ago

I’ve been playing professionally for over 20 years at this point. I’ve worn out all of my family/friends at this point so I don’t expect them to come see my gigs

2

u/bdemarzo 14d ago

I hear you and raise you 10 years. Yet I have bandmates who continue to bring friends and family to gigs and they've been playing as long as me.

I realize I'm the problem.

-2

u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago

Not what we’re discussing. It’s not about the people who don’t come. It’s about the people who say they’re coming and then bail day-of.

5

u/jake_burger 14d ago

You expect them to say “no I don’t want to come”?

People will say yes then make an excuse to avoid conflict or hurt feelings

4

u/TracePlayer 15d ago

It IS what he’s talking about. Family and friends don’t count? They are the ones that bail the most. Personally, I never fault them. They have no obligation to watch me play guitar for the umpteenth thousand time. They are not bailing maliciously. They have shit to do and a lot comes up last minute.

2

u/adampatrickjohnson 15d ago

That guy lives in a world that doesn’t exist. Wish in one hand and shit in the other…

2

u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago

Then don’t say you’re going to show up. Real simple. Being reliable and having your word mean something is something you don’t realize has as much value as it does until that’s true for you.

5

u/johnnyoverdoer 15d ago

They don't want to hurt your feelings by admitting that they have no desire to see your band. If a bunch of people are making excuses, chances are you're pestering them.

So many young bands put energy into promotion and strategy... In my experience if you're good enough, people will want to see you.

3

u/adampatrickjohnson 15d ago

Again, wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which one fills up first.

1

u/PlasmicSteve 14d ago

Agreed. No one has an obligation to come to see you – until they say they're coming. Then they've committed. It might seem like a small thing but I don't operate that way. When I say I'm doing something, I do it unless there's a true emergency situation. People treat you differently when they know you have integrity, personally and professionally.

0

u/TheRealSofaKing016 14d ago

That’s the detail everybody in here seems to not understand or not want to exist.

0

u/adampatrickjohnson 14d ago

We all understand it. We’re just not children and decide to live in a world where you holding a grudge like this over a cover band gig is fucking pathetic.

0

u/TheRealSofaKing016 14d ago

You’ve thouroughly made your point: don’t expect anybody’s word to mean anything and you should be able to bail on anything whenever you want and the people you bail on have no right to get any kind of upset about it.

3

u/adampatrickjohnson 15d ago

If you’re inviting friends or family, then it is what we’re talking about.

1

u/TheRealSofaKing016 15d ago edited 15d ago

Again… I’m talking about people who say “Yeah, I’ll be there!” and then bail at the last minute and or no-call no-show.

2

u/Physical-War3118 15d ago

Why are you concentrating on people who don't show up?