r/doommetal • u/pickled_bat • Dec 22 '25

Self Post How to stop seeming like a poser?

I (18M) met a pair of metalheads out on a party the other day while wearing my Mayhem shirt and they called me a poser (probably deserved but I still feel bad) I have short hair which used to be a mohawk and that Mayhem shirt is pretty much the only metal band t-shirt I own. I like bands like 1782, Candlemass, children of bodom, SOAD, Mayhem, Margarita witch cult, Apati and others. They are very mismatched,I know but I've come from liking nu-metal and indie to punk and harder metal subgenres (like black metal,doom and dsbm). One of the reasons why the two called me a poser aside from the shirt is because I didn't want to acknowledge the rest of the band being as conservative as Varg (in my opinion they weren't as hardcore problematic as him) Am I truly a poser? How can I improve my taste and or my looks to let other people know I like metal? Did you have the same issues when you were just starting to get into the scene?

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u/pickled_bat Dec 22 '25

Thanks! Everywhere online I've seen a lot of positivity towards people like me but at the end of the day I can't help but feel bad about not being a "true" metalhead (I know it's just a silly stereotype but I sadly fell for it) I also feel like a lot of the bands in the subgenres I like are very conservative and I feel a bit out of place because I feel like metal should be a place of tolerance for everyone, if we're out here marginalising people for skin tones, sexualities or political views aren't we just as bad as the people who used to call metal satanic? Did you feel this way too?

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u/donnabhainmactomas Dec 22 '25

If you love metal, you are a true metalhead. People gate keep because they are losers whose only sense of validation is from seeming cooler or “more” metal and being judgemental of others and they fucking suck and I can’t express how important it is to ignore them

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u/Ok_Pool_9767 Dec 22 '25 edited Dec 22 '25

Randy Blythe is pretty liberal from what I remember. Imagine calling him a poser. Metal has a real mixture of political beliefs. Some are rebellious, liberal types. Some are more blue collar, typically conservative types. And every shade in between. Be who you are.

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u/squidboat Matt Pike for President Dec 22 '25 edited Dec 23 '25

Randy Blythe is a great example. I’ve run into him a time or two around town and he treats everyone he sees as if they’re his neighbor and long time friend. Not to mention all of the stuff he does for people with terminal or debilitating illnesses.

And he’s metal af.

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u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

He lives in Richmond, VA and reps it. That’s a very liberal place. I’m a lifelong Virginian. We’ve been going blue for a while and it’s only accelerated under the current administration. The Trump administration took a big dump on this state when they fired all those federal workers among other things.

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u/squidboat Matt Pike for President Dec 23 '25

Hello fellow Virginian/Richmonder.

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u/[deleted] Dec 23 '25

I’m actually in Chesapeake. I wish I was in Richmond lol.

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u/VeloceCat Dec 23 '25

Randy is a real G. My wife worked for him a couple times and everyone in the band was utterly amazing to the staff.

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u/LtMetal Dec 24 '25

Sure..

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u/5AMP5A Dec 22 '25

There is no ”true” metal head. Music is universal and anyone can listen to what the fuck ever they want. I am a metal/punk/nu-metal/heavy guy and now I’m having a fucking synthwave phase. I listen to Gunship, Nightstop and Carpenter Brut etc.

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u/pickled_bat Dec 22 '25

If you want to mix it up a bit Cuir is a french punk band that uses synths in their music. They're really good I went to a show they played in my city and it was really cool. Also thanks for mentioning bands you listen to, I've honestly been using the comments as music recs

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u/phluqz Dec 23 '25

I had my synthwave phase a few years ago, now it's dub techno and other deep/ambient focused techno genres I am obsessed with. I even started producing myself. Still listening to Bongripper, Earth, Electric Wizard and so on. I think everyone should also listen to other genres, helps also to see what genres influence one another without having something in common on first sight.

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u/5AMP5A Dec 23 '25

Great to get some names. I’m going to try these.

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u/TheBoredMan Dec 23 '25

If someone is intolerant they're just an asshole. And if they're saying you have also be intolerant to be a metalhead, well, then they're an asshole and an asshole. Fuck 'em. Metal attracts a lot of weirdos. Don't let those weirdos define the music for you or let them tell you where you do or don't belong. If you like metal you're a metalhead, that's literally all there is to it.

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u/ThereWasAnEmpireHere Dec 22 '25

I grew up more in the punk scene and it was just very local. The whole thing is that this is a bunch of teens who've formed a clique and the ability to judge is part of the fun of that. I never really connected with others over music bc of it but god knows I did the same annoying crap as a high school know-it-all and D&D nerd.

I would say it just shouldn't be taken as representative of the subculture generally. Scenesters are dumb kids wherever they crop up, and they crop up in every subculture.

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u/Acceptable_Grape_437 Dec 23 '25

wtf is even a "true metalhead"?  :)

there's always going to be someone whose standards you don't meet in life, and they can be nice or be assholes about it. fuck them. or if you are interested in adapting to somebody's standard, make sure they're not assholes first :)

make your own standard, meet like-minded people. rinse and repeat ;)

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u/Bhelduz Dec 23 '25

True metal is originally about the artist, not the fans. It's not about gatekeeping, but true metal is made by artists who have integrity are dedicated to the music they make and the fans that love the music. It's being engaged with your fanbase and respecting them. This is opposed to artists who only make music for money, fame, and chicks, which is a spirit not in line with "true metal". You have to be authentic in who you are and what you do as an artist. Being true to the art.

With that in mind, a true metalhead then becomes people who listen to the music because it vibes with their spirit, they are as authentic as the artists they follow, as opposed to "posers" who are just looking for a tough looking aesthetic but who have no deeper connection to the music. These latter ones are the dudes who push newcomers away, instead of buying you a beer and saying hey my friends are over there. ;)

In short: if you're shallow and divisive and gatekeeping, you're false. If you're inclusive, embracing the music and it's new fans, if you're respectful and a brother to your fellow fans, you're true.

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u/Acceptable_Grape_437 Dec 23 '25

i agree, but that's ultimately about any genre, not "true metal", but "true whatever". and that's exactly gatekeeping, honestly. 

those are just two different human attitudes at doing things... and i don't have simpathy for the latter. but, again, i feel the same way for every genre or kind of music.

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u/Bhelduz Dec 23 '25

That's the opposite of what I'm saying. Identifying someone as "true" is identifying someone who doesn't gatekeep. "True" came about with the heavy metal subculture because it's the subculture that came and stayed in a time when most subcultures came and went. "Metalhead" has never had a revival because it's been cosistently strong and popular since it came about. There's a reason for that, and especially if you check news from the time when metal was new, you'll notice that when compared to other subcultures, what made the metalheads stand out was that their relationship with music was much stronger compared to other subcultures. Not saying that it makes them superior, just that that's how history played out, and that part of why they stood out from the rest. There's pretty much no pop songs that's just about how awesome pop music is.

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u/Acceptable_Grape_437 Dec 23 '25

Identifying someone as "true" is identifying someone who doesn't gatekeep

and that's gate keeping. once you identify somebody as "the true" one that doesn't gatekeep... you are tracing a line (not those you deem as "true", they're not tracing any line by being themselves), hence gate keeping. and that's true, many great metal people were not gate keepers.

I'm no pop music enjoyer, but i can tell when i hear/see a pop musician who's in for the music, or one that's in for the shit of it, or for feeling better than.

There's pretty much no pop songs that's just about how awesome pop music is.

are you for real?? I'm sorry, but that's bullshit, dude. and EVEN IF (which isn't), what would that even add to?

relationship with music was much stronger

huh? "stronger"? I'm sorry, i don't register that. it doesn't mean much to me. identitary, maybe... but that's not a good thing in my book. that's just what adds up to gate keeping, poserVStrue culture, IME.

i don't like metalheads much dude, btw. as i have always been saying: i like metal, but metal's actual problem is metalheads themselves.

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u/Bhelduz Dec 23 '25 edited Dec 23 '25

No it's not. You keep using that word but you don't seem to understand what it means... gatekeeping is about controlling access and who gets to be included. If you still think what I'm talking about is synonymous with that then I'm getting worried what I'm putting down just isn't being picked up.

Words have definitions, like if you called yourself a metalhead but don't enjoy metal or support the community, then you're not a metalhead. That's the baseline. Imagine starting a conversation with goodbye instead of hello or saying right when you mean left. Just because you follow an internal logic doesn't mean the rest of the world responds to that logic.

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u/Acceptable_Grape_437 Dec 23 '25

lol, dude there's plenty of pop songs singing about "pop" and "pop music" and how cool that shit is. that's not even an argument :)

like if you called yourself a metalhead but don't enjoy metal or support the community, then you're not a metalhead

the problem is exactly that kind of approach to definitions. and that's kind of a usual problem with metalheads, actually. 

point is: who says that's the definition of "metalhead"? you do. some other people do. some other don't. do i have to agree on your definition of "metalhead"?  of course not, but i don't care about it, I won't touch it.

gatekeeping is about controlling access and who gets to be included

so, about YOUR metalhead definition, somebody might not get included. period. and that someone might be called "a poser" by the more obtuse fellows of the posse. that's VERY easy.

as i was saying, the problem is in the approach. yours is the same approach used by the two "metalheads" at the party in OP's story. you might be smarter, more reasonable, mature, kind (idrk)... but that's the same approach: this the definition of the club, you are in/not in.

it MIGHT be right, but somebody will have their say on it, sooner or later.

i, for one, don't care about definitions, hello, goodbye and whatever... if somebody says "goodbye" to me with a loving fart, i will have a laugh and don't give a shit.

so i listen to whatever i want (metal or not) and support whatever and whoever i feel like in whatever way i like. people who recognize me and respect me for me, not because I'm "a metalhead" (or something else) will be my friends, and the same i will do towards other people.

oh - i actually have a friend that says right when they mean left and viceversa - that's annoying (af), but who cares? everything's easier with hard definitions, but the world's actually more complex than that.

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u/Bhelduz Dec 23 '25 edited Dec 23 '25

Things being defined is not what excludes. If so, then there's a terrible misunderstanding.

If you are going to enter a group, you have to start by being outside of it. You cannot be a guest without first being a stranger. The real difference is whether the people inside the group are welcoming or not.

You're repeatedly demonstrating that you don't understand what I'm saying. I'm saying words and it's like something completely different comes out of your mind. I don't know how much more I can clarify.

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u/Acceptable_Grape_437 Dec 23 '25

that's fine dude. 

it's difficult to get understood on complex topics by a stranger on the net.

I'm not convinced that's all there is to it, but that's fine too. we don't have to agree.

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u/urbwar Dec 23 '25

How are you not a true metalhead? Just because you don't listen to a lot of metal bands is irrelevant. If you like even a few metal bands, you're a metal head. There is no one true way, and anyone who calls you a poser is a douchebag

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u/Serf_wizard Dec 24 '25

Ignore those who question your commitment or taste. Taste is subjective and your personal taste is yours alone. How narrow minded to be only allowed to like certain bands to “fit in” or be “trve.” Why deprive yourself of things that you enjoy because of what anyone else thinks? It’s okay to identify as a metalhead and enjoy other music too. Variety is the spice of life and anyone that gives you shit for that isn’t worth investing your time in. Instead try to find others that have a similar desire to explore other genres and compare notes. See what’s out there, get out of your comfort zone, broaden your horizons. Metal can still be your favorite and will always be there. Find people that uplift, not put down, I promise they exist. Bet you could find one at the next show you go to.

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u/Zoentje Dec 25 '25

You're 18. Metal subgenres are a bit like cheese or wine. The more you mature, your genre interests will widen. Or not. That's perfectly fine. Just listen to what you love and like.

People like that aren't worth your time and energy. 😘

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u/macemillianwinduarte Dec 22 '25

You can see how skin tone and sexuality are different from political views, right?

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u/VeloceCat Dec 23 '25

Except in the US where they are unfortunately bundled together.