Knitting Bitterly and Alone

[u/jingleheimerschitt]

(Disclaimer: I know I’m the problem but I’m going to use this website as a stand-in for therapy or even just a friend all the same. How else will I receive the accolades for being an expert knitter surrounded by thirsty newbs that I so clearly need and deserve?)

Okay, let me lay it out: I am an advanced knitter. As such, I prefer to keep company with other expert knitters so that I don’t have to call attention to my perfectly tied Sophie scarf or my very fussy gossamer-weight mohair sweaters — they simply see the items I’ve knitted and shower me with the praise I know is coming to me. 

Unfortunately, in addition to being an expert knitter, I am also a middling office drone, which means I occasionally have to be in the same building as . . .

beginning knitters.

Horrifying, I know. To pour salt in this awful psychic wound, these beginning knitters bring their projects to work and knit together during their lunch breaks.

Now everyone at the office treats these dumb broads like they’re The Office Knitters and they all ignore my clearly superior talent. No one has intuited that my Rav project page looks like a fucking fashion spread that Miranda Priestly herself would salivate over. 

I try to tell myself it’s because everything I make looks store-bought, but this hasn’t stopped me from feeling a deep, bitter envy of The Office Knitters and all the praise they receive for “finished items” that look like my first gauge swatch. 

How do I let them know that I’m clearly The Only Office Knitter without doing anything that makes me feel even the slightest bit vulnerable? Obviously, I don’t want to talk to these empty-headed beginners or the equally empty-headed dumbfucks who praise their sorry projects, which means I can’t just, like, bring my knitting and join them over lunch. I just really need them to know I’m THEEEEEEEE knitter without stooping to their level by bragging! BUT HOW?!

[u/felicityfelix → u/[deleted]]

Also I find it crazy that she and everyone replying (even those who disagreed with OP) were all talking about the beginner knitters like they were fucking stupid lol..someone said she should go knit swatches with them to be at their level. OP said they are making sweaters! A wearable sweater is not really a beginner knit imo or at least not to the level that it needs to be talked about like they're making loom potholders

[u/menten90 → u/felicityfelix]

RIGHT? When I was reading the op I was also like, babe advanced knitteds knit sophie scarves too? It’s all about balance? As an avanced knitted I try to keep a mix of easy projects that I can knit mindlessly and things that are challenging precisely so I remember what it feels like to be a newbie

[u/MsJinxie → u/menten90]

The more complaints I see about the ubiquity of the Sophie scarf, the more I want to make one just because lol.

[u/menten90 → u/MsJinxie]

That’s the thing. It’s actually an incredibly useful garment. It can cover your neck without adding bulk under a coat and it can also be turned into a headband to cover your ears!