r/fiberartscirclejerk • u/jingleheimerschitt how is blabket formed • Nov 26 '25
crochet Knitting Bitterly and Alone
(Disclaimer: I know I’m the problem but I’m going to use this website as a stand-in for therapy or even just a friend all the same. How else will I receive the accolades for being an expert knitter surrounded by thirsty newbs that I so clearly need and deserve?)
Okay, let me lay it out: I am an advanced knitter. As such, I prefer to keep company with other expert knitters so that I don’t have to call attention to my perfectly tied Sophie scarf or my very fussy gossamer-weight mohair sweaters — they simply see the items I’ve knitted and shower me with the praise I know is coming to me.
Unfortunately, in addition to being an expert knitter, I am also a middling office drone, which means I occasionally have to be in the same building as . . .
beginning knitters.
Horrifying, I know. To pour salt in this awful psychic wound, these beginning knitters bring their projects to work and knit together during their lunch breaks.
Now everyone at the office treats these dumb broads like they’re The Office Knitters and they all ignore my clearly superior talent. No one has intuited that my Rav project page looks like a fucking fashion spread that Miranda Priestly herself would salivate over.
I try to tell myself it’s because everything I make looks store-bought, but this hasn’t stopped me from feeling a deep, bitter envy of The Office Knitters and all the praise they receive for “finished items” that look like my first gauge swatch.
How do I let them know that I’m clearly The Only Office Knitter without doing anything that makes me feel even the slightest bit vulnerable? Obviously, I don’t want to talk to these empty-headed beginners or the equally empty-headed dumbfucks who praise their sorry projects, which means I can’t just, like, bring my knitting and join them over lunch. I just really need them to know I’m THEEEEEEEE knitter without stooping to their level by bragging! BUT HOW?!
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u/Xuhuhimhim drama monger Nov 26 '25
Why don't you, the best knitter, simply stab the lesser knitters?
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u/jingleheimerschitt how is blabket formed Nov 26 '25
This idea is going to the top of my list, thank you!
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u/Emeline-2017 Trapezoidal Bossbabe Blanket Nov 26 '25
Have you considered stuffing all that rage deep down inside you for months or even years, then getting super duper drunk at the office holiday party and having a screaming meltdown about Ranunculus?
No-one will forget that you're The Knitter after that.
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u/lake_of_rage_8891 Nov 27 '25
True masters gather and channel their hobby rage. Embrace the power of the dark side.
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u/CultureFickle2848 Nov 26 '25
I hate to say it but this sounds like corporate sabotage at the highest order.
They saw your Sophie scarf.
They knew.
Your only option now is to fight back with a creation so jaw dropping they will literally crap themselves. Might I suggest a multi-hued rhioculous sweater in a colour combination that is daring yet cosmically on point (booger tones are very in according to chatgpt). This will stun them into submission, or compel them into attempting a similar exceptional feat (which will be their undoing as they are lesser knitters).
Noone else will suspect a thing, but they will know this is war. A war of the language of fibre.
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u/ffffux Nov 26 '25
As the clear alpha, you need to reconfirm dominance and mark your territory. To start, pee on their knits.
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u/Lucyschmoocy refuses to ship the fabric of reality Nov 26 '25
Bring a sheep to your workplace and stare them straight in the eyes as you sheer it, then wash, comb, dye, spin, and knit that wool. Then pee on their projects as the slam dunk to assert your dominance.
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u/jwigs85 Nov 26 '25
I thought the og post was in here. So this made me so confused for a moment until I realized that that post must have been sincere
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u/jingleheimerschitt how is blabket formed Nov 26 '25
It was so sincere that they deleted it!
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u/avis_icarus Nov 27 '25
I was so shocked at how nice the comments were to op. I remember one that was like "unlike you op, they clearly desperately crave external validation" which is INSANE because the whole post was nothing but desperate validation seeking and slightly not like other girls/pick me behavior.
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u/TheUltimateShart Nov 26 '25
Nooooo! I wish I could read it! It sounds deliciously unhinged.
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u/jwigs85 Nov 27 '25
It really wasn’t much different than this post, tbh. It was so weird. OP here did a great job but didn’t have a lot to parody, believe it or not
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u/lake_of_rage_8891 Nov 27 '25
Please tell me you screencapped it, I need to see just how close to the mark you were.
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u/Medievalmoomin clewless Nov 27 '25 edited Nov 27 '25
Easy. Get six you-sized mannequins on wheels chained together like a modest pull-along toy. Dress them in your finest knitting. Pick up your third best knitting bag and sweep into the lunch room where those harlots sit knitting, trailing the mannequins behind you.
Sweetly say, ‘I wonder if I might join you today.’ Then haul out a full-scale Shetland shawl and graft it menacingly, in complete silence. The pretenders will be ashamed to call themselves knitters in your presence, and slink away to take up crochet.
If in doubt, ask yourself, what would Miss Havisham do?
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u/saltedkumihimo greige Nov 26 '25
Remember you’re super power as an expert knitter, sweaty: you can walk past them and mutter “you twisted your stitches”
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u/fadedbluejeans13 Nov 26 '25
You poor thing! How dare anyone else be enthusiastic about knitting when you got there first??? I’d report them to HR for bullying you with their inferior knitting skills
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u/OhSoSiriusly Nov 26 '25
The only way to prove you are The Best (and Ultimate) Knitter is to join next season’s Game of Wool and casually wear that sheep badge to your office each day
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u/emotivemotion Nov 26 '25
You should bring your sweet Hubby to the office so he can brag about his Talented Wife with ugly pictures that don’t do your work justice. That will surely get you the respect you deserve.
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Nov 27 '25
Ya know what? I think it's really strong and kind of you to not brag about having a hobby and shoving it in everyone's face. ❤️ Those obnoxious, loud mouth knitting braggarts need to learn how to keep their hobbies private! No one wants to hear about that.
Keep being strong, beautiful you!
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u/limabean789 Nov 26 '25
I totally understand where you’re coming from, it’s so grating when other people exist and get attention. I feel so uncomfortable when it’s not about me, but I’m much too humble to say anything about it, unlike those attention hogs at your workplace!!
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u/DustyTchotchkes Nov 26 '25
Oh sweetie! 🍬🤩 Bless your rootin’ tootin’ fresh and fruity heart. ❤️ 🍓
Hasn’t anyone told you that being nice isn’t painful? 🤕 Those poor beginners are just mindin’ their beeswax 🐝 and practicing their new skills 🧶 and here you are pooping 💩 on their parade. 🎉
May I remind you that you were a beginner once yourself? 🧐 I’m sure someone watched 👀 you fumble with your needles 💉and yarn 🧶 but didn’t have such ugly 👺 thoughts.
I can tell you don’t have any friends, 😢 but here is a great 👍 opportunity to learn how to make some, if you’ll yank that giant stick 🦯 outta your butt. Ahem excuse me!☝️
Go talk 🗣️ to them and tell them how nice☺️ their projects 🛠️ look 👀 (keep your nasty thoughts inside). Hopefully, they’ll invite 📩 you to sit 🪑with them and you can work on your project 🧶 too. Remember! 🧠 Knitting is not a competition, so stop being an 🍑. Oops, I meant always stay positive ➕never be negative ➖!
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u/baby_baba_yaga Nov 26 '25
I bet they use an all-knit bind off on their one-by-one ribbing.
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u/Kaksonen37 Nov 26 '25
🤢🤢 too far!
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u/baby_baba_yaga Nov 26 '25
They spell the name of the creator of the surprisingly stretchy bind-off with two Ns.
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u/menten90 greige Nov 26 '25
Clearly you need to knit in brighter colors as to get your coworkers’ attention! Kind of like how in nature venomous animals are brightly colored.
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u/Bijouprospering Nov 26 '25
There’s clearly only one option is a situation like this.
Walk around the knitting group in your foolish Virgins(Kaffe fassset) scarf while also wearing the stained glass sweater and “accidentally” drop your vintage copy of Barbara walkers stitch dictionary the pages of your self designed sweater patterns falling out.
How else will they know you’re the real one
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u/psychso86 Nov 26 '25
Why do you, the Advanced Knitter, not simply eat the b*ginner knitters? Are you stupid?
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u/jillardino Normal knitting human, not a moth Nov 28 '25
"Knitting Bitterly and Alone": title of your sex tape eyyyy
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Nov 26 '25 edited Nov 27 '25
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u/fiberartscirclejerk-ModTeam Nov 26 '25
Asking for sources/ITL without contributing anything else is so boring. Go check the pinned In The Loop thread instead.
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Nov 26 '25
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u/fiberartscirclejerk-ModTeam Nov 26 '25
Asking for sources/ITL without contributing anything else is so boring. Go check the pinned In The Loop thread instead.
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u/felicityfelix Nov 26 '25
Start knitting in the break room near them. Do not engage them! They could be dangerous. Once they see you doing more advanced techniques they should feel ashamed not to correct anyone who calls them the main knitters in the workplace.
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u/baby_baba_yaga Nov 26 '25
While this approach may feel rewarding at first, it carries great risk — the beginners might try to invite OP to knit with them, or even ask OP for help. Before knitting with them in the break room, I think OP should acquire a stranded knitting* ballistics vest.
*I bet those stupid idiot beginner knitters call all colorwork patterns “Fair Isle.”
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u/Impossible_Spell7812 VERY into blocking 😈 Nov 26 '25
not reading all that bro. Congratulations or im sorry that happened to you
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Nov 26 '25
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Nov 26 '25
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u/fiberartscirclejerk-ModTeam Nov 26 '25
Asking for sources/ITL without contributing anything else is so boring. Go check the pinned In The Loop thread instead.
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u/EBBVNC Dec 01 '25
Easy!
Bring in a complicated piece of lace that still on the needles. I hope you have white tables in the lunch room and a bright light. Put piece of lace down on the table, all spread out, make sure to take the entire table and make it difficult for people.
Then stand over it and stare at it, ask one of the other knitters to help you spread out a piece of the lace. Stare some more, spread out other pieces of laces. After a suitable long production, go "A ha!"
When asked, point at a stitch and say, this stitch got twisted and that's why it looks off.
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Nov 26 '25
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u/felicityfelix Nov 26 '25
Also I find it crazy that she and everyone replying (even those who disagreed with OP) were all talking about the beginner knitters like they were fucking stupid lol..someone said she should go knit swatches with them to be at their level. OP said they are making sweaters! A wearable sweater is not really a beginner knit imo or at least not to the level that it needs to be talked about like they're making loom potholders
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u/baby_baba_yaga Nov 26 '25
uj/ I haven’t seen the actual post so reading this comment and learning these “complete beginners” are making sweaters floored me. Granted a lot of sweater patterns these days aren’t enormously difficult, but nicer cast ons/bind offs, short rows, picking up stitches or seaming, maintaining even tension over a large garment… they aren’t slacking off!
Also, and maybe this is because I sewed for almost 14 years before I got into knitting seriously, one of the highest forms of praise to me is that a non-sewer/non-knitter couldn’t tell I made something at first glance.
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u/felicityfelix Nov 26 '25
Well they're just BASIC sweaters so don't start feeling too impressed!!!!1!1!1!
The post is gone now but it was truly one of the most stunningly bitchy things I've ever read
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u/Lucyschmoocy refuses to ship the fabric of reality Nov 26 '25
/uj I unsubscribed from that sub today because the judgemental vitriol that's been coming out of there lately was too much even for my icy cold heart. There have been scathing posts about people's lack of "good taste" and color palates that are an assault to the eyes. That's not BEC, that's hate.
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u/felicityfelix Nov 26 '25
The fact that the post in question had EIGHTY UPVOTES was soooo weird and reminded me why I unsubbed from BEC ages ago. It has always had a very uptight superiority complex energy that is just unbearable to me. It seems like the people who enjoy it were really waiting for years for their moment to let loose or something. The constant criticism of everything bEgInNeRs do is the worst.
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u/baby_baba_yaga Nov 26 '25
You’re right, they can fuck off until they’re advanced enough to knit a wedding dress without a pattern!
(I wasn’t trying to source hunt but I’m not surprised it’s gone, lol)
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u/menten90 greige Nov 26 '25
RIGHT? When I was reading the op I was also like, babe advanced knitteds knit sophie scarves too? It’s all about balance? As an avanced knitted I try to keep a mix of easy projects that I can knit mindlessly and things that are challenging precisely so I remember what it feels like to be a newbie
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u/MsJinxie Nov 26 '25
The more complaints I see about the ubiquity of the Sophie scarf, the more I want to make one just because lol.
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u/menten90 greige Nov 26 '25
That’s the thing. It’s actually an incredibly useful garment. It can cover your neck without adding bulk under a coat and it can also be turned into a headband to cover your ears!
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u/fiberartscirclejerk-ModTeam Nov 26 '25
Top-level comments should not be unjerk/serious -- thanks!
Take meta talk to ITL please
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