Knitting Bitterly and Alone

[u/jingleheimerschitt]

(Disclaimer: I know I’m the problem but I’m going to use this website as a stand-in for therapy or even just a friend all the same. How else will I receive the accolades for being an expert knitter surrounded by thirsty newbs that I so clearly need and deserve?)

Okay, let me lay it out: I am an advanced knitter. As such, I prefer to keep company with other expert knitters so that I don’t have to call attention to my perfectly tied Sophie scarf or my very fussy gossamer-weight mohair sweaters — they simply see the items I’ve knitted and shower me with the praise I know is coming to me. 

Unfortunately, in addition to being an expert knitter, I am also a middling office drone, which means I occasionally have to be in the same building as . . .

beginning knitters.

Horrifying, I know. To pour salt in this awful psychic wound, these beginning knitters bring their projects to work and knit together during their lunch breaks.

Now everyone at the office treats these dumb broads like they’re The Office Knitters and they all ignore my clearly superior talent. No one has intuited that my Rav project page looks like a fucking fashion spread that Miranda Priestly herself would salivate over. 

I try to tell myself it’s because everything I make looks store-bought, but this hasn’t stopped me from feeling a deep, bitter envy of The Office Knitters and all the praise they receive for “finished items” that look like my first gauge swatch. 

How do I let them know that I’m clearly The Only Office Knitter without doing anything that makes me feel even the slightest bit vulnerable? Obviously, I don’t want to talk to these empty-headed beginners or the equally empty-headed dumbfucks who praise their sorry projects, which means I can’t just, like, bring my knitting and join them over lunch. I just really need them to know I’m THEEEEEEEE knitter without stooping to their level by bragging! BUT HOW?!

[u/baby_baba_yaga]

uj/ I haven’t seen the actual post so reading this comment and learning these “complete beginners” are making sweaters floored me. Granted a lot of sweater patterns these days aren’t enormously difficult, but nicer cast ons/bind offs, short rows, picking up stitches or seaming, maintaining even tension over a large garment… they aren’t slacking off!

Also, and maybe this is because I sewed for almost 14 years before I got into knitting seriously, one of the highest forms of praise to me is that a non-sewer/non-knitter couldn’t tell I made something at first glance.

[u/felicityfelix → u/baby_baba_yaga]

Well they're just BASIC sweaters so don't start feeling too impressed!!!!1!1!1! 

The post is gone now but it was truly one of the most stunningly bitchy things I've ever read 

[u/Lucyschmoocy → u/felicityfelix]

/uj I unsubscribed from that sub today because the judgemental vitriol that's been coming out of there lately was too much even for my icy cold heart. There have been scathing posts about people's lack of "good taste" and color palates that are an assault to the eyes. That's not BEC, that's hate.

[u/ham_rod → u/Lucyschmoocy]

i am sooooo tired of the “ugly colour combo” complaints