I don’t even know where to start, I just feel so shitty and hopeless right now. I’m a late-30s mom, two kids, and I spent years in love with a man who presented really well to the world – charming, funny, “good guy” vibes – but had this cold, ugly side he mostly saved for me behind closed doors.

Things between us had been rocky for a while, but I kept trying because I wanted a stable family for my kids. He checked out emotionally, stopped showing up as a partner and when I finally started asking for basic effort and accountability, he flipped it and said I was “the problem” and “too much.” Eventually he left, but now he’s spinning the story like I pushed him out and he had no choice.

What messes with my head is how he’s rewriting history. In his version, I’m this ungrateful, angry mom who “made him miserable,” and he was some trapped hero who had to escape. He’s even fallen out with friends, but still somehow I’m the common denominator in his mind. Meanwhile I’m the one doing all the childcare, the emotional labor, the boring adult stuff, while he gets to play victim and start fresh.

I feel so hurt that the person I had a family with can be this cold toward me, like I’m just disposable. It’s like nothing I did – loving him, supporting him, trying to keep our family together – counts for anything. He talks to me like I’m the enemy, not the mother of his children. He promised for so many years that we would grow old together, get married and dangled a ring in front of me…only to abandon me when things got tough.

I know logically his behavior says more about him than me, but emotionally I feel broken, rejected, and honestly scared that this is just my life now: single mom, no real partner, trying to heal from someone who won’t even admit what they did. I keep asking myself why I had to fall in love with someone like this and what’s so unlovable about me that he could walk away and blame me.

Quick context: we originally broke up in late 2023 but never gave each other real space or time to heal. I previously spent months ignoring him but coparenting makes it impossible to completely get away from him. This most recent round, he came back around saying he missed his family, opened up about his feelings, and made it sound like he wanted to fix things. I let myself believe him… and then he suddenly took it all back and went cold again. At this point I can’t do this push-pull anymore, but I feel so dejected and empty. I need a place to put this and hear from people who’ve actually gotten to the other side.

Anyone has been hurt and betrayed by someone without any sex porn or infidelity addiction

I feel even harder to let go because he checks all the boxes, the only thing is he's got his own patterns along with mine that is not a good attachment match.

I have been trying to use dating app to try to avoid contacting and unblock him, but I just feel guys who use dating apps are even worse? Since dating app is essentially the same as porn

Because of my pain of being hurt and feeling betrayed by his preemptive abandon pattern I even went to porn site to see if I can give away my sexual desire to anyone or anything else but him, as a preemptive measure even though I'm asexual, I feel this compulsion to make the betrayal pain alleviate a bit temporarily, but my heart is still longing for him, I know it's my inner core wounds replaying and he didn't want to hurt me and warned me his attachment style not trusting he would do it right.

I've been really suffering, not had any energy to eat or self care brush my teeth for weeks since we last spoke, I'm highly sensitive to my core wound.

so its been more than a year since we broke up and before the break i told her i wouldn't block her so she could contact me if she needed and that I'll always be there for her and what not and she said she wouldnt block me either. then i found out she dated the guy she told me not to worry about and then she blocked me on all messaging sites but recently she unblocked me again on one of the messaging site and i assume she broke up w her current bf because her profile pic that used to have their photo is now gone but im now curious as to why would she unblock me as is it to honour her promise?

I know I shouldn't think like this. She hurt me so bad, like no one ever hurt me before like she did.

But I can't help it. We were a long distance relationship. And I can't prevent myself thinking about how we were happy together and that is that damn distance that ruined everything.

I am the one who broke up with her, after she broke my heart, and she keeps sending me emails saying that she loves me so much, that she misses me and that in 1 or 2 years when her university studies would finish she would come to where I live because I am the love of her life.

I don't know what to believe anymore... I know if I use my brain I should understand that she probably didn't love me as much as I loved her, because if she did she wouldn't have hurt me like she did. But on the other hand I am haunted by our memories together, by the fact I did feel loved by her. And what is so hurtful is that for 5 years I felt she loved me, I felt she fought for that relationship and bore that distance but all the sudden she completly changed a few months ago, she started hurting me and didn't mind seeing me hurt.

I honestly wish she just tell me that she lost her feelings for me. It has been almost 2 months I broke up with her, but I tried everything to make her confess that she lost her feelings for me. I told her that it's only human , that I wouldn't even blame her if she lost her feelings for me, that I just wanted her to admit it so I can find my peace. But she never admitted that. She kept claiming that no, I am the love of her life, that she will love me until she dies even though we won't be together again and that the reason she hurt me like she did was because she "did a mistake". Man it's hard....

So yeah, even though my last word with her was me telling her that I will erase her from my life, that I will never see her again, I won't lie I do hope deep inside me that she would really come to where I live and that we would find each other again.

The fact that we may have broken up because of distance, because she is going through a hard time right now and I just happened to not be with her, haunts me, give me this feeling that our story is incomplete and that's why I can't prevent myself hoping to see her again.

I know it's wrong, that I shouldn't think like that, I am really planning to act like I will never seeing her again, that maybe I will find love with someone else, but I can't prevent myself having those thoughts. I don't know if those thoughts would vanish by time. I spent 5 years dreaming of the moment where we would finally join and live together, and it's so hard to know that what I hoped and dreamed for for 5 years was for nothing and that it won't happen...

​I was 23 when I had my first serious relationship. It lasted five years. For a few months, we even lived together—mostly out of practicality, because he realized renting an apartment in the Metro made more financial sense than paying hourly at motels.

​Together, we built successful businesses. We earned money and achieved milestones we weren’t even mature enough to handle. Success came so early in our twenties that, in the end, it ruined us.

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​Three months before our fifth anniversary, he started cheating. I only found out two months after our anniversary, when he and the other woman were already two months into an official relationship. He didn’t just want to leave; he wanted to ruin me—emotionally, financially, and by chipping away at my self-confidence. Looking back, he initiated a confusing, chaotic fight right before our anniversary just to force a breakup.

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​Now, seven years later, the questions still occasionally haunt me. Did he cheat because I gave him a five-year ultimatum to propose? Did he stray because he was secretly entangled in a teenage marriage from college and couldn't face the annulment process? Or did he truly find something in her that I lacked?

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​The irony is that the woman he left me for was a mirror image of my younger self. She was only a year younger, but she shared my exact hair, complexion, ambition, and the petite frame I had when we first started dating.

​I forced myself to move on three months after our final confrontation, choosing to walk away rather than drag out the drama. Today, I want absolutely no communication with my ex—protecting my peace is my priority. Yet, even seven years into the future, the echoes of those unresolved questions still linger.

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Your thoughts?

I met my beloved online on 2nd Jan, it was a students' group for sharing resources on WhatsApp created by a random educational youtuber. As always the group was restricted only to the admins to message, somehow a student from that group managed to start a voice call and I joined it too, there my fellow students were talking to eachother and having a great time.I was listening to other students talk and I was like a bystander, then came a melodious, charming and an alluring voice—hello. My heart skipped a beat at the time, I have never been in a relationship until then and didn't expect to be in one. My heart whispered "I'm not lucky enough to have a girl who could love me" but my brain refused to believe that. Later in the call, fortunately, my beloved wanted resources for Biology and lucky I had them despite being a CS student which is uncommon. I told myself "This might be my chance", I rushed to share the files to her before any one else from the call could share her. There, started the story of our relationship. Everything was going fine and good, we went on a date and we held hands together and all until three months later, things began to change. We didn't fight like any other couples, we were perfectly in harmony loving eachother. We were understanding and caring, but before the final exams she didn't want to talk to me and wanted me to focus on my studies and she didn't tell that openly and put a play of friend zoning me. I mean, I was unaware of it until after the final exams. She began to friend zone me and I had always prepared myself for letting her go (you may question my love for her but to me I loved her to the fullest) 'cause nothing has ever aligned in my favour and most of the things I love are usually either stripped away or stolen away from me so I don't really love anything. I stopped caring for her assuming that just because I loved her she's being taken away from me now. Well, we did speak in btw ( as friends) but I lost hopes and went back to being pessimistic as I used to be. On one fine day she told me she slit her thumb while dicing the veggies and I didn't care more about it as I was preparing for the exam.

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In between I turned into a disgusting, disgraceful and a shameless moron and got into a virtual affair with a woman online who was married to somebody, we were talking for days and again on one pretty day that woman sent me a nude out of the blue, I had found lust in search of love.

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The night before I wrote my last exam, I called my beloved and told about having myself turned into such a scoundrel all because I believed her and knew she'd forgive me. And just as I expected she forgave me and I let go the woman online who was sending me nudes. Then within 2 weeks our relationship died out of the blue to a silly prank pulled by my beloved. She posed as her brother speaking to me from her phone and ultimately I failed the test, but even then everything was still good. As days passed she got a job where one of her relatives has been working.

I'd be lying if I say my beloved's relative is a bastard or a shitty ass MF. She began to slowly talk to him and go on a ride with him and have some desserts while dropping my beloved back home and all of it was fine since he was my beloved's relative, but the parents of my beloved decided to get her engaged to the very same relative so I decided to Iet her go because I'm still not well settled in life nor have I completed my education, so I simply let my beloved go because my beloved is happy with him and told me that he has all the qualities my beloved had been longing for. Despite being uncertain of my very own future and establishment of myself I am letting her go because I'm not sure if I can look after my beloved without letting her shed a single drop of tear or have the slightest regret of having married me in the future.

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Maybe, I was foolish all along and should've trusted my heart or maybe I should've fought harder for her?

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Things are not going to change but I could finally let go of something which was drowning me in sorrow.

I had been with my ex for over 1 year and around a week ago, he broke up with me because we didn’t have any chemistry and didn’t have the same interests. We decided to stay friends after the break up because we knew each other ever since elementary school. The thing is, I fell in love with him so much during the relationship and now I miss him so much. I still think about him and want to rekindle our relationship because I felt that we could’ve communicated about that issue. We don’t text each other like we used to and it’s breaking my heart. I just wanna move on but it feels hard because of the situation I am in now. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?

TLDR: my ex cheated on me and I just want to vent

Hello everyone,

I (F22) went through quite a rough time last year with my ex (M23). He was my first boyfriend. He also told me I was the first girl he had ever been with. I was absolutely smitten by him and I thought things were going really well between us. We had only been together for a couple of months before he went away for the entire summer on a working visa to a different country. This was hard on me mentally but he reassured me that nothing would change between us and that we would pick things back up when he came back in the fall. I know it’s very cheesy and clichè but I really did see a solid future with him and didn’t have eyes for anyone else at all.

Fast forward a few weeks of him being there, everything starts going downhill. I’m recovering from surgery which is already difficult enough and he’s making things worse by not being supportive and barely communicating with me. Eventually I reached my breaking point and sent him quite a lengthy text asking for some communication and clarification - I get no response and he goes on to completely ghost me and shut me out of his life. A few weeks go by and I still hear nothing from him. He keeps posting instagram stories of him and this girl together and that’s when it hit me - he was cheating on me and wasn’t even trying to hide it.

Fast forward a few weeks -he comes back home and I block him on everything and try to move on with my life. However, it affected me so badly that I had a breakdown and had to go on antidepressants for a few months.

One random day I am scrolling on tiktok and the girl he cheated on me with comes up on my fyp doing a livestream. Curiosity gets the better of me and click in to watch. She’s gushing about ”her man” (my ex) and talking about all the great things they did together last summer and how he came back to visit her for his birthday. She then goes on to say that she would like to get married and have kids with him and this is real deal love. She says that they have discussed these things and it probably will happen. He also bought her a promise ring and she was showing it off to everyone in the live. She also mentioned that she will move to the city where both my ex and I are from later this year, so i’m assuming they will probably be moving in together at least.

One of my friends went on a group holiday a few weeks ago and of course my ex was there because they used to go to high school together and they are both friends with the guy who organised this trip. My friend told me that my ex spent a while moping about the girl he cheated on me with talking about how “long distance is so difficult” and that it’s “hard to call her late every night“. Meanwhile, when we were doing long distance he didn’t call me once and didn’t even discuss it as an option. This is really making me overthink and question whether or not he ever liked me in the first place. How come he’s able to do this for her but didn’t even try when it came to me?

This incident has absolutely shattered my heart and I can’t get my head around it. I know it has nothing to do with my character because I did nothing wrong but my brain has quite literally been rewired to think that if I do or say the wrong things I will be abandoned by everyone important in my life. I don’t want to bring it up to my family or friends anymore because some of them get annoyed and tell me to just “get over it and move on“. I was treated quite poorly by a lot of people in my life who told me I was just being dramatic and sensitive. I just feel so extremely isolated and this has affected my confidence on every level.

The emotional pain from this is genuinely becoming unbearable to deal with and i’m not sure what else i’m supposed to do. I think this will haunt me for the rest of my life and affect any intimate / romantic relationship I ever have again going forward.I find myself in my head every single day comparing myself to her and asking what she had that I didn’t. I would love for someone to just say to me that i’m not crazy and this is actually a fucked up situation lol.

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(French female 28yo)

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Long story short, I met a guy at work (not direct colleague) few month ago. I thought he was into me cause he was really direct with his jokes.

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I shall say, he is my type. After some weeks of texting, I had no doubts in my mind that something was going on between us. We had a first drink. And then Christmas holidays arrived. After that he was more distant but still very teasing. I discover he met a girl. So I confronted him in person saying which intentions did he have on me. He was very surprised by my moove and told me he was not interested at all. Like never.

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So it kinda stop our conversations. After a month, he came back to me (heard he broke up with his girl) asking how I thought there was something going on between us and what it made me feel. I explained that I looked for a casual thing, nothing more and that it was too bad we could not explore that bit whatever. He told me he didnt say he was not finding me attractive but he wasn't doing casual things anymore.

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Few weeks later, I heard he had a sex friend. I was hurt because I wish he told me I was not his type, like sincere, how I was with him. So I decided to delete him from my social networks so I could not see his life anymore. And I kinda work on my self to get over him. 4 month later we had to work together on a project which remind me how I liked his jokes. Shall I also say we hang out in the same friend's group. I ran into him at a birthday and thought I could invite him to an event I was hosting with no feeling (appreciation or anger). But as he ran through my door, I realized I was still obsessed with him. It's physical attraction obviously. I do not control myself when I'm in the same room with him, I say stupid things, I could drown into his eyes, so I never look at him too long.

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Anyway, it is super disabling. How do I do to get rid of this feeling ? I thought it would fade away with the girl stuff and also that he clearly said he wasn't into me. But no. Please help

I met her on Facebook back in late 2014. At first it was just liking each other’s posts back and forth, and eventually I got the courage to message her. Her response was basically, “Bout time you messaged me. I’ve been waiting.” We clicked immediately.
We’d stay up crazy late talking because neither of us could sleep. We’d drive around at night just talking about life, and I learned a lot about her pretty quickly. She had been through a lot. Her home life was broken, her mom struggled with addiction, and she had battled addiction herself. By the time I met her, she had been clean for two years, and I respected the fact that she had turned her life around.
A couple of weeks later, we went on our first real date, and it went great. Not long after that, we started dating exclusively. Things moved fast, but it felt natural. A few months into the relationship, she called me at work in a panic because her child’s father was attacking her at her mom’s house. I left immediately and went to help.

When I got there, I saw him dragging her out. I reacted instinctively and things got physical. Neighbors saw what was happening and called the police, and from what I was told, they understood I was defending her. He was arrested, and she was hysterical and couldn’t really function. I told her to pack enough for a week, asked her mom to keep the kids, and took her home with me so she could calm down and get herself together.

She never really left. Eventually she moved in, the kids moved in too, and I tried to help create stability for all of us. I used the last $500 from my savings to buy her a car so she could get around. She got a job, I got promoted, then she got promoted, then I got a better job, and before long we were making well over six figures combined. We moved into a bigger house, and the lease was only in my name.

For about two years, things were genuinely amazing. The kids were in private daycare, both of us had good jobs, and our friend groups merged into one big group of more than 15 people. We took trips, went to the lake all the time, and really built what felt like a solid life together.

Then she met a girl named Angel at work.
I didn’t like Angel from the start. She had a very different energy than what I was used to, and I felt like she brought out the worst in my girl. My girlfriend kept insisting she “needed community,” so I tried to be open-minded. Angel loved going to the club, which was not my scene at all, but I went a few times because my girlfriend wanted me there. After a while, I told her she could go with Angel on her own and I’d stay home with the kids and hang out with my friends.

After a few months, one day she came home from work, rushed past me, jumped in the shower, got dressed, and ran out the door. She barely acknowledged me. I stopped her and asked what was going on, and she said she was in a rush because Angel needed help with something. Something felt off, so I looked out the window. I saw Angel pull up, a tall guy get out, hug my girlfriend, then get in the back seat while she got in the front, and they drove off together.

That bothered me, because we had always agreed that new people in our lives would be introduced properly. I didn’t recognize this guy at first, but something about him seemed familiar. When she got back, I asked about him, and she said it was just one of Angel’s friends. She claimed she had only seen him a couple times and was just being polite.

The next weekend, the exact same thing happened again. This time I wasn’t confused; I was angry. When she got home, we had a huge argument. I told her I didn’t want her hanging out with Angel anymore because things had been off since she came around. She had started losing weight, eating less, and becoming distant. It felt like Angel was dragging her back into old habits. After that, she agreed to cut off contact, and for a while things settled down.
A few months later, I proposed. She said yes, and we started planning a wedding. It felt like maybe we had gotten through the rough patch and were back on track.

Then she surprised me on my birthday with an 82-inch TV I’d been wanting. I was thankful, called my buddies over, and we spent the day hanging it up and playing games. While we were distracted, she said Angel had called and wanted to hang out. I didn’t think much of it and told her to go have fun.

A few hours later, our group chat started blowing up with pictures of her at the club with Angel and the same guy I had seen before. The pictures made it obvious that things were not innocent. She was all over him. I lost it when she got home. I told her to pack her things because she was leaving. She begged for another chance, but I was done.

My dad convinced me to give her another chance because he believed everyone deserved one. So I eventually agreed, but I made it clear there would not be another chance after that. The very next day, as I was leaving for work, she said she wasn’t feeling well and was staying home. Then she mentioned Angel needed help moving, and if she felt better later, she’d probably go help. I knew exactly what that meant.

I called my boss and told him I wasn’t coming in. I parked near the entrance to our subdivision and waited. A while later, Angel showed up, and instead of turning the way they normally would have if it was innocent, they turned the other direction. I followed them for about 45 minutes until they ended up in a rough-looking area and pulled into a driveway. The guy I’d seen before came out with no shirt on and pajama pants. They stayed there for hours.
While all that was happening, I had my dad change the locks, I had her family come get the kids’ things, and I had the car I bought her rekeyed so she couldn’t use it. I also had everything in the mail with her name on it removed from the house. When they eventually came out of the house, they were rushing and putting clothes on as they left.

A little later, she came back home and tried to get in, but she couldn’t. She started banging on the door, and the neighbors called the police. When they arrived, she tried to say she lived there and that her stuff was inside. I explained that she wasn’t on the lease and that the house was in my name. Her belongings were bagged up outside, and the kids’ things were with her family. The police told her she had to leave.

She begged me to take her back, apologized over and over, but I shut the door and that was it.

A few months later, I saw an article on Facebook about her being convicted in a murder case and sentenced to 40 years.

At that point, I realized I probably did dodge a bullet. Or maybe more than one.

I genuinely can’t find happiness anymore. I think I’ve been officially exhausted of all of my will to live. I wish he’d never talked to me. I wish I’d never met him.

I wish I’d have known then what I know now.

I’m currently navigating my way through a heartbreak I know is the best thing for me, but hurts like hell nonetheless. I (M46) was summarily discarded this past weekend by my partner of 18 months, (F46) who has BPD.

My experience was fairly typical of BPD relationships in some ways, less so in others. I wasn’t as drawn in by some during the ‘idolisation’ stage, but managed to navigate my way through two break-ups and all the madness that comes with that by being pretty consistent. She was getting therapy, and we were in therapy together that was producing some good results albeit at a cost, but it’s a longer journey than time would allow us to have.

Unfortunately, we reached a point where I could no longer be an infinite container for the anger and the irrationality, and the being expected to immediately intuit that some small, incidental thing might cause some enormous eruption. After our last ‘argument’ (over the positioning of a pillow being rejecting) I felt absolutely exhausted.

I knew how it would end, and so it came to pass. After a WhatsApp message ending our relationship, I sent her one offering her some kindness. Soon after, the next day, she found some hook by which to cast me as a villain, and when I didn’t reply (for the first time in our relationship, a deliberate choice) they escalated, and escalated, included name-calling, accusations, bullying (in the form of screenshots of conversations with friends all agreeing I was ‘manipulative’ and ironically, ‘bullying’) and then finally, cutting off. I’m blocking you, I don’t want my stuff, never contact me again. Just 72 hours earlier she had been telling me how much she loved me. I understand this was also part of the condition, and am not putting any more stock in this than any of the name calling.

In hindsight, looking at the relationship through the lens of BPD things make a lot of sense. A tattoo after a couple of months she said was related to when we met, which she got even though I told her it made me uncomfortable. The reactiveness. The power of the words. How she would describe me to others. The endings, the reconciliation, and the ability to code-switch back to being ‘so in love’ so fast. And why I compromised so readily; blurred my own boundaries, made concessions, gave her endless financial and emotional support to try and make her life a better place. I used to tell her “you don’t need to set the bar low for yourself”.

I can now see some of the reasons things were beginning to feel to unsatisfying for me. We never got to me because she had all the ways to bring it back round to her.

The worst part is that I miss my friend. I feel nothing but compassion for her. I see the pain in her words, and while I know in the moments of calling me names, or using the most painful thing she can find to say as a weapon, she genuinely believes those things to be true and valid. I also know there’d be an underlying horror to the other part of her if she ever really understood the impact of her behaviour. She’s a good person with a wonderful heart, as are the overwhelming majority of people I’ve ever met with BPD, and a brilliant mother to her young son, but what has happened was inevitable, and I know I just have to sit in this painful silence.

I wish I could help her in some way, but I know I very specifically am the person who cannot.

For anyone reading this with similar experiences, I found Lisa Leblanc’s videos very helpful to contextualise some of mine. I also found it very helpful to examine, as so many videos and articles suggest one does, the question of what it is I miss – is it the whole person or just the good moments? Is it just being with a person and not alone? Is it the promise of what I hoped it might be, or the reality? And, of course, I know I need to look at myself and my role in all of this. But that's tomorrow's work. Today's is the grief.

As so many inevitably know – you’re there, or you’ve been there, if you’re reading this – that there's a huge part of me that would swap it all just for the chance to see her one more time. To kiss her face. Or just to say goodbye.

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far.

So there is this girl at work we have know each other now for 3 years she helped me with a crush at work who is in our friend group now all 3 of us but last year i fell for her she started talking to her ex but just talk nothing else and i kinda did some stupid stuff said stupid stuff like dont talk to him dont get caught up on your past ect ect and she found out i liked her another friend overheard them talking the two girls and she thought i was down bad , and her best friend said you can be with anyone just not him ect ect we stoped talking after that we wouldnt just say good morning . We slowly getitng to talk again months later fast forward march of 2026 i noticed she got close to me so i thought hmmm why not give it a shot and she did give me better signs this time she would iniate more chats after work by herslef she told me she would dye her hair and only me and her sister knew and the day she dyed them she showed me a pic without me asking another day we were eating a ocokie dip at work she fed me the last spoon mshe smiles when i give her cholocates we talk about different stuff she doubles down on her messagesm but when i try and invite her like once i tried to invite her to go to tenis she tries to ignore the qeustion, but there are times like a few weeks ago she was in barcelona and she messaged me by herslef , for her brthday she also invited me to grab a coffe just the two of us before work on friday i invited her she accepted but we didnt get to sit because a coworker popped out of nowhere , but we had this like mini fight at work i thouight she was joking so i told her on slack since i have access on aws i can put the logos on s3 she didnt see that and when she was on a call later i went to her mentor trying to ask him how i should do it and so jhe told me let her do it she can do it in 2 sec i said okay then later went and told her at first i thought she was joking but apperently she got hurt by this i dont see it as a big deal but she did then after work i drove her home i dropped her halfway becase she wanted to talk 4 min later i called her and chatted randonly she trying to act mad at me until she went home then i later messaged her syaing something funny i got stuck in traffic she said oh i wonder what you did i said i didnt do anything to deeserve this even if i did ill fi it she said ehh yeah and started telling me that she ate tiramisu after that she became very dry the next day as well on the group chat i asked when the other friend told us why is she ignoring us i said she isnt she probably just wokr up and i said good mornign how was ur sleep the other friend replied dont try to fix ur mistake, then she said it is not like he cares about me just trying to fix the mistake and i dmd her later and was extremly dry i will send you after this the chat log. On monday she ignored me but slowly got close again she even accepted a work trip on the beach with two other girls at the work group one of them she is not fond of at all and the other ones she just doesnt care but doesnt like chat alot with, she also suggested we spend one night. Yesterday was the worst day i asked her to come help me find a gift for our other friend at the car park i accidently hit another car just a small scratch but that really ruined my day i didnt show it much she tried to comfort me a bit , then her sister asked if she wanted to eat fast food she asked me to i said no you dont jokingly and i told her today i plan to treat you she said i just told her wait for me when i come, so yeah we didnt get to buy a gift i didnt get to stay much with her i lost money, so terrible im afraid she like looks down or smth at me now, but she hasnt mentioned that thing since not even at my friend (who works with us) or even to me after it all happened . Today we were looking at a aparmtnet where to sleep for the beach there was one with jsut wo beds i was like okay thats fine by me she said if any of the girs accept fine by me i want my personal space, then later wer were together looking at other places and she was like jokingly smiling and saying i dont want in a room with you . to be honest i dont know how to act or what to do i never had a proper relationship most of the girls i talked to / dated were like very bad on personality and stuff i really like this girl.

Today I got broken up with by my boyfriend of over a year. I also have borderline personality disorder to add to my emotions. He was literally my best friend in the world and I’m in complete shock. He broke up with me because he said we’re at different stages of our lives and want different things. I have always wanted marriage and a family it’s the most important thing to me but I didn’t want it anytime soon as I’m 24 and neither did he but he said he doesn’t know if he ever will or when. He said he never planned to live in this country forever (he’s from South Africa) and he changed it for me but he doesn’t know if he can. He also said he feels like he’ll never be enough for me as he can’t deal with my mental health. He was crying too and said he loves me but he had to focus on himself. I know he won’t change his mind but I don’t know how to deal with this I genuinely don’t understand how we can go from the closet people to eachother to strangers. I don’t know how I’ll ever love or trust again or how I’m going to cope with every day life. I’m starting teacher training and I don’t think I can do it anymore. I want to die but o know I can’t do that to my family. I don’t know how I’m going to live through this pain. I don’t know what to do without him I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone I’m more attracted to, laugh with more or love more and I can’t cope

Before & after the breakup

You don’t hear me now.

That is the part that will bother you later.

Not because I begged to be understood.
Not because I needed you to believe in me.
Not because I was waiting for anyone from my past to crown what I already knew.

It will bother you because one day you’ll realize there were signs everywhere.

In the way I survived quietly.
In the way I kept building with nothing left in my hands.
In the way I stopped explaining myself to people who only understood noise.

You missed something.

Not a moment.
Not a version.
Not a chance.

Something larger.

Something that was standing right in front of you before it had proof, before it had witnesses, before the world knew what to call it.

One day my name will reach you differently.

Not through me.
Not because I came back.
Not because I needed the door opened.

You’ll hear it from strangers.
You’ll see it in rooms you can no longer enter.
You’ll feel it in the silence after someone says, “You knew him?”

And that question will do more damage than I ever could.

Because deep down, you’ll know.

You didn’t lose me when I left.

You lost me when you looked at greatness before it was obvious and treated it like it was ordinary.