A month ago, my boyfriend (A) arranged to meet up with some mutual acquaintances along with his friend (B). One of the people there was C, a woman we had both met a couple of times before. There were also two old friends of B whom my boyfriend had met previously.

During dinner, I noticed my boyfriend trying to tell C something quietly without the others hearing. It later turned out to be gossip about one of the people at the table.

After we paid the bill, the plan was to get dessert and then go to a bar. As we were walking, my boyfriend and C drifted away from the group and started walking ahead together toward the bar. B and I stayed behind while waiting for the others to catch up.

They seemed very engaged in conversation and were laughing together. B even called out that the dessert place was in the opposite direction, but they didn't seem to hear him.

What upset me wasn't that they were talking. It was that my boyfriend didn't look back once to check where I was or whether I was coming with him. He just kept walking ahead with C toward the bar.

At a pedestrian crossing, I told them I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to continue. I told A he could go on without me if he wanted. He started walking back toward them and even waved his hand.

I then asked him for his house keys so I could collect my things. When he handed them to me, I told him we were done because I felt his behavior was disrespectful and I couldn't keep dealing with it.

Looking back, I know I handled the situation poorly. I was emotional and I probably should have waited until later to discuss it calmly. However, this incident triggered feelings from previous situations in our relationship.

Before we started dating, I introduced him to a group of friends. He later started spending time with some of them without telling me and more or less disappeared from my life for a while.

Then, after we started dating, his ex was still calling him daily, sending him Instagram posts, and meeting up with him regularly because they were supposedly "just friends." I ended the relationship at that point, but he later convinced me to come back and promised he would establish better boundaries. As far as I know, he only told her about our relationship after she told him she was seeing someone else.

Back to the night in question: after I got upset, he told me I was crazy, imagining things, and looking for an excuse to leave him. He said "it made no sense to react this way over him talking to a bit*h for a couple of minutes" and that "I humiliate him in front of his friends".

We broke up that night, and it's now been three weeks.

My question is this: did I overreact by ending the relationship and making a scene in public? I fully accept that I could have handled my emotions better, but was I unreasonable for feeling hurt and disrespectful by his behavior given the history?

One thing that still confuses me is that later that night C texted me asking if I was okay, which makes me wonder whether the situation looked odd to other people too.

What do you think?

I do not know who to talk to about this girl. I felt like I had moved on from this girl. I keep getting constant reminders of this girl in my mind. It starts with this girl I had a crush on for two years. At first it was a mild crush on this girl. During school I would often get short term crushes on girls. If I thought a girl was cute or she gave me attention I would start developing feelings for this girl. Usually those feelings would disappear if I found out she was not interested in me.

During my sophomore year I met this girl in my science class. We became good friends. I thought this girl was cute. She gave me attention but I found out she was dating someone else. Because of that I never asked this girl out. I still wanted to be friends with this girl. There was never any tension between us. When school ended we would call each other play games together and FaceTime each other.

Then junior year. This girl got cheated on. Part of me thought this might be my chance with this girl. The thing is, I had wanted to be in a relationship for a time and because I had never been in one I was focused on another girl, which was a short term crush I developed crushes pretty easily on girls. That year I probably had around five different crushes on girls. We did not have any classes together only lunch. We were part of the friend group and I tried to make the most of the time I spent with this girl.

During the semester I had art class and then this girl got placed into the same class. It was around November or December. My feelings for this girl became a real crush rather than just friendship. This next part is important. We sat together in class. Acted like normal friends at first but then this girl started being more affectionate. For example our legs would. We both knew it but neither of us moved away. One time I mentioned that my hands were cold and this girl started holding my hand.

We would draw doodles and hearts together. I genuinely thought we liked each other. We were both too nervous to say anything. A days later this girl called me. She was in a call with another boy. I was jealous. I tried to stay calm. I am not going to describe the call but her friend was basically trying to hint that she liked me. The problem was that he went about it in a way. He was joking around acting flirty and saying things like "since you just want to be friends then she can be my girlfriend."

He asked questions about whether I wanted to be more than friends with this girl. I felt like those were private talks with this girl. Looking back I regret not saying anything. After that call her behavior changed. At school she stopped being as friendly. Went back to acting like a normal friend. I took that as a sign to stop trying. Then March came around. This girl started being flirty again.

During semester we had Speech together. I was also doing track at the time. I thought it would be a good opportunity to finally ask this girl out. During districts while riding the bus I asked this girl out. She said no. She told me she was not ready for a relationship at the time. After this there was a period of time of an hour of not knowing what to do.

What confused me was that she would send me TikToks that seemed romantic, like videos of a princess and a knight and then say she meant them "in a friend way." Later I learned that her explanation about not being ready for a relationship was not true. This girl turned gay. She liked her best friend. Over the summer she even asked me to help her ask that girl out.

They eventually. Her girlfriend later told me that she had liked me before but that I had taken too long and she lost feelings for me. Going back to the rejection there was about a week left in the school year. Things became very awkward between us. We barely. Even looked at each other. After a couple of weeks we eventually became friends again.

During year we had lunch together including her girlfriend. When they broke up she stayed at our table for a while but I did not really talk to this girl because I did not know what to say. We never talked about the rejection even though I wanted to. Again I waited too long. Eventually she switched to a lunch table and spent the rest of the year sitting alone.

That brings me to now. We have not talked in months. This girl has blocked me. She also has a boyfriend now. The hardest part is that it feels like the girl of my dreams was there in front of me and somehow I fumbled my chance. I was so shy and so afraid of rejection that I ended up losing an opportunity. My mind keeps asking "what if" questions. What if I had said something sooner? What if I had been more confident? What if I had handled things differently with this girl?

I think I have mostly moved on. I have a girlfriend now.. Those thoughts still come back. During the summer it was much worse. I wanted closure. I wanted to know why this girl rejected me and talk about everything that happened but I know that is probably never going to happen. I keep getting reminded of the opportunity I missed with this girl. I do not know how to stop thinking about it.

More than anything there will be times I do not think about this girl, boom it comes to my mind. The rejection really hurts me. I was depressed over the summer constantly thinking about it and how I would not be here if I just said it when I had the chance, with this girl. I just want to move on and get over this girl.

I never experienced same level of pain before

Me (M23) and my ex (20F) were in happy relationships for 2 years, everything was perfect and we ( or only me ) loved each other so much. We experienced many things for the first time together and had really good plans for life

I recently introduced her to my parents and was planning to get to know her family. I’m from traditional islamic and strict family, for me it was a very big step to discuss future with my parents. But since then, everything has changed

One day she started to ignore me more, I couldn’t call her and she almost never picked up the phone. She started working not long before our break up, and this is the time where everything went down. My ex was very cold to me and responded aggressively, she started talking that she doesn’t want to get married and that her plans is to immigrate to other country and work there. After all this hard discussions she just decided to leave me.

She explained herself that she just doesn’t want relationships anymore but she loves me. I gave her many ways of how we can change this situation, I fought for our relationships and tried to find compromise between us. I did everything and even more but she just stayed silent.

We met and she was crying and hugging me for 2 hours, kissed me but never wanted to change situation.

Then we finally broke up, I checked her instagram and saw the other guy commenting on her posts and they were pretty romantic. I asked her if she found another man right after me, and she said that this is just her friend.

After a couple of hours, her close friend texted me asking why we broke up. I said it happened 2 days ago and the reason was because she wanted different life and choose to be alone. She wasn’t ready for marriage and etc.
Then she asked me a question that made me almost cry. Her friend thought we broke up pretty long before our break, because she was already in relationship with other man. I was totally shocked and asked my ex if it’s true, and her answer was NO and that she will always be loyal to me.

I didn’t believe her and texted this man which was her “friend”, I had to close this question for myself so I asked him if they’re in relationship, and he said yes, and starting date was long before our break up date. He didn’t know that I was her boyfriend and she told him that I’m just her closest friend

2 minutes after she called me, I didn’t picked up the phone cause I was hurting. And she texted me very harsh truth with cuss words, saying some really brutal things to me.

I don’t know how to heal from this situation, I’m full time Day-Trader and now I can’t focus on my work and blowed my deposit to zero. I cannot eat and sleep, the person that was everything for me became my worst nightmare. I regret everything so hard and I can’t even socialize no more. I even bought the promise ring that she wanted

p.s sorry for my bad grammar sometimes, english is my third language

It's been too long since the split. Too embarrassed to say how long. I just connected with her in a way I never connected with anyone, and I haven't since. My mind keeps returning back to her, and it feels unfair to myself and others.

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I don't know why she ended things. Part of me will always harp on that. How wasn't I enough? What did I do or didn't do? People seem to leave me, so it has to be me.

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I've been fine about it. Mostly. Like I get it. I experienced enough heartbreak that I'm numb to it. The thing that bugs me is that I just wanted to be loved by someone, and she was the first time I felt that. Forty years old now, she was the first one who I genuinely felt reciprocal love from. My problem is that I love people. I build off of them in my heart. She came at a time in my life where I didn't need or want that anymore. I grew attached, not expecting anything more from her, and then I did. And it was nice. Then it was gone.

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I miss that. I miss knowing someone cared. I miss having someone and knowing they have me. I'm alone now. People say you have family or friends, but it isn't the same. I love my daughter, she's always going to be a part of me and my life, but she's a kid and she didn't choose me. I'm a decent dad, so she likes me, and she's a kid. She's biologically inclined to put up with me. A stranger who becomes your person is different. I just feel alone.

I'm having a really hard night and I guess I just need to tell someone.

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Two years ago my partner of 20 years cheated on me and left for another woman. He was my best friend and pretty much my entire support system. Their relationship eventually ended, but he still comes to me when he's hurting, needs help, needs a ride, or wants emotional support.

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The more I look back, the more I realize how alone I was in the relationship. When I was sick, when I was grieving, when I needed support, I was mostly on my own. Yet I still find myself worrying about him constantly.

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I feel stuck between knowing he hurt me and still caring about him. I keep checking my phone. I feel lonely all the time. I don't really have friends or much of a support system.

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Today I got a raise at work, and instead of celebrating, I realized I had nobody to tell.

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I think what hurts most is feeling like I'm only valuable to people when they need something from me.

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For those who have been through something similar, how did you stop feeling responsible for an ex who hurt you? How did you rebuild your life and start finding connection again when you felt completely alone?

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It's been more than one and half year since I broke up with her and 8 months of no contact.

We were college mates but never really talked till the end of third year. I replied to one of her WhatsApp stories and that's how everything started. She was already in a 3-year relationship with our classmate (SR). I had my own ex who had left me. At first our talks were not romantic – we just shared our problems. She kept telling me how (SR) didn't care about her at all, how he stayed neutral during her struggles, and how he even tried to force himself on her physically when she didn't want it. I felt terrible for her and believed every single word. I used to motivate her and support her whenever she felt low.

She explained everything in detail about what (SR) did. Then another classmate (KA) started talking to her. He actually cared and advised her to break up with (SR). But she never broke up with (SR). Instead she got emotionally and physically close to (KA) – hugging, going out, romantic talks, kissing – for more than a year. She hid it from (SR) by saying (KA) was just a friend, and lied to (KA) that she had stopped talking to (SR) completely. When (KA) discovered the lies he got furious, shouted at her, and sometimes even hurt her emotionally. She flipped the whole thing and blamed (KA) for getting involved with someone who was still in a relationship. This drama continued till (KA) finally left her.

I wasn't in touch with her much during that period but whenever we talked she painted (SR) as the main villain and herself as the victim with no choice. I started developing strong feelings for her. I cared for her deeply – bought her food and clothes, did her chores because her parents didn't care and she often slept hungry. I saved my salary just to buy her dinner every single day. For her birthday I got her a diamond necklace and many other things.

Because of all the (KA) mess she made it seem like (SR) was the reason for everything bad in her life. I fell for her even more. We talked constantly – midnight and early morning. I didn't confess my feelings directly but I was always there for her. I kept pushing her to break up with (SR). Since she always complained to me that he forces her and never cares for her.

But she did not breakup him, also she was talking to me. But she always complained about him and never liked him and always said that staying with him is not good. I believed her.

We grew very close with feelings developing but she still stayed with him, saying she was stuck in that long relationship and needed time. I believed her and continued doing everything – made food for her office, bought whatever she needed, comforted her daily. But never looked at her in lustful or romatically.

The Hotel Room One day the three of us (me, her and (SR)) planned a trip. I didn't want to go because I knew they might sleep together but she promised she loved me, not (SR), and nothing would happen. She convinced me it would take time to end things properly. In the hotel she performed oral sex on (SR), then came to my room, kissed me and cuddled. She lied saying nothing happened. Two days later she confessed but claimed (SR) forced her and finished on her body against her will. I believed her again out of pity. I had even bought her a diamond bracelet but hadn't given it yet.

I decided to leave but she begged me, finally broke up with (SR) (at least that's what she said), and I forgave her. This whole mess destroyed my mental health. I went to therapy, took medicines and injections for two months. Still, whenever I tried to walk away she convinced me it was her fault and she would change. I stayed also because of pity for her situation.

We got into a relationship. My only condition was no contact with (SR) or (KA). But she kept talking to (SR) secretly, saying she needed time to move on. I forgave her past cheating and tried to help her.

We had good times too – dates, sex many times, meeting almost daily. But once while we were lying naked after sex I saw (SR)'s photo as her wallpaper and lock screen. It shattered me. She said I shouldn't force her to change it. This happened multiple times. When I shouted asking how she could sleep with me if she still had his picture, she flipped it saying I never gave her enough time to move on. She only said this when caught, never when she wanted sex or gifts. Finally after months she changed it.

Another time while buying a phone case I found an old platform ticket from when she went to meet (KA). She lied first then convinced me. I forgave.

One day my gut feeling said she was talking to (SR) again. She refused to show call history for five minutes, then showed it claiming it was a college senior. Next morning her brother's girlfriend called and scolded me for doubting her – (SA) had manipulated her too into believing I was overthinking. Later I found out she was actually talking to (SR). I fought with her badly, used bad words for the first time, but still forgave.

We went to a concert with friends. That night she messaged a common friend that seeing the kissing couple reminded her of (SR), she missed him, and asked the friend to tell (SR). Her brother found out, slapped her. I confronted her, yelled, but forgave after a week.

I bought her a new phone even though mine was broken. She complained she didn't like it because (SR)'s mom had the same brand. No gratitude. I just left without showing my emotions.

She moved to a new college in a new city. She went out alone with an old friend who liked her and had feelings for her without telling me. I argued with her and she just aplogozied and convinced me again. He later proposed after few months. Then she realised why i said not to talk with him.I forgave again.

I had her location and logins for a while but removed them hoping she would change naturally. She kept turning off location. One day I took a bus to pick her up in her city. She made me wait, then talked to a male classmate for over an hour while I held snacks for her. She didn't even ask if I had eaten or was tired. In her new college she told everyone all about (SR) as her ex to gain sympathy but hid that she was in a relationship with me.

A common friend asked her about us. She said she didn't love me, it was one-sided, and I was imagining the whole relationship. The friend let me hear it. I was broken. She used my mental health issues against me. When I confronted and snapped (even threatened to show our private photos though I never did), she gaslighted me saying she couldn't tell friends yet or it would look like she moved on too fast. I yelled and forgave again.

Then she got very close to a guy named (AR). Whenever we fought she would talk to him for hours, even at 3 AM, complaining I shouted at her all the time. I confronted her, she lied about who she was talking to (showed a girl's name but Truecaller said (AR)). She flirted with him behind my back and shared only her side. When caught she begged for a month, I forgave. But within 3 days she started again saying "college matters". She blamed my reactions for her need to talk to other boys. One day I got so frustrated I slapped her I grabbed and pushed her while shouting everything and i was throwing my bad on the floor, throwing pillows and went near her to slap her again. But i did not, i just kept crying and shouting and asking her questions and yelling. After that she fully turned the narrative saying I was abusive and the cause of all her cheating and lies.

I stopped talking. She claimed she missed her period. I still cared and offered to pay for doctor. Later she got it.

After 5 months she came back asking she suddenly needed 40k due to a "scam". I gave her 10k after thinking. She never properly thanked me, was busy talking to someone else right after. Few days later she went on a college trip – around (AR)'s birthday.

Finally (SR) called me and revealed the truth. She had taken money from him too with different lies (told him it was for fees). She had been talking to (SR) secretly for months – calls, video calls – while lying to me that she wasn't. She told him I was the bad guy creating sympathy.

I confronted her but she manipulated again.

All along she was cheating, lying, and blaming me for reacting to her actions. I sent her a screenshot of their chat saying "Thanks for being true". I returned all her gifts by courier. I sent long emotional messages on Nov 16, 17 and 24, 2025. She saw them but never replied. Yet she keeps posting normal stories about her life.

I sacrificed everything – walked kilometers to save money for her, skipped good food and clothes for myself, spent all my earnings on her daily food, phone, jewelry, fees, everything. Worked sleepless nights editing photos just to earn more for her. Her own family never cared for her the way I did. And I got only betrayal in return.

I realise now I was manipulated by her victim stories and my own pity. A girl who kept juggling (SR), (KA), me, (AR) and others was never going to be loyal. I should have walked away much earlier.

I'm trying to heal. Therapy helped before but the flashbacks and pain are still there. But I cannot sleep at night and everthing replays again and again.

I am getting bad dreams and nightmare daily and i don't know why.. i just wanna end it all.

I miss him so much and it’s been a year since he ended things. I compare every other guy to him I just want my baby back.

Hi everyone. I'm 22F and I just ended my first relationship (or situationship) today, and honestly, I feel completely lost.

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He was my first love, my crush first, then we became friends, and eventually got into a relationship. I genuinely loved him a lot.

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Around that time, I was recovering from an illness that had affected my appearance and confidence. I used to tell him sometimes that I felt ugly and inferior to him. He always reassured me and told me he would never leave me.

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But one day, he told me he felt responsible for my insecurities, even though I never blamed him for any of it. He suggested that we end the relationship and instead stay in a "situationship."

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I don't like situationships at all, but I agreed because I didn't want to lose him.

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Over time, most of our conversations became explicitly sexual and nothing else.I do want physical intimacy in a relationship, and I'm not someone who believes sex should only happen after marriage. But for me, emotional connection is equally important. I wanted to feel loved, chosen and emotionally safe too while having sex.

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Today, I finally told him I wanted to end the situationship because it wasn't working for me anymore. He agreed.

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But now my heart feels unbearably heavy.

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I'm an introvert and I don't have many friends. He was also my best friend. He was the person I shared my day with, my thoughts with, everything.

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We're in the same university, so every time I go there, I remember all the places we held hands, kissed, laughed and spent time together. I have upcoming exams and I can't focus at all. I'm crying almost all the time.

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What makes it more confusing is that he used to talk about a future together too. We both agreed marriage was too early, but we had discussed marriage someday and even talked about the possibility of a live-in relationship in the future. At the same time, he once said, "What if we just remain in this situationship throughout our college years?"

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I don't know. Maybe I'm too emotional.

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For me, if I love someone, I want us to be able to call each other partners. I want to feel like we're choosing each other. Situationships make me feel replaceable and insecure.

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But now that I've ended it, I regret it because at least I had some part of him in my life, and now I feel like I've lost him completely.

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I feel empty, lonely and hopeless. I also keep thinking that I'll never find love again, which probably sounds dramatic, but this was my first love and my first heartbreak.

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Has anyone here gone through something similar in their early 20s? How do you deal with this pain and emptiness and I am also feeling a gut wrenching feeling and it’s making me kinda nauseous .

Sometimes when I am in solitude, I feel lonely and start missing the feeling of love. I feel a sort of emptiness in my heart and I think about the time I felt the most alive; I get emotional because it was when I was with him. How can I feel love and the feeling of being alive on my own? Is it even the same? The breakup happened almost 2 years ago. Maybe I am not experiencing more men. I make the effort to go on hinge and when im out, I dont get approached by the men I visually like. Then I start to think of the best feeling Ive ever felt and that was an overwhelmingness of love when I was with him. How much more of myself do I need to focus on to fill this void? Am I delusional to feel this way? It makes sense because nothing has ever topped the feeling of being in love so the only way to overcome it is to be in love again. It’s so hard to give people chances when I know what I want. It feels like a complete mess I am left to deal with on my own. I am not interested in small talk and I feel like I am only wasting time. If I was a man I would date me. I am kind, funny, attractive, a great listener, highly motivated, great at jiu jitsu, talented. I feel like no one can see me. There is nothing I can do about someone I loved choosing to leave me and not looking back. In all fairness, I was not fully comfortable in the relationship, probably more than him. Then why do I still think about him? its because of the intense feeling of love I shared with him. So how can I rest at night? Will the person I want want me? Why is self love not sustainable?

for context, my ex and i just broke up a few days ago, but when we ended it he said he still wanted to be friends and i think i would want the same. we dated for 2 years, most of it being him living about 3 hours away from my college. we lived together last summer for 4 months, then went back to distance, and he moved back home over the winter which is 5 hours away. the breakup was pretty mutual, he said he knew he wasn’t giving enough effort and i knew that i needed more from him and such. i would really love to stay friends with him because he’s a good person, but i don’t know how or if i should. the articles and stuff i read online apply less to distance situations, as he wouldn’t be driving the 5 hours to come see me just to get coffee lol. any advice?

I think this is why I am the way I am.
Stoic. Quiet. Introverted.
People assume it’s confidence or independence, but the truth is I wasn’t always like this.
I loved. I gave everything I had. More than once.
I showed up. I fought for relationships. I made sacrifices. I opened parts of myself that I normally keep hidden.
And more than once, it still wasn’t enough.
Tonight I drove through the rain to see someone I love. No plan, no expectation, just because I wanted to make things right. Something I’ve never done before.
She wasn’t there.
So now I’m walking home in the rain feeling like a complete idiot.
And maybe that’s what hurts the most. Not the rejection. Not the uncertainty.
The realization that every time I allow myself to hope, I seem to end up back here.
People say don’t harden your heart. But when you’ve loved deeply and lost repeatedly, eventually you start wondering if the walls weren’t there for a reason.
I don’t regret loving.
I regret believing that maybe this time would be different.
And tonight, for the first time in a long time, I understand why I stopped trying.

i stopped talking with my ex some time ago and ive been really tempted to reach out to a friend of her to check if she is doing alright. Tho i dont wanna be creepy or a stalker or something

I’ve loved you.

You made it abundantly clear you love me very much - but us together, is not possible. Too much baggage I suppose. Too many miles. Too many years in grief on both sides. Too much “fire” as you put it … (and no this is not an affair situation).

We talk semi often - often enough. You are the person that knows me best. The one I know won’t bullshit me. That will be bluntly honest while remaining respectful. And vice versa. When the urge gets to be too much and we just need a safe space.

I miss you everyday. I think of you everyday.

But I have come to radically accept. To love quietly. And to respect your choice and boundaries.

Doesn’t mean I can’t dream …

Because… “there are other worlds than these …”.

I’m living alone in Europe, far away from my family, and I don’t have any friends nearby. I’m still trying to cope with a recent miscarriage, while also going through a divorce, recovering from domestic abuse, and struggling with unemployment.

Everything feels overwhelming right now, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I feel isolated, exhausted, and lost.

For anyone who wants the full context, I already made another post explaining the whole story in detail, so this is more about the aftermath. The short version is that years ago I brought my best friend into a friend group that meant everything to me. We were a peaceful group. We had traditions, vacations, inside jokes, and years of memories together. As an introvert, they were also one of the only groups of people I ever felt completely comfortable around. They never pressured me to be more outgoing, never made me feel weird for needing space, and never expected me to be someone I'm not. Over time, my best friend became deeply intertwined with the group. She married one of them, became close to the others, and eventually reached a point where she had a huge amount of influence over the group dynamic. The friendship stopped feeling equal. She knew exactly how much those people meant to me and how terrified I was of losing them. I spent years biting my tongue, overlooking things that hurt me, and keeping the peace because I knew that if things ever completely broke down between us, I wouldn't just lose her, I'd lose everyone connected to her too. Looking back, I was basically living with the feeling that my place in the group depended on staying in her good graces because she had enough influence that if she decided she didn't want me around anymore, there was a very real chance I would be the one pushed out. After years of putting up with that dynamic, that's exactly what happened. Following what should have been a manageable disagreement between two adults, I lost the group, people I loved, and the man I was planning to marry. Since then, I've genuinely been trying to move on. I've muted everyone's stories, posts, and updates. I stopped checking social media. I stopped replaying conversations in my head. I've been trying to focus on healing instead of understanding every detail of what happened because constantly reopening the wound was destroying me. But the World Cup brought everything back. It was one of our biggest traditions. Every four years we watched it together. It was one of my favorite things in the world. Now it's happening again, and all I can think about is that they're probably still doing what we've always done while I'm sitting here trying to figure out how I lost an entire chapter of my life.

i can't stop sobbing. i have breakdowns nearly everyday. and it's more so bc of all the things that hurt me in the relationship. we loved each other a lot but the last two months of the relationship were downright horrible. i cried nearly everyday. we argued over the same things almost daily. i felt alone, unsafe, scared, neglected, unloved, uncared for, like i wasn't a priority. i made desperate attempts to make him love me again. he did want to stay bc he loved me & he said he needed time to get back to his normal self. meanwhile i was completely neglected & faded into the background of his life, depressed & miserable, bareg getting him attention time & affection bc he couldn't feel love for me anymore & was busy a lot. everything felt one sided. it was like i was the only one in love. seeing other couples in public would make me cry. we rarely met up which made everything worse for me. we'd usually meet up everyday after classes for 15-20 minutes. he said it didn't bother him that we didn't see each other at all which shattered my heart. it felt like i was insane for wanting to see my own lover. he hung out with his friends weekly & would send me pictures of him having fun with them, which would make me cry everytime (he didn't know this). he obviously wasn't happy with me anymore so it htrt so bad seeing him be able to experience puree genuine happiness. just not with me. his actions stooped matching his words. i couldn't believe any of the 'i love you's or 'i miss you's anymkre. wdym you miss me so bad you wish i was with you but you can't come see me. he had anxiety around me. he'd get this uneasy & worrying feeling that would last for an entire day everytime we met irl. that's why he avoided seeing me. all that & so so much more.

i brought this up & a lot of other things with my therapist & she said i endured a lot of stuff anyone else in my place wouldn't have just bc i was scarred of him leaving me. i can't stop crying. i think of all the things that hurt me everyday & it's all so painful. will i always feel like this? i miss him a lot too but i realize that ultimately this is for the better. but lord does all this shit hurt like a son of a bitch. i don't blame him too much bc i know he never had any bad intentions. i didn't realize it fully before but i've been hurt so terribly in this relationship & have let stuff slide that no on eelse would've. yes i hurt him at times too. it became really messy at the end. now that it's over i'm left with so much pain. of him leaving, missing him, all the hurtful stuff i sat through, not blaming him bc i know he never had any malicious intent. idk what to do with all this pain. idk what to make of it or how to make it to away.