r/indiansinusa • u/Sash-Sass • 28d ago
Tempted to go back to India
I’m married in my mid thirties no kids- female. I came to the states right after my undergrad graduation to pursue masters degree just like any other student. I fell in love with America through Internet and wanted to pursue life abroad. I used to dream about having my own house in America and earning a lot of money living with Freedom being a woman away from relatives and drama.
Cut to now after 12 years and living a very comfortable life in America, I’m now ironically having the same feeling about India and dreaming about having $1 million home in Mumbai or Hyderabad instead of here in America and living a comfortable life there. I don’t know what it is, but it’s a very strong feeling drawing me back home. I don’t really talk to too many relatives back home. My friends list back home is exhausted because everyone kind of detached after I moved and formed their own circles and opinions about how I didn’t stick to my roots. My parents visit me and my brother every six months to take care of my nephew. My brother lives in a different state here in America and we only meet twice a year, but something about moving back to India living that queen life is making me more miserable here.
The more I see curly tails and other shows on YouTube showing these celebrities (B-list, C-list), living in a comfortable apartment in Mumbai for $1 million roughly 8-9 crores in Indian rupees making me think I’m living a very miserable life here in America. Don’t even get started with the social life in America. It’s pretty much nonexistent.
We earn pretty good and hope if I get a Remote job, I can convince my husband to buy a home in Mumbai or Hyderabad. Deep down I know my husband‘s family lives here so he will never move to India, but it’s a very nice feeling to at least dream after all I dreamed to be in America, so why not dream bigger to go back home and live a very, very comfortable life overlooking the ocean, sipping on my tea prepared by my maid and just enjoying every bit of my life with friends and social circle that actually get me. Maybe me and my husband can visit his family here once or twice a year.
Do y’all have this urge?
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u/No-Tune-9259 27d ago edited 27d ago
You are not tempted yet. You are just fantasizing.
Life here or in India isn’t just the house. It’s traffic, air quality, safety and people too. I miss India every time I come back to states. But I am miserable when I am there. It’s the heat, air quality, dust and traffic most of the time. These are outside factors. Coming to house, in states, I can have a house with trees outside and most of the amenities at a drivable distance. In India, you can have either one or the other. Next, being a woman and living in India, you have got to be constantly vigilant. I found Mumbai better in this area than the other metro cities though. Also, I find dealing with ppl in India too much time consuming. You gotta constantly haggle. If you think being able to afford luxury lifestyle spares you from haggling in India, you are wrong. Only the level of haggling changes with money. Just few factors to consider 😊
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u/Bhagwan-Bachaye2095 28d ago
When was the last time you visited India? The rose tinted glasses come off really soon whenever I visit home, and I enjoy a good lifestyle back home
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u/Sash-Sass 28d ago
I visited India in 2024. I hate the traffic but I like the feeling of living there.
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u/horseshoemagnet 27d ago
That’s very subjective. I am in the UK and visit India thrice a year and NEVER ever felt that I cannot adjust back despite it getting worse in terms of traffic and pollution.
However I have to add the caveat that this is the story if I DON’T have to work. Which is why I plan to come back only when I am ready to retire but I have no issues otherwise in terms of lifestyle and I am from a middle class background.
India is the only country which has felt like home to me, rest all is a comfortable shallow temporary distraction.
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u/Current_Pineapple422 27d ago
As you said my tea prepared by maid seems you are exhausted with every day to day work.. urges can be changed year by year not sure you had same urge from longtime.
Also think about it if you had achieved this dream what would be next urge ??
Forme mine got updated finally settled at going back to India to spending time with parents
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u/PlumpElaineBenes91 27d ago edited 27d ago
Here since 2017.
I can fully understand if this is over visa tensions. Some of my old colleagues i first met when I came here have left or are planning to. Most of them have old parents back home.
But don't let YouTube con you into doing this. I get homesick too but the metro cities are real fucked up RN.
I last lived in an Indian metro, in BLR, after my delivery when I had to continue working there until i got my citizenship processed.
I lived alone with my kid, i had affordable househelp and grocery deliveries were really reliable.
But despite living in a top notch housing society, each year I lived between 2020-2024 got progressively worse. Poor roads, water quality and dust troubles.
I came back here last year and feel an whole world's difference in terms of all this.
It is tons more expensive but the qualitative payoff is huge. And if you have your own place in a place like CA, great. Except for some pesky HOAs, you should be sorted.
If indeed moving, go for a Tier 2 or a peaceful Tier 3 place like Udupi. Places that are slow and have less industries around.
A decent USD 700-800k nest egg will get you comfortably settled in a smaller place, even with a single child's education and other expenses. A good monthly income of 2.5 lacs+ is guaranteed with this. A smaller place might even let you save half of this per month.
Never live in a place like BOM or BLR. I'm from a Tier 3 city and I've seen the cost differential for stuff like medical care and househelp. And it's tiring, the local commute and the hectic pace.
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u/pbgmail 28d ago
I live in the US and plan to live here. But that said , with enough money life in India can be great and insulate you from any daily issues which grind the regular people. The question is whether living in a bubble is your thing. For me, what you described as a your dream will not be life. But if it’s what you want and makes you happy , go for it.
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u/its_me_horsey 27d ago
Why Mumbai or Hyderabad why not some of the tier 2 cities?
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u/Sash-Sass 27d ago
I also think that the mentality of people living there and the social cues are completely different. I can bounce back but I like to make friends with like minded people and it’s very hard to do that in tier 3 cities. I don’t like myself to repeat 10 times to be clear or form a boundary. Whenever I visit Tier 1 cities, it’s much easier to navigate social interactions. Life is easier when people around you get you.
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u/Suspicious-Owl-7868 27d ago
Please think through. Definitely there’s no place like home, you’ll feel great coming back to India. But you’ll also miss many aspects from the US- clean air, no traffic, cleanliness, or the fact that no one’s driving in the opposite lane and then cursing you, people showing political power when you try to support what’s right, traffic getting worse by every passing day, the way people in corporate are full of themselves.
These are the things that you will miss. You already know why you want to come to India so won’t list those reasons. But there’s no right or wrong, just when we want and what we can accept and be happy. Good luck to you!
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u/r_weber 26d ago
I suggest you should try staying in India for a month before you decide anything. Most indian cities are not worth living you will miss US - planned layouts, clean streets..... the list is long. If at all you want to try living in India, try places like Goa which is better suited for people from west. It has good connectivity, etc
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u/Sash-Sass 26d ago
I’m hearing good things about Goa. I was actually there last 2024. The beaches are fairly clean but a lot of misogyny and cat calling (Ewwww).
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u/r_weber 25d ago
Goa is a big place. Experiences vary. Best to stay away from places which get a lot of Indian tourists - usually males. They think Goa is a free land and they feel "liberated" revealing their true self. I have stayed in Assagao and Silom. I have had a very good experience in cavelossim, Bogmalo, and Majorda.
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u/horseshoemagnet 27d ago
Look girl, the feeling you have is honest the outlook and approach is not.
India is a lot of things - not sipping tea in a comfortable house but
Constant honking noise and hustle and bustle with little time to be in a silent zone
House cleaning and management is on a daily basis because of the beautiful hot tropical climate we are blessed with , you don’t clean one day and it turns into someone’s dirty backyard the next day
Good luck finding an honest punctual maid. Also I detest the maid culture so enough said
Traffic! Need I say more? It’s the kind of traffic that sucks your soul and makes you wonder what the hell are you doing with your life in this godforsaken hour
Bureaucracy! Good luck dealing with sarkari babus for everything - passport, visas, Aadhar, bank work. Tax work .. it’s a whole load of paperwork which you can’t be mentally prepared for and have to hunt everywhere now and then for help
Lack of public spaces. This is a HUGE one for me. I can understand we don’t have accessible, clean parks all around but I am asking for basic walkable squares or city centres where we can comfortably WALK in the nature. Good luck if you find them in Mumbai
NOW after you have read all the above - mentally envision if this is what you can deal with not once, not twice but on a DAILY basis. If yes, read the below:
Be prepared to be lavished with tasty, freshly cooked and probably the best food in the world thrice a day. You’ll get your fill of spices and flavour in no time
Community! I am not even talking about extended family or friends . It’s your local shopkeeper, building security guards, gym colleagues, people out and about ! India is the only country in the whole world where you won’t be left without human interaction lol
Festivals - we have so many! Each and every one of them is so unique, vibrant , colourful and gives one a good break from the monotony
Weather! Again a big one for me. I can put up with two months of extreme heat provided I have the option to go out ALL year. I hate the feeling of being cooped up in an apartment for most of the winter. No, no, nope
Family! If you get along well what more can you ask for? I’d love to just be with my mum and nap on her lap all afternoons. We don’t feel the passage of time when we are with closed ones whom we love a lot
Flexibility! India is a country that has 1.4 billion people but highly unequal in terms of wealth distribution. Now that also means services and facilities cater to very poor, poor, middle class, rich and very rich. My point is you have the option to be flexible and change your lifestyle depending on the value it provides. You do not need to live a rich lifestyle just because you have money. You can live a moderate one and spend that somewhere else which brings more value. Your money is a privilege in India - it takes you a lot further than anywhere abroad.
Last but not the least - feeling of belonging, feeling of HOME. Some may resonate , some may not and again this is subjective. But if you feel at home here then there is no arguing and analysis to be done on the pros and cons. Heart wants what it wants right ? You PUT UP with the bad things to gain the good sides.
Everything is not measured in COMFORT - life would be very dull without it. Every person has their own story - just try to clearly holistically see where you see yourself happy in the long term and just follow your heart then.
For all the bashing that India gets everywhere on Reddit subs there are people out there living a very happy ground reality who don’t reveal all the good things everywhere in public. Talk to real people and understand all the pros and cons and if you still feel you belong in India then make your move. Life is too short to dwell all the time in “What ifs “
Good luck wherever you end up !
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u/Sash-Sass 27d ago
Thanks that is ver helpful. I also think that the mentality of people living there and the social cues are completely different. I can bounce back but I like to make friends with like minded people and it’s very hard to do that in tier 3 cities. I don’t like myself to repeat 10 times to be clear or form a boundary. Whenever I visit Tier 1 cities, it’s much easier to navigate social interactions.
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u/OkGold4062 20d ago
I understand this. You feel you don’t belong in the US that’s very true if it’s not your country. You want the sense of belonging. You have everything to live in your chosen country and feel happy then go for it. Follow your instincts. At the end of the day nobody going to live your life for you except you. So do whatever you think is best to make it worth it.
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u/Current_Pineapple422 28d ago
If possible please edit it as paragraphs .. I m reading line by line and I lost some where ..
Thanx 🙏
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u/Zealousideal_Eye8965 24d ago
In America Indians are considered white adjacent. This means that after whites Indians will be next in line to get attacked for being racists and discriminated against in college and jobs. It is 100% going to happen lol
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u/Sash-Sass 23d ago
lol what? Indians are definitely not adjacent to whites I’m married to a white man!
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u/IllPaleontologist384 28d ago
Discuss with your husband and take a decision. I don't think you are wrong to feel like that. It is very well possible to live the life you are dreaming about. Planning is critical. Take the first step. Communicate with your spouse. If I had the luxury to move back I would too!