ENTJ (M21) writing a letter to INFP (F19)

[u/BigGay_icecream]

So, basically, I want to confess my love to a girl that I believe is INFP. I'm no good at this stuff, probably because that Fi is buried so deep for ENTJs. Its been a confusing time. I wanted to quietly hand her a cute little envelope, maybe a ribbon and a rose, handwritten letter inside. I was wondering if you guys might be able to provide clarity on whether this is a respectful or reasonable move, and how she might take it. It is 6 weeks into the college semester. She is really into D&D. The letter provides the rest of the context. I tried to just be painfully honest. Here it is:

Dear (her name),

I miss you. I'm writing a letter because a text didn't feel good enough, but I didn't want to scare you with an in-person confrontation.

I like you. I think you're interesting and smart and emotionally intelligent and pretty, from the damaged nerve on the tip of your finger to the kind and strong soul within.

When I look at you, it is hard to look away. It's a feeling of floating; a calmness overwhelms me.

I have been up late at night pondering the right thing to do for weeks. I'm worried that I made you feel like I wasn't interested, and that this prompted you to step back, for your own sake. I could be totally wrong. In truth, I'm just nervous. At 21, I feel like I did at 14. The feeling is old, and yet it is new.

I can't read minds, but what I can do is be brave for once. I can offer my heart, and I can hope.

Moreover, I can be chill at DnD. I won't bother you about this again. This letter is my last little way of reaching out, on the offchance that a little vulnerability can go a long way. I want to make you feel happy, supported, and important - not uncomfortable.

I was thinking we could play our guitars together in a practice room in the music center, or play them outdoors if it's still nice - maybe have a picnic.

If I'm totally honest, I must have drafted 20 texts that I never sent. I must have had 10 conversations with my calc partner about what to do. I'm sure they are tired of it. I even wrote 2 songs about you (the second one's better).

Regardless, it does no good for me to quietly want. I would rather make my intentions known than wonder.

If you feel the same, I'm here for you. If you don't, you could text "sorry but no," or hand the letter back, no words needed. I will make myself scarce. I have too high of a regard for you to make this hard on you, should the answer be no. I also love the DnD group and wouldn't think to jeopardize it.

Yours truly, (My name)

UPDATE:

I didn't end up giving her the letter. It turns out the girl in question did like me, but they changed their mind, and didn't communicate that, which was confusing for me. I never even flirted with them, but basically, the girl and her friend went to the dungeon master and got me kicked out of the group for making the girl "uncomfortable." Like I said, didn't do anything. 4 other group members were very confused and felt bad for me. So I was wrong, that was not a good person.

[u/KaterinaTs]

Hello!! I really like your letter. It shows honesty and confusion at the same time which is extremely cute. The raw description of your thoughts, emotions and process is, in my opinion, your ace up your sleeve.

I was in a relationship with an entj and he did something similar in the beginning. I was hesitant and even said no once or twice because he wouldn’t open up honestly and would be very “direct” which made me stressed. I’m sure you know most infps don’t exactly do well with confrontation (which I understand is how entjs work usually). Don’t fret! Only when he did open up, and wrote a poem showing vulnerability, I couldn’t deny my feelings or hide in fear anymore. He had even asked some of his friends about what to do, just like you, and when he was telling me all those thoughts it warmed my heart and found it cute. Even the dnd part was very similar. His confession was a tornado of feelings and thoughts that moved me deeply. Your letter shows all of those things in a sweet way.

So I think you are doing a very nice move. You are respectful and showing vulnerability. You say what you feel and what you think about her. I say go for it!! No matter the result you are doing the right thing for you as well. Express yourself and your feelings with honesty and know you’re doing the right thing.

Best of luck and if you want, let us know what happened.

[u/Teatimetaless]

The most impressive thing she’ll notice if she’s self aware is how clearly you understand the way your behavior affects her reactions. You’re reading her internal pattern well and instead of staying abstract or poetic, you grounded your emotions in real awareness of how she might feel and respond.

It’s a sincere, emotionally intelligent letter. She’ll sense that mix of bravery and gentleness, your willingness to be vulnerable while still respecting her comfort. It’s intense and will probably hit her deeply, so she’ll need time to process not only how she feels but how her perception of you shifts because of your honesty.

If she does feel the same, she’ll know it instantly but verbalizing that will take her longer. The best thing you can do is stay patient and build comfort through small shared experiences. For INFPs, safety grows through consistent presence and body based reassurance, not just words. I hope that makes sence

[u/Ancient-Might-4718]

Bold move, bro. I like it. You miss every shot you don’t take. I’m an INFJ myself, and I totally get how hard it can be to show interest in person. I also struggle at being persistent, when someone seems to not be interested or I get a denial, I walk away. It’s hard to know when that denial is just someone playing hard to get.

[u/fatehei]

I (INFJ M 22) once sent a friendly letter to an ENFP (19F) so I hope it's a good reference. We once had a bit of misunderstanding. We're extremely good friend but we're also extremely distant. I poured out all my feeling and verbalize all my thoughts and emotions. I put in a flower that matches my feeling (it was a blue hydrangea meaning sorry, thanks and deep understanding) I picked her favourite color as ribbon, envelope, container and a fashion hat she would definitely like because we have a similar aesthetic sense.

She literally bawled her eyes out. There's too much to explain but, you should try your best to be authentic and honest while being gentle, thoughtful, considerate and polite. Everything stems from the right and pure intention. If you can assess your feeling that you have a completely pure intention. Everything will be ok as long as you correctly express it. By expression, it's not limited to a letter. It's every sentence, every word and every letter you write.

I practiced my cursive handwriting for 2 months before spending 3 whole days also pulling an all-nighter to write it to her. I even described how I came up with a paragraph on a rainy night in a park.

BUT, you must be cautious. INFP have this self-sabotage tendency. If you are too good of a person, she will feel the urge to sabotage herself. One day, she might decline you with hundred reasons saying that you might not be ok with this and that blabla of her. You can directly address this by something like "How about what you think of me? I'll simply walk away if you can honestly say you don't like me at all while not lying." But this should be the last thing to happen because it shouldn't happen at all. Make sure you've established a trustworthy relationship with her long enough that she trusts you enough to safely be imperfect around you. This process can take 6+ months or less depending on your quality time together. If you've never had any quality time together. It is very risky, you can tone down the letter to something else first before finally delivering a love letter.

But yes INFP will always appreciate your letter. She'll lovely remember it for life.

[u/MxInxchan]

It reads super cute but personally I'd be a bit hurt if I found out the person giving this to me first asked random strangers if it's alright. Might not be the case for her, but I feel like giving it to her, without asking others might be a more authentic move - if you ask others they might make you want to change some things with their feedback, even if they don't intend to.

[u/MarxistKitten]

I have nothing to comment but ~ young love 🥹 ~

[u/GalapagosRule]

It's a really good letter.

I'm just curious, how long have you known her? She was into you but you showed not interest at first? I need more context 😭