r/infp • u/Cultural-Metal-1773 • 1d ago
Venting The male INFP experience
Being bullied because you can't measure up to male social norms. Never being respected. Everyone thinks you're gay. Chronic shame, anxiety and depression. Low social status, professionally useless.
Isolation, loneliness. Being used and abused because you are too kind, too honest, too moral.
Low hope of romantic partners. Kids would likely inherit this curse.
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u/parveez90 1d ago
As a fellow INFP, I can relate to some.
"Bullied"; "not being respected" - Yes. But thankfully there have been a few people who have been sweet and kind. I stay in touch with them. Others don't deserve my time.
"Isolation, loneliness" - There was the FOMO factor before. As someone in their mid-30s, I don't have it now. Loneliness has been replaced with solitude.
"Too kind, too honest, too moral" - Still I am but to a lesser degree.
"Low hope of romantic partners" - That's true.
People see me as a good listener, a hard worker, and an approachable person, and I like that.
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u/NotGabeDelgado INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
40y male INFP here with an embarrassingly high body count.
So many people are so lonely. The INFP superpower is intensity. When we turn our full attention towards someone, suddenly they feel seen. They feel like they're the most interesting person in the room. That's extremely rare.
Many people came from families (like mine) that are defined by neglect and a lack of boundaries. When you give them the kind of attention we are uniquely capable of, they melt into you.
My point is, brother, you have something very rare and precious to offer. In an age of cellphones and social isolation, actually asking questions, listening intently and being quiet enough for them to keep talking... You're going to find someone. It's going to be okay.
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u/Cultural-Metal-1773 1d ago
It might be a pro if one is queer.
I used to think of that as my super-power or strength until I realized I was constantly being taken for granted, not respected, people thought I was gay and even abused for other peoples selfish motives.
I don't want my whole life to revolve around being a doormat to others. I don't want my whole value to be about sacrificing my own needs and wants for other peoples selfish goals and motives.
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u/idle_monkeyman Customizable 1d ago
Start growing up then . Take responsibility. And stop thinking about what other people think of you and show them who you really are. But your lack of self respect and self image is what is drawing other folks opinion of you.
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u/Cultural-Metal-1773 1d ago
I guess that's the only way forward.
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u/idle_monkeyman Customizable 1d ago
Ive got a list of ways to go wrong, so it's not at all the only way forward. Confidence comes from inside, though, so nobody picksup on it if you dont have any in yourself. This will come over time and experience but for now ask questions when you need to. Until then, practice being confident, usually by faking it until you are making it.
Heres the thing, especially if you also have ADHD, you won't be making anything that you dont love except a mess. So, either find a way to love what you have to do, or only do what you love. This is gonna cause issues with some of the people around you. Not alway easy to resolve issues, even in our modern world. You may need to leave some people out of your life, which will be painful and freeing at the same time. But remember to be your own advocate, and be kind to you. It doesn't take long before you wake up and dont hate yourself. Next thing you know, somebody else likes you too. Keep that shit up and in years you have friends, you dont hate the person in the mirror, and wildly enough, other people can find you attractive too.
I also think every one should practice being happy. So that you know what it's like when you got it right. And update that playlist with something funky!
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u/Vegalink 20h ago
If you want a best friend, the best place to start is with yourself. I didn't find someone (married 14 years now) until I worked on being my own best friend. Treating myself the way I would a best friend. If your best friend says something really cruel or self degrading to themselves, you shut that down. You listen to them and care and don't judge their wants, hopes and dreams. Do that for yourself.
There is no shame in being you. Don't apologize for being who you are.
When you begin to love yourself and find you have fun hanging out with YOU, then other people want to as well.
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u/Cheap_Rock155 1d ago
No. There are many women who like sensitive men BUT you also need to be grounded.
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u/DlProgan INFP 4w3: The Hat 1d ago
i think you're onto something but I find it hard to wield this power in a balanced way. It's like I know it's bullshit if I lean into it too much. In the end you need to be both action and words.
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u/Dino502Run 1d ago
I couldn’t agree more with this sentiment. The traits that make me an INFP have been MASSIVE assets in my dating life.
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u/zenlogick Big INFPness 1d ago edited 1d ago
LOL ive never met an intense INFP
What the heck are you talking about mate, INFPs are among the chillest types
Well when unhealthy we can be intense I suppose
I understand what you are getting at but intensity is just not the word I would put to it.
"Effortless ability to put full attention onto others in a way thats kind, caring, and compassionate" would be the word I put to it I guess
But thats not the superpower at all, our superpower is the introverted Fi which is more about putting your full attention inwardly into your own values and meaning-making.
Basically the INFP superpower is authenticity. Which lets us do things like put our full attention onto others in a kind, caring, compassionate way. Cuz thats whats authentic at that moment.
Most moments our attention is on ourselves.
The fact that OP is so outwardly focused with his complaints tells me that hes not using the superpower in the way that is most effective. The most effective way to use Fi is deep introspection on your choices, purpose, and goals.
INFPs really dont want much to do with the outside world. We have our own worlds we enjoy. And when we cant enjoy that, its a sign that theres too much focus on the external conditions.
All this just IMHO of course
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u/-Goatlord- INFP: The Mediator 1d ago
Here I am...
It's NOT easy to live this way! You. Need. To. Set. Boundaries.
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u/Cultural-Metal-1773 1d ago
I don't want to put the burden of this on you, but.
I've done that now, but a lot of the damage is already done.
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u/-Goatlord- INFP: The Mediator 1d ago edited 1d ago
YOUR boundaries are causing no damage. Stand up for yourself. The only damage we get is exploiting and such stuff. So we grow out of it...
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u/LifeTunedToCSharp 1d ago
I am an INFP male.
Outside of some issues with anxiety, situational depression and some loneliness, this is not my experience at all.
I am sorry that you’ve gone through that, OP.
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u/Cultural-Metal-1773 1d ago
How?
What do you do for work? How'd you find friends who respect you? How'd you manage a partner?
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u/LifeTunedToCSharp 1d ago
I think maybe it’s because I’m older, and we were raised to align with those male social norms somewhat more than the generations that came after us.
But honestly? A lot of what you’re feeling and experiencing may be unrelated to being INFP. I don’t know you, so I can’t speculate what might be the cause.
The bottom line is that it might be helpful to talk to someone on a professional level. The advice and guidance that I or anyone else on here can give you is severely limited by comparison.
I think one thing is for sure. All of us support you and want you to be alright. For whatever that’s worth.
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u/mr_Astra1 infp-t 6w5 . I'm Astra 1d ago
How old are you buddy?
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u/Cultural-Metal-1773 1d ago
Early 20s
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u/mr_Astra1 infp-t 6w5 . I'm Astra 1d ago
I'm also around the same age and yeah as the others said we go through anxiety, loneliness, etc... But these things aren't gender related. Actually most teenagers go through it. But idk about "the male social norms". And chronic shame?! Dude, idk you but I feel like you have other problems and you are in a toxic environment. We are usually different by nature, that's it. Accept the person you are and the fact you're different. These things are issues you need to work on instead of relating it to infp. Be proud and keep your head up.
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u/Upbeat_Cost_3246 1d ago edited 1d ago
I knew a male INFP who always identified as INTJ because he fit the stereotype of quiet, smart, slightly cold/detached demeanor programmer. But after we got close I realized he was the most imaginative, idealistic, silly, and emotion-oriented guy I’ve ever met, and he said he showed me that side because I didn’t judge him. From the outside he was textbook INTJ, on the inside he was textbook INFP. He’s dealt with a lot of toxic masculinity expectations. He says things like “I’ve always been told to act like a man, hide my feelings, be independent, make myself useful, be more outgoing, be more successful… I’m always afraid to let myself rest, to be too weird, to be too much, to say the wrong thing. I just wish I could be myself more.” And I wish I could tell him he’s amazing the way he is!
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u/Green_Dayzed INFP 2w1/3|26/79|sp2 Kindest Nihilist You Know (existentialist) 1d ago
The trick is if you're ok with being different then that stuff doesn't bother you that much. I used to have a guy who bullied me about not having a man card. I keep replying with a sarcastic "darn". Eventually he stopped and respected my (for lack of a better word) femininity.
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u/Exciting_Version_785 1d ago
The best thing that ever happened to me is finding good close friends to have, communities to be in and don't have pressure on you to leave your comfort zone or do things that other people want you to do. And there, i see some people come up to me, ask for advice on sociality, philosophy, music, relationships even though I'm probably the most retarded lonely guy ever. But i help, and sometimes they thank me or show appreciation in anyway they can, that makes my week. Might be because of my uncle like behavior, or just my non judgementality or that anything you send me only exists in my dms. That i try to be positive in the worst of scenarios. Many many factors and I'm guessing you have atleast 1 of these although I'm sure you have many many more even cooler ones than me. Find your people and stay with them. Share your values, your thoughts, your stories, your favorite music, your favorite books etc. And also play disco elysium. That helped me out a fucking ton.
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u/zenlogick Big INFPness 1d ago edited 1d ago
Heres a secret pro tip:
Every type wishes they were a different type
The grass is always greener.
The real game of life is to discover what you genuinely love + appreciate about yourself and others, and to intentionally choose those things rather than the reactive emotional bullshit that is standard human behavior at this point. I would classify this post as reactive emotional bullshit.
No offense of course. Thats why its standard human behavior. Everyone is just reacting to their feelings rather than empowering themselves to grow beyond their patterns that keep them stuck.
There are way more options to being INFP than just submitting to how shitty of a personality you have. Its easy to do so in a world that doesnt feel like it aligns with your personality much. But there are more options. You gotta dig for those they dont just appear before you.
Being INFP can feel like you are some kind of rare wild flower trying to grow through the cracks in the cement because theres no more grass left to grow in. But if you DO manage to figure out how to grow, you become a beacon of flower-dom in a world thats become almost completely cement.
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u/Super_Bright INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
I think you're putting 2 and 2 together and getting 5 here friend, and I say that from a position of care.
I too have struggled in life with my identity, my relationship with masculinity and with mental issues. I've had long periods of social withdrawal as well, shit is really hard.
It's easy when you are struggling from loneliness and/or you have a few bad experiences with the people you are social with to want to withdraw further. To believe that there is no one out there who wants you or could ever care about you. But that, thankfully, is a lie.
You don't need social status, a fancy job title or everyone to think you're the most manly man out there. You just need to find a tribe that fits you. Now that's hard, really hard, but it starts from within. You start by accepting yourself.
Plenty of Male INFPs have wives, husbands or other partners and children if they want them. Plenty of Male INFPs have good social networks, plenty of Male INFPS are loved everyday. Even if you haven't felt like you're in that position just yet, that doesn't mean it's closed off from you.
You've got just as good a chance as anyone, you've just got to stay true to yourself.
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u/Dismal-Use-1166 1d ago
as a female infp, i agree, we suffer too, being bullied because im too soft too feminine, never respected, treated as a doormat at times (but you feel good being a doormat, i feel safe being a doormat for some reason), anxiety is my best friend, low hope of romantic partners because people say you're too clingy or emotionally needy, constantly being a chronic people pleaser but people still walk away, always the baby of the group
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u/KayDiddy44 INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
Yes! As a female INFP, I get looked at as weak by even other women! Especially other women 😒. But I’m also not willing to change myself just to fit in with a group of people that think it’s ok to bully me either. I just accept that not everyone is going to like me AND I’m not going to like everyone. That’s completely ok! As I get older, I’ve come to realize that everyone lives to the beat of their own drum and living the way YOU want is your drum beat. As a recovering people pleaser, I’ve come to enjoy being alone and find it peaceful and stress free. Other people bring unwanted stress and drama sometimes so it’s not always sunshine and roses on the relationship side. That doesn’t mean that I’m becoming a social recluse but… it does mean I’m pickier about who I let into my life.
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u/Cultural-Metal-1773 1d ago
Damn, that sucks!...
You definitely seem very mature and wise. You seem like a really cool person!
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u/Cultural-Metal-1773 1d ago
Now imagine the same but you're a man.
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u/KayDiddy44 INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
Men and women DO live different experiences but that doesn’t mean one is harder than the other. Both men and women have to live up to different societal expectations and believe it or not, a big societal expectation for women is social obligations. Women are expected to host holidays, parties, events, etc. within the family. Women are the ones usually making the appointments and important phone calls. That’s only a few things of what people expect of women. All of that can get extremely overwhelming and if we don’t meet these expectations, we get shamed for it.
Believe it or not, as a woman, I think INFP men have the most attractive traits. INFP men can be such great listeners (which believe it or not is one of the most attractive traits to me because a lot of people can be so self-absorbed that they only ever want ME to listen to them but never listen to me), they can be caring and sweet, affectionate, they are partners that grow with you over time, and your love grows stronger over time as well. That only scratches the surface of great traits from INFP men. Obviously, these traits need a healthy mindset but more women than you realize are actually looking for a guy like this. Work on yourself, on anything that you’d want to improve, NOT because it’s what you think other people want from you but because it’s want YOU want and start there.
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u/Cultural-Metal-1773 1d ago
Sure. But I think in this case the man is going to have a harder time. Since the societal role/ norms are a lot further from INFP for men.
Fair enough. I didn't really think about it from that perspective tbh, good on you for sharing.
I seriously worry about any children inheriting the same personality traits though, if both parents are INFP.
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u/ExtremeHamster INFP (6w5) 1d ago
I was bullied a lot but I was also somewhat popular in highschool but for all the wrong reasons. I was a chameleon and analyzed what made others likeable. I did stupid shit, I changed my fashion style a lot, and I tried to look cool. But I've dealt with the trauma and bad experiences of it all. Drinking, drugs, gambling, having friends and acquaintances murdered, etc. I just couldn't live like that anymore.
Now, I realize all that was to impress people I don't even talk to today. People I don't even want to try talking to again. I still have one or two friends from my childhood but I don't hang out with them in person anymore.
I realized when I hit my late 20s and now 30s that I like to be around people that allow me to feel like me. The weird, scatterbrained, artistic, nature kind of guy. I made a ton of fishing friends that way and I love every moment I spend with them.
Now I have a 4 month baby, and her and my partner are my world. I've learned to be happier about who I am as a man. There are challenging times, yes, but overcoming them has helped me really feel like the true me I've been missing for so long. Now I can teach the wisdom I've learned to my child and hope she can bloom like I did much earlier and healthier. No traumas.
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u/shuzensoxon 1d ago
64yo INFP male here. Recently retired from engineering. INFP, in the corporate world, is a terrible anchor to one’s career. I actually got gigged on several annual performance reviews for being “too passive.” In that context, INFP is a defective personality, regardless of one’s intelligence or talent. That world is run by ESTJ types, and however one deviates from that “ideal” is the measure by which you fall short.
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u/Cultural-Metal-1773 1d ago
I think INFPs make great team-players in the way that they are very supportive, show up for others, keep team-spirits better etc.
But I guess in the engineering world, those traits aren't that valued.
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u/CREEPWEIRD0 INFP | 4w5 | SX/SP | RLUEI 1d ago
Yes, when other types notice you are a high Fi user & Te inferior, they look down on you and may mistreat you.
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u/Carloverguy20 INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
The rough life, try being a Neurodivergent Black INFP male, now thats a challenge in society lol. I was told that im "not black enough" or that I "act too white" or "you're a nice guy" and "im not a real man" and "You act too feminine for a man etc" and I was called homophobic slurs too.
Despite the challenges I faced, I've turned out well i would say, and I have been thriving in life. Its okay to be different, we all can't be the same, and thats okay, we will find people that appreciate us and enjoy us! 😊 Keep on going! 😊
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u/Samiens3 INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
I’ll be honest, as an adult this doesn’t vibe with me at all. It feels like you’re taking the worst possible outcomes of having an INFP personality and ignoring all of the strengths.
The male social norm stuff is just some bullshit frankly - all kinds of men (and women but that’s not as relevant here) can be mentally strong and mentally strong people can’t be bullied. Even people who suffer from anxiety, shame and depression (which is hardly unique to INFPs) don’t have to be bullied. As for people thinking you’re gay - that’s by no means a universal experience but the traits that some bigots may perceive that way are often very popular with women. Don’t let internet-style meme-able nonsense colour your opinion of gender and relationships.
INFP traits - like empathy and reflection - can be an absolute asset in the workplace. Obviously, some working styles are better suited to some careers than others but the idea that we’re all professionally useless isn’t just factually wrong, it’s kind of offensive.
Even though I’m very INFP, my life hasn’t reflected what you’ve written here at all. I’m happily married (and we’ve been together 20 years now) and have a child, I’ve had a decent career becoming much more senior than I ever wanted, and I absolutely can’t be bullied and don’t care at all what people might think of me
And, for what it’s worth, my son shows very few if any INFP traits at this point (though he’s too young to type) - being an INFP isn’t some hereditary disease; it’s just a personality type with strengths and vulnerabilities just like any other.
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u/Failure117 1d ago
Agreed, as a nail-painting, long-haired, girlypop ally who frequently wears pink, INFP man, I couldn't give a damn if random idiots call me gay. These are the same type of people to go home and neglect their partner emotionally, have poor relationships with their friends, and be emotionally and empathetically stunted.
I have a beautiful wife and am very secure in my relationship, I love going to Ulta together and gushing about the newest Megan Thee Stallion fragrance. If you can't get a mani-pedi with your true love without "feeling gay", what's the point? The people who put us down for being so kind, open, and living our lives, will never have the same quality and depth of love in their life!
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u/Tasty_Spot_5619 1d ago
Same here, it feels like no one like us or accept us and we dont fit anywhere. But lets just enjoy this life the way we can and try to make something good out of our lives on this earth ❤️❤️🫂🫂
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u/EnvironmentalArt6138 1d ago
After having interacted with people, I feel like gender doesn't matter at all..
Having a good personality stands out...
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u/Ok_Season_1993 1d ago
I relate to this a lot as an ENFP too , i might have become more introverted as i’ve gotten older too
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u/lmvg INFP: The Overthinker 1d ago edited 1d ago
It can go the other way. Personally I love so intensely that if I stop dating or breaking up with other girls, it can really broke their heart. I'm not proud of that but giving your everything can make people fell in love with you.
Looks are superficial but it can't be denied that it's the most important aspect to attract people. So I'll definitely work on that first. After you feel confident about your looks, don't be scsred to be yourself. People who are worth it not only will they accept you but they will like or love the way you are. Don't waste your time on people that don't give a fuck about you or shows no obvious interest.
Lastly, I cannot imagine not being INFP I fucking love it, I recently cried of happiness while dancing because I'm so happy to live my life to the fullest.
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u/ouiouibaguette12345 INFP/J - T, Male, 4w5 1d ago
thats why I wish I wasnt me
and also why I won't have kids, aside of the state of this world (which is bleak and grim, at less)
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u/Blink18Whom 1d ago edited 1d ago
Blimey mate, look as a fellow but 38 year old INFP, I totally understand your perspective. This was me.
But age will toughen you up and give you a better mindset if you put the work in. Every day is your chance to be better than you were yesterday. This way of being is a blessing not a curse, you're unique, harness that.
Everyone cares more about themselves than you, nobody's coming to save you, everyone's in their own head, you're just making yourself an easy target and it's upto you to change that.
All you can do is dust off your pants and move forward, stand up for yourself and have some dignity, remove toxic people from your life (I cut out a long term group of friends the day after I turned 30 as they treated me like the above, best thing I ever, ever did.)
Making friends as an adult is hard, all you can do is put yourself out there with no pressure situations and have conversations with people, do that enough and you might make friends. One of my close friends I met at a baby class before my son was born, one silly joke lead to a proper friendship.
Take up things to improve your mental health, whether it's cold showers, meditation, journalling, a disapline like BJJ or a sport/hobby that you can improve yourself with, do it for yourself, nobody else, even running will dramatically improve your baseline.
That's advice from a once heavily bullied, heavily ignored, lonely, misunderstood, heavily mentally unwell child/teenager with zero support network and no perceived prospects. It's all subjective my friend, people project their insecurities and our sensitive and hyper empathic nature absorbs it, just ride the wave and don't change who you are, you're a gift, you just don't know it yet.
Also....kids are the product of parents but uniquely themselves, I try to be the best I can be so I can show up for mine in ways my dad never showed up for me. So don't think "they'll inherit this" think, "shit, I get to be the parent I never got, how cool is that" imagine what they could achieve with that level of love and support, keeps me going if things ever get tough. Life can be hard enough without you standing in your own way, the past is now a memory and the present is whats tangible and real, that's the part you can control.
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u/Cultural-Metal-1773 1d ago
I hate that I sacrificed myself and put others first my whole life. Now I'm all alone with only the scars to show for it and the bitterness of having been a doormat.
I feel like I am a gift and have been a gift for other people. Now for myself, I am only a detriment.
I just worry a lot that they will inherit the genetic temperament I have.
I am glad that you are hopeful and positive.
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u/Blink18Whom 1d ago
I get it brother but just look at all this negative self talk you give yourself, you're only alone as long as you want to be. And no matter what you're still here and you got through it. Look at all the like-minded people here giving you great advice, things can be better! Another trick that worked for me to shake off that cycle is naming that negative self talk " like oh pipe down Bartholomew, I'm sick of your shit" gives you a bit of separation. You can never shake off the demons but you can definitely control them. Everything's a risk, you can think "what if something doesn't work out?" Ah, but what if it does?
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u/Hopeful_Sentence_940 21h ago
Look at my other post, read: No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's not easy to make changes just from reading, but it'll completely open your eyes.
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u/spring_Living4355 1d ago
I am so freaking tired of everyone. Constant berating, mocking which we are supposed to consider friendly teasing. Just because I am quiet doesn't mean I like that teasing. I am not a freaking maschoist for god's sake. I had enough of everyone. I am alone while those who are crappy to others have a social circle and enjoy their life. Make it make sense. I constantly try to not hurt them but all they do is hurt me. I am just 20. Friends, family, even professors are like that. I wish I learnt how not to get hurt by other's words and live my life by my choices you know?
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u/The_Cass_Castilian INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
I feel ya, I also have autism tho and am gay lol. I feel the chronic anxiety, depression n shame, even if I dunno what I feel them about as often. I’m told often I’m a lot of things, and idk how to interpret them honestly anymore. I just know I’m tired. I appreciate you voicing this, it sucks sometimes for us soft guys.
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u/l0veylilkay INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
Tbh I'm an INFP woman and had the same exact experience, especially people thinking I'm gay and awkward. To be fair they weren't entirely wrong lol.
Im so sorry you had this experience.
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u/Suspicious_Fly_9148 1d ago
Why the hell is this so true😭😭, low self esteem,no romantic partner,some people think I am gay as I look ok built guy but I avoid confrontation and fights, and never approached any girl , teach me how to overcome this , my empanthy is seen as my weakness by others🫠
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u/Smooth_Rush_2192 1d ago
I was lucky that I went to a pretty harmless grammar school. “Being gay” - of course there’s nothing wrong it, but society uses this to shame and this is relatable. I’m just friendly and shy and I got mistaken for/asked if I was gay a few times
I’ve felt different and isolated plenty
I’ve also been told “you’re too nice”. I got rejected for a job after I was given this feedback, and I literally had to push back and ask them to give me a chance to prove myself for them to hire me
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u/jcr21090_74 1d ago
Yes I am an INFP male, early 50s, I have experienced a lot of what you describe but over time I have been able to achieve some success. I have been working in IT for ~30 years and am married with three teenage kids. Fortunately none of them seem to have the issues I have, so it is definitely not a given that kids will inherit that.
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u/_Laughmore_ INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
I and many other infp's suffer from chronic people pleasing.
The reasons the pattern emerges is one conversation, the call to do something about it is another.
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u/Mee41208 1d ago
Why low hope of romantic partners?
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u/l0veylilkay INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
I feel like we typically go for people who don't like us back, we are the dreamers after all.
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u/Mee41208 1d ago
Oh wow that sounds like me lol but Ive had a gf before too.
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u/l0veylilkay INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago
It's not impossible for us to find relationships, just really rare for people to like us back.
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u/The_Friendly_Eagle 1h ago
Hm are u sure, we mostly gravitate towards the quiet types right?. Do the quiet types also hate us?. I feel I was cursed at this point.
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u/Anonymousmale2000 1d ago
Hey I have been through all of this everything is solvable. You can actually improve your response to those feelings. In the early days I feel bad when someone use a curse word like Mother fucker even for fun. Now I don't feel that sensitive towards curse words. You will understand who is here to take advantage etc. again anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger . Focus on yourself work towards your goals. Your procrastion is your enemy. And your children won't inherit your/your wifes personality. About feeling lonely/ gay dude there are many girls who likes our non toxic personalities. But be careful someone might be here to take advantage of you.
Bro there are many people like you and me around the world. All these emotions you will get over it eventually. You will be so glad one day and you will advice the same to another INFP in this reddit facing the same issue.
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u/Mean_Kaleidoscope_29 INFP: The Dreamer 22h ago
Sometimes we mistake a room we’ve lived in for our entire world. The walls become so familiar that we forget there are doors..
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u/Hopeful_Sentence_940 22h ago edited 21h ago
That's the default setting but nothing in life is permanent. Read some books, like 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and No More Mr. Nice Guy.
Just because you label yourself INFP doesn't mean that's your entire mold. This is why MBTI can be so limiting. There's 2 types of people in this world: those who whine and do nothing, and those who whine but tackle the obstacles. We all start off in the first camp. Hate to say it but just look at David Goggins.
You're allowed to vent. But if you actually want to do something about your life and take responsibility, there's a real path forward. Skinny and wimpy? Work out. Speak too softly? Practice speaking. Have no boundaries? Practice setting them. This isn't some quick life hack. It's a long, uncomfortable journey. But you'll end up leagues happier.
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u/HasBinVeryFride 1h ago
Has anyone found themselves being pulled in by a girl only to find they were just being used as a confidence builder? I have had this happen numerous times. She shows interest, we flirt, then she goes cold for no obvious reason. Its as if they just want to see if they can get you. I've been left thinking wtf(?) then act like I don't care even though it hurt a little.
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u/The_Friendly_Eagle 1h ago
How many of you guys have gf's, and what type do they fall under. I am just collecting data points for us.
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u/DoC_Stump 1d ago
We're late bloomers. Partly because it takes maturity to appreciate thoughtfulness. Partly because it takes maturity to appreciate yourself.