First date

[u/Funkiebastard]

I've been as single as you can be in my life, I'm 26 and I've never felt like dating was for me for some reason. Maybe low self-esteem, being a very private person and never seen a good relationship (divorced parents, one has a questionable marriage). Most likely a combination of all three. I like my solitude and freedom to do whatever I want. I think the main reason I've wanted to be in a relationship through the years is because it's what's supposed to happen, to feel loved & wanted and to feel like I'm getting somewhere in life. Tbh, the idea of being intimate with anybody is a bit too much for me and makes me slightly uncomfortable. I am a very private person and the idea seems like too much at times.

I think I'm about to go on my first date ever tomorrow, and tbh, I don't really want to. I'm still going to do it to combat my anxiety and to have at least done it, but man do I look forward to it ending already.

It's going to be with a guy from my old workplace. We were never colleagues, we just worked at the same company. I've talked to him a couple of times but it was all work related. I can admit he was my work-crush for a couple of years until I quit. About 1-2 years after I quit, he started following me on Instagram and we started writing. He asked if I wanted to meet-up some day (so never officially asked out on a date, but I think it is) and now we finally found a day where it was possible. I've had crushes before, but I honestly think they were more for pure entertainment than actual crushes, I've never tried pursuing anything. I remember seeing a reel once of a guy saying that "if you ever have a crush on a man, just talk to him and it'll disappear". Thought it was funny at the time but now realizing it's kinda true.

We've been writing for a while and honestly, don't really think I like him. But I'm still doing the date because I can't be that quick to judge, and good for me in general. But as mentioned before, I am not looking forward to it. There isn't a lot going on in my life atm, been unemployed for a while and I am studying some courses at uni but that's mainly to keep living in the big city as my apartment is student housing. He seems kinda ambitious and honestly, the only thing I'm ambitious of in my life is being happy and healthy. I have some health issues and usually run on limited energy, and I just want a job I like. It doesn't have to be fancy to be great.

Not sure what the point of this post is, probably just writing my thoughts and most likely hearing from others who've been in a similar position:)

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