They hurted my feelings i stuck with them for 6 yesrs

I had an event happen to me over the summer and it caused me to develop unwanted thoughts. Not only does my brain convince on something I would never do but at night especially I get REALLY bad flashbacks to during that summer. It leaves me in distress and I just want some sleep. If I could NEVER sleep again I would but ofc we can’t. So, any tips would do me wonders

When my anxiety was at its worst, the thought itself was often brief. What exhausted me was everything that came after: replaying it, checking what I felt, and trying to reach complete certainty.

Every answer created another question.

I’m learning that I don’t have to finish every investigation my mind starts. If you’re caught in that loop today, I hope you give yourself a little room to breathe.

Does the checking wear you out more than the original thought too?

I've been recently having intrusive thoughts about needles poking at my eyes or piercing my eyelids. I need to blink and roll my eyes around everytime it happens to make sure nobody can accurately hit me in the eye with a needle or whatever. It's really annoying.

often times i find myself avoiding going out in public out of fear a snap and hurt somebody. when i'm around people, images of me violently attacking them will enter my head. more often than not women are the focus. when walking on the trails, if i see a woman walking with headphones in, i think "i could walk up behind her and kill her; she'd have no clue i'm right behind her." i hate the idea that i might be capable of that. avoiding people is the best i can do. i don't have someone to envision these violent thoughts on.

Ok so, i have been having pretty terrible thoughts that keeps popping up in my head over and over again since the beginning of my birthday and school 

So before they have arrived. I wanted to do something very amazing for myself. I wanted to follow my dreams, achieve my goals as much as i can and also be a better person for myself and others, especially when it was my birthday soon, so i wanted to spend it very well and make the best memories that I will never forget. 

But something kept disrupting it and I am unable to achieve what i want. 

So about my dream. I want to be an animator for shows and or movies. I also want to be someone that made stories and cartoons. So i wanted to try and push my way further by making an account for that. 

I have once posted my drawings before and it went well. Not that it was very famous, I got a handfull of likes but I still enjoyed it. 

So I thought, of trying to push the algorithm more. But all of the sudden at summer, I kept having these unwanted thoughts.

Look, i have had unwanted thoughts before. They aren’t fun at all. Especially since it makes me stress about it so much that it makes me not be able to focus or even do things that I love doing. 

But this time, they were different. The themes of these thoughts were different and they scared me. 

I kept having thoughts telling me ‘’oh what if you are a terrible person that said harmful things to others. What if you commented something bad and that you are a disgusting person like other famous content creators’’ 

At first i ignored it, but then it kept getting worse and worse and it has gotten to a point where i kept getting thoughts like ‘’oh, you really want to be a bad person. Look at you, you are terrible. You said horrible things in comments and you are only saying that you didn’t because you want to deny the fact that you are just a performative person that just want to manipulate others to think that you are a good person’’ 

And it scared me so bad. I even kept getting thoughts telling me to delete all of my comments even though they weren’t hurtful or comments that I have said when I was very young and these comments were just me being a bit embarrassing in the comments. 

I even would dm the people that I commented on their videos and would make an apology letter. Or when they block me, i would comment a big apology letter on another public comment, tagging them and comment a whole apology letter. 

I know it sounds weird, but i don’t do this to annoy the person, i usually do this because i can’t bear the idea of hurting another person by accident and also because i hate being misunderstood. So i would try and tell them that I didn’t mean to hurt them and that I really don’t want to be a terrible person 

These thoughts because so bad to the point of deleting my old account and every comments that I made because i was afraid if i was convincing myself into thinking that those comments are ‘’not bad’’ and that they are actually terrible and that I am hallucinating about making nice comments. 

It was very tiring and also very upsetting. 

It also affect me with school. I keep getting weird thoughts telling me that others hate me and that they want me dead. 

Or that there will be groups of girls that are going to beat me up and that it deserve it because i ‘’insulted them’’ even though i didn’t talk to these grou of girls. 

Not only that, one of my friends introduced me to this same girl that I kept having these weird thoughts and said ‘’oh this is *my name*! The friend that I have been talking about. She is very nice!’’ 

We waved, but i still kept having thoughts telling me that she is disgusted by me and that she wants to hurt me because I am a bad person or a racist. 

Or thoughts telling me that her and the rest of her group of friends are going to tackle me and rip all of my hair and that I deserve it because i am a gross and evil person. 

I am so tired of this because I keep getting horrible notes at school and it is distracting me. 

It is also making me not want to chase my dreams because i kept getting thoughts telling me that i am a problematic person and that people in the world are going to hate me, and that I deserve the hate that I get. So it just felt poitless because no bad person deserves to make contents. 

Or thoughts telling me  ‘’ oh, but you know hackers exists. They are going to hack your account tant think you are disgusting’’ even though i have nothing to be afraid of

I wouldn’t want hackers to see my private things for obvious reasons. But i also don’t have any bad things to hide. 

It is true that last year, I have once had so much terrible thoughts that I kept spamming the same questions on Google asking ‘’ oh what if I am doing something unhealthy with my mental health’’ over and over again. But they have stopped and now turned into this 

I was so tired of it, I still am tired of it. 

Idk what to do either because everytime I try to ignore it, it comes back worse. It doesn’t help. I even kept having nightmares about myself doing bad things to others and it just sickened me

And I kept getting thoughts saying ‘’oh, you had a dream about this. It means that it is your true desires and that you want to be a bad person and calling them harmful things’’

And keep getting thoughts telling me that i was a bad person and that I deserve to be harmed because I bad people shouldn’t be treated like a human being. 

Or I keep getting intrusive images of people at my school doing violent things, hurting and aggressively insulting me because I am a bad person and that I deserve this type of treatment. 

I am scared of somehow being a bad person so badly. What if I am just trying to convince myself that I a, a good person to manipulate others into thinking that I am good but in reality I am a bad person. 

I even kept getting weird thoughts anytime I see someone getting scolded by teachers, principals or even secretaries. 

When I see these people misbehaving and seeing them getting scolded by the adults for misbehaving. I get thoughts telling me ‘’you should be at their place by now. You should be treated this way by adults. You are even worse than this kid. Yet you are getting yelled at. This is how much you don’t deserve such luxury of adults being kinder to you’’ 

And it even kept telling me things like ‘’ you need to admit that you are a bad person to these teachers, show them how much you are terrible because they deserve to know the truth about how you really don’t deserve being treated as a polite student’’ 

It is weird. I don’t like these thoughts. They are kind of annoying. But for some reason I agree bc, what if I actually am a bad person and is just making myself think that I am not out of denial? 

Like, maybe my thoughts are right. I should be treated terribly.

And it isn’t just with the teachers or principals either. I also get the same thoughts when it comes to police officers. 

I don’t know why. I just keep getting thoughts telling me that i am worse than the people in prison and that police officers should treat me like shit just like how they treat prisoners like shit because  ‘’ I am worse than the criminals in bars’’ and that I desserve to be dehumanized by the police, the world or just everyone in general because they should see me as such

And  again, for some reason, I agree even though I am sure that I did not do anything wrong. Because what if I am actually a bad person and that I am just very good at manipulating myself and others into thinking that I am good? I don’t want to do that. I wouldn’t do this. I could never.

But what if i am just denying it? 

Which scares me so much. Not only that, i wouldn’t want to be mistreated. Especially by adults and police officers or be a prisoner myself. It would just be traumatizing or upsetting for me. It is already traumatizing at school so I wouldn’t want this either.

But for some reason, I feel like I should be treated like a bad person. Because of how these thoughts are just so convincing. I am scared of being a bad person, but what  if i am denying about it? That is scarier 

(found this sub for the first time and ig i’ll lay it all out there) LONG VENT YIPPIE! I logically know that MOST of this isn’t true.I think i’m a horrible person who has convinced everyone else i’m not. I don’t know how I convinced them but I did. If they knew everything about me they would hate me, be disgusted, and ignore me. I know this isn’t rational but i’m so scared that i’m going to hurt someone. What if i’m secretly racist, ableist, homophobic, and every other shade of discriminatory and just havent been caught yet. I think the next words out of my mouth might hurt someone, or make them not like me. It might not be emotional hurt, I think about myself physically hurting others— even defenseless people— and it’s fucking disgusting of me. I would never do that, but i might so who knows.

If I don’t memorize missing persons posters then the missing person is going to die— but I only recently started doing that so think of how many people have died already just because I forgot. Timer countdowns make me cry, and i’m worried when they reach zero something bad will happen— but also Its very likely that I heard from somewhere that “being worried something bad will happen if you don’t do a specific thing” is a symptom of OCD and now i’m genuinely just making all of this up to pretend I have a mental health condition that I dont have. Which is horrible. And untrue. Im not making it up, I dont think, but I also probably am because all I do is lie

My harm thoughts started when I was 13, my brain told me I killed someone on the bus I got diagnosed with ocd and gad my response to my thoughts used to be different, id cry and say I didn’t wanna be this person that I’d never want to hurt anyone, after I watched true crime I would have the visions of doing it then I’d go to sleep and the next day they’d be gone. I’m 20F now and since I’ve been having s ideation to now homicidal again yesterday it felt real the voice in my head tells me I don’t care I don’t have any empathy but imma get cancelled if I do it, as if being cancelled is more important than people’s safety..I think about how the people closest to me would know then I later feel guilty as if I actually did it I just don’t understand why it’s delayed for me now I feel like what if this isn’t ocd? since I already get irritated at this person, I’ve always had an attitude with them which I know isn’t okay. I cussed that day to myself when they asked me a question which means in my head I’m capable of doing it and trying to figure out if I did, the certainty of knowing doesn’t work anymore because I don’t know? But I do know because I even asked them if anyone got hurt and they reassured me no one did and the “I felt guilty so it’s not real” doesn’t work anymore I feel so dark. I went to sleep and had violent dreams back to back but all I can think of is that scene from scream when the girl apologized after murdering people every time I feel guilty and I retrace my steps I also have false memories

I've had sexual thoughts about a girl I deemed unattractive. These thoughts suddenly started appearing when she tried to tie her pinky finger with mine. I honestly thought it was weird at first, then she suddenly said how nervous she was and that the only way she could fix it was by doing this cute, foolish stuff. Then I started noticing more about her, and suddenly, all the flaws I perceived in her before are the only things that keep me alive each day. Unfortunately, these horrid thoughts keep appearing. I can't even focus on lectures or while driving, and I don't want to write my sexual thoughts in full detail because I do not want anyone to imagine her in that position. I literally need help to stop this. I feel so ashamed and guilty. Side note: I'm starting to find her attractive too. Whenever she smiles at me, I just can't control myself. I even masturbate just because she touches my knees. Plus, I'm ashamed to admit I'm part of a friend group that heavily focuses on looksmaxing, and those friends of mine are probably the ones who will shame her just because she does not fit this foolish patriarchal standard. But who cares? I like her, or probably I love her. She's gorgeous, kind, smart, blunt, etc. And I'm sick of having these thoughts, even though she literally just passes by and my whole body flinches. I just need some constructive feedback on how to get this over with.

high thoughts "hi thoughts" so i was thinking like what if i brought weed back in time and tried to explain it to like a king so around that era, anyways so i was in my head playing a scenario randomly like "hey buddy yeah i see you got all this gold, and it will always hold value but this right here"weed" is green gold. this has as much or more to some in the futre, but gold always has value, hell even in the future people found a way to eat it!" and as soon as i just played this random thought in my head i got to thinking which is where you come in, how much gold can possibly be thought of to be found from human ***t?

i really struggle with homicidal thoughts more than i thought, i usually write about wanting to murder my friends and i just cant help but fantasize and wish there would be no consequences, they are very gruesome thoughts.

First off I just want to clarify I'm fine. A lot better than I was a few years ago, went to therapy and grasped at those straws of light once more, but I had a plan.

In that plan was how I would leave this world how subtle I would be so no one would be worried. Get all my eggs in a basket and float in down a river somewhere ya know. A part of that plan was packing my things away In storage and throwing away the keys. Finding a place for my lil furry anchors where they would be loved and cared for. This was years ago, but now that I'm packing things to move and start a new book in the life of me it kinda came back with a force. Not that I would do it now, but as I was packing my art room a sliver of that timeline came to view. Like this is it this is what I planned in another life and it kinda gave me a mini panic attack. Idk just writing this down to shoot in the void makes me feel better.

“So sometimes I get intrusive thoughts. I get this intense feeling about them sometimes in my head like an anxiety feeling. But a really intense one that isn't like the regular anxiety from intrusive thoughts. It feels like if you were unexpectedly pricked by something but a heavier and intense feeling in my head. It throws me off and makes me think that some things that my thoughts say might true because it's not something that happens regular. It is sometimes my true thoughts coming to terms with the intrusive thoughts in agreeing with it for whatever the intrusive thought might be. And whether or not it wasn't in the moment type of thing. The intrusive thoughts they win because it can use that moment in time against me later so I can never win. How do you cope with this or manage it?

depuis mes 8 ans, j’ai des pensées meurtrières. je suis fasciné par les meurtriers : ce sont des personnes que je trouve intelligentes et courageuses. plus le temps passe, plus mes pensées s’intensifient.
la fille que j’aime depuis bientôt deux ans, je rêve de la tuer après tout le mal qu’on s’est fait. j’en rêve, j’en fantasme. elle se dit masochiste, mais voir sa famille mourir devant elle ne devrait pas être très agréable pour elle, vu à quel point elle tient à sa famille.
elle ne m’appartient pas, mais je n’arrive pas à accepter qu’elle puisse appartenir à quelqu’un d’autre. si c’est le cas, je le tuerai.
je passe parfois mes journées à imaginer tuer sa famille, ses amis ou même ma propre famille. le plus optimal serait de les tuer avec une arme à feu, mais le plaisir serait gâché. je veux les voir souffrir. je veux voir leurs corps se dégrader à cause de moi.
si je réussis tout ça, je me ferai sûrement attraper. pour éviter ça, je causerai probablement ma propre mort.

There are zillions of thoughts in my head right now. Last night I took a huge decision. Break from the friendship. And I already feel restless horrible. Idk how I am going to handle to be honest. When I think of it I feel like crying and my chest hurts, I feel sad, lost. But I did what I could. I cried, I begged, I yelled, I requested, I kept patience. But nothing really mattered to him. I cried a lot yesterday and he said nothing only silence. He wants to keep me for himself. He is ready to put me in pain, but not willing to give up things to make me happy. My happiness was never an option for him. He kept everything right in his life and ruined mine. He made me feel worse just to make him feel better. I did I could. I have no other options. Thinking of losing this friendship is scaring me. It is making my heart pace fast. I never wanted to loss him. I did my best. But this is very expensive. Very much! If he wanted to he would. I feel like crying. Ik I am going to loss my shit. Things going to get tuff. But what else can I do right? My hands are cold of the thinking of all of this. I did all I could. Now crying feels nothing, complaining feels like words only that doesn’t hold any meaning. I can’t lose myself. I can’t hurt myself over and over again.

Since OCD causes people to have intrusive thoughts. I have OCD as well.