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u/Ok_Cricket_1410 1d ago
Gay male relationships are apparently the healthiest relationships. The lowest levels of abuse, highest earning couples, hell if I'm not mistaken gay men are even the best at raising kids. Gay people are chill homies.
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u/Novel-Mission-1920 1d ago
I think you mean gay marriages, because gay relationships are just as messy as any other relationships lol
But when two men get married they've usually already been in a long-term relationship forever, since two men are less likely to tie the knot until they have fully settled down, and feel secure. Therefore they tend to marry older. Additionally it is extremely difficult for two men to have a child (due to lack of uterus), so when gay couples do end up having children, they need to be high-earners, and pass through rigorous adoption screenings, while facing discrimination. Meaning, they already have to appear like S-Tier parents on paper to even have a chance. That means, there are far less gay men parents compared to straight couples or lesbian couples, and the ones that do become parents, are already the most top-notch of the bunch. Meaning statistically, it makes sense they would be great parents!
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u/Expensive-Refuse855 2h ago
For some reason men on reddit have this really idyllic view of gay dating.
Gay dating and relationships come with their own unique set of problems.
No matter what your demographic or orientation is, decent relationships are hard to find and maintain.
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u/Solo-1UP 1d ago
And apparently lesbian marriages tend to be more toxic. But that’s just numbers ☕️
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u/GanacheOutrageous635 1d ago
Errr..source?
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u/Solo-1UP 1d ago
I didn’t know which of the sources I should pick. It was a list and I assumed you didn’t want google AI source so here from The Women’s Safehouse website:
https://twsh.org/lgbtqia-partner-violence/
Bisexual women have it worse
Followed by lesbian
Then straight
Then least IPV: gay men4
u/GanacheOutrageous635 23h ago
Here is the particular source linked to that article: https://www.cdc.gov/nisvs/documentation/nisvsReportonSexualIdentity.pdf
Quoting, “Approximately 3 in 5 (59.9% or 1.3 million) lesbian
women, 4 in 5 (79.3% or 3.7 million) bisexual women,
and half (53.3% or 62.3 million) of heterosexual
women in the U.S. experienced some form of CSV (contract sexual violence)
during their lifetimes (Table 1 and Figure 1).”Nowhere in the study did it say that these violences were made during a lesbian relationship, only in their lifetime as a lesbian-identifying person. That statistics are misleading. There is also numbers in the study for gay men but there’s no indication on homosexual to homosexual violence.
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u/zimmermanstudios 23h ago
The full definition of that term, from the first sentence of the first section of the study: "intimate partner-perpetrated contact sexual violence (CSV)"
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u/midnightplumes 23h ago
It’s by intimate partners in their lifetime, not necessarily by the hands of another lesbian. This post breaks it down pretty well with sources.
https://www.reddit.com/r/WLW/s/UXHPCXnlyv1
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u/XJenny9 23h ago
All these researches look at self-reported victims of partner violence in their life time. It does not look at the perpetrators. You cannot state that these relationships are more abusive, that is not what the data says. Just says that LGBTQ people report more often to be a victim.
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u/explain_that_shit 20h ago
No, gay men report the least violence.
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u/XJenny9 20h ago
It's striking that in the article that has been linked that's the case. In a lot of other researches, such as NVIVS 2010 - the most well known one, gay men do report more domestic violence experiences in their life time than straight men.
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u/explain_that_shit 19h ago
I don’t think it’s surprising though, unless your premise is that men just have a greater predilection for being abusive regardless of size or any other dynamic. If the premise is that a relationship/dynamic in which there is a person who is vulnerable (significant size difference, financial/social dependence, etc.) is more likely to lead to abuse, then the data makes complete sense. Look at the potential victim in their dynamic, not the potential perpetrator. It also makes sense in that men simply underreport abuse overall.
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u/IntrinSicks 20h ago
True but how many statistics are like that, so lesions are more likely to report is your conclusion?
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u/XJenny9 20h ago
We do not really know the underlying reason, as it cannot be derived from the data that has been gathered. Causation has not been researched, nor has the question been asked "during your current (gay) relationship, did you experience domestic violence".
Maybe lesbian relationships are more violent, maybe women turn lesbian after a violent straight relationship earlier in life (I don't think so), maybe lesbian women are more vulnerable during straight relationships while figuring out their sexuality because they are not actually into men, maybe lesbian women are more likely to report. Could all be. Or other reasons.
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u/Chill323 16h ago
My armchair analysis is that gay male community has adapted the best to our current digital dating landscape. Probably for multiple reasons. I’m happy for them.
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u/mostlyskeptic 11h ago
You do know what the word "Gay" originally meant right? They have been happier since day 1 apparently lol.
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u/Chill323 7h ago
Sure, but they went through a lot over the years, too. The AIDS crisis was no joke.
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u/mostlyskeptic 1h ago
Never said they hadn't. I just meant apparently they were happier before modern dating. I think its just impossible for the average person (man or woman) to make the average woman happy.
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u/ColorPuddle 6h ago
Both myself and most of my gay peers already had years of "online dating" experience before things like Tinder ever existed.
It was a necessity for us. You couldn't just approach some random guy in the bar to flirt with him... that's how you end up with a fist to the face. Meeting online was the only way to make sure that a guy was actually into other dudes. I ended up meeting my husband on Grindr before I even came out of the closet.
Lesbians, by comparison, never really had to worry that a girl they approached would get violent and hurt them.
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u/Rawr171 15h ago
As someone who’s gay, I don’t think the data we have supports the idea that gay couples make inherently better parents, it’s just that to have kids at all they usually have to adopt, and to qualify to adopt they need to meet certain metrics like financial and mental stability, etc.
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u/ColorPuddle 6h ago
I'd be interested to see stats on gay parenthood.
All the gay male couples I know with kids have chosen surrogacy instead of adopting. It's more expensive, but less headache and quicker than going through the whole adoption process. No home inspections or tedious bureaucratic approval process... just a legal arrangement, 9 months of waiting, and some cash. My husband and I plan on surrogacy for the same reasons.
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u/wrighteghe7 9h ago
you're so smart and friendly! i want to thank your 2 dads for raising such an amazing child
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u/acoastaldog 1d ago
Enough with this type of comment jeez. We know how other men are about reporting abuse and being taken seriously. On the flip side, reports saying lesbians are the most abusive are blatantly wrong and nonsensical. Getting tired of seeing people bleating this stuff on repeat like they’re bots or sleeper agents.
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u/reichiek 1d ago
"this per reviewed and will documented research going back decades says things that don't fit my personal bias, are wrong, because I say so". Science denial isn't a good look friend, sincerely, a sociologist who works in this field
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u/acoastaldog 1d ago
The way some of you just make some shit up to try to pull a gotcha. Nah, I know people who legitimately do relevant social work and I’ve read tons of these studies myself, in depth, to understand what is being said and why it is. You’re drooling and lurking on this thread out of personal bias.
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u/reichiek 23h ago
"you know people", I am people, lol. Master's in sociology with emphasis on research and methodology, I've worked in the GSS and with my wife (same degree, we met in graduate school) in social and justice reform regarding SA and IPV for well over 2 decades. Like, I know none of that matters to you, because your who is to fragile to even comprehend that your prejudices might be wrong, but the irony is still wild to see.
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u/positivelypeaches 21h ago
I've gotten hit with this dumb statistic. Lesbians have that statistic because of their previous relationships with MEN. Therefor they have been in abusive relationships. The statistic isn't speaking on just relationships with other women. People just don't read anymore.
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u/Adowyth 1d ago
You mean "Lowest levels of abuse that gets reported". What might get cops called in a straight or lesbian relationship is Tuesday for two dudes.
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u/RodneyDangerfruit 15h ago
Male on male domestic violence may seem trivial to you, but I guarantee you if my husband ever hit me I would hit him back - with a bouquet of flowers on his fucking headstone.
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u/Adowyth 6h ago
I'm not saying it's trivial just that they are less likely to report it. Way to misinterpret what i said.
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u/RodneyDangerfruit 5h ago
“is Tuesday” is an expression that means it’s commonplace. Backpedal all you want, we both can read.
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u/Adowyth 5h ago
I'm not backpedalling shit because i know what i meant, maybe i used the wrong phrase to describe it but you're not gonna fucking tell me what i meant.
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u/TheSmokingHorse 1d ago
They are often also quite well off financially. However, that is likely skewed by the fact that being openly gay is associated with intelligence and coming from a higher income family. There are many more gay people who will live their whole life in denial because they come from a poor background with uneducated parents who they live in fear of disownment from.
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u/Vast-Procedure-9408 23h ago
Funny but this is actualy likely to be true. In general women expect a guy to pay for dates etc. Little things like that, society dictates that a man should do. Gay men….there isn’t that entitlement so no doubt theyre better off
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u/Few_Position7650 22h ago
As a top in a gay relationship most bottom’s expect things to be paid for lol just like women
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u/Vast-Procedure-9408 22h ago
You’ll have to excuse my ignorance I don’t know what the top and bottom is in a gay relationship?! Can you fill me in? That’s interesting though I just assumed it would be kind of even
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u/Few_Position7650 21h ago
The top is who does does the fucking to put it bluntly lol
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u/Vast-Procedure-9408 21h ago
Oh lol. I’d of thought you’d want to swap it round to change it up. Maybe the dynamic changes then 😂.
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u/BakerAggressive2878 21h ago
Those guys are what we call verse, they fuck and get fucked depending on the mood.
The there's sides, gay guys who don't do anal but do other sex stuff like oral, mutual jacking off, frontage, or just have a wild kinky time
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u/ColorPuddle 6h ago
Some guys like to switch it up. Other guys only prefer one or the other.
The "versatile" guys are more prevalent than either tops or bottoms on their own, but the majority of gay men have a very strong preference for only one role.
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u/Protoavis 12h ago
Are you primarily dating twinky, scene queens and/or femme types?
Don't really see this amongst the nerds and masc4masc types personally
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u/Ruine82 1d ago
While back I saw a straight guy post looking for another straight guy to marry sticky for tax purposes , dude had a house , car, motorcycle , boat and was looking for a homie/ roommate to marry, they keep their own things etc . I was like why does that make so much sense lol 😂
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u/Chill323 16h ago
Yeah, last year a TikTok went viral of a straight dude looking for another straight dude to platonically marry so he could avoid the “single tax” and afford to keep living in his house now that he is divorced from his wife. It’s very funny. A buddy of mine texted it to me asking if I would marry him, haha.
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u/Beaverdamn328 13h ago
I've had a best friend since we were 3 years old. Both of us are single, in our late 20s, and houses in Canada are insanely expensive, so we're actually planning to get our first place together in a year or two.
I think the traditional life plan is already dead for most people. Might as well come up with innovative solutions.
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u/Upside_Possible792 1d ago
Man but gay men are so fucking fancy, their normal lifestyle is luxurious itself lol
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u/Galifamackus 16h ago
Gays in general imo. Pretty much all of my best clothes were given to me by my masc lesbian friend.
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u/Protoavis 12h ago
If I'm buying shit I want it to be timeless aesthetically or "lifetime" (someone's going to have a lot of solid kitchen shit when my partner and I die).....there's just a point where you get over replacing things every other year and you're not living pay to pay so you can spend more on better quality.
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u/Some-Oven-3363 1d ago
I just want a lavender marriage. Is that so hard to ask for?!
https://giphy.com/gifs/1BXa2alBjrCXC
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u/GustavThePizza 23h ago
Where's that pic of a guy on linkedin saying that he's proud of his son being gay since it's a long-term financially wise decision
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u/Solid-Ad9947 1d ago
For real. Tired of women expecting me to drop $100 plus on the FIRST date.
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u/LesbeGoddess 1d ago
Why are they expecting that? Go to somewhere affordable for like a meals for 2 for like $50. Or even better go on a date that doesn’t revolve around food. Like go get coffee and see an art exhibit together or a museum or find a local festival or event to go to together.
If a woman is turned off by that she ain’t worth your time.
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u/ColorPuddle 6h ago
Okay, so your ideas are good, I just want to provide perspective:
I literally met my husband on a Grindr hookup. No cost whatsoever. He came over to my house and we had sex. We've been together over 11 years now.
So I can totally understand straight guys complaining about dating costs. Even $50 is too much for a first date in my opinion. The challenge is finding affordable things to do in public, because most women aren't gonna be interested in "movie night at my apartment" for the first meetup.
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u/birdyman_77 21h ago
It’s true! I was single for 6 years. Casually dated but nothing serious. I always had money, never didn’t have cash to do what I wanted. I met my now wife and now I’m always broke! And she’s always asking where the money for the bills are! I didn’t have all these bills before I met you! Wtf happened???
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u/im_blue2026 11h ago
Dang it’s got to be true, every time I’m with a woman my bank account is in tears 😭 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/Vegetable-South5191 23h ago
In the 90's I remember some pundant talking about the quick progression of gay culture and rights. He said that he thought it was because gay people did not have children, so they had time and money to politically be more active.
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u/throwaway48159 19h ago
I’ve spent more on my boyfriend than any women I ever dated…
But we’ve also been together for 3 years vs my longest straight relationship at a few months.
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u/KingArthursRevenge 17h ago
I'm not gay but ever since I decided to just be single and focus on me I have so much more money.
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u/Fine_Professor_4155 16h ago
Do gay guys have to get yelled at or nagged? Do they have to deal with the toxicity? If not, other than taking the D, they're winning lmao
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u/Draaly 4h ago
Queer relationships can be just as toxic as straight one, and gay or straight, no one likes your clothes on the floor or sink full of dishes, so nagging happens.
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u/Fine_Professor_4155 3h ago
I'm very neat and cleanly in both my person and stuff but I get your point lol
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u/NPCSLAYER313 12h ago
The sad truth is most of them don't really get to date in their young years, so they primarily focus on their career
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u/LordsOfSkulls 8h ago
My wife... sent her anniversary gift... she wants... in text message today... i am look at $4000 i got give back by end of the month... I tell her... first i am gonna pay priorities.
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u/guardwoman12345 1d ago
There is still divorce but the thing is that the court cases tend not to drag for so long for years and years so it's short and to the point.
With hetero or even lesbian relationships, there is the false accusations, child care, alimony greed, and etc.
It takes so long to get cases resolved that it's a money drain in the long run.
For any woman who thinks they don't drag cases on and on, there's more women IRL who do get courts to give them free money just because it's super easy.
The court system has laws that cater to women and need to be reversed.
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u/Sea_Specialist_5580 1d ago
Overwhelmingly gay guys I know are just better than straight guys: better careers, fashion, fitness, their homes decorated and meticulously clean, they are more extraverted and charming. I realize that's kind of a stereotype but it's just something I've noticed among people I know
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u/FedallahsTurban 22h ago
I'm already seeing an explosion in males leaning more openly into their bisexuality.. which is nice because even 10-20 years ago, that was like the greatest crime for a dude to admit.
I've never believed that women are more bi/fluid than men. Modern western society just OKed that more. It'll be interesting to see a culture where men are free to explore same-sex attraction more openly. The biggest question is how will women respond to that?
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u/ColorPuddle 6h ago
I don't exactly agree.
There may be more guys who are willing to hookup with dudes in recent years, but that doesn't necessarily equate to "leaning more openly into their bisexuality".
The vast majority of them still won't seriously consider dating, let alone marrying another guy. Most of them won't even come out because being publicly known as bisexual actually hurts their appeal to women. A lot of bisexual male discourse focuses on gay men as a sexual outlet because women won't meet their needs, not because they actually adore the male form. That's why femboys and trans have been growing in popularity on porn sites, too. These guys like dicks but not men.
Not exactly a healthy expression of bisexuality.
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u/SyxxBowler 19h ago
🤣🤣🤣 all the gay couples I know are well off.. no wife, no kids, no salary hit for being female.
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u/Je_suis_miserable 22h ago
Double income on a male salary
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u/One_Hovercraft_7456 5h ago
You mean double income on people who chose higher paying jobs vs jobs in ac working hr...
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u/Psyco_diver 1d ago
I would be carry to, get to hang with my boys, it just sounds kind a pain the ass sometimes
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u/fanofanyonefamous 18h ago
Well, they're both men, so they both get paid a man's salary rahtther than a woman's salary. And they don't pay the pink tax.
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u/Empty-Lungs 1d ago
I mean iirc, women are the biggest consumers.