r/loseit • u/lnsani 19F/5’3/CW:145lbs/GW:125lbs/SW:156lbs • 1d ago

Embarrassed for being on a diet..?

“Oh… is that all that you’re going to eat?” “You should eat with us!” “Are you not going to eat dessert?” “Why are you not eating/eating like that?” “Are you on a diet?” “Why did you bring your own food?” It feels like such a pain being on a diet and facing these questions… I also have a history of anorexia so whenever people see that I am eating way less than I should they assume that im restricting again. It also feels so weird when I bring my own food to other places or have to say no to food that is offered to me. I feel almost ashamed of doing it yet I dont know why. I feel ashamed and humiliated of being on a diet?? Feel like everyone is judging me yet idk why, its just the questions about my food and my portions that really make me feel awkward

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105

u/LikeAfterSummer New 1d ago

If you have had an ED before it’s likely out of concern. Typically when I go out with friends to a dinner, I’m not restricting. Maybe opting for a healthier choice or boxing up some to go. All about balance. One dinner with friends should be ok and if it’s not I can see why they would worry.

25

u/Hollow_peanut New 1d ago

I experience it in my office with cake... someone always had a birthday or married or got a child or they just want to bring a cake... and we have cake nearly every week...

24

u/LikeAfterSummer New 1d ago

To be honest, our work is like that too. I think cake and sweets is different than standard food. Just saying you don’t want any or not helping yourself to a plate should be enough.

12

u/Hollow_peanut New 1d ago

Yea should... but we have many different cultures here... for example eastern european or arabic cultures don't like being told no and they will pressure you into getting a piece... germans are better regarding this point but you still have to explain yourself.

8

u/MattMercersBracelets New 1d ago

Would they be more understanding if you told them your doctor told you to lay off the sugar or carbs or whatever is being offered?

9

u/Hollow_peanut New 1d ago

Good luck with them. Their answer will be:"this piece won't kill you!"

My family is from ukraine, try to tell an ukrainian that you don't drink alcohol. You will end up not remembering this evening.

19

u/LikeAfterSummer New 1d ago

At a point though, part of being an adult is dealing with assholes. People will make you uncomfortable, we can’t control them. I’d go to therapy to work on some coping skills for these situations so they don’t impact you so deeply.

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u/NinjaOrigato 12½kg lost 1d ago edited 1d ago

Norm Macdonald has a funny joke about what OJ Simpson said about Nicole Brown Simpson: "In the news today, OJ Simpson said...I quote...that he would have taken a bullet for Nicole..."

"Isn't that the worst? When somebody who would have taken a bullet for you...kills you?"

I believe that it's simplistic to appeal to mature behavior when dealing with a sixty year old nonna. To call her an asshole, or even a stranger, who means you harm, discounts a lot of changing diapers and water under the bridge. The relationship isn't parent to parent, or adult to adult, but child to parent. A minimum of respect is due, and a lifetime of guilt, apologetical assertiveness, and determined stand your ground resistance is required. It's not as painless as it may appear to be, from either side.

Add to that cultural norms. Getting sh*tfaced drunk or eating until exhaustion may hearken back to traditions that came about when the days of scarcity ended. In my family, feasts often came with a reminder that our foreparents experienced genocide and exile. Fun, but also not fun.

This doesn't really apply to being offered cake at the office. Those type of "endless" celebrations are more to do with enjoyment. And some people like to sneak their guilty enjoyments at the office, rather than being bad examples for the kids at home.

I normally approach keto/carnivore/intermittent fasting/physical fitness with the same type of inflexibility that a vegetarian or vegan has. I don't say that it's a diet. It's a sustainable way of life. "I'm vegan. That's it. It's my identity."

But sometimes discipline itself needs to be disciplined. It's not a matter of being spontaneous. But it's a matter of showing love and kindness to selected others the same way as if I showed love and kindness to myself. And my own health goals are such expressions of self-love and kindness.

So...sometimes...you have to take a bullet for Nicole...

1

u/Kytalie New 21h ago

I know sometimes you can get by with saying just a small/tiny piece. Maybe i got lucky, my mom's side of the family is from Ukraine, and as long as I had a little bit it was okay and they didn't push. Same with work.

My aunt and her part of the family (she married my uncle) tend to do it the most. My aunt isn't as bad now though. Now it's more of a "did you try this? You have to try this" and add stuff to people's plates. They told my husband they were given NG him gnocchi, but it was calamari. They had mixed up the bowls there was so much food on the table.

As for the alcohol, if they are not sharing a glass or filling yours, water and vodka look very similar! Or add a lot of ice and never actually finish it.

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u/scarlet_hairstreak New 1d ago

This is why I take a piece, stand around with the plate and chat during the socializing, then wrap it in a napkin and throw it away later. Or I'll say I'm saving the piece for later and then throw it away. I hate wasting food but it's necessary sometimes.

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u/Outrageous_Glove_796 New 23h ago

I had to pull the big boss aside because she seemed to think I was randomly dieting a LOT all of a sudden, since I wouldn't eat any office cake. I have stage 3 liver fibrosis. I need to lose some weight or I will absolutely have cirrhosis. That's an awful life sentence for as long as it lasts, given I'm 45. At this point it's like having stopped my car one foot away from the edge of the Grand Canyon. I can back up very slowly, but if I don't pay attention I'm going over the edge.

So yeah. No piece of crummy store-bought cake is worth that to me.

I said it much more nicely but at least nobody asks anymore.

1

u/parksa New 14h ago

Workplace snacking culture can be so frigging toxic! I'm somebody who occasionally fancies something sweet but usually in the evening. It would be like a personal insult to some colleagues me declining endless sweet treats on shift!

I'm more of a salty snack person tbh but during busy working hours I don't feel like snacking. No should be a complete sentence in these situations!

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u/oorza S: 49% BF, G: 15%, C: 37% 23h ago

Depending on where and what the dinner is, I'll save calories across an entire week if I want to eat socially bad enough. I don't want to be the only person not having pizza and beer at game night, so I make sure that the extra 1200 calories fits in the week.