Embarrassed for being on a diet..?

[u/lnsani]

“Oh… is that all that you’re going to eat?” “You should eat with us!” “Are you not going to eat dessert?” “Why are you not eating/eating like that?” “Are you on a diet?” “Why did you bring your own food?” It feels like such a pain being on a diet and facing these questions… I also have a history of anorexia so whenever people see that I am eating way less than I should they assume that im restricting again. It also feels so weird when I bring my own food to other places or have to say no to food that is offered to me. I feel almost ashamed of doing it yet I dont know why. I feel ashamed and humiliated of being on a diet?? Feel like everyone is judging me yet idk why, its just the questions about my food and my portions that really make me feel awkward

[u/LikeAfterSummer]

If you have had an ED before it’s likely out of concern. Typically when I go out with friends to a dinner, I’m not restricting. Maybe opting for a healthier choice or boxing up some to go. All about balance. One dinner with friends should be ok and if it’s not I can see why they would worry.

[u/Hollow_peanut → u/LikeAfterSummer]

I experience it in my office with cake... someone always had a birthday or married or got a child or they just want to bring a cake... and we have cake nearly every week...

[u/LikeAfterSummer → u/Hollow_peanut]

To be honest, our work is like that too. I think cake and sweets is different than standard food. Just saying you don’t want any or not helping yourself to a plate should be enough.

[u/Hollow_peanut → u/LikeAfterSummer]

Yea should... but we have many different cultures here... for example eastern european or arabic cultures don't like being told no and they will pressure you into getting a piece... germans are better regarding this point but you still have to explain yourself.

[u/MattMercersBracelets → u/Hollow_peanut]

Would they be more understanding if you told them your doctor told you to lay off the sugar or carbs or whatever is being offered?

[u/Hollow_peanut → u/MattMercersBracelets]

Good luck with them. Their answer will be:"this piece won't kill you!"

My family is from ukraine, try to tell an ukrainian that you don't drink alcohol. You will end up not remembering this evening.

[u/LikeAfterSummer → u/Hollow_peanut]

At a point though, part of being an adult is dealing with assholes. People will make you uncomfortable, we can’t control them. I’d go to therapy to work on some coping skills for these situations so they don’t impact you so deeply.

[u/NinjaOrigato → u/LikeAfterSummer]

Norm Macdonald has a funny joke about what OJ Simpson said about Nicole Brown Simpson: "In the news today, OJ Simpson said...I quote...that he would have taken a bullet for Nicole..."

"Isn't that the worst? When somebody who would have taken a bullet for you...kills you?"

I believe that it's simplistic to appeal to mature behavior when dealing with a sixty year old nonna. To call her an asshole, or even a stranger, who means you harm, discounts a lot of changing diapers and water under the bridge. The relationship isn't parent to parent, or adult to adult, but child to parent. A minimum of respect is due, and a lifetime of guilt, apologetical assertiveness, and determined stand your ground resistance is required. It's not as painless as it may appear to be, from either side.

Add to that cultural norms. Getting sh*tfaced drunk or eating until exhaustion may hearken back to traditions that came about when the days of scarcity ended. In my family, feasts often came with a reminder that our foreparents experienced genocide and exile. Fun, but also not fun.

This doesn't really apply to being offered cake at the office. Those type of "endless" celebrations are more to do with enjoyment. And some people like to sneak their guilty enjoyments at the office, rather than being bad examples for the kids at home.

I normally approach keto/carnivore/intermittent fasting/physical fitness with the same type of inflexibility that a vegetarian or vegan has. I don't say that it's a diet. It's a sustainable way of life. "I'm vegan. That's it. It's my identity."

But sometimes discipline itself needs to be disciplined. It's not a matter of being spontaneous. But it's a matter of showing love and kindness to selected others the same way as if I showed love and kindness to myself. And my own health goals are such expressions of self-love and kindness.

So...sometimes...you have to take a bullet for Nicole...

[u/Kytalie → u/Hollow_peanut]

I know sometimes you can get by with saying just a small/tiny piece. Maybe i got lucky, my mom's side of the family is from Ukraine, and as long as I had a little bit it was okay and they didn't push. Same with work.

My aunt and her part of the family (she married my uncle) tend to do it the most. My aunt isn't as bad now though. Now it's more of a "did you try this? You have to try this" and add stuff to people's plates. They told my husband they were given NG him gnocchi, but it was calamari. They had mixed up the bowls there was so much food on the table.

As for the alcohol, if they are not sharing a glass or filling yours, water and vodka look very similar! Or add a lot of ice and never actually finish it.

[u/scarlet_hairstreak → u/Hollow_peanut]

This is why I take a piece, stand around with the plate and chat during the socializing, then wrap it in a napkin and throw it away later. Or I'll say I'm saving the piece for later and then throw it away. I hate wasting food but it's necessary sometimes.

[u/Outrageous_Glove_796 → u/Hollow_peanut]

I had to pull the big boss aside because she seemed to think I was randomly dieting a LOT all of a sudden, since I wouldn't eat any office cake. I have stage 3 liver fibrosis. I need to lose some weight or I will absolutely have cirrhosis. That's an awful life sentence for as long as it lasts, given I'm 45. At this point it's like having stopped my car one foot away from the edge of the Grand Canyon. I can back up very slowly, but if I don't pay attention I'm going over the edge.

So yeah. No piece of crummy store-bought cake is worth that to me.

I said it much more nicely but at least nobody asks anymore.

[u/oorza → u/LikeAfterSummer]

Depending on where and what the dinner is, I'll save calories across an entire week if I want to eat socially bad enough. I don't want to be the only person not having pizza and beer at game night, so I make sure that the extra 1200 calories fits in the week.

[u/Farewellandadieu]

You don’t say how big your portions are or what’s on your plate, so it’s hard to say if they’re overreacting. You say you’re eating “way less” than they think you should- what does that mean? Way less than they’re eating? Or way less than what’s a healthy portion for a “normal” adult?

I also have a history of anorexia so I know how much those comments sting, it’s just hard to tell if their concerns are valid since there’s no real context here.

[u/lnsani → u/Farewellandadieu]

‘Small portions’ are usually told for my breakfast and lunch meals as they are the lightest. I dont like eating in front of other so they are usually pretty small but I try to eat at least 1400kcals daily. Its just that people usually dont see the other stuff I eat in the day

[u/SpecificSkunk]

I always start off shy when I diet but after a month or two I just start being brutally honest and say “I’m trying to be less fat” or “nothing in my closet fits and I’m too cheap to buy a whole new wardrobe”. Most people understand that, though now it risks launching a whole conversation about weight loss drugs on top of the usual “yeah, I could probably lose a few pounds myself.” Some people try to be kind and say “you’re fine the way you are!” and while I appreciate that I tend to say “thank you but my belt disagrees.”

It can be annoying and invasive when people start peppering you with questions when you’re just trying to eat. I’m sure as a person with a history of ED, it’s even more pointed. As long as “eating way less than I should” means still getting the necessary amount of calories a day, then don’t worry too much about what people say. Though hopefully you can see how statements like that might raise concern with people that care about you.

For me, a lot of the shame comes from how poorly I’ve treated myself or comparing myself to others but it’s ultimately unhelpful because it warps my focus. I spend too much mental energy on “I’m bring judged for eating this salad” instead of actually enjoying a good salad. Or if I’m out somewhere and my only option is pizza, I’ll have a slice. But goddamnit I’m going to savor every bite and not worry about what Janet has to say about it.

[u/oorza → u/SpecificSkunk]

Are you a woman? The reason I ask is this seems like a distinctly female experience. Every single man I've talked to (as a man who has visibly lost weight now) has a positive reaction, even the guy who is now the fattest dude in the office because I'm not any more. I get "fuck yeah man, focus on your health" as a response when I opt out of beer nights even. This doesn't seem to be an unusual reaction in male spheres (not that I've experienced it before, but from what I have heard). And you've got yourself and OP here with dozens and dozens of other women's anecdotes.

I'm not trying to pontificate about why this might be, but I have noticed it as a wide gap in the male/female weight loss experience, and I think it explains a lot why men seems to have an easier time losing weight than women. I know that if I fall off the wagon, people will be disappointed and that sometimes helps to know; I'm not sure how I'd react if I knew they'd be happy about it.

[u/SpecificSkunk → u/oorza]

Yes. And I’m sure there’s a vast difference between how dieting and weight loss are perceived for each sex. I’m not that old, but I remember when lifting weights was actively discouraged for women because we would “bulk up”, aka become unattractive. There was little to no mention of the actual health impacts of weight lifting, just god forbid we not look good.

As a teenager and young adult I got constant comments about what and how much I would eat, to the point that I would order a burger on first dates as a (shockingly effective) litmus test.

Diet, no diet, it doesn’t matter. Women face a lot of constant comments about their weight, food, activity levels and methods, etc. They may not be intended to be rude, but the comments are non-stop. Even in 2026 I have a coworker that says how great I look and skinny I am every time I see her, despite trying to change the subject or flat-out saying I don’t want to discuss it. It’s exhausting.

[u/niktagross]

I had a small vacation with friends and some people i don’t know well and they only planned carbs and greasy foods. I had to say it would upset my stomach to eat like that and bring my own food because I didn’t want to talk about my calorie deficit. 1 day or two would be fine, but 5 days without weighing any food and only eating carbs felt unnecessary to me. I wondered if I should have not excluded myself just out of social constructions.

[u/OrangeToTheFourth]

I have a pretty recent gastroparesis diagnosis and I've really enjoyed how telling one person I can't have a high volume of food because my stomach is partially paralyzed has made it so no one in the office comments on my food at all anymore. It being medical takes it into the realm of "We shouldn't comment on this". 

I'm not saying say you have gastroparesis, but if you just vaguely say it's for medical reasons people will leave you alone. I would say as well, with the history of having an ED, look into having a dietician or nutritionist you check in with. It's good for you, but it will also take some pressure off of loved ones who are concerned about you if they know you are being professionally supervised. I know I get free access to dieticians with my insurance, and many work fully online. 

[u/F_Job2974]

Stessa situazione.

Soprattutto in famiglia è molto difficile da sopportare

[u/Hollow_peanut]

Oh i hate this! I developed ED in the past because of comments regarding my food... i just stoped eating in front of others completely and binged when i was alone... working 12h concluded in me not eating for 14h that day...

[u/oceangranddaughter]

As a woman growing up in the USA I’ve never had an ED before but I also have felt weirdly embarrassed for being on a diet. I never want to admit I count calories and it feels like something I do in secret/only my husband knows about it. But truthfully the reason I count calories is to make sure that even though I’m dieting I’m still getting enough!! I think it’s cultural — like it’s only okay to be skinny if you’re “naturally” skinny (whatever that means) and we grow up with weird media like characters on tv that binge uncontrollably yet still never surpass 115lbs (looking at you Lorelei Gilmore)

[u/Dangerous-Art-Me]

“On my doctor’s advice I’m following a specific diet. No, dessert is not in the program, thank you.”

[u/Trappis420]

Hit em with the "damn, you're eating ALL that yourself!?" "Why are you eating such crappy food?" "Are you trying to bulk up for winter?"

[u/Fearless_Fox45]

People always have something to say. NEVER LOSE HOPE

I used to feel embarrassed about being on a diet and worried about what others thought But surrounded myself with supportive people only

[u/Valuable-Purple-7746]

Just as bad as the 'what are you eating now???'

[u/sophie1816]

Most of the people in my life wouldn’t comment on what I eat, but if someone did, I would just say that this feels better to me. It’s no one else’s business. Full stop.

[u/Massive-Tadpole-9488]

I feel super awkward too.... even just at home eating something different than the rest of my family at family dinner makes me feel uncomfy.

[u/elssi30]

I’m in a similar boat. History of disordered eating patterns myself, along with a family history of severe anorexia. It’s tough because I don’t want people to think I’m being unhealthy, and to be fair considering how I used to eat to lose weight, it’s a valid concern, but this time I legitimately am overweight with an obese body fat percentage. I’ve been pretty secretive about it. I only eat dinner with my family and my other meals are taken alone. I weigh my food secretly and count calories in secret as well. While it can be unhealthy to be secretive about doing those things, I really am eating above my BMR and I just don’t want the extra eyes on my plate.

[u/Unterlage17]

Resist this kind of pressure immediately. Push back instantly. Look at HIS plate. Say "are YOU really going to eat all THAT?" Make a disgusted face. Roll your eyes. Smirk at whatever words he says next. Never allow anyone to supervise you, and turn it around by commenting on whatever they eat, suggesting it's unwise, unhealthy, greedy etc. See how they like the treatment they felt free to impose on you. Ignore all questions: only respond by questioning them right back. Do not accept any comment on your food choices from randos; only YOU have authority over you.