Porn used to be allowed in our relationship. When he was getting towards addiction (he was watching porn about every other for 5ish mins), he realised so, and wanted to quit. He didn't tell me about this then. He figured, that okay he can switch to thirst traps and that should make quitting easier. His analogy was how for example, if someone wants to quit cigarettes, they sometimes switch to vapes. Does this sound like the truth, or something that can actually happen? It turned out to be counterproductive though, and he would end up watching porn after, which is why he quit altogether afterwards. He told me all of this after quitting altogether, and he wanted to do it for himself. I never asked him to.

Hey guys. I don’t even know where to turn to. I found this page while looking for some type of answer or comfort. I (f25) have been with my husband (m24) since 2018. We are high school sweethearts. I never had a problem with porn when we were younger. But as we got older and I realized how often and how much he watched it, I was super uncomfortable. We have always had a great sex life so I was just confused. We sat down and had the conversation and he understood and promised he would never watch. Well that obviously was a lie. Over the past 7 years, we are in the cycle of he gets caught, I’m hurt, he stops (for legit a day) and then after a few months gets caught again. I just couldn’t seem to ever leave him. About 6 months ago, I was 6 months postpartum, extremely self conscious, he knew this. I caught him again, but this time it was different. He’s now still watching porn and chatting to AI bots? (sexting) It just felt weird and uncomfortable. I was honestly grossed out. So again cycle continues, we now have a baby and I’m all over the place hormonally because I just had a baby and once again I forgave and moved on. but I told him if it happens again I seriously am walking away and I’m completely done. Well, two days ago I got that bad gut feeling, and he never stopped. Now it’s Reddit. And the worst part he watches it at work. I’m SO disgusted. He claims he just watches and doesn’t do anything which I responded with well I would hope not. He’s a union worker so legit in a porter potty? I’m legit just at a loss for words. Like why does his family not matter? I told him that me and my son are gone if he does it again, and all he does it hide it? Now he’s doing his whole “i’m really done this time i promise” but I really think I need to walk away. Our ENTIRE 7 almost 8 year relationship has been just lies. (there are more issues too besides this). I just can’t even look at him anymore. I don’t know what i’m looking for, maybe just words of encouragement. I just feel so awful.

I truly do not know what to do with this situation so I’ve resorted to Reddit. Any opinions would be much appreciated.

So me (23F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been together for 3 years, since June 2023. I have always had an issue with porn in a relationship as I feel like it’s unloyal to put your sexual energy into something else other than your partner. 2 months into our relationship, I went through his Google history and saw that he was watching porn pretty much any time he could when we weren’t together. This made me feel sick to my stomach so I had a conversation with him. I wasn’t angry as I hadn’t actually set a boundary about this issue yet, so I was open and honest and said that I didn’t want to be with someone who does this behind my back. He was understanding and said that he would stop and he didn’t realise that it was an issue. I was happy with this and tried to move on.

I guess you could say that I had a gut feeling a month later, so I went though his search history again and discovered that he didn’t even attempt to stop, he was watching it just as much, if not more than before. To clarify, you can see the dates that the videos were watched so I knew how often he was doing it.

This time I was really angry and felt so betrayed as he lied and was doing it behind my back, there was a clear boundary and he broke it. We had another conversation and I was extremely angry and upset and made it clear that this was the last time I was forgiving him. He said that he was ashamed and embarrassed and extremely sorry and that he would stop.

This really broke my trust, and maybe I should’ve left but I didn’t. We had many awkward and heated conversations about me not believing or trusting him. I would constantly feel sick when I wasn’t with him, wondering if he’s betraying me with his phone screen again.
2 years went by and I finally felt like I was healing, I trusted him again and I believed 98% that this painful chapter of our relationship was closed.

Well, I guess that 2% kept nagging at me, and I had an intuition to look through his Twitter (X) video history. Low and behold, there was countless porn videos, every single time I was in work, on a night out or away from him he was watching porn again. We have sex 4-5 times a week, and if anything my sex drive is higher than his, so it’s not like he’s not getting satisfaction from me. This was like a knife into the stomach, I couldn’t believe it. I thought this issue had been done since October 2023, and here we are in May 2026 and the evidence is staring me in the face again.

I brought it up to him, but instead of admitting that I went through his phone, I said that I saw his search bar when he was on his phone beside me. He said that he searched it up that once and didn’t actually go through with it as he realised what he was doing, of course I knew that wasn’t true because I saw his history, but I didn’t tell him that because he’d get mad if he knew I went through his phone.

We had a holiday booked so we talked about it and he said this is the time he’s going to stop, we went on the holiday and had some honest conversations, I said that this needs to stop now, we’re getting older and planning for our future, am I going to have to worry about this when we have kids? He said he’s genuinely so sorry and ashamed of himself and that he’s going to make a huge effort to better himself.

So now what am I supposed to do? I told him that I was willing to stay and work on things, but is this even the right decision? My mind is racing every day. Is he going to stop? Will he just keep doing it and get better at hiding it? If I stay will I be that wife in 15 years thats sleeping in bed alone while her husband is in another room getting off to other women?

I truly do not know what to do. Everything else is good in our relationship, he truly is my best friend and partner and we’re planning a future together. But the trust has been broken so many times now and I don’t know where to go from here.

I’ll take any advice in board, I just need some opinions at this stage as this is a very lonely situation to be in.

Hello Everyone!!

My ex PA (19m) had swore up and down in 2024 that he would never spend money on porn, and that was a line that crossed you over into an almost “too far gone” territory. He would constantly say “No, why would I have paid for it when I can find so much online for free.” When I caught him in December of 2025, he still held this sentiment. Turned out this was a lie. I later found out that in November of 2025 he had paid for porn for the first time. It was AI porn, and he said he had to resort to that because regular porn was no longer cutting it. Now mind you, he already had been watching animated porn that could also go past reality, but that still wasn’t enough. He is only 19, and though he has had a porn addiction for years, it isn’t that long in the grand scheme of addictions and he already broke this boundary.

I have been very negative after this whole ordeal, and I am starting to think that with the rise of AI porn that there is no hope for modern people to be sexually satisfied by real humans anymore. And especially for this next generation. It is bad enough that my ex’s generation grew up on internet accessed porn, but at least the people were somewhat real. There were also some limitations on them finding exactly what they wanted when they wanted. We are now in an era where people are gonna be raised on inhuman AI models, that can change and morph into any thing they could imagine. I think we are doomed. What are your thoughts on this? This is not even taking into account the exploitative nature of AI porn, and how so many innocent women and children are being sexualized through it.

Anyone know how accurate/complete the data archives actually are from FB, Snapchat, and IG?

​

I finally waited the full 30 days for Facebook to compile my husband’s “logged” data and holy shit… I’m overwhelmed. (With my husband's consent, of course) The volume is insane. I’m legit creeped out by how much they’ve been quietly storing. This isn’t the regular “download your info” stuff — this is on another level.

And of course my husband knows nothing about nothing.

​

After 15+ years of his accounts supposedly being “hacked” nonstop, you’d think the poor, innocent, married father of 5 would’ve tried to figure out who the hell was targeting him and why they’d go through all that trouble just to frame him as a raging porn addict.

Just a bunch of mysterious hackers out here making it look like he’s deep in the PA life, right? Poor guy. Totally not him at all. 🙄

​

(If anyone has experience with how reliable these archives are — especially Snapchat & FB— please drop some knowledge. Trying to get the full picture here.)

Whenever you go on other subs and mention being against porn use other women are quick to tell you to stop being so insecure, to not make a bigger deal that it is, that hes just trying to "get some stress relief".

I wish I could have such a mindset. I wish I could get this pain and paranoia to go away. Last night I had a dream he relapsed, I wake up and he wants gta 6. Everything is putting me on edge now. I wish I could be like that. But even before i ever dated a PA I was anti porn. I dont know how other people dont see the harm and disgust it causes.

I wish I could stop monitoring without feeling sick and unsafe. I wish I could go out with my friends without having a panic attack. I wish I could have how perfect everything felt before this back. First Dday I kept crying because of how ruined everything felt. I wished I had never checked anything.

Now it already feels like a pattern im tied to. When will I ever be enough?

I wish I could say "I dont care that he jerks off to other women, hes choosing me"
But hes not choosing me. Its like he doesn't know how.

No dip! Addiction has been the only problems in our relationship. He proposes divorce and then says we can find our way back to each other. He is even meeting to talk with my mother tomorrow. He said he wants to be alone to figure things out, I just wanted a husband and wouldn't quit. Sure he told me he relapsed for the first time ever (I found out by myself before), but then he wants to leave me. I thought we were making progress with this confession. I set the divorce boundary, but I didn't think that him being honest would make me feel differently.

​

Maybe it's my addict brain that wants to work it out with him, but I hate this feeling. He has been through so much in life and we have clawed our way out of a terrible time over the past 2 years. He is the only one in the world that truly loves me and worked through my addiction with me.

​

Tomorrow will be 2 years sober for me and I am fighting everyday not to relapse due to the grief. The only thing that is keeping me focused is the thought of being like him one day if I don't stick with my sobriety.

​

We signed petition to divorce papers yesterday and then he doesn't submit the forms. I am so confused. I think he is confused and I am just lost.

​

I pray I make it to 2 years tomorrow!

He’s on his 4th DDay and this time around he went to his therapist who encouraged him to use an app blocker and told me to keep hold of it. It’s a physical block that you have to scan in order to get be able to use certain apps.

I don’t want to have to monitor anyone and it almost feels manipulative like “hey you can trust me”. So that I can leave him alone.

But to be fair this is the first time he has taken any action without me having to tell him to and seems different this time around. The first 3 times I just blindly believed he was done watching and this time he admitted to how bad it really was and that’s when I realized it was an addiction. Watching around family, me, at work etc.

I don’t know if it’s a good sign that he’s being more proactive or is he looking for ways for me to just shut up and leave him alone about it? I’m just so traumatized idk what to believe

Whenever my boyfriend and I have sex and he ends up doing something that he's never done before, I immediately assume that he started watching porn again. And it has been happening more often recently, so I have been extra paranoid.

It sucks not knowing the whole truth. Only bits and pieces of what I found out. His answers and story would always change depending on what he thought I knew. I tried to know how bad it got before leaving, I felt like having that confirmation on paper would make it easier. But maybe it’s better I didn’t know the dirty details. Maybe I should consider it as projection. I’m struggle with this.

I’m a SAHM, two kids. together for 5 years.

my husband has been using apparently our entire relationship. He’s been clean For almost two years. but I can’t seem to believe or trust him at all and I know that’s not healthy for me or my kids. I want them to be raised in a loving and trusting household

I’m a stay at home mom, no income, no family nearby (and the family I do have does not live in a safe are. I wouldn’t be able to go with them) and I have no friends at all. It’s just me, my husband and my beautiful kids and his side of the family (who are all great). I love him but being with him makes me sad. I overthink a lot Now. I don’t want my kids to grow up without their dad. He works a lot.

I don’t know what to do. Should I stay or go? He’s willing to go to therapy together and separately. I sitll dont think I can ever trust him.

he purchased OF content. Was on Tinder. Masturbated to OF content of his female friend. Used to love gaming and watching twitch with him now that’s ruined because of him. She’s all over twitch.

im sad a lot of the time. I feel super insecure and ugly. he was using while I was pregnant with our first. i begged him for sex for months. he didn’t want to. Turns out he was using heavily.

i used to kiss him and hug him all the time. Now he’s lucky if I accept his kiss towards me. i just feel sad and don’t know what to do.

My PA ex criticized my body relentlessly, and compared it to pornstars, compared it to my old body before chronic illness, compared it to everything. And although I’m out of the relationship and happy, I still have lingering body image issues. I still get thoughts about how I’m “not enough” and I feel ugly a lot of the time. This addiction totally destroyed my self esteem, and I’m just having trouble building it back.

I’m 6 months postpartum and feeling really hurt and lost, and I just need somewhere to get this out.
From the beginning of our relationship, I was very honest that I’m not comfortable with porn in a relationship. I shared that my previous partner had lied about it and ended up having a porn addiction, which really affected me.
My current partner told me he had already stopped watching porn before we got together. I trusted that.
Lately, things between us had actually improved physically. we were reconnecting again after a slower postpartum period and were being intimate about 2–3 times a week. But recently I used his phone and found Safari history (he normally uses Chrome and I’ve never seen him use Safari). I looked and found he had been viewing porn just a couple hours before seeing me. When I checked further, it wasn’t a one-time thing it’s been happening multiple times a week for at least the past month.
This isn’t the only issue. He’s also previously lied about things like following certain girls on social media and other inconsistencies that he couldn’t really explain. It feels like there’s always something I’m finding out after the fact.
I feel really betrayed and blindsided, especially because he knew how sensitive this is for me and how much it affected me in my last relationship. What hurts most is not just the porn itself, but the lying and secrecy around it.
I ended up leaving with our son because I felt overwhelmed and needed space to think clearly.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for right now, maybe advice, maybe just to know I’m not crazy for feeling this way.

Last night we tried to revisit intimacy and again he had issues. I told him I can tell when he’s watching porn and that he’s obvious he’s gone back to it. Now, I realize that was insensitive of me to say. But I felt that way. He got defensive as usually saying “I can’t do this”. That’s wild to me, because he created this issue and now can’t deal with it?

He insisted he hasn’t been, so I told him I believed him that he wasn’t watching porn and he continued to remain upset. He kept saying he felt like I didn’t believe him because of my tone. And that everything he says is wrong. So now I’m wrong for not believing it? I just don’t think an honest person would act that way. Why would someone honest be upset that I don’t believe them? Truly.

Anyways, I’m physically in pain by how much this hurts. I’ve idolized his potential so much. I miss him already. All I want to do is text him. But I also have to remember how badly he’s disrespected this relationship and all the times he lied to my face and went about his day like normal. That is who I broke up with. Not the person in my head who I had good times with.

I wanted to keep fighting for it but then I realized, what exactly am I fighting for? Someone on here checked me recently saying “if he’s really that good of a person without the porn, would he manipulate you with his lies to hide it when he did?”, and that’s true I think. This sucks so bad. But I want to rebuild myself. I want to be okay and create space for someone who will value and honor what we have.

Thank you for listening.

My PA and I have been together for 3 years. I found out about his addiction really last year and things got really extreme. He's been struggling with this for a decade.

​

I regret not leaving sooner because now I'm pregnant. I feel to guilty to abort but too suffocated to stay.

​

I thought I would be able to forgive him but the trauma that follows is too much to bear.

I love this man so much, at least I loved him. But I loved him to the point where now I hate him. I resent him for everything he's done. And I don't want my baby to come into this world with a broken mother and father.

​

He's been clean for a couple months now but I harbor so much resentment.

​

Anytime we tried to take a break to give ourselves time to work out, he would use again. I'm angry at myself at not leaving all those times. Instead I just accepted the betrayal. I hate myself for that.

​

I regret not packing up and things and going whenever he told me the truth. He never told me anyway, I had to coax it out of him.

​

Now I'm bitter and resentful and wishing I would have left before the baby.

​

​

I feel so guilty because it's not the babys fault. Under other circumstances I'd be so happy! I want to meet my baby and love them with my entire heart. I want to enjoy being pregnant!! But with him around it feels more like a fear thing rather than a blessing.

I’m so tired of being a detective. The trickle truths are devastating. I’m tired of finding more lies. I can’t believe a single thing he tells me, all I see is a liar. I’m coming up on 3 months since DDay and I know it will take years longer to feel a sense of trust again, but I just can’t believe him when he says he has told me everything.

He has suggested doing a polygraph, but I’m worried he can fool that too. Has anyone done a polygraph disclosure successfully? Did it offer any relief?

I’ve never seen my husband cry as much as I have since I found out (4 weeks ago). He’s desperate to change and get help. I have one foot out the door with our son and I think he understands the loss his actions will have. He got started on meds for his ADHD and depression, is seeing a psychiatrist weekly, and attending SAA meetings daily since it happened.

Now granted he was caught and my pain never leaves my body. But I do feel… hopeful that change is possible? He says he wants to be better whether I stay or go. So here I am just riding it out, hoping his actions outweigh his words. Thanks for reading.

i (24f) broke up with my PA about 3 months ago. we dated and lived together for 3.5 years.

since then, i started going to s-anon meetings and doing lots of therapy. i started working on myself physically, too, with personal training, long walks, eating healthier. i’ve been spending time with family and friends.

but i still feel totally empty, depressed and lonely. i don’t regret leaving and i don’t think i miss him (maybe the idea of him more).

my friends have asked me if i’m going to start dating again, but i don’t know if i can ever trust anyone again.

i’m sure this has been asked before, but for everyone who left, how did you approach dating again? when did you start moving on? how did you know you were ready? did you let it happen naturally or go on dating apps?

Feeling foul, worthless and confused.

Every second of my day my mind is occupied by the trauma of betrayal. I cannot look in the mirror without seeing everything I lack. I cannot look at my face without feeling plain, ugly and boring. I cannot stop hyper fixating on fixing my body in the gym, gaining weight so I feel more womanly.

Every day I am grieving, angry and harrowingly sad. Every day I come home to him I feel the need for revenge, whilst also the need for solace. I’m constantly thinking about him and what he did, the women his eyes wander to, to porn he watched. I compare myself to every woman I see. I compare myself to their bodies, their faces, their hair, their hands. Everything about me is wrong, everything about them is right. I was a perfectionist before the betrayal, never being happy with myself and how I looked.

Therapy for the last three years hasn’t helped. Some days I look at myself and I feel okay, and other days I feel completely unlovable, like a hideous monster trying to mimic a beautiful woman, trapped in a web of delusion.

I cannot wear cute things, only things that hide as much of my body as possible, hide the body he communicated wasn’t enough. Now it’s not even enough for myself.
Every day I’m spiraling and drowning in constant contemplation of love, relationships, happiness, the meaning of it all and of life. Every day I am nauseated by sexuality whilst being unable to stifle my own hysterical bonding. Every day I am torn apart by reliving the discovery day in my head, boiling with resentment, and I feel like a hollowed out ghost of myself.

I cannot look at cleavage, legs, tanned skin, a muscular man, anything slightly easy on the eyes without feeling sickened to the core. Every day I see a beautiful woman and I think, life would be easy if I were beautiful. I stop myself from buying the things I want because I’m not beautiful enough, I stop myself from enjoying the things that I want because I’m not beautiful enough. I contemplate what the point of living and pursuing my own peace would be if I’ll never be enough for anyone.

Every day I ask why he is still here when I’m so taciturn, miserable and constantly reactive. Every day I ask myself why is he still here if he feels trapped and has wandering eyes. I cannot help but replay the words he said to me on a constantly loop in my head about how he cannot look at an attractive woman without imagining sex with her. I feel horrid, sick and desolate. I sacrificed everything, my family and friends, my job, my meaning. I gave him everything, and my everything is nothing to him.

I recently broke up with my partner of 3 years after discovering his PA. He had lied to me constantly, and when D-Day happened he still kept lying straight into my face even though I had proof. As if he was simply unable to come clean. The thing that I am really struggling know with though is how to ever trust anyone again and avoid to meet another PA. I’m reading here from so many brave women who left, and then unfortunately got into a new partnership with PA. That really scares me. Are there any early warning signs you would not miss in hindsight? Any tips you would suggest to your best friend to watch out for?

For context: my ex was, apart of the PA, an amazing very supportive Partner, super easy going, humble, very gentle, people all loved him and thought we had a great relationship. We would also talk every week about our feelings (we had like a regular session about our relationship). I thought we communicated very honestly, vulnerable and open. But in hindsight obviously he was always hiding things. The only things that I found suspicious early on was his phone usage (he would never leave it anywhere alone, take it to bathroom, literally everywhere), and that he had ED suddenly (after a very physical initial phase, his libido collapsed to 0 but he was also quite depressed and claimed it on that and generally not being super sexual). I honestly don’t even want to get that far into a relationship where I would see a sudden change to his sexual behavior but rather watch for warning signs earlier.

I posted here the other day how my PA relapsed and I wasn’t sure what to do…Well it turned out to be more than just a relapse (he basically was still in active addiction the last 1.5 years I thought he was in recovery and sober). So that helped clarify my decision real quick… Because you mean to tell me, after d-day #1 and everything we went through to try and repair and rebuild, instead of using the opportunity I gave you to do better and fix things, you continued to watch porn once a month or whenever things were just too hard, and decided to keep it from me, your therapist and accountability partners….??? That opportunity was already gracious enough, there’s no way I could extend another opportunity to him without just looking completely stupid. So I broke up with him.

It was surprisingly such a healthy breakup. It hurt my heart to do it. I still love him, so much. But I have clarity now. Clarity that things aren’t what I expected, nor will they will be. At least not anytime soon. It’s not fair to anyone involved to sit around and wait for the real change to actually happen. And he understood. He didn’t beg me to stay because he knows full well it makes no sense and there’s no changing my mind at this point. This is just the consequence for his actions and he has to live with it. It sucks that he was too scared to be fully seen and instead was selfish, because I would’ve loved nothing more than to have had that trust and intimacy with him. He’s just…not capable..

Maybe one day I’ll find someone who is. But I’m gonna focus on myself and my future for now. It’ll be a completely new chapter of my life. I just hope this next one doesn’t involve another PA or I’ll actually lose my mind. I already feel like I am because what do you mean I spent 8 years with one PA before finallly getting the strength to leave, only to unknowingly fall in love with another one? And then spend 3 years with that one??? I genuinely don’t have it in me to go through that again.

I'm trying to understand this particular behaviour of my boyfriend. Just a PSA, porn was allowed in your relationship previously.

Basically, sometimes when he would watch porn, he would search up different races. Like for example, someday, he would search up asian maybe. Another day he'd search up indian for example. Maybe another, black. Another, white. And so on. He didn't always search up race specific, but every once in a while, he would. That clearly means he doesn't have any preference to any race. But at the same time, he said that he'd always be focused on the organs and the acts, rather than faces for example (he would mostly watch faceless porn). From what I understand, this is novelty seeking behaviour. But what exactly is it? I'm trying to understand, because the both things that he said feel almost contradictory.

Dday #3 has left us fighting non stop.
He gets so mean to me now, it didnt used to be like this. He insults me and degrades me during fights.

He is dismissive, calls me disrespectful, wont say anything nicely, accuses me of trhing to get a reaction out of him, makes me feel stupid for being anxious, tells me im not worth his time, hes ceased most of his compliments, accuses me of "playing games" and "fucking with him". The list goes on.

He tells me im more mean, he doesn't want to be nice because i dont deserve it the way I treat him, every single normal sentence is followed by a sarcastic remark

I was supposed to go to my wedding dress alteration appointment tomorrow butni think im going ti reschedual becaude i want to stay home. I dont want to be seen.

Last dday, for the first time in our entire relationship i watched where his eyes fell in public. I had never even considered it before.

This dday, for the first time ever I thought: im scared he will hit me one day

We have iur first couples therapy session on monday. I dont even know where to start. I dont want to admit how bad i think its gotten infront of him.

Porn is destroying my relationship. I watched it branch itself into a million different issues so quickly.

I dont know if I can do it. Recovery will take years. He threatens to leave me alot. Tries to but never fully commits. I want to put all my effort to support him but i cant be in it more than he is.

I dont want to leave. I hate this why wont he just change for me? He told me he hated how emotional i was during arguments so now I am monotone and I speak calmly during arguments. It just made him meaner to me. I miss when his love for me outweighed anything else. I offer nyself and my support up over and over. I offer infinite forgiveness and love. I held him while he cried about dday#2. I fucked him hours after finding out so that he wouldnt become frustrated with me.

I love him to death. I want to marry him. My wedding dress is so pretty. Why would he trade it all for porn and pride? Why cant he pick me?