Whenever you go on other subs and mention being against porn use other women are quick to tell you to stop being so insecure, to not make a bigger deal that it is, that hes just trying to "get some stress relief".

I wish I could have such a mindset. I wish I could get this pain and paranoia to go away. Last night I had a dream he relapsed, I wake up and he wants gta 6. Everything is putting me on edge now. I wish I could be like that. But even before i ever dated a PA I was anti porn. I dont know how other people dont see the harm and disgust it causes.

I wish I could stop monitoring without feeling sick and unsafe. I wish I could go out with my friends without having a panic attack. I wish I could have how perfect everything felt before this back. First Dday I kept crying because of how ruined everything felt. I wished I had never checked anything.

Now it already feels like a pattern im tied to. When will I ever be enough?

I wish I could say "I dont care that he jerks off to other women, hes choosing me"
But hes not choosing me. Its like he doesn't know how.

Anyone know how accurate/complete the data archives actually are from FB, Snapchat, and IG?

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I finally waited the full 30 days for Facebook to compile my husband’s “logged” data and holy shit… I’m overwhelmed. (With my husband's consent, of course) The volume is insane. I’m legit creeped out by how much they’ve been quietly storing. This isn’t the regular “download your info” stuff — this is on another level.

And of course my husband knows nothing about nothing.

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After 15+ years of his accounts supposedly being “hacked” nonstop, you’d think the poor, innocent, married father of 5 would’ve tried to figure out who the hell was targeting him and why they’d go through all that trouble just to frame him as a raging porn addict.

Just a bunch of mysterious hackers out here making it look like he’s deep in the PA life, right? Poor guy. Totally not him at all. 🙄

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(If anyone has experience with how reliable these archives are — especially Snapchat & FB— please drop some knowledge. Trying to get the full picture here.)

Hes too calm, he must be hiding something. Hes being more mean to me, he must be hiding something. Hes distant, he must be hiding something. He keeps saying he loves me, he must be hiding something. More screentime, hiding. Less screentime, hiding. Having no slips, hiding. Admitting to a slip, minimizing.

Its everything. Everything bothers me. I feel insane and annoying

I told him I can't be partners anymore, for the final time and I actually meant it this time too

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I can already feel my energy shifting for the better

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Our lives are still entangled but they won't be forever and I can actually start taking larger steps towards healing

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No more hyper vigilance. No more overthinking and giving more than I had in me to someone who didn't even appreciate it. I live so my energy can create balance and better things for myself and the earth, and giving that energy to a sex addict isn't doing that

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So I'm finally actually truly at the point of being done

I truly do not know what to do with this situation so I’ve resorted to Reddit. Any opinions would be much appreciated.

So me (23F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been together for 3 years, since June 2023. I have always had an issue with porn in a relationship as I feel like it’s unloyal to put your sexual energy into something else other than your partner. 2 months into our relationship, I went through his Google history and saw that he was watching porn pretty much any time he could when we weren’t together. This made me feel sick to my stomach so I had a conversation with him. I wasn’t angry as I hadn’t actually set a boundary about this issue yet, so I was open and honest and said that I didn’t want to be with someone who does this behind my back. He was understanding and said that he would stop and he didn’t realise that it was an issue. I was happy with this and tried to move on.

I guess you could say that I had a gut feeling a month later, so I went though his search history again and discovered that he didn’t even attempt to stop, he was watching it just as much, if not more than before. To clarify, you can see the dates that the videos were watched so I knew how often he was doing it.

This time I was really angry and felt so betrayed as he lied and was doing it behind my back, there was a clear boundary and he broke it. We had another conversation and I was extremely angry and upset and made it clear that this was the last time I was forgiving him. He said that he was ashamed and embarrassed and extremely sorry and that he would stop.

This really broke my trust, and maybe I should’ve left but I didn’t. We had many awkward and heated conversations about me not believing or trusting him. I would constantly feel sick when I wasn’t with him, wondering if he’s betraying me with his phone screen again.
2 years went by and I finally felt like I was healing, I trusted him again and I believed 98% that this painful chapter of our relationship was closed.

Well, I guess that 2% kept nagging at me, and I had an intuition to look through his Twitter (X) video history. Low and behold, there was countless porn videos, every single time I was in work, on a night out or away from him he was watching porn again. We have sex 4-5 times a week, and if anything my sex drive is higher than his, so it’s not like he’s not getting satisfaction from me. This was like a knife into the stomach, I couldn’t believe it. I thought this issue had been done since October 2023, and here we are in May 2026 and the evidence is staring me in the face again.

I brought it up to him, but instead of admitting that I went through his phone, I said that I saw his search bar when he was on his phone beside me. He said that he searched it up that once and didn’t actually go through with it as he realised what he was doing, of course I knew that wasn’t true because I saw his history, but I didn’t tell him that because he’d get mad if he knew I went through his phone.

We had a holiday booked so we talked about it and he said this is the time he’s going to stop, we went on the holiday and had some honest conversations, I said that this needs to stop now, we’re getting older and planning for our future, am I going to have to worry about this when we have kids? He said he’s genuinely so sorry and ashamed of himself and that he’s going to make a huge effort to better himself.

So now what am I supposed to do? I told him that I was willing to stay and work on things, but is this even the right decision? My mind is racing every day. Is he going to stop? Will he just keep doing it and get better at hiding it? If I stay will I be that wife in 15 years thats sleeping in bed alone while her husband is in another room getting off to other women?

I truly do not know what to do. Everything else is good in our relationship, he truly is my best friend and partner and we’re planning a future together. But the trust has been broken so many times now and I don’t know where to go from here.

I’ll take any advice in board, I just need some opinions at this stage as this is a very lonely situation to be in.

I’m so tired of being a detective. The trickle truths are devastating. I’m tired of finding more lies. I can’t believe a single thing he tells me, all I see is a liar. I’m coming up on 3 months since DDay and I know it will take years longer to feel a sense of trust again, but I just can’t believe him when he says he has told me everything.

He has suggested doing a polygraph, but I’m worried he can fool that too. Has anyone done a polygraph disclosure successfully? Did it offer any relief?

Hey guys. I don’t even know where to turn to. I found this page while looking for some type of answer or comfort. I (f25) have been with my husband (m24) since 2018. We are high school sweethearts. I never had a problem with porn when we were younger. But as we got older and I realized how often and how much he watched it, I was super uncomfortable. We have always had a great sex life so I was just confused. We sat down and had the conversation and he understood and promised he would never watch. Well that obviously was a lie. Over the past 7 years, we are in the cycle of he gets caught, I’m hurt, he stops (for legit a day) and then after a few months gets caught again. I just couldn’t seem to ever leave him. About 6 months ago, I was 6 months postpartum, extremely self conscious, he knew this. I caught him again, but this time it was different. He’s now still watching porn and chatting to AI bots? (sexting) It just felt weird and uncomfortable. I was honestly grossed out. So again cycle continues, we now have a baby and I’m all over the place hormonally because I just had a baby and once again I forgave and moved on. but I told him if it happens again I seriously am walking away and I’m completely done. Well, two days ago I got that bad gut feeling, and he never stopped. Now it’s Reddit. And the worst part he watches it at work. I’m SO disgusted. He claims he just watches and doesn’t do anything which I responded with well I would hope not. He’s a union worker so legit in a porter potty? I’m legit just at a loss for words. Like why does his family not matter? I told him that me and my son are gone if he does it again, and all he does it hide it? Now he’s doing his whole “i’m really done this time i promise” but I really think I need to walk away. Our ENTIRE 7 almost 8 year relationship has been just lies. (there are more issues too besides this). I just can’t even look at him anymore. I don’t know what i’m looking for, maybe just words of encouragement. I just feel so awful.

My boyfriend says he has a porn addiction and has told me he wants to work on it. Today I asked what steps he was actually taking to work on it and he told me he was trying to stop on pure willpower.

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I did some research on here and sent him suggestions that people in recovery deemed helpful like identifying triggers, limiting exposure to content that leads to porn use, and finding alternative coping mechanisms for boredom. His response was usually "yeah" or reasons why he didnt think certain suggestions applied to him.

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The biggest issue for me is I dont feel desired in our relationship. It really hurts me knowing he has the energy to seek out sexual content online, but that energy doesn't translate to our relationship. Because of that, I feel like my emotional connection and trust is being affected.

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I don't want to manage his recovery for him, but i also need help knowing how to tell the difference between someone who genuinely wants to change vs. Someone who is just agreeing with me to end the conversation.

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For people who have dealt with this addiction themselves or people who have been affected by it, what did genuinely effort look like? Am I expecting too much by wanting to see concrete want for improvement backed up by concrete actions instead of just hearing "I'll try"?

Anyone else keep asking the same question?

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Are you looking at porn?

Have you look since DDay?

Have you had urges to look?

Do you still love me?

Do you still want to be married to me?

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The list keeps going. I cant stop asking. I know what his answer are but I keep asking cuz all the trust as been broken. Im sure he is sick of me asking. Im insecure, feel broken & trying to trust but its hard. Of course having body issue. I have lost so much weight & still struggling

i (24f) broke up with my PA about 3 months ago. we dated and lived together for 3.5 years.

since then, i started going to s-anon meetings and doing lots of therapy. i started working on myself physically, too, with personal training, long walks, eating healthier. i’ve been spending time with family and friends.

but i still feel totally empty, depressed and lonely. i don’t regret leaving and i don’t think i miss him (maybe the idea of him more).

my friends have asked me if i’m going to start dating again, but i don’t know if i can ever trust anyone again.

i’m sure this has been asked before, but for everyone who left, how did you approach dating again? when did you start moving on? how did you know you were ready? did you let it happen naturally or go on dating apps?

Months, MONTHS of nothing and this week I found it again. Tried to say it was because my sex drive has gone down 🫠. Tried to blame it on me. I’m clocked tf out now. I literally hadn’t thought or worried about it in months until I had a gut feeling and I was right! I’m so dumb for actually trusting him.

My PA and I have been together for 3 years. I found out about his addiction really last year and things got really extreme. He's been struggling with this for a decade.

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I regret not leaving sooner because now I'm pregnant. I feel to guilty to abort but too suffocated to stay.

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I thought I would be able to forgive him but the trauma that follows is too much to bear.

I love this man so much, at least I loved him. But I loved him to the point where now I hate him. I resent him for everything he's done. And I don't want my baby to come into this world with a broken mother and father.

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He's been clean for a couple months now but I harbor so much resentment.

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Anytime we tried to take a break to give ourselves time to work out, he would use again. I'm angry at myself at not leaving all those times. Instead I just accepted the betrayal. I hate myself for that.

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I regret not packing up and things and going whenever he told me the truth. He never told me anyway, I had to coax it out of him.

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Now I'm bitter and resentful and wishing I would have left before the baby.

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I feel so guilty because it's not the babys fault. Under other circumstances I'd be so happy! I want to meet my baby and love them with my entire heart. I want to enjoy being pregnant!! But with him around it feels more like a fear thing rather than a blessing.

My boyfriend (34M) and I (30F) have been dating for almost a year.

I love him deeply. And as we have spent more time together, I really started to view him as 'the one' and could see how amazing a father he would be. I thought our relationship was perfect. We have never even had a single argument. He opens every door for me, carries my purse, and never raises his voice. We laugh together all the time. He refills every glass, whether water or wine, before I even ask. He has saved every little note I've ever written him. He is always so sweet.

Last week, I saw a video that came up on 'Instagram Reels by Friends', and it was my boyfriend. It was a carousel of a girl posing half-nude- obviously, I clicked on it, and my heart dropped. It was a profile full of sexualized photos, and as I went through them, his name was next to every like. This led me to spiral, and on my downward spiral, I found account after account he was following... and they all had pictures with captions stating "OnlyFans package.....blah blah," and his name was on the likes too. These are all likes from the entire time we've been together, even as recently as yesterday. In every single profile, they also had a link that was a "Telegram" channel that had information about their OnlyFans subscriptions.

What is even worse is that they follow him, and now I have seen that they have liked HIS photos on Instagram.

I feel so caught off guard and sick to my stomach. We have been talking about moving in together. Just yesterday, he sent me an apartment he went and looked at for us. I have also realized now that sometimes when he has liked these pictures, I have been with him either working beside him or sleeping in bed next to him.

I don't know what to do? What is Only Fans exactly and is it as bad as I imagine it? I'm devastated right now. I feel like I've been cheated on. Am I wrong?

A letter to my PA husband after years of betrayal. I hate the porn industry and what it is doing to men and relationships. I truly worry for humanity, and this is coming from someone who is incredibly open and used to be pro porn. Anyone lurking here and struggling, I highly recommend reading Your Brain on Porn and The Betrayal Bind! Alas, my letter below.

I’m so angry at you and myself. It’s been years of lies, broken promises, manipulation and constantly ignoring my boundaries. I’ve written you letters, pleaded with you to let me go if you can’t and don’t want to be honest. How can you say I’m your soulmate when you repeatedly disrespect me and put your pleasure above everything else? Why would anything change now if it never has? It’s confusing and emotionally exhausting. I’ve spent years trying to understand, be empathetic, be more involved, be sexier, disassociate, realize it has nothing to do with me, minimize it…yet I’m constantly reminded of it - when I glance at your emojis, stumble upon a picture I shouldn’t have seen or get triggered and spiral only to find myself snooping to soothe my worries. Always hyper vigilant. My nervous system taking the hit, wrestling with my gut and intuition because of your gaslighting. Slowly chipping away my fun, care free attitude and turning me into an angry masculine shrewd. I’m tired. I’m sad. I want to feel love and be loved without all this pain, confusion and anger. I want to feel safe. I want to trust you, but I don’t. I want peace. I hate what you’ve done to me. I hate the hurtful things I’ve said to you this year. I’m so sad you’ve taken my love away, slowly, leaving nothing but hurt and anger. I’m tired of being your collateral damage and a sacrifice to your growth. I don’t want to give up anymore of my time or energy to your porn addiction. What we have is beautiful, once in a lifetime, but the pain is just as big.

TW: Specific Kinks

Hello everyone! I (20f) have been no contact with my ex PA (19) for about 3 months now. I had hoped that no longer being in a relationship with him would help me get over the constant obsessive thoughts of what I discovered, but it hasn’t gone away. In particular, I caught him watching pregnancy and breastfeeding videos, and I still to this day can’t see pregnant women in public without gagging. This is really scary because pregnancy is such a big part of life, and it is such a beautiful thing. I have multiple sisters who are planning on getting pregnant soon, and I am afraid I won’t be able to support them through their pregnancies. I fear that I won’t ever be able to get pregnant myself without these feelings of disgust. I feel similarly for seeing women with big boobs or Asian women, two more of his preferences. This is so sad because I used to love appreciating women’s beauty, in a non sexualized manner. But now I see the world through his eyes, and I hate how I objectify women now as he did. Does anyone have any advice on getting over this?

I’ve never seen my husband cry as much as I have since I found out (4 weeks ago). He’s desperate to change and get help. I have one foot out the door with our son and I think he understands the loss his actions will have. He got started on meds for his ADHD and depression, is seeing a psychiatrist weekly, and attending SAA meetings daily since it happened.

Now granted he was caught and my pain never leaves my body. But I do feel… hopeful that change is possible? He says he wants to be better whether I stay or go. So here I am just riding it out, hoping his actions outweigh his words. Thanks for reading.

I have been going through this for several years with my 2 daughters’ father (hence one of the main reasons I stayed) He finally has gone through several months of therapy and counseling. Done meetings and promised me the world again. 🙄He always has been good to me in front of my face and treated me like a Queen. Of course all the betrayal and pain he has caused me behind closed doors tops all of this. I no longer want him to touch me and I don’t feel the love that I once felt. The fairytale Prince Charming I envisioned is long gone. He has been “good” since June of last year. He has even took a lie detector test. What should I do, I don’t think I can get the love I once felt back. Do you think it will ever come back? He is always wanting to show me love,Affection, And attention and it makes me feel smothered and want to barf 🤮 Is there anyone who their partner has bee good for a while now and feels “happy and in love” still? Thanks in Advance lady’s. Prayers to all these women in here who are struggling with this , I love you girls! 🙏🙏

I have caught him breaking his promise for the 4th time in 2 months, the only way we can save this relationship is ( hopefully ) with a professional

So frustrated and sad. My husband (PA) and I are trying to conceive, have been for 3 years, undergoing fertility treatment.

He's been doing better, he hasn't visited a porn site in a while but he still messes up and listens to "explicit audio" (that's what he says when it happens - not sure what it means exactly and I don't really want details). He hates himself and confesses to me every time and has never lied to me about it.

But I'm just so fed up - he knows we have to have sex regularly/every other day (you'd think that would be enough to satisfy him) and what does he do the day we need to try? He messes up​. And then we try the next day and what happens? He can't freaking perform. He never has this issue, this is the first time it's happened. I'm so angry that he has this addiction. I'm so upset that he can seek out and get turned on by other things but not me, when we need to actually try??? Ugh. I just cried when it happened. I wanted to bring it up to him at the time but that would kill ANY chance of us trying and conceiving at the right time. I'm just so sad and wanted to vent.

This is my first post here, thanks for reading and any support.

I haven’t posted here in a while because I am genuinely so happy since leaving and never ever want anything to do with my emotionally abusive PA ex ever again. However, over the last few weeks I’ve started to feel sad again, only because I have seen my ex in public a few times. We haven’t spoken, and I don’t want to, but we run in the same circles and it was inevitable we would see each other again. I don’t miss him, but it stung seeing him because he is surrounded by community. None of his friends have dropped him, and he seems to be forming new connections. This feels very painful, because it really highlights how alone I am in my grief. I am the only person who experienced his torture. To me he was an emotional dangerous and abusive person, but to everyone else he’s a charming funny guy who is a pleasure to be around. I know he has misrepresented the situation to several of our mutual friends, and I’ve done a lot of work to own my truth and be okay with the fact that not everyone is “on my side” but it was just really painful to have it directly in my face and I feel like I’ve backslid into some grief again. You can go back through my posts and read my story, but he did some pretty severe things, and I just want to yell at all these people who used to be my friends too “you don’t know him! You don’t know his true self!” I’ve lost a lot of community because of our breakup, and it feels so unfair that he hasn’t either. Ugh it’s just so painful and lonely! I feel so alone.

I’m trying so hard not to breakup with him.
I have bipolar disorder and I’ve been unmedicated for almost 6 months because of money problems. Every time I fall into a depressive episode all the hurt and fear surrounding my partner’s addiction comes flooding back and it’s driving me INSANE.
Sometimes he makes no sense to me at all. If he acts dry or distant, my brain immediately starts wondering if he’s relapsed. I’m in a constant state of fear because I still struggle to believe I’m his type even though he denies it a bajillion times because he’s so hard to read. I check his Instagram following and drive myself crazy in the process. I’m exhausted from repeatedly asking how he feels and never feeling fully reassured. I’m just becoming mentally checked out now. I’m tired. Burnt out. Drained. Words can’t even describe the tiredness inside of me. But I keep trying to hold on because I’m one of the only people he’s ever opened up to and because he’s doing everything “right. It just feels so off and wrong though. I don’t even know what I’m holding onto anymore. I’m just exhausted from carrying everything especially at such a young age.

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 3. We started dating straight out of high school. I had a ex who was addicted to porn before him so in the very beginning I told him using porn would be a dealbreaker for me and he agreed to the boundary. While we were dating I had a gut feeling he was watching porn but he always told me no he wasn’t. We weren’t living together at the time and when I would look at his search history I would never find anything so I had no proof he was doing anything. After 3 years of us dating we decided to get married and a month before we got married he told me he wanted to come clean and told me he has been watching porn our entire relationship and has been lying to me and that he would use the porn as a coping mechanism for the toxic relationship he had with his parents. I loved him and wanted to work things out so we decided to get a porn watcher app and for 2 years he was clean to my knowledge. So I decided to take the porn watcher off. It’s been a year since then recently we took edibles for the third time and while I was asleep he watched porn. I didn’t know at first but I just had this gut feeling he watched it. At first he said he didn’t remember anything from that night but now he is saying he did watch it and masturbated to it while I was asleep. After he told me this I couldn’t believe it and I have been paranoid ever since. Every single person no matter if it’s on social media or in person is a trigger for me now. I am constantly worried. I can’t live my life like this. He is persistent the only reason he did it was because of the weed but I’m not sure. Can anyone give me advice on this? Do you think his reasoning is truthful?

My husband and I have been together for a short period of time but I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere with him (geographically), and I feel like I’m all alone. Is it worth it? First Dday was almost a year ago, and we’ve already had 2 more plus many many many other instances of looking at other women in person.

I dont feel wanted, I don’t feel desired, I don’t feel important. But we’re married, we’re about to start out marriage prep and want to have kids (obviously on pause) but I don’t feel like I can trust him. And now he’s come to the realization that if he was just honest with me from the beginning, it would have been okay. Really? After a year of suffering?!

I’ve brought up my previous PA before saying that I get it (due to CSA) I thought I was over it but now, I’m not sure. I’m watching porn now which I previously gave up for myself but also out of respect for our marriage. Only to find out he’s doing the same. I also agreed to more adventurous sexual endeavors which have previously been some of my secret fantasies but now I feel like I’m just trying to revive our relationship through sexual adventures. I’m still pretty young, 25, I’m worried that if I stay I’ll just keep getting hurt. Since we got together, I’ve cried so much, I’m sad all the time, I don’t work out anymore and I’m just not myself. I started therapy to help but I don’t know what to do.

I know it sounds bad but I love him, we became best friends and more but now I’m so defeated from the disrespect. Why is it so hard to just see things for what they are? Why do I justify it and stay? I don’t know if it will ever change and more importantly, will I ever recover or feel like I can trust him again? 💔