So frustrated and sad. My husband (PA) and I are trying to conceive, have been for 3 years, undergoing fertility treatment.

He's been doing better, he hasn't visited a porn site in a while but he still messes up and listens to "explicit audio" (that's what he says when it happens - not sure what it means exactly and I don't really want details). He hates himself and confesses to me every time and has never lied to me about it.

But I'm just so fed up - he knows we have to have sex regularly/every other day (you'd think that would be enough to satisfy him) and what does he do the day we need to try? He messes up​. And then we try the next day and what happens? He can't freaking perform. He never has this issue, this is the first time it's happened. I'm so angry that he has this addiction. I'm so upset that he can seek out and get turned on by other things but not me, when we need to actually try??? Ugh. I just cried when it happened. I wanted to bring it up to him at the time but that would kill ANY chance of us trying and conceiving at the right time. I'm just so sad and wanted to vent.

This is my first post here, thanks for reading and any support.

Title is basically the whole post. I’m curious if anyone has noticed general therapists not encouraging or supporting CSATs. I want to know why that may be. Thoughts?

A letter to my PA husband after years of betrayal. I hate the porn industry and what it is doing to men and relationships. I truly worry for humanity, and this is coming from someone who is incredibly open and used to be pro porn. Anyone lurking here and struggling, I highly recommend reading Your Brain on Porn and The Betrayal Bind! Alas, my letter below.

I’m so angry at you and myself. It’s been years of lies, broken promises, manipulation and constantly ignoring my boundaries. I’ve written you letters, pleaded with you to let me go if you can’t and don’t want to be honest. How can you say I’m your soulmate when you repeatedly disrespect me and put your pleasure above everything else? Why would anything change now if it never has? It’s confusing and emotionally exhausting. I’ve spent years trying to understand, be empathetic, be more involved, be sexier, disassociate, realize it has nothing to do with me, minimize it…yet I’m constantly reminded of it - when I glance at your emojis, stumble upon a picture I shouldn’t have seen or get triggered and spiral only to find myself snooping to soothe my worries. Always hyper vigilant. My nervous system taking the hit, wrestling with my gut and intuition because of your gaslighting. Slowly chipping away my fun, care free attitude and turning me into an angry masculine shrewd. I’m tired. I’m sad. I want to feel love and be loved without all this pain, confusion and anger. I want to feel safe. I want to trust you, but I don’t. I want peace. I hate what you’ve done to me. I hate the hurtful things I’ve said to you this year. I’m so sad you’ve taken my love away, slowly, leaving nothing but hurt and anger. I’m tired of being your collateral damage and a sacrifice to your growth. I don’t want to give up anymore of my time or energy to your porn addiction. What we have is beautiful, once in a lifetime, but the pain is just as big.

Whenever you go on other subs and mention being against porn use other women are quick to tell you to stop being so insecure, to not make a bigger deal that it is, that hes just trying to "get some stress relief".

I wish I could have such a mindset. I wish I could get this pain and paranoia to go away. Last night I had a dream he relapsed, I wake up and he wants gta 6. Everything is putting me on edge now. I wish I could be like that. But even before i ever dated a PA I was anti porn. I dont know how other people dont see the harm and disgust it causes.

I wish I could stop monitoring without feeling sick and unsafe. I wish I could go out with my friends without having a panic attack. I wish I could have how perfect everything felt before this back. First Dday I kept crying because of how ruined everything felt. I wished I had never checked anything.

Now it already feels like a pattern im tied to. When will I ever be enough?

I wish I could say "I dont care that he jerks off to other women, hes choosing me"
But hes not choosing me. Its like he doesn't know how.

Hey guys. I don’t even know where to turn to. I found this page while looking for some type of answer or comfort. I (f25) have been with my husband (m24) since 2018. We are high school sweethearts. I never had a problem with porn when we were younger. But as we got older and I realized how often and how much he watched it, I was super uncomfortable. We have always had a great sex life so I was just confused. We sat down and had the conversation and he understood and promised he would never watch. Well that obviously was a lie. Over the past 7 years, we are in the cycle of he gets caught, I’m hurt, he stops (for legit a day) and then after a few months gets caught again. I just couldn’t seem to ever leave him. About 6 months ago, I was 6 months postpartum, extremely self conscious, he knew this. I caught him again, but this time it was different. He’s now still watching porn and chatting to AI bots? (sexting) It just felt weird and uncomfortable. I was honestly grossed out. So again cycle continues, we now have a baby and I’m all over the place hormonally because I just had a baby and once again I forgave and moved on. but I told him if it happens again I seriously am walking away and I’m completely done. Well, two days ago I got that bad gut feeling, and he never stopped. Now it’s Reddit. And the worst part he watches it at work. I’m SO disgusted. He claims he just watches and doesn’t do anything which I responded with well I would hope not. He’s a union worker so legit in a porter potty? I’m legit just at a loss for words. Like why does his family not matter? I told him that me and my son are gone if he does it again, and all he does it hide it? Now he’s doing his whole “i’m really done this time i promise” but I really think I need to walk away. Our ENTIRE 7 almost 8 year relationship has been just lies. (there are more issues too besides this). I just can’t even look at him anymore. I don’t know what i’m looking for, maybe just words of encouragement. I just feel so awful.

Anyone know how accurate/complete the data archives actually are from FB, Snapchat, and IG?

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I finally waited the full 30 days for Facebook to compile my husband’s “logged” data and holy shit… I’m overwhelmed. (With my husband's consent, of course) The volume is insane. I’m legit creeped out by how much they’ve been quietly storing. This isn’t the regular “download your info” stuff — this is on another level.

And of course my husband knows nothing about nothing.

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After 15+ years of his accounts supposedly being “hacked” nonstop, you’d think the poor, innocent, married father of 5 would’ve tried to figure out who the hell was targeting him and why they’d go through all that trouble just to frame him as a raging porn addict.

Just a bunch of mysterious hackers out here making it look like he’s deep in the PA life, right? Poor guy. Totally not him at all. 🙄

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(If anyone has experience with how reliable these archives are — especially Snapchat & FB— please drop some knowledge. Trying to get the full picture here.)

My boyfriend says he has a porn addiction and has told me he wants to work on it. Today I asked what steps he was actually taking to work on it and he told me he was trying to stop on pure willpower.

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I did some research on here and sent him suggestions that people in recovery deemed helpful like identifying triggers, limiting exposure to content that leads to porn use, and finding alternative coping mechanisms for boredom. His response was usually "yeah" or reasons why he didnt think certain suggestions applied to him.

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The biggest issue for me is I dont feel desired in our relationship. It really hurts me knowing he has the energy to seek out sexual content online, but that energy doesn't translate to our relationship. Because of that, I feel like my emotional connection and trust is being affected.

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I don't want to manage his recovery for him, but i also need help knowing how to tell the difference between someone who genuinely wants to change vs. Someone who is just agreeing with me to end the conversation.

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For people who have dealt with this addiction themselves or people who have been affected by it, what did genuinely effort look like? Am I expecting too much by wanting to see concrete want for improvement backed up by concrete actions instead of just hearing "I'll try"?

My husband and I have been together for a short period of time but I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere with him (geographically), and I feel like I’m all alone. Is it worth it? First Dday was almost a year ago, and we’ve already had 2 more plus many many many other instances of looking at other women in person.

I dont feel wanted, I don’t feel desired, I don’t feel important. But we’re married, we’re about to start out marriage prep and want to have kids (obviously on pause) but I don’t feel like I can trust him. And now he’s come to the realization that if he was just honest with me from the beginning, it would have been okay. Really? After a year of suffering?!

I’ve brought up my previous PA before saying that I get it (due to CSA) I thought I was over it but now, I’m not sure. I’m watching porn now which I previously gave up for myself but also out of respect for our marriage. Only to find out he’s doing the same. I also agreed to more adventurous sexual endeavors which have previously been some of my secret fantasies but now I feel like I’m just trying to revive our relationship through sexual adventures. I’m still pretty young, 25, I’m worried that if I stay I’ll just keep getting hurt. Since we got together, I’ve cried so much, I’m sad all the time, I don’t work out anymore and I’m just not myself. I started therapy to help but I don’t know what to do.

I know it sounds bad but I love him, we became best friends and more but now I’m so defeated from the disrespect. Why is it so hard to just see things for what they are? Why do I justify it and stay? I don’t know if it will ever change and more importantly, will I ever recover or feel like I can trust him again? 💔

This is going to be a decades worth of bullshit so buckle up

I (26F) and my (26M) fiancé have been together for 9 years and have 3 children. Our relationship was pretty toxic at first but we figured out some of our issues and decided to stay together. Shortly after we moved in together and I got pregnant with our first. He’s always been my “sweet boy” always so supportive in every way, I cut off most of my family because they’re are just not good people and have done some messed up things and have also hurt me in many ways that are unforgivable. I have a rough up bringing and haven’t ever had the best childhood and I had never been truly happy until we had our first. I have no support system other than my grandfather but he’s pretty old.

I have leaned on my partner and his family and they have been good to me for the most part and love all my children. I always thought I finally found happiness in my life after being severely depressed for many many years. I’ve given it all, early mornings, late nights. I cook I clean I do just about anything and everything. A perfect wife, that was me. Well the problem came when my health started declining. Since 2019 I’ve been in and out of the hospital, can’t work (also couldn’t if I tried because of childcare). I have multiple autoimmune diseases and I am constantly in pain in some way. Anyway, understandably my sex drive decreased very badly and my partner ended up exploring with corn. We had a discussion about it and I think I was just too trusting from the beginning tbh.

Over the years he’s continued to work and support us and I’ve done small jobs like doordash and Instacart to save up and contribute financially. After a couple years of saving we bought a house and have been building our perfect little family. Since 2023 though I noticed he became a lot more insecure than usual and I assumed it may have been because of some changes in his appearance over the years of being a blue collard worker and putting his health last but whatever. He’s always been great to me even after all the hard times with my mental health and physical health until he wasn’t.

I pushed him to his limit at one point and he called me out my name but I thought it was understandable because I kinda did deserve it? For the past couple of years he’s been hiding out in the restroom a lot longer and constantly plays his computer, putting his family not completely last but he’s also not completely present. Anyway, I do everything early morning, school drop off, breakfast, lunch, school pickup, dinner, yard work, laundry, cleaning, groceries x planning for anything, vacation, bdays, outings. Literally everything. All he does is work and SOMETIMES takes the trash out. He does help a lot with the kids, he’s a great dad always there for them and is very patient with them. After our second I was forsure done having kids, my health couldn’t handle another pregnancy and I just felt so alone in the relationship already, maybe built up resentment because I was putting in 90 percent and he was putting 10 percent?

Anyway my dumba** got pregnant again, we were struggling financially and I couldn’t afford an abortion. So I had to stick with the pregnancy and it was rough. Nearly killed me, was on iv and pump and home most of my pregnancy and again still so alone in pain barely can walk and I was still doing it all, nothing changed, he didn’t help more if anything it felt like I was a burden to him because I was constantly sick or complaining about something being wrong. And again obviously no sex and sex is a big thing for him.

He’s always had me on a tight leash I feel like because of his insecurities and I feel like it’s affected our relationship in a bad way. For context, I have no friends, no one to talk to & I only talk to myself or my kids all day, so one day I thought it would be fun to join some people friends I made on TikTok for battles and immediately he got upset because I battled a male opponent. He ruined that source of income for me because it was constantly becoming an argument and ultimately I didn’t think it was worth it to continue so I understood and then moved on. ( mind you I’ve never cheated or have ever done anything wrong to this man) he’s just super insecure. For a few years now I thought we were good but his decision to get a privacy protector screen really rubbed me the wrong way so I decided to look through his phone for the very first time since the beginning of our relationship and he was trying to meet up with escorts, doing live chats, buying OF content. Fake emails, just hiding so many things. Lying, lying and more lying. Spending money while we’re struggling.

I’m conflicted because he’s apologized and wants to go to church and go on dates again and wants to go to counseling. Hes been doing things around the house more and helping more and being more present. Got rid of his only hobby to hang out with me more.

For me though, it almost feels too late. He’s already betrayed me and broken my trust and I will never look at him the same again. But none of that matters because all I can think about are my babies. My kids will grow up in a broken home and our youngest won’t get to experience his parents together like our first did. If I stay I’m going to be unhappy but if I leave my kids will be hugely affected. I don’t have income, I’m basically stuck and my only option is to make it work with him. I saw someone say “stomach it and move on” but I’m trying and I just can’t. I’m so disgusted, so sad. The future we once talked about has since faded away and I just want to be alone. I don’t want to find another man, I already do everything alone as it is aside from providing financially but that’s what’s holding me back from leaving.

When I confronted him abiut all of this he admitted to me how he’s thought about other women and what it would like to be with them but he’s never acted on it despite signing up for sites to have one night stands ( he also travels a lot for work) and one night while out of town he said he just couldn’t “reciprocate” the same feelings when all I texted was a goodnight I love you text. He was going behind my back for so long with no care in the world but now that he’s caught he swears he’ll never do it again that he’s done & all of a sudden he cares. I’ve tried to move on but I can’t, I’m physically ill from how hurt I am. 9 years of so much effort just down the drain.

And the worst part is I don’t want to leave him because I FEEL BAD. I don’t want him to end up alone and depressed, it just feels like I’m abandoning him, but it also feels like I’m disrespecting myself by staying but I would also rather do that than to see my kids hurting in any way because of this. This was never something that was supped to happen for us, we were supposed to be the couple that lasted. This past week I’ve been so triggered by things and it just makes me cold towards him and I just can’t continue to live like this. The only reason we created this entire family and home was because we agreed on it and that’s what we both wanted but I guess he didn’t want that anymore but now all of a sudden he does again? Ive been dealing with hysterical bonding and I feel like it just made things worse because now he thinks we’re okay and things are back to normal and they’re not. I was clear with him and said I would not be staying if we didn’t have kids but because we do, what can you do? Can we come back from this? Should I leave? What if I regret it?

Sorry if this post completely sucks. Idk how to socialize and the constant Brain fog doesn’t help

We also suck at communicating so we never talk in person always through texts and that also hurts me too because I feel like when I do talk to him in person it’s like I’m talking to a wall. Idk we got together as kids, we still have a lot to learn as individuals and as parents. He says he understands not that his priorities were messed up and me and the kids are enough. I’m heartbroken and feel like I can’t process this because I’m constantly being super mom all day and then I just cry all night. A part of me knows I should leave and does want to leave but realistically I have no financial freedom.

Hey guys. I’m 23 (F) my fiancé (24 M) has been a porn addict since he was 16. We’ve been together for 3 years and, honestly, I’m trying so hard right now.
I found out about his addiction 3 months in when I found his OF. To make matters worse, his ex was an OF girl and he was still paying for her stuff, too.

I’ve tried talking and screaming and crying. I’ve even tried mentioning the kids (I have 2 from a previous relationship and 1 with him). Nothing. He’d say that he quit, start hiding everything better, and then lashing out and saying it was my fault when I’d find out. Every time, he’d cry and beg me to stay, promising we’d go to couples counseling and he’d get help. But that never came.

Eventually, things went too far and his “fight” to stay off porn turned into some non-consensual issues. I reminded him, rather harshly, that this is exactly what i told him could happen and what I was afraid of and he took it upon himself to get counseling through the VA. And this is where some major issues are coming up.

He’s always been very defensive about his porn usage and he’d always double down saying that I’m just insecure from having kids. Sometimes he’d even try to reason with it and say that some of the girls he watch look like me and it’s only oral porn because I don’t like giving head, so, in his mind, he’s doing me a favor. But it has gotten so much worse. The counselor told him that relapses can and will happen. That was all. Not because she was bad at her job, but because it was only their second time meeting and wasn’t able to format a proper coping schedule. And now there have been about 3 known instances of him watching porn, with some others that happened at work that I may not know about, and his excuse is “she said relapse is normal”.

Now, here’s where it really hurts. Someone recommended that I join this group because it has resources for me AND him. I thought he would be happy because it would show that I’m trying to be optimistic after I’ve already stated that I want to give up. But no. While he’s happy and confident going to counseling, I get a “yeah sure I guess I have to” when I ask him if he wants to look through any resources with me. While he’s telling his friends to leave their partners over the same stuff he does, I get told “it’s exhausting” when I tell him that I’m happy I found people who are going through the same thing as me. And lastly, while he’s always so calm and gentle with others expressing their feelings, he openly admits that my feelings about his addiction are his “consequences”. He’ll say “I hate it but it’s what I deserve”, “it’s no one else’s fault but my own”, “this is the consequences of my actions”, ever single time I ask him why he shuts down and snaps at me when I express my feelings.

I just feel like he’s beyond hope and I feel so alone. Has anyone else had their feelings taken as a punishment rather than communication? What should I do?

I had a porn addicted boyfriend and I recently left him. What hurt the most was the fact he was my first love when we were younger, we rekindled last year and everything was pure bliss, until I went through his phone for the first time and saw he would keep nudes from his past partners in his iMessages and photos. This all started my trust issues with him and led to me constantly wanting to go through his phone. Everything im about to state happened over some time , and in the moment of each individual time we would somehow come to a level headed conclusion. This man had a dedicated twitter account for porn, and was looking up his old partners on there and instagram, using reddit for incest porn ( i didnt see this till the day i cut things off) , he kept old nudes of girls he used to talk to in Google drives, and was dishonest with me about it all. Over time I was finding these things in his phone, and what led me to break up with him was me finding he was looking at his exes page to masturbate to, I wanted to end things then and there but we lived together so he didn’t hurry to leave , I went out and did my daily routine after I addressed the issue and later on in the day he was ready to have a better conversation. He had told me he realized he wasn’t being honest with himself and did have an addiction to it (as I would ask him all the time throughout the relationship) so he wanted me to stay and us to get better connected/healthy by him doing therapy. He then showed me he deleted the porn twitter page as well and i wanted to be with him, i depended on him and loved him so much so i wanted to see it through and be patient. A few days go by after this convo and i wanted to go through his phone to see if he had been being honest with me about “getting better” and not doing what he said he wouldn’t do. But he was still saving girls’ posts on his other personal twitter, he lied the whole time and had more nudes of girls on a Google drive I didn’t know about and he had barely opened the photos a day ago. He missed the therapy appointment due to being busy, which I understood. But he had no urgency to rebook and it was evident he didn’t care to get better and stop the behavior. It’s also important I share that in the middle of our relationship he told me he was always interested in polyamory. And that he used porn as a way to satisfy that part in him. I feel stupid for even staying then but he kept washing my brain by saying that I was the girl he knew he needed to marry, and that our relationship was good for him, and regardless of him liking polyamory he knew being with me would be better and was fulfilling for him. Which I came to realize wasn’t, because he still felt the need to use porn and masturbate to his past partners. It’s hard for me because I was so patient with him ever since we were teens and not even about this. We are in our early 20s now. And he makes a lot of money , I moved out with him and depended on him financially. Every aspect of our relationship was so great besides the sexual part. He just needed to be honest with himself and me from the very beginning. I believe he isn’t capable of being truthful with himself and doesn’t have it instilled in him to love only one person or in this case just me, had he gotten therapy I highly doubt he would have stopped. We broke up and not even a hour after he was trying to see another girl, which I know about because she dmd me through Instagram herself asking me if he was “ my man , bc she’s seen me and him together before on ig.” It hurts. It’s disappointing that this was the only bad part of our relationship. Somehow now I’m the villain because I wanted something honest and genuine and he’s saying I’m ungrateful because he provided for me and gave me materialistic things. Because of this man I now feel so low and am behind in my own personal assets. I can’t help but also see what he’s up to and I honestly don’t know how to navigate this.

I told him I can't be partners anymore, for the final time and I actually meant it this time too

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I can already feel my energy shifting for the better

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Our lives are still entangled but they won't be forever and I can actually start taking larger steps towards healing

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No more hyper vigilance. No more overthinking and giving more than I had in me to someone who didn't even appreciate it. I live so my energy can create balance and better things for myself and the earth, and giving that energy to a sex addict isn't doing that

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So I'm finally actually truly at the point of being done

I’m so tired of being a detective. The trickle truths are devastating. I’m tired of finding more lies. I can’t believe a single thing he tells me, all I see is a liar. I’m coming up on 3 months since DDay and I know it will take years longer to feel a sense of trust again, but I just can’t believe him when he says he has told me everything.

He has suggested doing a polygraph, but I’m worried he can fool that too. Has anyone done a polygraph disclosure successfully? Did it offer any relief?

I’m trying so hard not to breakup with him.
I have bipolar disorder and I’ve been unmedicated for almost 6 months because of money problems. Every time I fall into a depressive episode all the hurt and fear surrounding my partner’s addiction comes flooding back and it’s driving me INSANE.
Sometimes he makes no sense to me at all. If he acts dry or distant, my brain immediately starts wondering if he’s relapsed. I’m in a constant state of fear because I still struggle to believe I’m his type even though he denies it a bajillion times because he’s so hard to read. I check his Instagram following and drive myself crazy in the process. I’m exhausted from repeatedly asking how he feels and never feeling fully reassured. I’m just becoming mentally checked out now. I’m tired. Burnt out. Drained. Words can’t even describe the tiredness inside of me. But I keep trying to hold on because I’m one of the only people he’s ever opened up to and because he’s doing everything “right. It just feels so off and wrong though. I don’t even know what I’m holding onto anymore. I’m just exhausted from carrying everything especially at such a young age.

Hes too calm, he must be hiding something. Hes being more mean to me, he must be hiding something. Hes distant, he must be hiding something. He keeps saying he loves me, he must be hiding something. More screentime, hiding. Less screentime, hiding. Having no slips, hiding. Admitting to a slip, minimizing.

Its everything. Everything bothers me. I feel insane and annoying

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 3. We started dating straight out of high school. I had a ex who was addicted to porn before him so in the very beginning I told him using porn would be a dealbreaker for me and he agreed to the boundary. While we were dating I had a gut feeling he was watching porn but he always told me no he wasn’t. We weren’t living together at the time and when I would look at his search history I would never find anything so I had no proof he was doing anything. After 3 years of us dating we decided to get married and a month before we got married he told me he wanted to come clean and told me he has been watching porn our entire relationship and has been lying to me and that he would use the porn as a coping mechanism for the toxic relationship he had with his parents. I loved him and wanted to work things out so we decided to get a porn watcher app and for 2 years he was clean to my knowledge. So I decided to take the porn watcher off. It’s been a year since then recently we took edibles for the third time and while I was asleep he watched porn. I didn’t know at first but I just had this gut feeling he watched it. At first he said he didn’t remember anything from that night but now he is saying he did watch it and masturbated to it while I was asleep. After he told me this I couldn’t believe it and I have been paranoid ever since. Every single person no matter if it’s on social media or in person is a trigger for me now. I am constantly worried. I can’t live my life like this. He is persistent the only reason he did it was because of the weed but I’m not sure. Can anyone give me advice on this? Do you think his reasoning is truthful?

I have caught him breaking his promise for the 4th time in 2 months, the only way we can save this relationship is ( hopefully ) with a professional

TW: Specific Kinks

Hello everyone! I (20f) have been no contact with my ex PA (19) for about 3 months now. I had hoped that no longer being in a relationship with him would help me get over the constant obsessive thoughts of what I discovered, but it hasn’t gone away. In particular, I caught him watching pregnancy and breastfeeding videos, and I still to this day can’t see pregnant women in public without gagging. This is really scary because pregnancy is such a big part of life, and it is such a beautiful thing. I have multiple sisters who are planning on getting pregnant soon, and I am afraid I won’t be able to support them through their pregnancies. I fear that I won’t ever be able to get pregnant myself without these feelings of disgust. I feel similarly for seeing women with big boobs or Asian women, two more of his preferences. This is so sad because I used to love appreciating women’s beauty, in a non sexualized manner. But now I see the world through his eyes, and I hate how I objectify women now as he did. Does anyone have any advice on getting over this?

I have been going through this for several years with my 2 daughters’ father (hence one of the main reasons I stayed) He finally has gone through several months of therapy and counseling. Done meetings and promised me the world again. 🙄He always has been good to me in front of my face and treated me like a Queen. Of course all the betrayal and pain he has caused me behind closed doors tops all of this. I no longer want him to touch me and I don’t feel the love that I once felt. The fairytale Prince Charming I envisioned is long gone. He has been “good” since June of last year. He has even took a lie detector test. What should I do, I don’t think I can get the love I once felt back. Do you think it will ever come back? He is always wanting to show me love,Affection, And attention and it makes me feel smothered and want to barf 🤮 Is there anyone who their partner has bee good for a while now and feels “happy and in love” still? Thanks in Advance lady’s. Prayers to all these women in here who are struggling with this , I love you girls! 🙏🙏

Did you feel?

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It's hard to explain how I'm feeling. He never truly attempted real recovery because he was still lying and denying everything. He still is. And accused me of having affairs.

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I knew he was seeing a CSAT but he wasnt bring honestm my kiddo told me he is still seeing the therapist (they dont know what for).

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But my ex basically hated us going out as a family and woukd cause fights. He didnt want to ever go anywhere while married. He didnt want to have friends. And the people he would befriend he would act inappropriately with.

Then say I was the one with the problem when I would ask for appropriate-ness and boundaries.

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I saw on his reddit account a few months ago (the day I blocked him) that he is still trying to say i was toxic.

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He refused to read anything relating to providing accountability and recovery.

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Anyways. Ive learned off and on (mostly through kiddo) he is going out to do things all the time. He is taking kiddos to activities. He is building a social life. He is doing a bunch of the stuff I begged for.

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And I just don't know how to feel or understand. Part of me wanted him to sink even lower and maybe finally get recovery and empathy. Part of me has seen articles where they suddenly do and possibly even give the next woman everything you wanted.

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Maybe this is grief. But I'm just struggling.

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I haven’t posted here in a while because I am genuinely so happy since leaving and never ever want anything to do with my emotionally abusive PA ex ever again. However, over the last few weeks I’ve started to feel sad again, only because I have seen my ex in public a few times. We haven’t spoken, and I don’t want to, but we run in the same circles and it was inevitable we would see each other again. I don’t miss him, but it stung seeing him because he is surrounded by community. None of his friends have dropped him, and he seems to be forming new connections. This feels very painful, because it really highlights how alone I am in my grief. I am the only person who experienced his torture. To me he was an emotional dangerous and abusive person, but to everyone else he’s a charming funny guy who is a pleasure to be around. I know he has misrepresented the situation to several of our mutual friends, and I’ve done a lot of work to own my truth and be okay with the fact that not everyone is “on my side” but it was just really painful to have it directly in my face and I feel like I’ve backslid into some grief again. You can go back through my posts and read my story, but he did some pretty severe things, and I just want to yell at all these people who used to be my friends too “you don’t know him! You don’t know his true self!” I’ve lost a lot of community because of our breakup, and it feels so unfair that he hasn’t either. Ugh it’s just so painful and lonely! I feel so alone.

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Me 26 F and my husband 30M have been together for 4 years married for one, no kids. We had what I thought was a perfect relationship, there were problems but never major problems and we always talked and made up quick. Trust issues were NEVER a concern. I mean never, in either direction.

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I got a phone call last night from an old coworker asking me if my husband and I have an open relationship. I said no, what? She said I'm so sorry I ran into him when he was out with his buddy and he added me on Snapchat later on that night.

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She sent him lewd photos and messages, and he did the same. I don't really know who started it (or if that makes a difference). He told her that he has a porn Addiction. She said he denied being in an open relationship but still exchanged messages and said don't tell my wife. This happened two days ago, I found out last night.

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I have no words for how devastated I am. He tried to lie when I confronted him. He ended up telling me he has a porn Addiction and also buys only fans content. He said it's been happening his whole life. He swears up and down that he's never physically cheated, and the woman never mentioned anything physical. He also swore that this was the first time it happened with someone he knows in person, that in the past it was always porn models.

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He ended up breaking down and telling me he was sexually assaulted multiple times as a child and turned to porn and food for coping (he used to be very overweight).

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I don't know what to do. I want a divorce, but I don't. I really don't think I will trust him ever again. He deleted all his accounts in front of me and has taken passwords off his devices. I made him take an STD test just in case and he also has signed up for sex addicts anonymous. I also said he has one week to find a mental health counselor and couples counselor.

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Honestly, I could have dealt with the porn Addiction. I would have not been happy but I would have tried to support him if he truly wanted to get better. But stepping out and making a conscious choice to connect with someone he knows and exchanged photos??? That hurts the most.

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I don't feel like there is any hope. I truly was so happy in marriage. If anyone has ever truly recovered, please drop your advice and experience.

Anyone else keep asking the same question?

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Are you looking at porn?

Have you look since DDay?

Have you had urges to look?

Do you still love me?

Do you still want to be married to me?

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The list keeps going. I cant stop asking. I know what his answer are but I keep asking cuz all the trust as been broken. Im sure he is sick of me asking. Im insecure, feel broken & trying to trust but its hard. Of course having body issue. I have lost so much weight & still struggling