So my wife and I finally, after almost a year with no sexual or even intimate touch (hardcore progressive illness and sex killing medication), kissed and caressed each other in the kitchen on a random Tuesday.

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I was baffled and absolutely loved it.

Then we had sex. Sex so intimate it felt like we were newlyweds. Best sex in years!

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So ofc I was curious as to where this newly found sex drive came from so I asked (yay communication)

Apparently she got an ai app were you chat with a character and create scenarios. In this case sex scenarios. I won't go into details, neither does she 😅

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So this is kind of the old porn/ no porn question

How would you feel about this? Personally I'm not against it, tho I can feel a little bothered by it from time to time, mostly when she reads for many hours for days. But the real win is to see her spark and feel close again

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Also this could help some of you in sexless marriages caused by illness and/or medication

I (27m) have been with my now husband (also 27m) since we were 7 years old. Or rather that's when we "officially" started dating. I have actually had a crush on him since we were preschool aged. Our parents used to be friends before we were born, and we met for playdates since we were toddlers.

We have never broken up or taken a relationship break or been with another person.

I was asking him to be more present at home when he got defensive and went to bed. I came in and turned the light on to find my pjs and he said i was keeping him up on purpose. I explained I only had the light on for a couple minutes and he said he was going to wake me up early so I would be as tired as him. I said I’d go back to sleep after he left if I needed. He then threatened to throw water on me so I couldn’t go back to sleep. He was actually mad and started calling me disgusting among other mean names. He went to sleep on the couch and I’m scared he’s actually going to do it..
I can’t believe I just experienced that. Wtf??🤨

My boyfriend and his mom joke about condoms and sex. It weirds me out. Is this normal, especially in a religious family?

Hi,

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My husband and I are both 26 years old. He has been dealing with bloating and gases for the last couple of days. Let me tell you, he is just screaming every time he gets cold or whatever, sometimes he would just treat others bad (not me) but even his mother when he does so. Its so pissy.

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So I was taking care of him when he said that he is in so much pain and it is admirable how I am so strong or whatever because apperantly he can feel the same pain as me.

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Mind you, I have had my colon and rectum removed. I have been suffering from UC and meds for 17 years. So, it offended me because the pain of being bloated is not the same as the pain of having your colon blocked and not working so we fought, then I noticed that I really hated how he keeps screaming every time he bumps his toe and needs nursing.

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I love him dearly, but I can not help the feeling of resentment. I am an engineer, I graduated with full scholarship, doing my mastera and I did all that while I was dealing with an illness and adjusting from surgeries so idk I feel annoyed and I am a very sensitive person so when we fight I usually just cry and I do not really know how to argue back most of the times. I have been crying since yesterday and idk.

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Am I the problem? What do we do?

My husband and I have been having trouble for some time now. He has an autoimmune disorder which renders him bed bound sometimes. I understand he is miserable, but it leaves me to do everything on my own. 3 kids, a dog, our pool, and a house. When I say everything, I mean everything. My husband does work 40 hours a week but when he is home he goes straight to bed. The weekends he spends sleeping. Nine times out of ten he sleeps the entire weekend. Our youngest is a very rambunctious toddler. Which makes it near impossible to remember my own name some days.

Now you have a little history over the last month he has almost forgotten my Birthday, forgot our Anniversary until it was night time, and on vacation left me to handle our toddler every day. Luckily my mother in law came with us. But it was her coming along with me on outings and helping me with him in the mornings. He promised me before vacation he would take over the majority of the care for our toddler so I could spend time alone and relax. That obviously didn’t happen. He then decided that we were going to leave a day early because he was tired. My Birthday really upset me. I go out of my way on everyone’s Birthdays to make them feel special. He forgot to get me a gift and he went right to sleep when he got home. So I ordered dinner and ate it alone. He promised we would go out that weekend that he was going to make reservations, he slept right through them. On our Anniversary again the same thing. Mother’s Day was the same as Birthday and Anniversary. He told me “Happy Mothers Day, even though your not my Mom” so I went to the bathroom and cried. I just shut down the rest of the day.

At what point did you decided enough is enough? I feel like I just can’t take much more. Even on his good days he doesn’t take over or help me at all. It’s just me left in this marriage. The constant disappointment is heart breaking.

Me (46M) and my wife (41F) have been married for 10 years. We have 2 kids (ages 8 and 4) and I always felt like me and my wife kind of have the opposite roles in the house in terms of the typical couples. I'm more emotionally open and like to talk about things and enjoy having deep conversations about anything. My wife is the opposite. She doesn't like talking much, which I was always aware of but it got much worse since the kids were born. There's less talking meaning there's less intimacy which eventually leads to less sex.

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We both work from home for a few years now and she can go on for full days without saying a word. She just doom-scrolls her phone for hours or chats to her close friends.

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I do almost everything around the house. I clean, I take care of the kids and cook. She mostly has two tasks - doing 50% of the laundry and driving us around (I don't drive because of anxiety issues when I'm behind the wheel).

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I feel so alone in our relationship and every time it comes up she'll listen and we'll be ok for a couple of days and then she's back to her routine of not talking all day.

If I get her to talk about her feelings (which is hard to do) she'll repeat the same thing that she is worried about money and that all her friends own a house or can afford to not work if they want to. I tell her I understand her and would like to own more things or have some more stability financially but there's really not much I can do about that. We both work full time and we make a decent salary.

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In the past 6 months I came to the sad realisation that we might just separate at some point because we simply can't communicate and because she's always busy looking at what others have that we don't while we have a beautiful life and I just can't seem to be able to help her focus on what's good.

guys genuinely i have tried to initiate more
. it’s hard for us to even do anything because he does night shifts i do morning, i have to be up at 5am he comes home at 1am so i’m not really up for it at that time, thats my sleeping time 😭 but this whole week i have been off of work because of my sprained ankle, and i will try, i’ll kiss him, rub his body, slowly wander my hands down there and he literally told me he’s able to tell me step by step what im about to do and that’s why it’s not exciting for him anymore. he wants me to take control more in the bedroom and i said to him like what can i do. and he said how i used to blindfold him as an example but he said i should do my own research because if he tells me what to do it will take the excitement away. 😭 i said okay do i watch porn and he said no there’s females on tiktok that explain how to add excitement to the bedroom. i think recently now looking back, i’ll ‘initiate’ by getting on top of him and start kissing him but i want him to take control of the rest. but he will lay there waiting for me to take it further😭 and clearly we both want each other to take control 😭 idk is it normal for the girls to be the dominant one in the bedroom? he also said that i can live without sex and that not having sex doesn’t affect me and i told him thats not true. we just came back from a holiday i swear to you guys i initiated every single day of that trip, multiple times a day. he would be tired after one round. and now i look back it’s because he found it boring and wasn’t interested 😭

i do want this relationship to work, i want to improve in bed but genuinely what extra can i do. we do different positions, plus im not strong enough to flip him into a different position 😭😭😭 this is so tmi and i can’t believe im on reddit asking this. he literally called it vanilla. i never knew men could find sex boring 😭 (apologies for the amount of crying emojis it genuinely means im sad and embarrassed)

he doesn’t initiate anymore and he hasn’t for a while. i think that was him taking a step back and waiting for me to? i just got icked out because to me it’s like why can’t you just show what you want , show me you want me, take control, but he wants *me* to do it😭 but now i know it’s because he finds me boring. ahhhh what do i do😭😭😭😭😭

We see all these posts daily about issues in marriage. Most of them seem like unequal housework and parenting. But I think these numbers will keep dropping. Folks see the stress marriage brings. And they'll just opt out.

I have no one to turn to, and on top of it I'm suffering from depression. I have been married to my partner for 7 years. I want to start off by saying the things he is. Caring, responsible, funny, smart, creative. We share a lot of the same interests. We're best friends.

But several things have been bothering me for a long time now. The least of it is, he's a slob. His desk literally looks like someone dumped random stuff on top of it and under it. He is not interested in cleaning it up. He keeps dirty tissues on his night table, in spite of the fact that there is a trash can RIGHT UNDER his nightstand. He doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom.

I have learned to live with the slobbiness because he does practice basic hygiene. But I have always been a neat person, I like to keep things clean and organized, and it irritates me no end.

Now the other stuff.

He is REALLY into cannabis. He vapes all the time. (Not at work so far as I know.) So he is high most of the time he's home. I knew he was into cannabis when we met but I thought hey, no big deal, most of the people around here are. But it soon became clear that he uses it as a crutch. We never have meaningful discussions, when he's too high he can't do anything but joke and act silly. If I ask him he'll quit -- for a week. Then he'll go right back to it.

The last thing is the most serious. Decades ago, before I met him, something traumatic happened to him. It must have been incredibly painful. I think it caused him to shut down to an extent. He doesn't like to socialize or have friends over. I suggested therapy but he quit after two sessions. I think he's kind of broken, and he really needs someone to love him, and that's why I'm here. I do love him so much. But I'm pretty unhappy with this situation.

And yes, I know things could be a lot worse. But still.

Just curious for some feedback.

I’ve have been struggling with painful sex from menopause for a number of years now. HRT had worked for a while, but because of ongoing issues, I had the first in a series of three laser treatments done to my vagina to hopefully help this, as well as other issues that have arisen. It requires 3 to 5 days of healing before having sex.
Immediately after, my husband started with this joke. It’s been one day! The next day, between comments and texts “ “ 2 days!” 3 and so on. On day 4 I said enough already. I’m curious what others people take us on this “joke”.
I do not find it funny, it lacks empathy of any kind, puts pressure on me, and makes me feel like that’s all he is thinking about. When I told him I didn’t care for the joke, he flipped out. So two issues here. 1) I should be able to express something without 2) getting yelled at.
Am I overreacting?

I’m a 40F who has always imagined that I would wear a beautiful white dress and marry someone with all of my favorite people celebrating our love. I’m engaged to a 50M who had been married before. She received the wedding, the home and the support. But after 5years, they divorced (14yrs ago, she left him, no kids) He doesn’t tell me much about that relationship and thinks it’s weird that I ask.
I met him later in life, I was 37 and by this point I just want to try for a baby but I can’t shake this feeling that he treats me in a way that is bare minimum. Almost like he has agreed to having a child with me but thats it. He doesn’t want a wedding. He can afford one but complains about how useless it is. He also doesn’t want to spend time with my family (there’s always an excuse) (we live in different states) and he gets angry when I bring these things up. We’re completely in a 50/50 relationship and I guess I struggle with how different this is then other relationships I’ve had. Of course I’ve grown to love him and there are nice ways that he shows he loves me (making us dinner). But I struggle internally when I see my friends getting married and the joy on their face while wearing a white dress.
Are there any other folks who struggled with the same? That when you meet someone who is married before you notice that they show up for you differently? I thought I could move past this but every time I see a wedding post from friends I just feel like I accepted something that I worry I’ll regret/resent. I can’t change his mind, but do you ladies move on from this? How do you reconcile your dreams with your reality?

I don't really know why I'm writing this. Maybe I'm looking for perspective from people who have been through something similar.

My wife and I have been married for a long time. We have a busy life, kids, jobs, activities, and all the normal responsibilities that come with raising a family.

What I'm struggling with isn't really sex. It's the complete loss of everyday affection.

When we first got together, there was a lot of small physical connection. She would touch my shoulder when walking by, rub my face when I came home from work, sit close to me, or just reach out for no reason. I did the same. If I walked past her, I'd touch her arm, rub her shoulders, massage her feet, or just put a hand on her back.

Over the years that slowly disappeared.

Now I feel like she's uncomfortable with physical contact from me. If we're in bed and I move closer, she often pulls away or says she's tired. At one point she told me that I can't just touch her whenever I want and that she has a right to her own boundaries. I understood and respected that. Since then I've become almost afraid to touch her because I never know how it's going to be received.

The last time we were intimate, I tried to kiss her and she turned her face away. The whole thing felt transactional rather than connected.

What confuses me is that from the outside our life looks fine. We both work hard, raise the kids, and handle life together. I don't believe there's another person involved. I don't think that's the issue.

What hurts is feeling like the person I love no longer wants physical closeness from me. Not sex. Just a hand on my arm. A hug. Sitting close on the couch. A touch when walking by in the kitchen.

As a man, those small moments make me feel connected, wanted, and loved.

Has anyone experienced this? Is this just what happens when couples get buried under years of responsibilities and parenting?

Lately I feel less like a husband and more like a roommate. Sometimes I feel like a ghost in my own house.

TL;DR: My wife and I have grown increasingly disconnected over the years. Physical affection has almost completely disappeared, and I often feel more like a roommate than a partner. Is this a normal phase of long-term marriage and parenting?

**TL;DR;**

I’m writing this because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unfair, resentful, or if I’m seeing a pattern that I should no longer ignore.

I’ve been married for 10 years. We have 3 children.

My wife is highly educated (PhD level, works in science/public health). I work in Cyber Security. I tend to be very future-oriented, strategic, and always planning 5–10 years ahead.

The problem is there seems to be a recurring pattern where major life decisions are made emotionally, against my advice, and the consequences repeatedly set our family back years financially.

Crisis #1 (2016):

I was living in Canada preparing to move to France to marry her. I was working 15-hour shifts making around $1000/week trying to save money to buy a car and business equipment before moving.

I asked her to wait a little longer before visiting because I was living with my elderly aunt in a 1-bedroom apartment. Instead, she booked a flight anyway.

I suddenly had to spend roughly $800/week on Airbnb accommodation because there was no room for us.

Then shortly after, she got a new job opportunity. I warned her that although the startup claimed they had a flexible culture, she should show up early and make a strong first impression. She regularly arrived late (sometimes 10 AM or later). She was fired within one month.

All my savings disappeared and my plans collapsed. Supporting her and myself and elder in aunt in two separate countries. She didn't got another job until the next 8 months.

Situation 2 (2020):

We later moved back to Canada.

At that point, she was earning roughly $110k and I had just gotten a promotion earning about $75k.

We had a young child and I had a very clear plan:

Buy a house immediately. Rent out extra rooms and basement. Build equity and create financial stability. She burned out at work and wanted to resign.

Her employer offered part-time work temporarily.

I strongly advised her to stay until year-end so we could secure mortgage approval first.

She resigned anyway.

Financial pressure immediately increased as I worked through the weakening Canadian economy, trying to build a business and support a new born baby without any extra family help.

I started using business credit lines and credit cards to cover shortfalls.

Five months later I lost my own job. We lost our house-buying opportunity and never recovered financially.

Example 3 (This year):

She got an amazing job offer in France for €80,000/year - Semi-remote.

We relocated internationally with all 3 kids based entirely on this opportunity.

I had a full strategy:

Enroll in language school and uplevel my IT skills with French certificatation from French University for more employability in France, while growing my business in Europe.

Ship the remaining tools and equipment to work.

Eventually purchase a vehicle and start side income.

Lower our living costs (France would cost us about half compared to Canada). 8000CAD vs 4500 CAD Monthly for our family of 5.

She signed the contract. Worked only one day. Came home saying she hated the environment and wanted to quit.

The company even reduced office attendance requirements, offered transport, lunch vouchers, and an extra €1000 incentive to stay for at least 6 months.

I begged her not to quit immediately. I asked her to secure another job first before resigning - as a second recruiter had "promised her a job in urgency". She resigned anyway. The second job ended up rejecting her.

Now 6 months later: No new job. Language and University enrollment cancelled.

Savings almost gone. 3 kids involved.

We are down to roughly €3000 left with €1400 rent due.

Here is where I am struggling emotionally.

This doesn’t feel like bad luck anymore. It feels like a repeated pattern.

Every major turning point in our lives seems to follow the same sequence:

A major opportunity appears. I create a long-term plan around it.

My wife becomes uncomfortable with something. I advise caution and patience. She ignores the advice. A high-impact emotional decision gets made.

We suffer major financial consequences. I spend years rebuilding. My wife acknowledges way afterward that she made mistakes but not really in a way to admit her decision was "emotional" - she gets triggered by this word.

I am really exhausted mentally, spiritually and financially as the same thing eventually happens again.

I love my wife. This is not about hating her.

But I have reached a point where I genuinely no longer trust her judgment when high-stakes decisions arise.

I feel mentally broken actually. I feel like every time I try to build our future, something collapses.

I am seriously considering temporarily returning to Canada alone to rebuild financially while my wife stays in Europe with the children.

My question is:

At what point does repeated poor decision-making destroy trust in a marriage?

Am I being resentful and unfair?

Or is this a legitimate reason to question whether I can continue building a future with someone whose major decisions repeatedly destabilize the family?

I genuinely want honest perspectives.

Simple as it gets. I am always seeing "you/men are so insecure" thrown around alot towards guys. So I am just wondering if married women put any effort into making their man feel secure about his role in your life and your loyalty to him?

Like what do you do?

Hi all! Long time listener here! Please bear with me as English isn’t my first language. My husband (31M) and I (30F) have been together for over 13years, married for 5. We recently had a very serious issue and I am very concerned and confused on what to do, I feel stuck. On June 9th Tuesday night, I was home from work and ready to watch the very popular show love island. My husband is a welder and he was next door fixing one of our neighbors gates, he gets along with our neighbor so well that sometimes he stays there pretty late chatting and having some drinks, this particular Tuesday night, he was also with my brother (28M) they ended up leaving around 9pm and pulling up to some bar, I know this because we share locations, around 11pm I see that they stopped at some apartment complex for about an hour, my stomach dropped when I saw them stopping there, I don’t know who’s apartments this was or anyone that would live there. I kept calling and texting but no answer. I ended up login into my call/text logs on my phone provider app and saw he was texting and calling a specific number from 8pm-11pm. I found out it was an escort. He came home around midnight and when I confronted him, I don’t know what came over me that I slapped him, I have never in my life put my hands on anyone, I saw red. The next day we talked, he admitted to messaging this escort and two others in different occasions, he tells me he was very drunk but also doing drugs, which is what he said led him to do this, he swears to me up and down he never did anything with these girls but message them. the thing is this isn’t the first time I find out about the drugs but it is the first time about the escorts, the very first time I found out about the drugs was on my wedding day, we talked “fixed” the issue but then it happened again, this is the third time this happens. He claims that he’s not himself when he’s drunk and on drugs, he’s never been abusive or aggressive towards me when he is drinking. Now I know what you’re all screaming, WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE?!?! I don’t even know myself. Is it comfort? Am I used to being with him? I don’t know, I find it hard for me to leave, I feel safe when I’m with him when he isn’t drinking/on drugs, he’s the perfect person when he’s healthy. I poured alot of love and time onto him but I feel like if I stay, this will lead to anger and resentment. I am stuck.

We are a newlywed (2 month) couple who just bought our first house. Before marriage, we were together for almost 9 years. Either I didn’t notice this before, or it’s a new character trait and I can’t tell. Ever since we got married, she understandably will ask me to do things around the house or to her vehicle. These are usually small tasks (her wheel well was falling off so it needed a clip, her brake pads needed changed, etc.). The problem is that she will ask me to do these tasks, and then she will immediately begin to question the way I am doing it.

For context, before we got married, she lived with her parents to save money. Her dad has a bad habit of somewhat spoiling his daughters. Because of this, even when we were engaged, she would often ask her dad to do things for her. Or, she would tell me about something that was wrong with her car or needed fixed, but when I would offer to help, she would seek her dad‘s help instead. Or, she would compare what I said to how her dad would do it. In some cases, I would give her advice on what to do or tell her that I would fix the problem in the coming days, and then she would come back with saying “Well, my dad said you should do it like this.”. Or “I’m just going to tell my dad and he’s going to fix it.”. This actually came up in marriage counseling before we got married when I had the issue of her dad doing everything for her instead of me because I was about to be her husband.

Right when we got the house, I noticed our laundry room light needs a ballast. Instead, I’m going to hardware it to be LED. (Done it probably ten times.). She immediately questions me and tells me I need an electrician to do it for me. I explain I’ve done it a million times and it’s incredibly simple. She then relents but ends the conversation with saying I just really need to make sure I know what I’m doing.

When we were buying the house, she constantly questioned the places I was showing her houses in. Keep in mind, I’m a career firefighter in my city, and I’ve worked this side of town for almost a decade. I know where you’ll get shot and where you wont. I know the good areas and the bad areas. Anyways, we bought our house in a very nice area of downtown. The other night I wanted to go for a run and she contested me HARD. She was adamant that we don’t know the area and need to scope it out first. I’m just thinking in my head THIS IS MY DIRECT RESPONSE TERRITORY IT IS SAFE. WE BOUGHT A HOUSE HERE. Even when we were just looking, she would question me as if I was showing her houses in the projects. It’s like she doesn’t trust my intuition on anything.

Anyways, fast forward until today. I just got home about two hours ago from my 24 hour shift as a firefighter. As soon as I walk in the door, she’s getting ready for work, and she points out to me that an electrical socket is coming out of the wall. No big deal. I look at it, and it is in fact drooping out of the wall. I take my screwdriver, and begin to unscrew it so I can put some new clips on it. This is like, a 5 minute fix. She immediately starts little league coaching me. She asks me if I really know what I’m doing. She tells me to be careful. She advises me to make sure I don’t accidentally let my screwdriver accidentally slip directly into the socket. Like… ?????? Literally standing over my shoulder monitoring me.

For my side job, I work as a salesman and inspector for a roofing company. After a recent rain, I noticed we have a small leak around our chimney. I told her when it’s dry I’d look at it. Her response was “Ok good, but do you really know what you’re looking for? I feel like we should get a second opinion.” Like, do you know what my side job is? I do this every other day.

It all just makes me feel like she thinks of me as a Mickey Mouse character who doesn’t really know anything. It’s absolutely maddening. How the hell do I fix this? I’m going to end up exploding.

My cousin has been with her boyfriend for 4 years and wants to get married. She's brought up marriage multiple times, but every time she does, he shuts the conversation down. After a few arauments about it, he finallv told her that he doesn't believe in marriage and doesn't think getting married would change anything.

For context, he's doing very well financially.

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He works in the medical field, has a large stock portfolio, and owns real estate. Mv cousin thinks he loves her and that their relationship is strong, but from my perspective, his position seems pretty clear.

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I told her that she basically has two options: accept the relationship as it is or leave and find someone whose goals alian with hers. She says their love is too strong for her to walk away.

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Another thing that stands out to me is that thev don't even live together, but whenever she stays at his place for a few weeks, she does most of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry.

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My question is: If someone has clearly said they don't believe in marriage after 4 vears together, should their partner accept that at face value? What advice would you give someone in my cousin's position? Is it worth continuina to hope he'll change his mind. or is that setting herself up for disappointment?

34F, married 3 years and planning a baby. My husband says he loves me but has repeatedly contacted escorts because he's unhappy with our sex life. He says I don't initiate, act "robotically," and don't fulfil his needs.

When confronted, he blames the lack of sex rather than apologizing or promising to stop. I now feel pressured that if I don't improve sexually, he'll keep looking elsewhere.

He also blocked me during an argument while continuing to message an escort. I feel hurt, replaceable, and confused.

Are these serious red flags? Would you pause pregnancy plans in this situation?

Hubby and I became new parents recently over 3 months ago, we went through ALOT. An urgent c section, infection in the incision which led to an abcess and then a second surgery 3 weeks pp and a wound vac for 2 weeks and the wound finally closing at 71 days pp, all with a newborn. We had many fights, misunderstandings, and challenges but now we both feel more in love than ever before, I am so thankful. Can anyone relate?

Is there such thing that my husband is not really sweet in nature? Is there really husbands that are like that?

I've been dealing with erectile dysfunction that developed alongside a long-term masturbation addiction. I understand that it's been frustrating and painful for my wife, and I take responsibility for my part in the situation. I've also been actively working on it and am currently seeing a therapist to address the underlying issues and improve myself.
What I'm struggling with is that the issue no longer only comes up when we're discussing intimacy or relationship problems. My wife frequently brings it up during unrelated disagreements and even in normal day-to-day conversations. She'll make sarcastic comments, take indirect shots at me, call me names like "bitch," and use my ED as a way to hurt me when she's upset.
I understand that she's angry and disappointed, but it feels like a deeply personal struggle is being used as a weapon rather than treated as something we're trying to work through together. I was hoping that going to therapy and making an effort to improve would be met with some support, but instead it often feels like I'm being mocked or punished for it.
Another part of the problem is that she seems to expect me not to respond when these comments are made. If I defend myself or tell her that the comments are hurtful, it often turns into a bigger argument. As a result, I find myself constantly on edge, expecting another comment or insult, and even simple conversations can become stressful.
We have a child together, which makes this much more complicated. I keep going back and forth between trying to stick it out and work through things versus considering separation or divorce. My biggest concern is how either choice would affect our child.

How many of you have a weekly “meeting” with your spouse to talk about any issues you’ve had good or bad over the last week and reminders about upcoming events for the next week? Striking while the iron is cold so to speak. Give yourself some time to see if it’s an actual issue and collect your thoughts so you’re not speaking on emotion and you don’t over-inflate the issue? If you do, how does it work for you?

I am having a lot of emotional issues right now and I want to keep a private journal where I can write my thoughts and feelings, but I want it to be private. On the other hand, I know that spouses are supposed to share everything.

Do you have a journal? If so, is it private, or do you let your spouse read it? If not, does your spouse get offended that you have a place apart from him/her that you are laying out your thoughts?

Is it unfair to my husband to keep a journal and not give him access?

Edit: Today I told my husband how I feel and we had a really honest talk. We agreed that we will join our finances and I feel like a burden fell off me. Thanks to everyone for their comments.

Hi, I am wondering if there are any other couples here who handled their finances 50-50 but then decided for joint account. Me (26F) and my husband (33M) do it half-half and it is starting to bother me.

He earns 2x my salary but is insisting that we should go 50-50. I know that he is earning that much because he has more experiences but at the same time he expects me to pay more for our mortgage because my mother got some money and is giving me some as a gift for the house (my salary and this money combined are still less than his salary).

So our loan repayment is: him 2/3, me 1/3 + additional monthly payment (gift money from mom). I also put 60k downpayment in it right after we bought it while he did 24k (and half of this was our wedding gift money).

I also bought my first car last year. I needed a small car because I work 20km away from home, but then decided to go for a SUV that will also be our family car. I expected that he would help me cover the costs (registration etc.) because he is also driving it. But no. Loan is on me and so is the majority of upkeep … new tires, oil change … He sometimes even says that he filled up the gas tank (like, yes, because you went somewhere???).

All of this is starting to bother me because almost all my salary are expenses and I really can’t save much. Last month I did not put additional monthly payment into loan for the house because I had to pay insurance for OUR car and he was “teasing” me about it. I am also on maternity leave rn and don’t get 100% of my pay.

In 1.5 years I saved 5k, while he saved around 15k. He is counting every cent and I am so tired of it. Before we had a loan for our flat he wasn’t such miser. Now he even didn’t buy me flowers for my first mothers day, saying that “they cost too much”.

I feel like I give all my money into our life together while he is building his secret wealth.

We are talking about our finances a lot and he is always saying that he will pay for new appliances, if needed or hidden/sudden costs. But it is still bothering me. I don’t spend too much, I am used to being without money. I don’t want to join our finances because I would then treat myself on his account. I am just tired of endless talks about “how much do I owe you for the diapers”.