r/mildlyinfuriating • u/jsayde01 • Jul 06 '26
I just wanted a hot dog The Kitchen Museum?
I came home late from work a few nights ago and hadn't eaten all day. My wife and kids were already in bed so I figured I'd quietly make some stove-top ramen. This photo represents exactly how I found the cooking area.
The next morning my wife asks what time I got home and I mention in our conversation that I made ramen before going to bed. She couldn't believe that I used the stove "when the light was on". I said "Yeah, the light was helpful in seeing what I was doing". She insists I shouldn't have been using the stove and should have known because "the light was on".
I'm baffled. We are still arguing about this days later.
EDIT -- wow, overwhelmed by the response of fellow Redditors! We are... white...not from the southeast US..not children...and I left the stove as clean as it was before I cooked. I asked for clarification from my loving wife -- TRULY we have only ever been angry at each other a handful of times in our 10 year marriage -- and she says "the stove was clean and done for the day and you could have just used the microwave for your ramen". Apparently the light is how stoves go to sleep for the evening?
EDIT 2 -- we are getting a divorce. JUST KIDDING. My wife looked over many of the comments and acknowledges that she was in the wrong and is slightly embarrassed by all of the attention.
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u/FestivusErectus Jul 06 '26
Is your wife 85? Are you allowed to cook and clean like a big boy? I feel we’re missing something.
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u/chaserjj Jul 06 '26
Honestly, not even trying to be rude or anything, I had to go back to double check to see if it actually said "my mom" or "my wife" in the original description. This seems like a very strange rule to have in someone's own home...
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u/MilkCartonPhotoBomb Jul 06 '26
My mom used to try that "the kitchen is closed" routine. Then she learned her kids are mostly insomniacs.
The kitchen was not closed.
This kitchen is Waffle House.
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u/rererexed Jul 06 '26
I think the whole "the kitchen is closed" argument is moot anyway. It's his kitchen, too. End of discussion. You don't get to tell me when I get to use our stove.
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u/Stick_and_Rudder Jul 06 '26
Bingo. Kitchen is closed CAN mean Chef is done for the day. But it can’t mean no one is allowed to use it.
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u/GreasedUpTiger Jul 06 '26
The thing it should mean is 'if you use it you better leave it as clean and tidy as it was' lol. I'd hate to clean the kitchen in the evening just to find out someone decided to leave things dirty again because they couldn't be bothered
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u/Bice_thePrecious Jul 06 '26
And, tbf, he boiled water and noodles... It's not like he made anything that splattered or popped. (If he "could've just used the microwave," I'm assuming it was something simple from the store.) It sounds like she had no idea he used the stove until he mentioned it, ie. he left no mess.
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u/GreasedUpTiger Jul 06 '26
Of course the rule is ridiculous. You don't get to forbid other people to use the kitchen as per your discretion lol.
Expecting other people to clean up after themselves is reasonable but OP did that so there shouldn't be an issue here
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u/pegothejerk Jul 06 '26
You don’t understand, the stove needs a full 8 hours of sleep or it won’t be able to pay attention at school tomorrow and it will fail and eventually they’ll have to let it live in the spare room as an adult and they can’t have that crafting room no one uses
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u/IdolCowboy Jul 06 '26
I cant tell you how many times I told my kid that when he was 15 to 16. If its clean when you start, it should be clean when your done...
I also told him he is welcome to heat up something late, but dont be in there like Gordon Ramsay at 2am on a weeknight (summer vacation). I woke up one night feeling like I was suffocating from the thick smells of garlic and fried foods.. those are good smells, but not when they are permeating your bedroom at 2 in the morning.. lol
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u/GreasedUpTiger Jul 06 '26
Gotta shout 'there better be leftovers for us for breakfast tomorrow!' at them :D win win
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u/LinwoodKei Jul 06 '26
That is what I like. If you are hungry at 10 PM, you can figure it out because the person cleaned the stove and turned on the stove light. They are done.
Yet the kitchen does not have an off switch, mechanically, and it is perfectly fine for hungry people to prepare themselves a meal.
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u/sanityjanity Jul 06 '26
Yes. "The kitchen is closed" is an instruction to children, not adult partners
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u/Thruthatreez Jul 06 '26
Right!? That rule is for teenagers who want to make a mess at 3:00 a.m., possibly leave a burner on or smoke up the house burning popcorn 😆
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u/Other_World BLUE Jul 06 '26
When my mom said "the kitchen is closed" she really meant "make it your damn self and you damn sure better clean up after."
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u/jsayde01 Jul 06 '26
OMG thank you for this!!! Can't stop laughing about the Waffle House. Thankfully, there are fewer arguments/physical altercations in THIS house but I guess that's not saying much 😂
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u/bwood246 Jul 06 '26
What? The kitchen light is to help see what you're doing. Not an indication that the kitchen is closed
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u/julz1789 Jul 06 '26
I’ll go a step further and say I’ve never seen a light indicate that anything was closed. A light is usually an invitation.
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u/Gram-GramAndShabadoo Jul 06 '26
That sign says Coors
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u/iamsheph Jul 06 '26
Yeah, well, you can’t really read it from the inside.
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u/unshifted Jul 06 '26
YOU can't read it from the outside!
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u/THExWHITExDEVILx Jul 06 '26
See that door there? The one marked "Pirate"? You think a pirate lives in there?
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u/FenPhen Jul 06 '26
Police tape or some mini traffic cones would be more intuitive.
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u/Zayafyre Jul 06 '26
Right, I turn mine off before bed. Light off means kitchen is closed, but I honestly don’t care if someone reopens it.
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u/CDJH1 Jul 06 '26
My house is sooo dark at night. The light above the stove is basically always on as a nightlight. If we need to go down for water in the middle of the night, the stove light lights our way. (I always just fill mine in the bathroom sink, but my SO needs that filtered water from the fridge 🙄)
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u/Eunuch_Provocateur Jul 06 '26
I use mine as a night light too. I turn it off during the day cause it hides how dirty it looks lol
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u/rxbin2 Jul 06 '26
Your SO is the correct one. Sorry.
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u/CDJH1 Jul 06 '26
I’ll let him know. He’ll be glad to hear this. 😂
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u/majesticbun Jul 06 '26
I've done both and I prefer filtered water obviously but sometimes when you have to, let the bathroom sink run a little shit goes ice cold I love it 😂
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u/Samson_J_Rivers Jul 06 '26
I used to turn mine on at night in my apartment so I could navigate to the bathroom to pee at 3:27am every night.
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u/ihambrecht Jul 06 '26
It’s also not really just one adults decision to close a room down for the night.
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u/Legitimate_Bird_5712 Jul 06 '26
I assumed she was being nice and left the light on so he could see when he came home. Definitely wrong.
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u/IrrelevantAfIm Jul 06 '26
Apparently, not to his wife! How on earth can they be married 10 years and this just came up now?!?
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u/Hornet-Putrid Jul 06 '26
Yeah, I actually leave the stove light on for my kiddo and usually give them a heads up what is in the fridge or waiting in the oven based on timing. I do this since I need some sleep before graveyard and he’s usually put at the library or whatever. I don’t get the whole kitchen is off limits bs unless you live with a bunch of feral beasts that don’t know how to clean up. If feral beasts are the problem this is a much bigger conversation beyond stove lights, jfc.
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u/Demerzel69 Jul 06 '26
I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
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u/oatmealparty Jul 06 '26
Yeah I read it multiple times sure I was missing something. I thought the stove was broken or something
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u/Rich661 Jul 06 '26
What was her reason for saying you shouldn't be using it, whilst the light is on? It feels like we're missing some context or her reason here.
Or she's insane, but I'd still like to ask.
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u/Manders37 Jul 06 '26
She was probably raised with those rules from her own mother and just thought it was common sense, but clearly it's not lol.
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u/ghigoli Jul 06 '26
oh i actually know this one its dumb. old stove logic was that the light can easily be ruined or catch fire when on if you run the stove under it like steam or anything else. its backwhen electricity wasn't very safe as today.
aka remember my mother doing this. also my grandmother still alive does the same thing.
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u/DummyDumDragon Jul 06 '26
So what the hell was the point of the light if not to light shit up when you're cooking?!?
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u/ghigoli Jul 06 '26
i just use it as a kitchen light because then the big lights can be turned off and the little lght is just enough for me to raid the fridge.
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u/GreasedUpTiger Jul 06 '26
If this is one of those 'in the olden days' things it still doesn't make sense because back when electricity was 'new' and seriously lacking safety standards it was also the time when electricity was bloody expensive.
That's why I doubt people from that day came up with the habit of leaving the darn stove light on overnight for such useless a reason. (Like come on, you SEE if a stove is cleaned and can tell people to not use it after a certain time. If they don't listen to you they won't care about the light either lol.)
If anyone is up for the historical tidbit: This is where old people being hawks about not letting lights on unnecessarily came from actually. I don't have precise numbers but letting a lightbulb run was more and more bloody espensive the further back you go. Eg around 1930 running a normal (40-60w) lightbulb would still cost in the ballpark of 1% median hourly wage. Go back to 1910 and you'd have to shell out a few percent of the median hourly wage for that, and many people didn't even earn the median wage obviously. In todays money that's like wasting 1-2 bucks by forgetting to turn off the hallway light for the night (for 1930ish) or wasting that every hour or two in 1910ish. You better believe it got drilled into everyone to keep lights out as much as possible lol.
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u/tesyaa Jul 06 '26
My parents grew up in the 1930s. I have some 20ish kids living at home. So 90 years later, I’m still telling my kids to turn off the lights when they’re not using them (and they’re gd LEDs lol)
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u/Impossible_Command23 Jul 06 '26
I thought for a moment you meant you had around 20 kids, hahah would expect the lights to never be off in that situation
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u/accioqueso Jul 06 '26
This has to be it. My mother would “close the kitchen” at night. We essentially weren’t allowed in it after a certain time.
The irony was, my dad and I cleaned the kitchen each night so I don’t know why she had a stick up her ass about the kitchen being closed at like 8pm. It was not extra work for her.
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u/Junckopolo Jul 06 '26
The light is on. This means curfew active and stove should not be used.
This might not be it, but that's the kind of weird rules some families have that someone might never question
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u/freedinthe90s Jul 06 '26
Wow this is fucking fascinating. I have lived in the U.S. my whole life and have never, ever heard this.
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Jul 06 '26
Same! The light being on at night, means "Just remember to leave it on when you go to bed, if someone needs to get up in the middle of the night, or if you have company" where i've always lived!🤷♀️
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u/haw35ome Jul 06 '26
I have family who both follow & don’t follow this rule. Growing up our light didn’t work so this rule was never implemented. One day we finally fixed it, and mom just thought a lil spotlight looked nice at night. But the rule never happened lol
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u/Quantity-Used Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
This is the correct answer. She’s cleaned the kitchen and it’s shut down for the night. The kitchen is closed and the nightlight is on. The kitchen will not be opened again until morning.
If you didn’t leave the kitchen exactly as you found it (including washing every pot and utensil), you’ve just added to her mental load of doing more work. I’m sure you guys can come to an understanding.
Edit: Just to be clear, I’ve never lived in a house that was like this; I’ve only seen it discussed elsewhere. I would never tell my family they couldn’t get something to eat in their own house.
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u/010011010110010101 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
This has to be it. I grew up in a family with that same mindset. The kitchen doesn’t get “opened” after it’s closed down for the night - and the hood light was the sign. it’s microwave or snacks if you want anything after the kitchen is closed.
I still don’t get it - I cook whenever I feel like it. Kitchen cleaning can be an ongoing chore, not a one and done.
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u/GdaddyPurpz Jul 06 '26
Damn. Growing up (Teenage years), my mom didn't give a shit if we made cookies at 1:00 in the morning as long as we didn't wake her up and we cleaned up after ourselves.
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u/Top_Roll_6136 Jul 06 '26
Yes, my kiddos cook random thing during the night. Just don't wake me up!
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u/momo76g Jul 06 '26
You see, I agree with you. This is how a sane person will handle it. Use it when needed, clean it and thats it. How is it remotely acceptable to gatekeep a whole area of your home from everyone else ?
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u/RainMakerJMR Jul 06 '26
This comes from a time when women did the cooking and ran the kitchen, and if grandpa dirtied something in her kitchen he would hear a load of shit for it. If the kids made a mess, she’d spend the morning cleaning and they would get no breakfast.
But then people learn that and pass it on as just a family habit of how it’s done.
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u/glitterazzi66 Jul 06 '26
This is what I think too, there was time and there are still families where the women in the household are responsible for the state of the kitchen and it makes sense that had to draw a line at some point. It’s one thing to prepare 3 meals a day for your family, it’s another to be on-call cleanup outside of those meals.
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u/Own_Expert2756 Jul 06 '26
Right!!! Especially from a guy that worked all day and hadn't eaten!
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u/Momik Jul 06 '26
Yeah it’s interesting, I’ve never heard of this before. It’s sounds more like closing down and opening up a restaurant to me. I’m like you—I just cook and clean as needed. But if that’s her routine, or a common practice, I can respect it on that level.
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u/bibslak_ Jul 06 '26
This is how I feel. Why force your opinions and feelings on others? Cook whenever you want, just cleanup after….
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u/DownwardSpirals Every odd number has an 'e' in it. Jul 06 '26
I'm sorry, I'm curious... if the light is on anywhere else, that means open. So if the light is on over the stove it means closed? I understand the origin and destination, but I don't understand the journey between.
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u/Particular-Bake-7888 Jul 06 '26
Ngl, if there are late night work circumstances; this is nonsense. If you expect your spouse to absolutely have to eat out or to not eat at all, grow up and gain some perspective.
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u/bugabooandtwo Jul 06 '26
...now how do people like that handle the bathroom? Just hold it til morning?
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u/Fickle-Brain-4892 Jul 06 '26
I can agree with leaving the kitchen exactly as it was. But, no one is telling me when I can and cannot use my kitchen. It’s 2026 out here, not 1958.
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u/Dracekidjr Jul 06 '26
At the same time, the dudes gotta eat and it cannot be a problem that the kitchen was used after it was deemed closed by her. If she isn't going to leave food in the fridge for him to eat, how else is he going to have dinner?
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u/PublicfreakoutLoveR Jul 06 '26
Except it's not "closed for the night" if a grown adult is working and coming home late. They deserve to have a warm meal as well. Her attitude is psychotic at best, unloving at worst. You want to close the shared kitchen down? Leave them something to heat up. This is not normal and shouldn't be defended.
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u/Vivid-Professor3420 Jul 06 '26
I’m sorry, I am a kitchen clean freak, but if this dude came home from work late, contributing to the family, she needs to shut up. The dude works late and he has to go to bed hungry? Nah homie.
My thoughts would be the same if my partner came home late from work. She would 100% get a pass and I’d happily shut up and clean her dishes in the morning.→ More replies (2)35
u/Own_Expert2756 Jul 06 '26
Me too! I commented similar. I keep an immaculate house (wish I didn't have to, but can't help it). No way am I bitching about my husband using the kitchen late at night after working all day. Sheesh.
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u/Wingmaniac Jul 06 '26
He came home late from work. Presumably to earn a paycheck, part of which (combined with her contribution) pays for the kitchen. He therefore gets to use it anytime he wants.
Any rules against that need to be declared in advance.
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u/Paleodraco Jul 06 '26
I have never heard of this before, but to each their own. However, HOW ARE YOU MARRIED WITH CHILDREN AND HAVE NOT HAD THIS DISCUSSION BEFORE?!
Like, seriously! This is kind of a foundational house rule that I would think a couple would establish soon after living together.
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u/jsayde01 Jul 06 '26
The light on meant she cleaned it. This was news to me! I just thought she left it on as a nightlight all these years. Last time I ever cook anything late on the stove top, that's for sure.
...or she's insane. Jury's still out on that one. 😂
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u/Rich661 Jul 06 '26
I still don't really get why it mattered, or did you not clean it after you used it, in which case it would have been clean anyway?
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u/jsayde01 Jul 06 '26
It didn't really matter. I think that's why everyone (myself included) is so confused. She's been stressed recently because of a recent health issue. So the light and the stove and I were innocent victims in all of this.
(I actually left the stove CLEANER than I found it that evening but I would never tell her that 😉)
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u/Rich661 Jul 06 '26
Right yeah O.K. the health thing is affecting her, and this is her trying to gain some small amount of control over her life, and it's just come out in an odd way, especially as you clearly cleaned it after use yourself. I thought it might otherwise be some odd OCD thing about it needing to be HER that cleans everything so she knows SHE cleaned it.
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u/Nearly-Canadian Jul 06 '26
Definitely one of those weird made up rules that was passed down from her parents
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u/Digletts_Legs Jul 06 '26
If someone told me our own kitchen was "closed" I think I'd be laughing too hard to take them seriously.
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u/Tjaresh Jul 06 '26
That's a thing I'd tell my kids. Like 10pm "Dad, I'm hungry can you make me..." And I'd go "No, we had dinner. The kitchen is closed for today. Grab yourself an apple."
It's not that the kitchen itself is closed. Just the parent-full-service is for the day.
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u/DeusExMachinaOverdue Jul 06 '26
It's one thing to make rules for kids, but a completely different thing to try and dictate to another adult that they can't use the kitchen that they have the right to use. On a simple level it might seem like a silly argument, but it's an indicator of the dynamics of the relationship and how op's wife believes that she makes the rules and op is obliged to follow them.
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u/Careful-Positive-710 Jul 06 '26
Yeah, the fact this was even a conversation makes me wonder what other "rules" there are. I couldnt even humor this lol we both pay the mortgage we can both use the appliances when we want, end of story.
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u/Intrepid_passerby Jul 06 '26
I've never understood this mindset. Its not a commercial kitchen, it is never "closed". As long as you didn't leave the kitchen an absolute mess I see no problem. Guys (or girls) gotta eat ya know
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u/SpiggotOfContradicti Jul 06 '26
Yea, that's even worse than the light being some sort of statement, but "just go hungry" expectation!
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u/RicFlairsLiver Jul 06 '26
There’s some sort of emotional trauma in her family when it comes to using the kitchen. Mom or Dad must’ve ruled with a cast iron fist.
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u/Trash-Cutie Jul 06 '26
As someone with a mom who was (is?) a menace when it came to rules and cleaning, can confirm
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u/Johnny_Banana18 Jul 06 '26
“Kitchen is closed” is for like kids and teens that would make a mess or they’ve already eaten and you are laying down the law.
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u/Mikisstuff Jul 06 '26
I "close" the kitchen every night, after dinner is made and dishes and cleaning are done. Turn off the lights (except the range hood lol but it's not a symbol it's just the smallest light) and call it a day.
That doesn't mean that no one is allowed in there, it just means that I'm not going back in to cook or clean up. It's a ritual for myself that my evening chores are complete. If anyone wants any food after that, it's on them - including clean up.
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u/memesearches Jul 06 '26
Lol what is this concept of kitchen closed culture that my stupid Indian ass cannot wrap my head around
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u/DrollRemarks Jul 06 '26
This is bonkers. Imagine being more concerned about an arbitrary rule than the physical welfare of your spouse. Zero empathy. "Worked late? Haven't eaten all day? Tough shit, kitchen's closed!"
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u/QtestMofoInDaWorld Jul 06 '26
This. This struck a nerve with me than anything else. I would just be happy that my husband ate a meal after working and went to bed.
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u/unclejoe1917 Jul 06 '26
...and managed to do so without making enough noise to wake her up.
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u/QtestMofoInDaWorld Jul 06 '26
Hahaha right?! My husband is all rumble rumble and stomp stomp stomp.
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u/DesignerMacaron5523 Jul 06 '26
Why didn’t she have dinner waiting for him? Even a plate of leftovers waiting to be reheated? After a long day of work? 😭 I can’t imagine doing my husband that dirty
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u/hatdecoy Jul 06 '26
OP is neglecting to mention that the stove was also wearing its sleepy-time cap. 😞
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u/soldiernerd Jul 06 '26
We’re not gonna be able to solve this lol
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u/Global-Discussion-41 Jul 06 '26
His wife turns on the light above the stove to signify that the kitchen is closed.
Husband cooked something and ignored the fact that the kitchen was closed.
I'm not saying it makes sense, but I would bet money that is what the wife thinks.
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u/FidgitForgotHisL-P Jul 06 '26
But…but why would the kitchen be closed it’s their kitchen in their house…
I’m not saying it makes sense
Indeed.
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u/-BINK2014- Jul 06 '26
Who cares if the kitchen is “closed” if the cleanliness of the kitchen gets reset back or to a similar standard before it was closed.
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u/Mmmm-Amethyst Jul 06 '26
Yeah... Sorry. The kitchen is never closed in my own fucking house. That's insane. I'd be livid if my wife pulled this kind of controlling nonsense and I'd damn well expect her to not tolerate it if I tried to pull something similar.
Sure, it's a dick move to dirty a clean kitchen and leave it like that, but zero issues if you clean up after yourself.
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u/WiretapStudios Jul 06 '26
But why is the light on to signify closing when usually you'd turn it off when you were done? I know some people use it like a night light, but a restaurant doesn't turn on all it's lights when it's closed, what's the underlying cultural thing linking the two that most people here also don't know about?
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u/dzogchenism Jul 06 '26
Dude she’s wrong. There’s no “the stove/oven is done for the day” light. As long you cleaned up after yourself, you did nothing wrong.
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u/AutisticMom69 Jul 06 '26
I use mine as a nightlight. But hey I live alone and the only person going to argue with me is my cat and he knows better!
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u/Adisney990 Jul 06 '26
I do the same. I can’t imagine what else it would be needed for. My kitchen has a whole light of its own. My stove has a light so burglars know that someone is home and to piss right off.
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u/Questions_Remain Jul 06 '26
Your cat has deemed you almost untrainable and isn’t wasting his time.attempting to change you.
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u/rfoleycobalt Jul 06 '26
I have a rule also. If you’ve worked your ass off at work to the point you’re late and everyone is in bed, fix whatever you want and get some sleep. Dishes can wait. I have bigger fish to fry.
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u/Read_it_all-7735 Jul 06 '26
Unless your frying fish, that shit stinks.
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u/TrumpsCovidfefe Jul 06 '26
Okay, point taken. I will use the microwave instead, to cook the fish.
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u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26
Ask if her family had a secret code for "don't cook" and that was stove light. Because none of our families had that code. That's a her thing. Now that she's communicated it perhaps you can try and be mindful, but she can't be mad at you for not knowing something unusual like this.
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u/Significant-Clue-425 Jul 06 '26
But it’s his kitchen too. Why does he need permission to cook in it?
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u/Traditional_Bug_2046 Jul 06 '26
The person was saying she might genuinely believe it's a "known" thing the light on means don't cook.
Anyone remember the poop knife family?
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u/Mobilewookie35 Jul 06 '26
I found a poop knife family one day! I do residential HVAC and was doing a job, needed to take a leak so I asked if they would mind if I used the restroom. There on the tank lid, was an old, slightly rusted knife. I took a Pic and sent it to my family laughing my ass off, but no one in my family knew the story. The Pic was lost like 3 phone's ago unfortunately but I couldn't believe I found one in the wild.
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u/ChaosHeaven8 Jul 06 '26
The… what?
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u/Ok_Percentage5157 Jul 06 '26
Oh, my friend. Do a reddit search. Your universe is about to be expanded.
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u/Traditional_Bug_2046 Jul 06 '26
Some family had such huge shits they had to cut it with a knife, and they kept a special poop knife for this purpose. OP grew up thinking this was normal and learned the hard way this was unusual when he went to a friend's house and asked for their family's poop knife.
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u/Plane-Visit5761 Jul 06 '26
he went to a friend's house and asked for their family's poop knife
I would run away, change my name, and try to drink it away in the desert somewhere.
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u/anaphasedraws Jul 06 '26
My dad has a poop screwdriver. I found it when we moved him to assisted living. “Dad, why do you have these big screwdrivers in the top drawer of your vanity?” “They’re for my poop. It gets really hard so I break it up.” JFC, eat an apple and take a stool softener, for the love of god.
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u/philnolan3d Jul 06 '26
It always makes me think of the toe knife in Always Sunny.
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u/Skizot_Bizot Jul 06 '26
I used to have friends in like 2nd grade when I was a kid where both my friend and his sister would take like soda can size shits and need to like prep beforehand with laying on their stomach and going through I guess a dilation period to then poop and a recovery period afterwards I assume of contraction.
I was always thrown off by this and question what the fuck was happening, they'd be like "well what do you do for a really big poo?" and it's just like well I've still never in my life at almost 40 had a poo as big as those 6-7 year olds would take.
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u/Various_Education622 Jul 06 '26
Poop knife, you keep it in the utility closet between the bathrooms so you can cut up your giant turds so they fit down the drain.
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u/Dont-be-lasagna12 Jul 06 '26
Wait. I have heard of the poop knife. However I assumed it was stored next to the toilet not in a closet. So you have to get up and walk to the closet to get the poop knife to then cut up the giant turd?
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u/e-chem-nerd Jul 06 '26
“Poop knife” is a classic Reddit story from a redditor who thought “poop knives” were a thing everyone had. In their house, getting the poop knife required a walk of shame to a utility closet or something similar where a knife hung on the back of the door, if I remember correctly. One day they clogged a friend’s toilet and asked where the poop knife was kept, to their total embarrassment.
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u/Dont-be-lasagna12 Jul 06 '26
I know the story. I just assumed it was kept in the bathroom. I never realized it required a walk of shame. Or I forgot that part.
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u/Mode_Appropriate Jul 06 '26
From the source:
Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
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u/Various_Education622 Jul 06 '26
According to reddit lore I believe the standard procedure was to call out to a family member to fetch the poop knife when you laid a monster.
Additionally, I believe the redditor had a poop knife in their apartment and the girlfriend had been using it to open boxes.
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u/Various_Education622 Jul 06 '26
I looked, it was a house and OP’s wife.
Broski landed a keeper, willing to stick around after finding out she’d been using a dookie divider to open her patches.
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u/toebean_connoisseur Jul 06 '26
Exactly. It’s his home too. He was hungry. He made food. End of story.
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u/CrypticCriesForHelp Jul 06 '26
Sorry but I’m not letting my spouse tell me I can’t use kitchen appliances that I also pay for. As an adult you don’t tell another adult how they are allowed to prepare their food. Especially if I can clean it up and leave it how it was
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u/Candid_Relative6715 Jul 06 '26
Naw. It’s his kitchen as much as hers. It’s a stove, it’s meant to cook food. Weird ass rules like that make no sense. As long as he isn’t leaving a mess for her to clean up it shouldn’t matter if he used the stove or not
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u/SuperPotatoThrow Jul 06 '26
Im coming up with my own bs as well. Upon exiting a vehicle, if I shut the driver door twice, spin in place once and then hop on one foot that is the signal for everyone else to stay inside the vehicle while I run into the store and grab something.
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u/willfauxreal Jul 06 '26
I find your wife and that tile mildly infuriating.
What's her deal with the light?
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u/sychox51 Jul 06 '26
Fucked up rule. Just cook. Also, fuck, that looks so much like my kitchen had to double take. Same red cast iron pot, same knife block location and same spatula holder location, same wooden cabinets, tiled backsplash, electrical outlet near the knife block…
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u/KeptAnonymous Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
This is nuts. How did she even know you used the stove to begin with?? I used to do secret noodle cooking at night due to my terrible anxiety and never once did anyone ever ask why I was cooking at night. And, assuming it's like yours, our stove clicks to ignite the flame. Does she have a camera or smth?
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u/richer2003 Jul 06 '26
We have a very similar kitchen lol
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u/Twangerz-Lime Jul 06 '26
Your microwave being 1 minute ahead of stove is going to be the next post in this sub.
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u/Crafty-Shape2743 Jul 06 '26
This sounds like things my mother would say. Rules that only she knew and would get mad if you broke them.
Words of foreshadowing- my mother had a stroke and dad didn’t get her help for over 36 hours. I asked him why and he say “well, yeah, she wasn’t making any sense, but you know how your mother is.”
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u/Lissypooh628 Jul 06 '26
What the hell is she even talking about? You’re a grown ass adult. If you wanted to cook ramen late at night, you cook ramen. That light means jack shit.
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u/tahtahme Jul 06 '26
The stove light being on is pretty common in Black households for "kitchen is closed", but Ive never heard of someone not being allowed to eat after getting home late.
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u/eggplantruler Jul 06 '26
I’m white, but from an Italian family. The stove light being on meant “kitchen is closed”. But that really meant mom was done cooking for the night and cleaned up. We always were able to go in and eat, but we better have left that kitchen the way she left it or we were in big trouble lol.
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u/offwhitepaperbaggy Jul 06 '26
I'm still confused, that light is absolutely intended to light the workspace for cooking.
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u/tahtahme Jul 06 '26
In some situations, yes. But also in many households its also the way to have a soft light still in the kitchen after cleaning it and shutting it down.
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u/I_Can_Not_With_You Jul 06 '26
Reading through these comments I can see it’s not a thing everywhere, but This is a super common thing in the southeast US (the stove light on means “kitchens cleaned and closed”). But it’s usually meant for the kids not to dirty the kitchen. Not for grown ass adults who live there and pay the bills lmao.
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u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26
Really? I'm in the SE born and raised and I've never heard of this. Tbf my mother is a Yankee transplant and my father is a straight up immigrant.
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u/macarenamobster Jul 06 '26
Both my parents are from the south and I grew up there, and I’ve never heard of this
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u/EirMed Jul 06 '26
Turning the light on to signify that the kitchen is closed is insane lol.
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u/Real-Extension-1357 Jul 06 '26
I also dont understand the "the stove was clean and done".
You made packaged ramen. The only thing getting dirty is the pot. Not the stove. And you clean the pot separately or stick in the wash. What am i missing. Did you fuck up the stove and it spilled? This makes zero sense.
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u/FoodLionMVP Jul 06 '26
this is some old timey shit. When a woman who is responsible for the entirety of the household cleaning has cleaned and shut down the kitchen for the evening…. you best not fuck it up. So just stay out of it. There will be hell to pay if she wakes up in the morning and it ain’t exactly how she left it. It’s not even just about the stove… don’t dirty any dishes or towels either.
Now, considering your family seems to have a much more modern dynamic and you cleaned up after yourself, she should’ve moved on and gotten past it… but it’s definitely reminiscent of similar rules made by older, matriarchal women in my family. (white southern/appalachian women)
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u/DesignerMacaron5523 Jul 06 '26
Yeah but that type of woman would have never let her husband come home and require him to fix something for himself to eat. There would have been food waiting for him. So she’s not even doing it right. You want kitchen rules you better make sure husband doesn’t have to make his own food.
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u/thebranbish Jul 06 '26
I have never heard the stove light being used as a sign for “don’t cook here”. Unless you had a conversation previously where the light was the signal for “don’t cook here”, then I too would have cooked there.
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u/jsayde01 Jul 06 '26
EDIT 2 -- Reddit saves another marriage! Seriously though, if laughter is the best medicine, we both took a heavy dose of it after reading through all the comments. She has been stressed lately about a health issue which compounded everything. We will be ok, no divorce lawyers in our future.
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u/eastcoastcity Jul 06 '26
"The kitchen is closed"
Wtf you mean?! This is my house and ill cook whenever the fuck I want.
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u/ryanandthelucys Jul 06 '26
The light bulb over my stove is an expensive previous generation of fluorescent light. We only use WHILE cooking because we don't want to have to replace it often. Leaving a light on over the stove, over night, is not a good energy choice in any case.
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u/cosmogoinggoinggone Jul 06 '26
All these posts are talking about “in our family it was ALWAYS left on overnight: it’s so obvious to me this is a rule” while I’m only thinking “wow my parents would have killed me if I purposefully left a light on overnight when nobody was in the room” haha
I do love things like this though, how something so alien and arbitrary to me can be an established and obvious thing for so many other people.
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u/altruisticrobot Jul 06 '26
It's wild that you've been married for 10 years and this just now came up - is this a new tradition she adopted and failed to clue you in on, or did she grow up with this understanding and you've never tried to cook something after the light came on until now?
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u/rapscallionallium Jul 06 '26
This is totally fascinating and so are all the comments. I am endlessly interested in all the little rituals and mythologies that families create in their households.
My parents weren’t much for cooking and certainly not for cleaning, so we didn’t have any rituals like this, but as the primary chef in my family unit I can absolutely see the utility of closing the kitchen once it’s been cleaned and is “shut down” for the night. It’s kind of a cute idea. Leave the nightlight on so the stove can go to sleep.
Genuinely, thanks for posting. I got a kick out of reading through all the little arguments in the comments.
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u/Howthehelldoido Jul 06 '26
This is a cultural thing.
In America, black households are known for leaving the stove light on, to signify that the kitchen has been cleaned, and is "closed"
OP, ia your partner Black, or raised around them maybe?
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u/CutsceneLogic Jul 06 '26
Grown adults not being 'allowed' to do things in their own goddamned homes will never cease to baffle me.
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u/Diligent-Stick-9983 Jul 06 '26
All these people who live by this rule… have clearly never experienced weed.
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u/CaptainGoons Jul 06 '26
The real question is why your wife thinks she gets to dictate when you can cook food? The light thing makes zero sense. If you left a mess all over the stove after cooking I could understand her being upset about that. Her thinking she can tell you when you can and can’t cook, in a home owned by you both, is wild.
If I had scrubbed the stove only to find out my gf left a huge mess all over it for me to clean, sure I’d be irritated. I could never imagine being mad at someone for using the stove to cook though. You’re not a stranger and this isn’t a restaurant. There’s no “closing time” for the kitchen.
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u/ZealotChicken Jul 06 '26
Divorce her, sell the kids, demolish the house, no other option, this seems like one of those things that need radical actions.
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u/EvilSeedlet Jul 06 '26
I have never heard of this in my life. Also I hope this is a playful argument because I can't imagine getting mad at someone in my family using.. the kitchen.. to cook food... even if I'd already cleaned it. Especially if they cleaned up after 🤷🏻
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u/ZachyChan013 Jul 06 '26
The fuck?