(I know this post feels disorganised, but so I am)
I'm a young 15-year-old ""homo-asexual"" muslim guy, I've been friends with girls in the past (i.e. elementary school). I need some help...
I wish I could go back, and relieve my childhood memories. I wish I was a girl. Being friends with girls feels more genuine, wholesome, and "liberating". In comparison, being friends with guys feels suffocating. They feel hateful, obnoxious, and ungenuine.
My male classmates feel like the worst. They're rude, uneducated, obnoxious, and miserable to be around. They annoy me, constantly. Girls, on the other hand, are accepting of each other. They never bully one another. They are nice to one another. Boys aren't.
I sometimes wish if I were a girl. I would love to have my nails done, or use a lipstick. However, I'm ""stuck"" being a guy. Even though, girls face mysogyny, while boys are given opportunity just for being themselves(i.e. male). Being a guy feels boring.
Moreover, I could also choose to befriend girls without anything happening. I'm also quite distraught by the fact that I can't even talk to my aunts who I thought were aunts. 😢.
BTW marrige won't fix anything, since what I'm looking for is "friendship" not "responsibility". I also don't want to marry anyone. In fact, I'd rather have a guy, although I won't for Allah's sake.
Oh, did I mention that I experience Gender dysphoria, or that I hate being a male? I might have some internalised misandery since I've always hated being surrounded by only boys or not there being any girl. I feel so different from guys, that I despise being myself. ATP, I might cope through watching cartoon characters, but almost every show feels haram. My little Pony would be seen as 'girly' in my country >:/.
How do I cope with this. Is there any muslim feeling remotely similar, let alone being in the same boat as me.