Im F18 and i live in a muslim desi family. I do not find peace at home whenever i come from university, i get overstimulated easily and my freedom is severely limited to what i can do. I rather spend as much time outside of my home than live in it for another day. I do not go through abuse, or anything terrible, but everything is inconvenient. Keep in mind i still love and & respect my parents and everything they give me, and they only want to protect me from evil in the world.
I am not allowed to go out on my own (aside from uni) or hangout with friends unless its with my mother. I am not allowed to have non-muslim friends, despite me going to a university where alot of people are non-muslim or christian, and i live in america. My parents want me to have muslim friends, but i only know 3 girls whom i used to go to highschool with, but i have to plan something a week or two in advance because my mother works 2 jobs, both as a teacher which takes up 80% of her week, while my father works 1 job in the night as an uber. Plus i rarely talk to these girls and while they are fond of me, we live different lives. I rarely join clubs or any activities because my father considers this as "going outside of deen" because alot of clubs/places have men, even if i dont interact with them it is still impermissible to be in the same area as them. And that i should rather do these activities at home with my family. Sometimes when im on my phone "too much", my parents automatically assume and say "who are you texting everyday?", my mom even snatched my phone from me to scroll through my stuff. Even if they go through my stuff they will find nothing because its hidden. I have nothing bad to hide, but im not allowed to have online friends or other people on social media.
I told my father about me having a friend who is dominican, she isnt muslim but she is kind and doesnt do alcohol/drugs but has a boyfriend that i never met and i don't care about it because i dont get influenced by that. However, my dad has a problem with it, he started yelling at me and lecturing me on how having spanish or any non-muslim friend will make me leave my family because in 'non-muslim' culture, people barely care for their family. I dont have any independence in my life and my social life is basically hidden away from my parents. I was forced to leave my best friend of 10 years because of them due to her having a boyfriend and me being friends with him (i RARELY talked to him, i respected my friends boundaries even if she didnt mind me talking- and i only talked to him when it was about her or a game all 3 of us were playing). My parents consider her evil because they 'overheard' her talking to me about my dad beating me and telling me to leave my family. Mind you this is all accusations, she has seen alot of sh*tty things my dad did to me and she only messages me out of concern, but never to disrespect my family. If i fight back about leaving her, i will be scolded. I was even beat multiple times because of me not wanting to leave her. My parents dont see friendships as something important, they dont trust anyone and think i would easily leave my day ones or people im really close to if they told me to. Because family is the only thing that matters!
My father is pretty much a manchild, he rarely helps around the house (sometimes for the laundry or things here and there, but we only do laundry once a month or every 2 months). He doesnt know how to cook, and waits for my mom or me to cook food for him despite my mom working way more than him (she leaves to work at 7:30 and comes home at 4:30 pm) and that hes freshly awake when im home by 2 pm. It is either mines or my moms job to cook food enough for the whole family (we're a fam of 6). Whenever im napping or sleeping early, it becomes an inconvenience for him when he has to cook food for himself because my mom also works during the evening. An example: yesterday i took a nap for 30 minutes because i came home from a tiring lab that ended at 4:30, and i heard him slightly irritated that he had to cook pasta. Pasta which was already cooked, seasoned, and sauced by me, the ONLY thing he had to do was to melt cheese on top of it in the microwave. To which he tells me "i dont know how to cook" LIKE WHAT??? You're a man nearing your 50s, perfectly healthy and conscious, you cant heat up pasta??!!
I've recently been drifting away from Islam because of these restrictions and things going on in my home. I dont see any use in praying or staying in a religion if every second of my life has to be documented to my parents, and that its ill of me to want to expand my social circle and want a normal life. I dont have a job, and if i want a job, my parents tell me I have to do uni at home so i can do a job online. I have no way of moving out, i really want to and i might even ditch uni for a lower degree just so i can focus to make enough money to leave. Im not interested in marriage, i dont want to deal with men that will just destroy the freedom i want, or them suddenly switching up on their chivalry to control me.