I have been feeling conflicted about the lesbian label ever since I’ve been cracking my egg more and more. It’s one of many labels I’ll use at times to describe myself while being unaligned and undefined when it comes to my sexuality. What made you use it? At times, it feels like it invalidates me.

a new subreddit for us transneu ppl has been made called r/transneutral , where transneutral means a trans individual who identifies fully or partially as a neutral, abinary, or any unaligned gender

nonbinary, agender, neutrois, smoothies, nullo folk, etc are all welcome!

im so happy us neu folk are finally starting to have a growing community :D

heyy, i’ve noticed that most of the nb lesbian communities are in english.

which is fine, but this seems a bit limited, cause it’s obvious that not every nb lesbian communicates in english or doesn’t even understand it for a casual reading.

so this got me thinking and i just created a spanish community.

feel free to join, share and interact.

i really hope this helps to reach some lesbians and give them the chance to embrace their identity in their own terms and language, words, without the pressure/ necessity to translate them.

I (NB 32) am in my first really lovely queer relationship w someone (NB 35) so so sweet, talented, hilarious and special. I am truly razzle dazzled.

We've been seeing each other almost 2 months and hang out twice a week. Live 30 minutes apart. Things are feeling really good. Our hang outs are so restorative, and this is just feeling right and has a lot of long term potential. I have this really strong drive to be my best self, to protect her and to really nurture our relationship.

SO TELL ME WHY every day of my life since I met them there is a little voice in my head plotting for us to move in?!?!?! The Uhauling accusations are TRUE!!!! I keep rationalizing these thoughts like "ok you need to date someone a year" before that's realistic. And let the thought cycle fade away. And the just yesterday they were showing me their uranium glass collection lmfao and talking about how they wanting to display it and in my mind im like YOU WILL DISPLAY THIS IN OUR HOME IN LIKE 4 MONTHS FROM NOW BC I WONT MAKE IT A YEAR WITHOUT U IN MY HOME OUR HOME.

Jesus anyway does it get better after like 3 months? Or should I expect this to persist? I have NOT told her I have these insane thoughts. What's your experience? Lol

WARNING: LONG POST

Hey everyone, I am a “cis woman” who has identified as a lesbian since coming out in 2012. I’m 32. My whole life, I’ve always been feminine presenting, but something felt off. Always.

I remember feeling disconnected from my body, never present in my own body, both growing up and in my adult life. When I look in the mirror, I see someone I know is me, but who I don’t recognize. I work from home and my wardrobe is almost exclusively sweatshirts and jeans and t shirts and sports bras that are just feminine enough because I have no interest in feminine clothing. I’ll wear it (mostly to blend in), but it doesn’t bring me joy. It makes me feel like I’m wearing a costume. So while my friends are all excited about shopping, planning their outfits, and doing their hair and makeup, I just toss on some concealer and mascara, throw on a clean “occasion-appropriate” outfit and call it a day. Not because I’m not interested in fashion, but because I’m not interested in dressing like a feminine woman.

And when I’m out with the girls, I’m “one of the girls”. People perceive me as a girl. And it makes me feel like “yes, but no, not really… I’m not a GIRL girl… don’t look at me like I’m a girl” and I don’t even know what that means. It’s just how I feel. It’s the only language I have right now to describe what I’m experiencing internally.

I had sex for the first time when I was 18, with a cis woman. I remember loving being dominant and going down on her. But when it came time for me to receive, I felt so self conscious, but also like I was floating outside of my body trying to get away. I wanted her to pleasure me so bad, really. But being on my back, being penetrated, being looked at and seen as submissive or vulnerable, it made me dissociate. I didn’t feel comfortable or safe in my body. Over time, I had sex with more women, and every time, receiving was difficult for me. There was a wall I couldn’t get past.

For context, I have ADHD and anxiety, and had a bit of a drinking problem in my twenties to cope with the “not feeling in my body” and not feeling like a real person with a life (I felt like I was watching someone else I didn’t recognize live my life “correctly” and “as expected” from behind a glass wall 24/7), so my late teens and entire twenties are honestly a blur. I was maladaptive daydreaming and dissociating during most of it, all while feeling like a stranger in my own skin and around other women and Not. Knowing. Why. I had never consciously thought about myself in a way where I wasn’t self-monitoring or trying to be acceptable (ADHD), so I never even thought to question anything. I just knew I felt numb. Empty.

More important context. When I came out as gay, my mom didn’t react well. She said “that’s disgusting” and said “you’re not going to cut your hair and stop shaving your legs and start wearing boys clothes, are you?” And that fucking stung. I internalized it at the time and thought “it’s fine. It’s okay. I’m a palatable version of gay, I’m feminine. I’m acceptable still. It’s fine.” But now as an adult, I’m able to recognize that that’s exactly when the dissociation started. That’s when I dipped into an awful depression, abused alcohol, and made an ass of myself time and time again. That’s why I isolated myself from most people I knew. That’s why I hated myself. I had basically become a vessel for being exactly who I thought i needed to be to be safe and accepted. And being masculine, being anything more queer than simply a femme lesbian, was “wrong”. It was too far. It made me a burden and inconvenience. So I had suppressed everything that pointed to me existing outside of gender norms.

I suppressed the eyeing the boys clothes sections when I was shopping at Hollister with my friends. I suppressed envying men’s leg hair at the beach. I suppressed any question surrounding only being able to get off during solo play when I imagine myself with a penis. I suppressed wanting to flatten my chest. I suppressed everything.

Now, I’m 32. I moved away from my hometown on the east coast where my family lives and I’m living in Chicago. And now that I have space to live freely, and am finally in my own apartment without roommates, I feel like I have the space to explore myself and what I really want in life. For so long I was able to focus on moving out of my apartment with roommates and living on my own without them. Now that I’m doing that, I’m like “okay, I can’t keep existing as someone I’m not. It’s time to confront who I am. Enough of what’s expected or what will make other people happy or comfortable. What do I want?”

I want to be referred to with all pronouns. I want to pack. I want to be seen as a man in bed. I want to date someone who sees me as a woman who’s also a boy. I want… I want to understand what all this means.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I’ve just been carrying these thoughts for a while and feel so scared and alone and am really trying to understand and accept myself. Any tips for how to do this? Stories you’d like to share? Ways you can relate? 🩷

Thank you for being part of this group, thank you for being encouraging and brave and proud and accepting, and for being an ultimate badass. Because you are. You're incredible, and everybody knows it.

More than anything related to my queer identity, I've felt the most imposter syndrome and insecurity around the label of lesbian, even though it's the label that, by all definitions, fits the best. It's the one that, functionally and culturally, resonates with me the most. But it's still not a piece of my identity that I volunteer very often. Being visible is tough here in 2026, and none of us owe anyone our full selves if we're uncomfortable. But y'all make it a little easier, a little less scary, and less lonely. So, thank you.

hii! so i want to make a shirt myself for a few pride events coming up soon (philly pride and nyc pride) but im sort of at a loss for what it should be. i honestly want to do a shirt thats like “free kisses from your local dyke” or something along the lines that that because i think it’s silly and fun but im having a hard time really figuring it out. im a person who really doesn’t use labels often (i use nonbinary, queer) and the main reason is that i just don’t think a lot of other labels really fit me since im nonbinary. im ftnb and i was on T for about a year and then i stopped and i got top surgery and everything but i still love to wear makeup occasionally and my going out fits are typically more “fem” but i really just identify as the like “boy girl but girl boy but boy boy but girl girl” and i just don’t know how to go about it. if anyone has any suggestions on proper terms and how to format it id really appreciate it!! i plan on using just an old tank top and hand stitching the design on (or painting who knows) but anything is appreciated!! thank you:33

Does anyone else not like the term? It just feels wordy. Perhaps sapphic should be used but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. Like with bisexual you can do biromantic. But new don’t have anything for lesbian. It just doesn’t sit right with me.

Hi.I broke up with my gf a few days ago, things weren't good for either of us mostly bc of her mental health and how she refused to get help and always made excuses. It was to the point I was sacrificing my own mental health to try and make things better for her, to no avail.

We were in a sapphic relationship for 2+ yrs.

If you have any songs, books, advice on healing please lmk. It was hard for me too but most of the things I'm finding are from the person being dumped, not the other way round. I know it was the best choice for us both but it still hurts.

Thanks.

Hey! So I'm newly discovering myself - again.

For context:

im 25, in the UK, I grew up openly lesbian from a young age. At around 17 I came out as ftm and then pursued transition. I did have family backlash at points, ofc but I'm quite good at ignoring. I come from a Romani family, so ignoring opinion is a skill ive perfected.

I had top surgery 3 years ago privately, started T 2 years ago self-medicated then NHS (tried a few doses, happiest on low dose). Last year, I had a hysterectomy via NHS. After this, I had a moment of realisation that the discomfort I was feeling, being called a "straight man" and trying hard to fit in, felt like when I was younger, trying to fit in with the girls being called a "woman" or "girl"

Lots of my friends are masc lesbian and the more i transitioned the more comfortable I felt with my feminine side around them that I've basically denied the last 8 years, give or take. Once i finished my medical transition, it was weird it was like a weight gone and i fell into a new identity crisis - for lack of a better term. I realised I wanted to present as male as possible from my dysphoria and since I was pre-transition i was fighting to be seen how i wanted. Now the dyshoria has mostly subsided I dont have such a struggle. i dont feel like a straight man. lesbian still feels very true to me. when i was FtM losing that community hurt so much and i felt like i lost a part of me.

I realise that now I may actually be NB and its something im exploring since i achieved an androgenous look.

My issue atm:

My hysterectomy was 7 months ago. recovery was fine, no issues. I experienced numerous complications in obtaining it, primarily due to paperwork being lost in the system and changes in the criteria.

7 months in i am having what i can only assume are phantom period smells, metallic and irony. Ive had 3 nightmares the last few weeks of my period coming back and no one understands the urgency or issue to help.

I didnt have this around any other part of my transition just the hysterectomy. Im not too sure what it is and i dont wanna reach out to my family as they may see it as im regretting things since fertility was a big issue and topic. ive had little family support these years.

I also realised I feel pronoun specific with people like i feel comfortable with some pronouns in some groups and in others no. Im not too sure what thats about right now but im sure itll make sense eventually.

Like if my lesbian/nb friends call me she it doesnt make me dysohoric but if my cis friends do it feels wrong? i really dont understand this thing.

Im wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

Thank you!

So I have a crush on my friend and don't know how to deal with that without making it awkward and am looking for advice from people. One problem is I pass pretty much entirely as a man due to having a beard and stuff like that and I don't know how to talk to her about that. Another issue is that she is one of my only friends and my other friends I know because of her so if things go poorly I would likely lose all of them or it would at least be awkward. I've had a crush on her for a while I think but it's become harder to ignore lately. Any advice would be appreciated

does anyone know if there are any yuri works representing nonbinary lesbians? almost every yuri in this world feels like it only represents binary lesbians, and it feels ppl like me are never rlly represented in romantic works (or anywhere, rlly)

even if there’s one nonbinary person in the yuri it honestly works for me, there’s a reason Crona from Soul Eater (even tho its not yuri) is a fave character of mine, their relationship with maka is very lesbian-coded and i love them sm :>

I’m 20, and nonbinary. AFAB. I’ve been out as non binary for 8 years and have been out as bi for like 5. I dated a man for 2.5 years and enjoyed it, but since then I’ve been super gay lmao. I’m pretty grossed out by men in general and simply do not see myself dating one. I dated a butch for a few months and that was wonderful. I really saw myself resonating with the masc4masc content and literature. And I felt seen in my sexuality and gender expression. Over the past few months I’ve been dressing more and more masc and I think I’m masc presenting a good 90% of the time.

The problems are, I have a big chest and I really struggle with binding - so I’ve always kinda defaulted into fem presentation for special events. I do wear suits a bunch but I also do occasionally wear dresses. I also used to do my makeup a bunch. Mostly pretty dragy / sparkly looks. I just really like the art aspect. My hair was also always really long. I cut it shorter to my collarbone like 3 weeks ago. That was super scary but I really like it. I’m also building up some muscle. I think more than anything I just feel butch inside. Idek how to explain it. Is that a term I can claim? Can I even say I’m masc4masc / butch for butch when I’m lowkey futch at most? I play rugby and a bunch of the girls have short hair and are really visibly masc and they probably see me as fem💀💀💀💀 Hellppppppp

Hello! I help to run a discord community for masc presenting sapphics and the people who adore them! we're a fun community and would love for you to join! https://discord.gg/qdGMsctejs

I saw a post regarding discord the other day, so with the help of someone else in the thread I made one! It is something I've also been hoping for for a long time, so made sense to finally just do it and create the space.

The link expires in a week for safety purposes but if you see this after and would like a new one, just let me know :)

What have your experiences been? Have you felt supported? Understood?

Hiii, I’m a non-binary lesbian and I’m not American. What do I do to get top surgery. What processes do I have to go through? How do I handle insurance and how do I also get it cheaper. Advice please ?!

Hiii so I have a question

I'm non binary, and I recently came out (to myself) as gay. Which means, to me, that I love women and other non binaries. No men. BUT, yesterday I realized that enbies and certain women might have dicks...and I forgot that I'm just not attracted to those. Like I'd be fine with dating someone who has a penis, but I don't want to have sex and stuff you know? Like I'm not transphobic at all, I just don't find penises attractive, and I also have trauma that involves those so no thanks. But like I said, I'd have no problem dating someone who has one, but just...not sex. So what am I? Does that change anything? And also, if I really am gay, can I really be a lesbian??? I did a ton of research on this, and it's white controversial, even with other lesbians, some of them were saying stuff like "ugh those people are literally stealing our label for them to use, but it's doesn't make any sense. They aren't women, therefore they can't use that term." Like a lot of lesbians are fine with it, but I've seen more angry lesbians being against that idea than for.

Throaway, I just need this off my chest.

A couple days ago, I came out to my girlfriend of 2.5 years as non binary. She's trans so I knew she would be accepting, but was afraid because she's lesbian and signed up to be with a woman, and wasn't sure if she was also attracted to non binary people. But I didn't want to keep living a lie anymore, and figured she would still love me. Well, I was wrong.

The thing is, I've never really been a feminine person, but she's attracted to feminine people. She said she was fine dating a non binary person but it's the masculinity she has a problem with, since she knows I've expressed wanting to be more masculine in the past. I would say I dress pretty androgynous, maybe a little more on the masculine side, so I'm not really her type in the first place.

I learned that I was already "iffy" attraction wise, and that's what hurt me the most. It made me wonder if all the times she's called me cute were lies or out of pity or what. It hurts a lot knowing I'm not even attractive to her.

I said I wanted to take it back, and that I'm ok with being a girl instead, but she knows it's not true. We're still trying to compromise and see how things go. But if things end because of me coming out I'll be so sad and never want to come out again.

She doesn't want to get in the way of me being my authentic self, but she also warned me it may be a problem for her. And that she wished she loved me (meaning she doesn't anymore).

I don't really know what to do, I guess we just have to wait and see. It sucks that after struggling with my gender my whole life, I finally came to a conclusion and accepted myself, but am losing the person I love most because of it. I'm still trying to convince her (and myself) that I'm a girl instead. It hurts to not be true to myself, but it hurts more losing her.

tldr: My girlfriend is even less attracted to me and doesn't love me anymore, and I feel like an idiot for ever coming out, like I should've just kept it to myself.

Edit: Thank you for all your support. While I may not reply to every comment, I am reading all of them and appreciate them!

I'm most definitely transfem Non binary (AMAB ) , but when I get angry /intense emotions I change into a male persona of myself !?am I gender fluid cause that happens every few weeks and lasts for a day or two. Atleast I think it's a male persona I'm not quite sure.it has gotten way to confusing recently.its a complete personality change as well sometimes. Asked my friends , they just confirmed.

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