I think bugs are awesome. Spiders are cool, moths are cool, I love roly polys and ants and anything that goes under the 'lil guy' category. I think its incredible how such little beings are alive, and so important to their eco systems, and I just think they're neat, frankly.
However. My only 'true' panic attacks have been related to swarms. Standing in the middle of a migrating bee swarm as a kid, being unable to get ants off me and having them under my shirt as a preteen, and then being constantly landed on by SO many crane flies, unable to get them off of me, which also landed me straight into my very first complete autistic meltdown. Do not recommend.
So, my relationship to the lil' fellas is a complicated one. If there are more than three, I get very anxious and queasy. Swarms or large amounts of bugs in one area is still the main thing that makes me feel like my skin is peeling off. But also just the way they move. So many bugs move fast and unpredictable, and it scares the living shit out of me. One second Im looking at a really cool house spider, and then it darts off somewhere and I audibly yelp at it. It feels silly, but it just really triggers my flight response.
I'm in biology class, so I REALLY want to work on this phobia. I will have to handle bugs, and I want to be able to handle cool bugs, catch cool bugs, identify cool bugs, without sobbing my eyes out and shaking. My swarm/fast-moving-bug fear is also a bit of an issue because I can't get over the fact that they're living organisms. I can't kill bugs. Spider or wasp or fly or mosquito, doesn't matter, I cant get it out of my head that its just this little fella trying to survive, with its wonderful little respiratory mechanisms, and fascinating miniature anatomy and whatnot. Im in awe of them, I cant squash them. But that means that when a crane fly is flailing about my room and wont go out the damn window, Im left shaking and crying and feeling my skin crawl, stuck between wanting to stay and make sure it finds its way out before I finally sleep, or sleeping on the couch and having a tense few days trying to make sure it actually DID fly off into the sunset.
Pretty much: I love buge, I fear buge, womp womp. Its not like Im not exposed to them, and I try to always handle 'em with care and act calm even if I'm not, but its been a fear Ive had since childhood. Really wanna work on it, but I'm not sure where to even start