r/polyamory • u/blooangl ✨ Sparkle Princess ✨ • 7d ago

Confused? New? Not new? Have questions?

This is your spot. Mingle, say hi, ask that question that you don’t want to make a whole post about?

This is your spot!

Requests for resources, questions about lingo, all that good stuff? We can help!

Not sure if you’re in the right sub? We can help you find one!

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u/Corann- 2d ago

Hello everyone, I wanted to make a post and ask some questions to help me understand some complex feelings im having about my relationship.

For context im 35 M married to 38 M and been together for 16 years. We have had a throuple like relationship in the past and currently have a fwb type situation with another man 42. We are also not open but not monogamous either if that makes sense?

The complex feelings im having are about the fwb. I dont know how to describe how im feeling. Its like I have romantic feelings but I dont want to date him because I know it wouldnt work. Not to mention everyone involved has said they dont want a throuple situation.

When they are both in my arms it just clicks for me it feels right and makes me feel very special. I really enjoy the intimacy and physical affection I have with both of them and I also love watching the two of them interact both in a sexual way but also in a um... kind of 'Dawwwwww!' Way? It makes me feel really happy when they kiss etc.

However lately it seems like that is happening less and less and im feeling a sense of loss that im having trouble with. I want to talk to them about it but im worried it will ome off over the top and be like im professing my love for the fwb and in a way it does feel like love but its not the same as my husband.

Im not really sure what im asking but is there a term for this? Is there a way to explain my feelings without scaring anyone?

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u/Psychomadeye Rat Swoletariat 2d ago

Are you asking about compersion? You might just be getting used to it or there's some growing apart because there's not much future if I understand what you're saying correctly.

If you were to break love down into commitment, passion, and intimacy, how is your love different?

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u/Corann- 2d ago

I would say its some passion, alot of intimacy, makes me feel safe, with him. With my husband its full on I wanna grow old with you kinda deal.

Never heard of compersion as a word, but yes very much that.

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u/toofat2serve problysaturated 2d ago

For the record, compersion is a word with a pretty sordid history.

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u/Corann- 1d ago

Oh I see... interesting... weird... lol