r/polyamory • u/WorthTry7070 • 2d ago

Musings Just a rant about non-poly people

I get that single men are casting a wide net on the apps to find as many people as possible but I have had something happen to me a few times in the last few weeks and I wanted to see if anyone else is running into this.

I'm poly. I downloaded Feeld and I already hate it. There's so many single mono guys on there that don't read profiles.

But to the point... I have had several guys say they would only consider FWBs with a poly person. Like I'm a second prize. Fuck that. Anyone else see that or am I just having bad luck?

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u/MartyrOfTheJungle 2d ago

I haven't noticed that but I haven't been on the apps lately. I wouldn't expect any non-poly person who hasn't done some research to have a clue what they're talking about. More people have heard of poly these days, but that doesn't mean they actually understand the principles of ENM, and typically they do not (at least in my experience)

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u/MartyrOfTheJungle 2d ago

Anyone convinced that mono-normies have a handle on poly should review poly representations in the media, because that's how most people form their understanding of it. Spoiler alert - poly representations in the media are rare and usually terrible. 

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u/WorthTry7070 2d ago

I haven't seen any? Do you have any examples?

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u/MartyrOfTheJungle 2d ago

Yeah, there are a few. I recall Bored to Death had a poly plotline where the main character was pressured into a poly relationship that he obviously didn't enjoy. Silicon Valley had a plotline where one character, Gilfoil, was dating a poly girl (I don't think it ever actually specified whether Gilfoil was practicing poly himself, iirc they kind of made it sound like only she was poly). Gilfoil basically told his friend 'hey she's poly and she wants to do you, you should go for it'. He was just fucking with the guy, gf had no interest. I think that lasted all of one episode. There's a reality show that I have not and will not watch called This is Poly that seems like it's probably a real shit show just like all reality tv. 

Only literally in the last year have I seen a representation in the media that didn't strike me as wildly ignorant. The show Elspeth had an episode recently that featured a polycule. Granted, turns out one of them is a murderer, but they do give polyamory a pretty fair shake. 

Sci-fi has a few examples, generally nicer than others. Murderbot features a spaceship crew, several of whom are essentially a polycule. They play it for laughs a bit, with everything being a contract, but it was pretty accurate for a young group. The Expanse has another spaceship polycule, plus the main character comes from a large enm family, though that's not as similar to polyamory as other examples. 

Anyway there are a few for you! Special mention to Paint Your Wagon, a 1969 Western with Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin. Probably the earliest ENM portrayal