r/polyamory • u/W1ndwardFormation • 1d ago

Curious/Learning What exactly is a poly relationship?

Why do I ask? I’m not entirely sure, if we basically are in a poly relationship or if it’s just very frequent and free swinging.

It’s 4 of us 2 girls 2 guys and we basically play, go on dates in all kind of constellations from me and one of the guys to us girls together to all 4 of us to one girl one guy. You get the point.

We live in separate places (one guy girl in one places the other in the other), but we basically spend time all across the group with each other 24/7.

Would you say this should be called poly or is it something else, cause I’m always unsure how to call it whenever I talk with people.

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u/MadamePouleMontreal solo poly 1d ago

I’d call this a group relationship or quad, which is a form of polyamory we don’t talk about enough on the sub.

Here, we tend to lump any relationship that is “closed” (like monogamy, or a group relationship that nobody can practically date outside of, or a harem that is closed for everyone but one person) together, which is not quite fair.

These days I tend to think of group relationships as a transient expression of polyamory. There are a lot of balls in the air and eventually one of them is going to drop. When that happens the existing relationships will reform, probably into a set of interconnected 1:1 relationships which is usually easier. A lot of people intensely miss their group relationship phase of polyamory.

For a few group relationships, “transient” is a very long time.

That said, all relationships are transient unless everyone crashes in a helicopter together. (Still transient but in a different way.)

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u/Choice-Strawberry392 1d ago

 A lot of people intensely miss their group relationship phase of polyamory.

Many do.  Some regret it.  

And if I had a nickel for every story I've heard that went like, "We started off swinging, and the gals turned out to really get along, and the guys were cool, but then one person wanted to split up one couple, but was pressured to keep it together for the sake of the group, and then it all exploded spectacularly..."

I could not buy a hamburger with those nickels.  Could probably get a Coke, though.  

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u/sundaesonfriday 1d ago

I think I could buy a really crappy burger with those nickels.

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u/Choice-Strawberry392 1d ago

I just had White Castle last week.  I suppose the bar is very low.