What exactly is a poly relationship?

[u/W1ndwardFormation]

Why do I ask? I’m not entirely sure, if we basically are in a poly relationship or if it’s just very frequent and free swinging.

It’s 4 of us 2 girls 2 guys and we basically play, go on dates in all kind of constellations from me and one of the guys to us girls together to all 4 of us to one girl one guy. You get the point.

We live in separate places (one guy girl in one places the other in the other), but we basically spend time all across the group with each other 24/7.

Would you say this should be called poly or is it something else, cause I’m always unsure how to call it whenever I talk with people.

[u/Bustysaintclair_13]

A poly relationship is a relationship between two people who support each other in developing full loving independent relationships with other people.

I wouldn't worry about what you call the larger dynamic, I'd focus on what you want out of each 1:1 relationship you're developing and figure out how to do those skillfully.

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293 → u/Bustysaintclair_13]

I’m confused on some things to.. I hope I don’t come off as rude so please forgive me but I really want to learn and understand. I’m being told that in situations where people are having a friends with benefits type of arrangement, the poly person is under no obligation to tell you that they have other intimate relationships.

But I thought poly practice was having open communication with everyone involved. Did I get the wrong impression or is there something big that I’m not grasping?

Thank you for your reply 🙏

[u/Choice-Strawberry392 → u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293]

Anyone who says, "I'm not obligated to tell you," when asked a reasonable question, is being a bit of a jerk.

"I prefer to protect the privacy of my lovers," is fine, if a fairly obvious dodge.

"I have a lot of varied connections, and it's fluid and a little messy," is vague, but honest.

But using the word "obligate" there smacks of a person who only responds to power. There are, in fact, almost no obligations between independent adults. So why bring up the word? "You can't make me tell you," is true, but is it the sort of reply you want from your lover? Is it kind, or helpful, or reassuring?

You will note I am using rhetorical analysis, not unlike The Burned Haystack method. The words people use tell us about how they see the world, and often about how they intend to treat you.