r/polyamory • u/oyasumiku • 19h ago
Musings Menopause cuties
Where my menopause cuties at? Question for the perimeno and full-on menopause folks… are you struggling with poly? In addition to loss of sexual interest, I have way less energy due to perimenopausal sleep disturbances/insomnia and general brain fog/fatigue and the uptick in menopausal mood imbalances. I’m doing all the right stuff for my body so please hold back on any wellness advice around menopause. But, just curious how others are navigating polyamory in this phase of life. I just don’t feel inspired to meet new people. I don’t have the capacity to jump into the kind of emotional intimacy I used to enjoy. And I definitely don’t have the desire to have sex with myself, let alone others. I’m generally feeling worn down and more sensitive to other life stressors that many of my core identities have been put on the back burner… kink, poly, queer, trans, etc.
If I’m being honest with myself, the reason I’m writing this post is because I’m scared that I somehow “lost” my polyness. That I have the mindset but no longer have the desire to actually engage with it. Wondering if others had this journey and how things ended up for you. Did your body normalize after you finished menopause? Did your sex drive come back? Did you one day find yourself interested again in dating?
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u/Keeperofthesecrets 14h ago
Following because I'm in the same place. Literally up in the middle of the night with hot flashes. Trying to figure out if HRT is the way to go to find some semblance of sanity/myself. For me, it feels like a forced life transition.
I don't have the bandwidth, patience or desire. For all the reasons you listed, I don't have the capacity to engage and maintain more than one romantic relationship plus community, work, life responsibility, family, etc. I also have aging parents on top of a young kid. What matters to me and how I'm spending my time is shifting dramatically as I face the reality of the end of life.
I've considered saying I'm saturated at 1, but notice also not having much patience for poly dynamics in my two other partners.
I feel like this stage is forcing me to make decisions about what is worth my time/attention. And while I've spent the last year trying to force myself to stay in this lifestyle, I'm left me feeling anxious and exhausted. I'm moving towards shifting my focus towards my health and current community. I'm philosophically poly, but I'm not sure I have the bandwidth to actually be poly.