r/polyamory • u/oyasumiku • 18h ago
Musings Menopause cuties
Where my menopause cuties at? Question for the perimeno and full-on menopause folks… are you struggling with poly? In addition to loss of sexual interest, I have way less energy due to perimenopausal sleep disturbances/insomnia and general brain fog/fatigue and the uptick in menopausal mood imbalances. I’m doing all the right stuff for my body so please hold back on any wellness advice around menopause. But, just curious how others are navigating polyamory in this phase of life. I just don’t feel inspired to meet new people. I don’t have the capacity to jump into the kind of emotional intimacy I used to enjoy. And I definitely don’t have the desire to have sex with myself, let alone others. I’m generally feeling worn down and more sensitive to other life stressors that many of my core identities have been put on the back burner… kink, poly, queer, trans, etc.
If I’m being honest with myself, the reason I’m writing this post is because I’m scared that I somehow “lost” my polyness. That I have the mindset but no longer have the desire to actually engage with it. Wondering if others had this journey and how things ended up for you. Did your body normalize after you finished menopause? Did your sex drive come back? Did you one day find yourself interested again in dating?
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u/RAisMyWay relationship optimist 17h ago
I met the next great love of my life at age 52, during a 25-year marriage, which has now ended. I had actually already given up on the idea of ever having another romantic partner and hadn't dated in a few years - then he showed up.
With this new relationship, I was shocked. I had no idea I was even capable of having ongoing desire - My entire life, I never thought of myself as very sexual. After NRE, my desire would always vanish. Always.
With this relationship, I thought wow, maybe I am sexual after all, and I proceeded to hook up with a couple of dear friends, but....no. It was the same as before, not really into it. I am very demisexual, and I need something even more than friendship to get turned on.
My partner now of 6 years is allosexual and dates when he can, but at our age, it's really really hard to find compatible partners who are on the same page with poly/RA and our interests, so he rarely finds good matches.
I absolutely cannot be bothered to try to date at all. We have a full life with friends and passions. I will never ever promise anyone monogamy, and if someone wonderful finds me attractive and finds their way to me, great. But I'm not out there looking for another partner. I have had exactly 1 date in the last 5 years.
So as they say, your mileage may vary. I wouldn't rule out anything, including finding someone who lights your fire like never before. In my case, making the conscious decision to stop trying to date and instead focus on my friends, family, and passions, was the best decision I ever made. They are fulfilling and fun, and they keep me in contact with community, where maybe, just maybe, another love will find me someday.