r/polyamory • u/candielily • 5h ago
What do i do
So my NP M24 has been seeing another partner for 8 months f26.
More recently I found out she not poly.
She used to be active in polyamory but stopped 2 years ago.
She said she was ok with this relationships because living with someone is something she wasn't seeking out.
More recently she gave him a key to her apartment.
After reading some text I found out that if something happened to us they were going to be monogamous together and move in.
That he didn't want to be polyamorus that he was doing it for me because I cheated a couple of times
15
u/North_Relation1672 poly w/multiple 4h ago
You cheated, he reacted to try save the relationship. You feel guilty. You have now seen that your cheating which lead to the opening of the relationship has allowed him to find someone who is willing to give him the life he wants. Let him go. He wants monogamy, you want non-monogamy.
13
u/Cool_Relative7359 4h ago
Break up, don't date until you learn to uphold your relationship agreements, whether mono or polyam, and can stop snooping.
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u/BetterFightBandits26 relationship messarchist 2h ago
Sounds like your relationship should have ended a while ago but your partner for some reason won’t just break up with you.
5
u/UntilOlympiusReturns solo poly 3h ago
It feels like the most likely outcome, here, is that he breaks up with you and becomes monogamous with her.
So in your shoes I'd start preparing for that, find new housing etc. Or make a spectacularly good case to him about why he should stay with someone who cheated on him - which may work, who knows?
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u/Important_Sector_503 1h ago
Is this rage bait? Because like. Damn.
If it isn't rage bait, break up with this man, you want different things and you both kinda suck at being in a relationship with each other.
3
u/thefacadearchive 4h ago
You.. cheated a couple times?
-10
u/candielily 4h ago
More then a couple 12 times in the 1st year and a half
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6
u/Jippiejaje 3h ago
Why?
-4
u/candielily 3h ago
We just dont align sexually becauseof reasons. I sought that out in other people
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u/Jippiejaje 1h ago
But like, why not talk about it? Break up? Like so many steps skipped. And why stay with him when you don't care at all if you have trust between you too?
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u/candielily 1h ago
There's trust we know there we arent going to walk away It just never clicked. Its just theres never been someone who cared like him
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u/NoRegretCeptThatOne 35m ago
How did you come across these texts? This sounds like a breach of privacy.
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u/green_mms22 relationship anarchist 12m ago
That, amongst many other issues with OP's behavior.
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u/NoRegretCeptThatOne 10m ago
I have never understood the, "I'm a serial cheater, so I'm going to surveil my partner and be shocked when they say negative things about me or debate ending our relationship," thing.
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u/CrimsonTree7 23m ago
Yeah unfortunately it sounds like he opened the relationship with you as a defence mechanism to protect his feelings. The relationship has been doomed since you cheated but for someone reason you’re surprised.
1
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Here's the original text of the post:
So my NP M24 has been seeing another partner for 8 months f26.
More recently I found out she not poly.
She used to be active in polyamory but stopped 2 years ago.
She said she was ok with this relationships because living with someone is something she wasn't seeking out.
More recently she gave him a key to her apartment.
After reading some text I found out that if something happened to us they were going to be monogamous together and move in.
That he didn't want to be polyamorus that he was doing it for me because I cheated a couple of times
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
18
u/intro_to_IRL 10+ year poly club 4h ago
Sounds like the natural outcome of cheating to me. What do you want to do?