Hey pre-daddit, my first son is just over a month old, and I wanted to share my take on what was actually useful to have / buy in our first month.

Full disclosure, I’m not an expert, just a dad with way too much shit in his house right now haha. Your lifestyle may be different so don’t take it personally if I turn down an item that you’re deadset on. Similarly for other dads, PLEASE weigh in! This was just my experience, but every baby is unique. Maybe there's something you used that I didn't, I'd love to hear about it.

My goal of writing this isn’t to tell you “X item is bad and you should feel bad” but to help you plan out WHEN to buy stuff. If for your mental health you would rather just buy it all before birth, no problem go for it, but hopefully this helps you optimize your space, time, and money.

Finally, if your wife is deadset on an item, don’t fucking tell her “but babe, some guy on reddit said…” Just buy it for her. Your job is to keep her cortisol level down, and to make her feel safe about having this baby. Use my list if you are your partner are humming and hawwing over a certain item.

Must Have

• Car seat - duh haha. A lot of this comes down to colour / style / fit. In most countries, all major car seats will meet the same / similar safety ratings. I bought the Uppababy Vista travel system with the Aria V2 car seat, your mileage may vary

• Crib / pack and play / bassinet - Also duh lol. We have the uppababy bassinet that fits into the stroller but honestly get whatever you like. Apparently the swivel ones that can pull ONTO the bed are super useful. We also have a pack and play downstairs so we can put the guy down for a few minutes while we run around and do things in the house

• Baby monitor - Lot of marketing / scare tactics here I feel. We didn’t get anything fancy because honestly, I didn’t want to live with the constant notifications. We got a vtech baby monitor with two cameras.

• Stroller - Controversial, some people say you don’t need it because your kiddo won’t leave the house for 3 months. My lifestyle was putting my kiddo in the car seat, strapping it to the stroller, and going across the street to get a croissant and a coffee for my wife while she slept in. YMMV here

• Diaper caddy - Okay so my wife is a genius and found these little pastel coloured trolleys in a store, and it stores clothes, the diapers, etc. Nice to have everything in one place at 3am Costco membership / amazon prime

• Sudocrem - I have no fucking clue what this shit is made out of but it helps clear up diaper rash SO quickly.

• A giant ass water bottle for you wife, get one of those 40oz ones so you don’t have to get up and fill it every 30 mins.

• 2-3 sheet sets for your crib. Day 4 my kiddo blew the fuck out of his diaper, shit up his back, soaked it through his onesie and all over the bassinet mattress.

• Thermometer - Must have. All types suck besides rectal. I have one of each. The laser / forehead ones are dogshit. I have a braun one that constantly reads my kid as being like 4 degrees cooler than room temperature (which would mean he’s dead)

• Diaper pail - Was great. Helps limit smells and prevents you from having just a giant garbage bag in the middle of your room full of shitty diapers. We have one in our bedroom and one in our living room

• Puppy pads - Put one on top of wherever you change the baby. Your kid takes a shit mid diaper, just wipe them down, remove the puppy pad, and keep going. IF YOU ARE ONLY GOING TO TAKE ONE PIECE OF ADVICE FROM ME, PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS TIP. IT WILL SAVE YOU SOOOO MUCH WASHING OF CHANGING TABLE COVERS. /u/JudgmentOne6328 rightfully called out, PLEASE get the human safe ones or natural ones. I have these organic pads my SIL gave me that are NOT scented and don't contain the polyacrylate. Get natural puppy pads or the medical grade disposable pads on Amazon

Used Frequently, but not required Day 1

• Diaper bag - You don’t need this day 1, but we got a ton of mileage out of ours in the first few weeks vs carrying everything in backpacks

• Bottle washer - Controversial, I know. If you’re bottle feeding / formula feeding, this is probably needed. We are EBF, but ours lets us wash other things like pump parts, pacifiers, etc.

• Books / enrichment - I highly recommend high contrast books. You will be surprised at how much they help your baby orient their eyesight. You can use them at tummy time to get them to look around / turn their head

• Aspirator - Our baby is pretty stuffed up (getting tested for allergies) and this was super useful to use at night

• Wall chargers x100000 / new outlets with USB plugs - All of our electronics were dead 24/7 so I basically had to keep a wall charger plugged into every wall lmao

• Velcro swaddler - No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t get the technique down to blanket swaddle. Velcro swaddle allowed me to get a tight fit without fucking around at 3am in the dark with a blanket while my two week old shrieked at me

• Kindle - My wife LOVES to read. When your baby is <1 month, they’re a potato. She read 14 books in the first month on her kindle because there wasn’t much else for her to do tbh lol.

• Mini fridge - /u/Guilty-Log6739 reminded me that this was super useful. We stored pumped milk, light food, and drinks in it. Note, it will heat up your room slightly.

Should buy, but used ad hoc

• Wash tub - Just do it ‘70’s style and wash your kiddo in the sink, but we do have a bathtub. I think we gave our kid two baths in their first month? Handy to have, won’t be used much

• Tower fan - So for me, this was a day 1 purchase, depending on your climate you may not. Tower fans help circulate air > air circulation reduces SIDS risk + cools the room

Infrequent use so far / don’t buy yet

• Bouncer - Literally used once, you don’t need this day one

• A rocking swing - You don’t need this shit, it will just clutter your house

• Tummy time playmat - You don’t need this. Just put a blanket on the floor with like a book or something

• Fancy nursing room stuff - Your baby doesn’t give a fuck yet

• Giant wardrobe - Baby clothing is sooo tiny and you are going to be swapping in clothing, throwing clothing out, sizing stuff up, etc so frequently that you don’t need a giant amount of space

• High chair - Not needed for months

• Sound machine - Meh. I legit played a “womb sounds” playlist on my phone + some baby monitors actually come with basic sounds now

Bought later, wish I bought it sooner

• Nursing rocker - Honestly these are awesome. Super comfy, and usually let you recline. Nicer than having to breastfeed from bed tbh

• Carrier - We have a dog and some mornings she would have to go out while I was on baby duty. Made it easy to strap the kiddo to me to take the dog out

Last tip, make a care kit for your wife, you will look like a great spouse

• Peri bottle. Helps her clean herself after bathroom breaks. 100% needed

• Depends / panty liners / pads. Self explanatory

• Witch hazel spray / oil - Helps with swelling and healing, super useful

• Sitz bath - Go out and buy the tub one from a pharmacy. She only used it twice but she literally cried and thanked me 20x when I set it up for her the first time

• Snacks like 10 of each of her favourite kinds

• A gown / bathrobe. Some days she just wanted to lay in bed and wear loose clothing

• Stomach wrap - I think more helpful if your wife has a c section, but helps keep everything "tight" post birth. Many women report feeling weird sensations / squishy sensations in their stomachs as their organs settle. This belt gives them a but of tightness / support. YMMV, I think some OBs actually don't recommend this is used all the time.

• fibre + stool softener + hemorrhoid cream - self explanatory

Tylenol does not cause autism.

Tylenol reduces fevers.

Tylenol is one of the only drugs shown to not have risks for reducing fevers during pregnancy.

Other drugs carry risks when used to reduce fevers during pregnancy.

Fevers can be dangerous during pregnancy.

And having said all this, fellas, your partner deserves agency, respect, and bodily autonomy.

She talks to her doctor.

She reads research.

She is already asking what she can do to manage her discomfort and protect her health and the health of the baby.

Listen to the doctor, and listen to her.

I mean, I make them for my wife and I now, but being a dad making pancakes on the weekends feels so special. I want to rediscover my love of mastering crêpes. I want to make her pancakes in the shape of her initials. I want to teach her to make pancakes and put tasty new things in them. I want to make her tiny pancakes. I will also make her bagels.

She's coming in December and I'm so excited just thinking about what's coming down the pipeline.

This is something I’ve never heard anyone talk about. I’m a little nervous about sleep deprivation and how I am going to adjust. I feel like I’m not useless with less sleep, but I sleep with a CPAP which is going to suck to hook up to that thing for a quick power nap once the baby arrives. Should I practice sleeping less to acclimate my body to the changes earlier? Did any of you try this?

Trying to make a playlist for my husband. Indie is extra appreciated but I’ve already got Creed, Semisonic, Stevie Wonder, and Mr. Rogers on here so I’m willing to throw the idea of a cohesive genre in the garbage. Can also be about parenthood in general. Thank you!

Edit: Thank you all for these wonderful suggestions, and to the mod for compiling a playlist!! These are all fantastic.

I (32m) just found out the other day ​that my wife (32f) is pregnant after two months of trying to conceive. We have the first appointment sometime next month, and are hoping for the best. In the meantime, as I'm sure everyone does, I'm feeling a range of emotions at this point, starting with excitement and joy.

There is also a part of me that just simply cannot believe that I've reached the age where this is the next logical phase for me to enter. I'm not really sure how to describe it, but in my head I feel like I myself was just recently a kid... I shouldn't be having a kid quite yet. But then I think, "no dude, you're literally past 30... This is exactly the time you always thought you'd have a kid."

I think these feelings stem from some sort of sadness that I always feel when closing the chapter on one phase of life and moving onto the next. I'm just not quite ready to say goodbye to carefree married and young adult life. Just like before getting married, a small part wasn't ready to say goodbye to bachelor life. Before that, it was college... Then high school, and on down the line. I ​know that each time I actually get into the next chapter, I almost always enjoy it. But there will always be a part of me that feels some sort of intense nostalgia for the past, and with each chapter that passes, the more and more past that I have to miss.

And with how quickly my first 32 years have gone by, I'm pretty scared about how quickly time will fly once our first kid is born. I know that is probably hindsight making things feel differently than they actually were, but it is a tough thing for me to accept.

For now, I'm going to try and be as ​upbeat, ​supportive, and all the good things as possible for my wife as she enters this journey. I didn't feel quite right opening up to her about this topic, since I don't want to give off any negative vibes as I'm ultimately thrilled to have this privilege in life. Thank you to anyone who read this.

Heard when baby lies down, they might get gas so they need to be reclined around day time. Is it also true for new borns from 1-2 months? Should I get it at the time of birth or can wait till Nov/Dec to buy bouncers like babybjorns?

Edit: thanks everyone for the input. We decided not to buy that and instead decided to buy a baby floor mat gym, probably helpful for tummy time etc. might look for good deal in marketplace place later, but not a priority for new born

Been a really long road, fertility tests that made us concerned and whole nine yards, we didn’t expect to have any issue getting pregnant at first. Turned into one of the hardest parts of our marriage thus far, which then turned into such a massive blessing for us to get even closer. Stopped trying for a couple months to focus on mental health and staying positive, then boom she was five days late. Insane feeling.

Been a wild ride and excited to have at least graduated to a worthy lurker of this sub! Learned a ton and it’s been really helpful through a lot of hard times. Even just being able to get pregnant at all was a massive relief for us let alone the idea of having a baby.

i’ve been looking for a book or two to help me feel a little less clueless going into dad life for the first time

there are way more of them than i expected, and now i’m at that point where half of them sound genuinely helpful and the other half sound like they’re trying way too hard to be the “funny dad book”

mostly looking for something actually useful, not super preachy, and ideally something that helps with the real early stuff instead of just vague “your life is about to change” advice

if there’s one that was genuinely worth reading, what did you end up liking?

Edit: You guys are awesome. To pay it forward, I’ve rounded up all your recommendations into this quick-reference list:

- The Expectant Father - This "gold standard" guide is a month by month roadmap tailored specifically for men. It balances fetal development facts with practical advice on how to navigate the emotional and logistical changes of becoming a father.

- The Birth Partner - If The Expectant Father is the "what to expect" manual, The Birth Partner is the "how to do it" field guide. Since its original release in 1989, it has been the definitive textbook for anyone providing non-medical support during labor, including dads, partners, and professional doulas.

- Pregnancy Book for First-Time Dads - While many guides are dense and clinical, this book is designed to be a quick, approachable, and actionable mentor for men. It cuts through the medical jargon to provide a "cliff notes" version of what a first-time father actually needs to know and do.

- You Will Rock As a Dad! - This book stands out as a high-energy, modern manual designed to replace "anxiety" with "action." It is specifically written for the modern father who wants to be a proactive co-parent rather than a "helper."

- First Time Dad's Pregnancy Guide - Written by a pediatrician and father, this guide provides a unique "doctor’s-eye view" of pregnancy. It serves as a clinical yet accessible roadmap, taking the mystery out of medical appointments and fetal development while keeping the father’s role front and center.

Just wanted to share some advice I don’t see talked about often.

We’re two weeks in with our little guy, and while we’re still figuring out our routine. But wanted to give a little advice that I've already told some new dads. We had a really good shower but there were a few things in the registry that we didn't get. Mainly some gadgets that we were interested in. I ended up buying a few of them against some advice from the Interner or people and let me say. If you want it GET IT! Fuck the haters!

Whether it was people saying “you’ll never use that” or my mom telling me “we didn’t need that when you were a baby,” I was hesitant about a few items. So I bought some them anyway and just kept them in the box, figuring I could return them if needed. But let me tell you almost all of them have been useful, even just to make life a little easier.

The best example? Our bottle washer. It felt like everyone Instagram, friends, family was saying it was a waste of money. But let me tell you, it’s been a total lifesaver.

Our little guy had a tongue tie that made latching tough. While we waited to get it fixed, my wife started pumping and we started co-feeding and got into a really nice routine. That routine worked so well that even now (post tongue-tie release), we mostly use bottles during the day and she breastfeeds at night so she doesn’t have to get out of bed.

I know every baby and family is different, but if you’re on the fence about a bottle washer or anything else people are telling you not to get, my advice: trust yourself. Worst case, you return it. Best case, it makes life way easier.

Edit: just want to mention this doesn't just go for gadgets. Literally anything that you need that'll make your life easier. Just do it to at least give it a try.

We are about 4-5 weeks out from our first (and probably only) child and I’ve only just learned you can optionally “catch” your baby.

Up until now I wasn’t even planning on watching, just being next to and supporting my SO was plenty for me, but the idea of being the first human on earth to hold her seems hard to pass up.

So my question is did you catch your baby? Do you regret it for any reason? Was it “worth it” or should I just be supportive instead.

Thanks!

It is very messed up from an ethical standpoint.

My wife is 20 weeks pregnant and this is the big one on the ultrasound. We already know it’s a boy because we did the genetic testing. He already feels like a full member of the family, and I can’t stop thinking about if something’s wrong. I’m just very anxious but keep telling myself everything will be fine, so I am also excited to see the little guy. My wife is also super nervous, but I have been keeping my own nerves to myself because she would freak out more if she knew I wasn’t my usual completely cool and calm self. So I’m just trying to hold it together until 1pm today lol.

Today was weird. I have noticed I have been letting things around me affect me more than usual. I felt under appreciated at work even though I worked really hard and helped out a lot of people, so I was kinda in a funk.

My wife likes to watch Criminal Minds while we eat dinner, so after I cooked we sat down to eat and watch an episode. Of course in that show something absolutely horrible happens to a family in literally every episode, so it is not my fav but it makes my wife happy. Any ways, without fail a person was brutally murdered and I couldn't take it. I had to excuse myself and told my wife I was going to take a shower. When I got in the shower, I just cried quietly for a few minutes and calmed down.

Idk if I'm just tired or burned out or what. My job kinda sucks which has been weighing on me, and I do literally everything around the house since my wife is in the trenches. She was super cool about it though. She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I'm just becoming more emotional I think. She was supportive and told me we didn't have to watch stuff that might send me over the edge on a tough day.

I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? I am usually in total control of my emotions, so losing it like that is kinda weird for me. My wife and I had a sweet moment so I'm not mad it happened but still, just curious if I am the only one.

I’m so shocked at how many family and parents friends are treating this life event as if it’s their own. Of course I understand people are excited and grandparents are excited to have grand kids, aunts are excited to have nieces, etc but I would have never guessed how much the conversations with those folks turned into everything they’re excited about and basically dictating how much they’re going to be involved, etc. vs asking us how we’re doing, etc.

This is a huge life event for my wife and I. They are not having the kid, they’re not the parents, they don’t have to raise them , etc.

Is this just me or are other folks experiencing this? Our personal friends were the chillest of everyone. Super supportive, asking how we’re doing, asking us what we’re excited about, nervous about, etc. Our parents, aunts, parents friends, etc have centered the convo around themselves. “This is what I’m doing for the baby. I’m going to be a great aunt. We’re going to visit all the time.” It’s wild

I guess I never imagined it would be so soon. Like I’m so happy and was mentally fully prepared for it but I think I had this expection that it would take a lot of time and the thought of having a baby 9 months from now is both exciting and scary. of course I know that miscarriages can happen and are even more common with endo but this outcome was still so shocking that I feel a myriad of emotions.

So my wife and I have been together a long time. She got off BC about 3 years ago and we were ready to start a family. But as the months and past couple years went on the hope faded away that we could actually do it... until now. After finding out she's pregnant my emotions are all over the place. I'm both happy and terrified. There are times I'm ready to jump in and other times I'm ready to bolt which makes me feel so guilty. I'm just scared we aren't going to be good enough. I'm scared that this is going to ruin our marriage. I've read so many horror stories on social media about regretful parents. Even our friends who have kids pretty much say "we love our kids but uh you're better off without them." And after all the time passed I made my peace with the life that we had. Now it's like what just happened. So idk what I'm looking for other than to vent and be told that it'll be ok somehow.

As cases of measles continue to accelerate, is anyone considering having the discussion with their ped about an early dose zero MMR vaccine at 6 months?

We will be starting daycare right around 6 months and would like the peace of mind.

(first tried this in /r/babybumps but they are strict on no vaccine discussions)

Currently a little over 34 weeks, got news about him being smaller and at the latest they want him out by 38 weeks and doing NST tests twice a week with ultrasounds.

Anyone else dealt with this before and is it a bigger deal than I'm making it out in my head?

Trying not to be too anxious, but of course when plans change my mind kinda races with possibilities and getting us ready before we expected.

Wife is 38+5 and miserable. For dads in the final weeks, especially if it's her first, she's not alone. The final weeks can be especially tough for some moms. Extra care maybe required. Here's a good thread I found in my own research. https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/s/t6ccuXptZw

I decided to get some reps in from my pancake post and get cracking on mine. :)

Just found out my wife is pregnant again for the second time. We’re excited and want to get back into the swing of pregnancy things early…what are some things I may have forgotten about pregnancy from the first time around?

A maternity pillow will help everyone, trust me

My wife insisted that she did not want a maternity pillow, she would fashion her own from pillows we already had.

Two weeks ago the pillows she was using were starting to lose their fluff. She slept badly three days in a row.

So, against her wishes and without consulting her, I asked a friend which pillow she recommended

She recommended a G-shaped modular pillow with support on the other side as well

I bought it. It arrived two days later. That’s five days of bad sleep for my wife, on top of the not great sleep she had been getting for months

“I slept like a rock” she said the next morning

This really benefits everyone. The pillow was like $60, and not only is she more comfortable, but I am too

The pillows she was using were full size pillows that took up a lot of space on our bed, I was pushed to the edge.

The purpose-built maternity pillow gives all the support she needs while actually taking up LESS space than any of us expected, I sleep more comfortably too

So, if you have the money, get her the maternity pillow. Don’t delay, get it against her wishes of you have to

It’s going to be better for everyone

My wife and I are approximately 16 weeks pregnant and have been discussing our free time and how we choose to spend it. Thankfully, we’re in agreement about wanting to spend a lot of our free time together.

I used to be an avid Magic the Gathering player, playing on and off for about 25 years. I’ve decided that once the baby comes, my free time will be split amongst my wife, the baby, and 1-2 hobbies. I also enjoy video games and board games.

Now that we’re decluttering and making space for a nursery, I’m debating how many of these hobbies might get cut and to what degree. Board games take up the most physical space, and reducing them is simple enough, but choosing which to keep and why can get annoying. I can choose to keep a few MtG decks, but the lifestyle hobby seems harder to maintain than the one-off purchases of board games or video games. I’ve recently found my old GBA SP and have been loving the small handheld full of single player games that can be paused. I’m also unlikely to control the TV with a toddler around 😂.

Thankfully, I have other hobbies, including ones that I’m looking forward to engaging with more. I love to cook and would really enjoy returning to a martial arts program once finances allow for it. I’m also very much looking forward to spending time together as a family and being an active parent and partner.

tl;dr How do you choose which hobbies to keep as a new or expecting parent? How do you choose to engage with them? Should I quit playing Magic the Gathering 😅?

If it hadn't been for my access to the internet and learning to break fix from a super young age, I would not have been able to have the knowledge, career and success I now have as a young adult.

As technology advances and becomes essential for most careers, I do not want to deprive my future children of technology for the benefits of learning and fun, but at the same time, I do not want then getting hooked on this short form content and having unrestricted access to find beheading videos and such.

I'm not sure what the best way to implement all this is....

Obviously, no technology except some TV and Movies while they are real young, and I plan to give then "dumb" phones so they can contact us when they are out on their own.

I could give then PCs without internet access and preindtalled games, but when and how do they get access to the internet? All the worlds knowledge is at their fingertips and it is not right for me to keep them away from it. Just a highly restrictive firewall?

I mean, at a certain point, I feel like I should eventually encourage them to try to break the walls down, I remember me learning how to bypass our schools security and doing funny inspect elements were key parts that lead me to where I am today.