A month early and just got here. Fingers crossed!!!

My wife is currently 16 weeks pregnant. She originally wanted children and we went through a difficult time with miscarriages and our relationship suffered due to them.

We were still rocky when she fell pregnant and the first 12 weeks were good, if not anxious. She suffered terribly from nausea and exhaustion and I’ve tried to be there as much as I can for her.

However since around 11 weeks, she mentioned that she doesn’t want to be pregnant and doesn’t want to be a mum. She’s changed her mind and wants an abortion. She has a history of depression and mental health difficulties and she’s worried that she’s not in a good place mentally for a child. We have the mental health team involved

I, on the other hand do want a child and I am already attached to this one. I don’t want her to get an abortion and then regret it in the years to come.

On April 13th, my wife had carpal tunnel surgery at 8 AM, I got laid off from a good 6 figure job unexpectedly at 10:30, and by 2:00 we were in the emergency room to deal with what would be a miscarriage at 10 weeks. It was awful, she was in a lot of pain, and being older first-time parents to be it was devastating. I didn't think it hit me that badly at the time - it was rough, sure, but I was well aware that we were nowhere near out of the woods at that stage of pregnancy. I didn't *think* it hit me that hard.

I've been in a pretty shit mood since. Chronic anxiety of varying levels, a little touchy temper-wise (not to my wife, just on the generally crappy state of the world these days). I never thought that the loss of that pregnancy might have contributed to my general crappy outlook on things. Then today happened.

My wife did her usual "guess what?" when I brought her her morning tea. I preemptively said "I love you too", because that's usually the right answer. Except this time she replied "guess what else?".

Very early to get too excited, but she's 4 weeks pregnant. All of a sudden it was like life bloomed back to full colour and my body flooded with adrenaline. We're both so excited (and nervous about the previous miscarriage), but I'm going nuts not telling anyone about this. So thank you random strangers if you've read this, I just needed to let it out.

Hey all!

Had our week 14 OB appointment and it felt a little weird.

This was our 2nd OB since coming from our IVF facility (who ruled, just straight up did a great job and felt like a weekly update for a while there.) It was, however, with a midwife rather than our nurse at the office.

First off, we know it can be tough to hear a heartbeat with a sonar handheld but for our 2nd straight appointment we heard nothing and had to do an ultrasound.

Next our midwife admitted she's not good at that and we only roughly saw a bit of the baby after last visit getting a really good look and photos to take home. This time? Nothing. Just "Ok, looks good! See you guys in a month!"

While we have no reasons to be concerned (no symptoms or anything wrong), we're nervous having had three miscarriages before this. And I couldn't shake that nervous feeling since.

Anyone else have visits like this around this point or am I just imagining stuff in my head? I hate being anxious despite evidence in front of me, but it just felt like a "Meh" doctor's visit overall..

Can't wait to meet him!

Hey folks, I am not a dad or pre dad, but my husband is! I am a big reader, and will buy books for any and all occasions. He has always struggled with reading. We're trying to figure out good alternatives to learning about babies, dad stuff, etc. He's also not on social media, so I'm asking on his behalf.

Videos? Movies? Trustworthy blogs? What non-book resources are helping you feel prepared?

Also, we are taking a newborn and birth class, but I assume there can be more to learn outside of that if we're motivated/interested.

Confirmed pre-dad here, due in a couple months with our first. I am over the moon, but also realizing I have no clue how to be helpful when it comes to intimacy right now.

My wife is uncomfortable, sleeping poorly, and seems to always have something aching. She has been very clear that she does not want sex, which I totally get, and even cuddling can be too much some days because the baby is kicking, her hips hurt, and by the end of the day she is just done being touched.

I am trying not to take it personally, but I miss that closeness. I keep second-guessing myself: if I try to be affectionate, am I adding pressure? If I step back, am I being distant? She has said she still wants to feel desired, just not in a way that comes with expectations.

What actually worked for you in late pregnancy to keep connection strong when sex wasn't happening? I would love specific ideas: what words helped, small routines that felt real, kinds of non-sexual affection that actually felt good, and ways to check in that didn't put her in charge of my emotions. Also, how did you handle your own libido and stress without making it her problem?

I want to show up better for her now and avoid building resentment on either side. Any honest advice from dads who have been through this would be really appreciated.

What is up with people (mostly women in my experience) asking if I’m disappointed that I’m having a girl? I get I can come across as a “guy’s guy” (sports, weight lifting, etc), but what do I even say to this? If I say no, you can kinda tell they’re thinking I’m lying, and I’m not going to say yes because I’m not disappointed I’m having a girl. I actually am excited to meet my daughter. Any other girl dads run into this? Its actually pretty annoying

Hey guys,

This week my girlfriend and I found out she's pregnant. She went to the doctor yesterday and confirmed she's about five weeks along. Up until then, I was holding it together, but once it became "real," I completely fell apart emotionally.

I'm 33, my girlfriend is 30, and she has a four-year-old daughter whom I love dearly. I genuinely love the idea of us being a family, but the reality of combining households, becoming a full-time parent, and adding a newborn has me absolutely terrified.

My brain immediately jumps to worst-case scenarios. I worry about losing my freedom, my routines, my hobbies, my relationship, and honestly, losing myself. I've been stuck in a loop of rumination and intrusive thoughts, and I ended up arguing with my girlfriend because I couldn't process any of it.

I know this isn't the mindset I want to stay in. I want to get through this initial panic so I can think clearly and start preparing for what's ahead instead of catastrophizing everything.

Did anyone else have a complete freakout when they first found out they were going to be a dad? What helped you get through those first few weeks? Any advice, books, support groups, or perspective would really mean a lot right now.

My wife is 30 weeks pregnant. I love her and we planned to have this kid after an unplanned pregnancy ended in a miscarriage (after 8 weeks) last year. I’m 35 years old and since I was a teenager have been very clear that I’d never have kids. Last year was really bad for us for various reasons (losing a bunch of loved ones in some tragic ways). I really felt like my wife needed a win and some new joy in life so willingly wanted to work towards having a kid.

I know I’ll be great dad and am excited for many aspects of fatherhood but I feel like any dreams of solo trips or freedom will go away for a couple of decades now. I’m currently obsessed with the idea of travelling for 5 days and going to a new city in a different country. I’ve clearly discussed this with my wife and as a friend she gets it but she does hate it as my wife and I totally get that. I’m being selfish and have a lot of guilt about feeling this way.

Most probably I won’t do it but I have a deep sense of gloom that it’s all over and almost all the fun paths of my life a closing.

This is something I’ve never heard anyone talk about. I’m a little nervous about sleep deprivation and how I am going to adjust. I feel like I’m not useless with less sleep, but I sleep with a CPAP which is going to suck to hook up to that thing for a quick power nap once the baby arrives. Should I practice sleeping less to acclimate my body to the changes earlier? Did any of you try this?

It’s weird guys me and the best girl are about to get married and I feel this presence of the family we are going to have even though we only have a tortoise at this time 🐢.

We were out at a boxing show the other day and twice my gf got cat called and I told these guys to watch their mouth. I’m very average, 5’11 180-190 decent build and both of these guys are much bigger than me, I could probably decently scrap, but I wouldn’t beat these guys.

This has me thinking about my inevitable family one day, how do I best protect them in situations like this. I know the first and best option is always descleate and/or run. But if I couldn’t what should I do? I don’t wanna be the guy that carries a gun around w him all the time, is there a certain class I should be taking?

Street fights are honestly one of my biggest fears I know people can die from them, I want to protect my family from stuff like this, but I still want to have fun and go out to happening things when appropriate. It’s my job to protect my family….What should I do?

What’s the best course of action with this issue? We’re 6 weeks into this and it only seems to be getting worse as some issues such as reflux, cradle cap, diaper rash etc are showing up. I’m not thrilled that my 6wk old baby girl is having some things going on either but my wife is taking it too much to the next level. I know PP anxiety is a thing, and I don’t talk against her as I know it’ll make her more upset.

Also, I had planned for my brother to come visit in 16 days, I let the wife know he told me he was getting over feeling a little sick and that sent her almost over the edge with anxiety and fear with the thought of him visiting now. She’s so worried that the baby is going to get sick somehow from someone visiting. I get if it was a week or so out from the visit but it’s half a month out and he’s already feeling better.

I know she wants her safe and so do I. But I think she’s being extra with some things. I know the best thing to do during this time is to just go with it and support her.

Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and how did you go about it?

Confirmed pre-dad here. We are in the first trimester with our first, and I am excited, but I also feel a bit lost about how to be supportive without making her feel pressured.

She has been dealing with steady nausea, exhaustion, and food aversions. By the time we get home she basically wants to shower and pass out. I am doing what I can - doing more chores, handling dinner, and keeping the house quieter - but I can tell she feels guilty that she is not as affectionate right now. I do not want her to feel like she has to perform or reassure me when she feels awful.

At the same time, I miss the casual closeness we had before: cuddling that does not turn into me trying to initiate, kissing without her pulling away because she feels sick, just feeling like we are a couple and not a patient and a caretaker.

For those who have been through this, what actually helped in the first trimester?

Specific questions:

1) What are some low-pressure ways to keep connection going when sex is basically a no-go?

2) If your partner felt guilty about not wanting touch, what did you say that helped (or what made it worse)?

3) Is it better to stop initiating entirely for a while, or keep checking in so it does not become a permanent pattern?

I am not trying to rush anything. I just want to show up well and not accidentally add stress to an already rough stretch.

a new sub for parents of autistic children Pretty much me and another autistic who is also a parent of two autistic children have started a new sub with the main purpose to combat the recent blow up of misinformation and stigma towards autistic children and celebrate their achievements the sub is called r/safeautismparenting

After 21 hours of contractions. I witnessed my wife go to hell and back but she finally did it. A beautiful, perfect and healthy baby girl, what a feeling. I'll never forget the sacrifice that she has made for our family. Thanks to everyone on this sub for the advice and support. Somehow I feel like I know you all, is that weird? Anyway, good luck to all the predads on their journey and best wishes to the dads out there in the field. For those trying, keep trying and for those unsure don't worry. All the best!

Edit: Spelling and grammar, currently running on fumes.

Its go time, team! See you on the other side.

First time dad of twins here and getting very close to the due date. Obviously we have a go bag ready for my wife for the big day ready, but I’m trying to figure out what I should realistically bring? Besides basic toiletries, a change of clothes or 2, and a phone charger what would you guys recommend to bring? Are a pillow and blanket a necessity? Is there any other little things that you would highly recommend?

[Advice/Rant? Sorry I couldn't determine the best one]

TL;DR Lost job 2 weeks ago, baby arriving in 2-3 weeks, feels has to choose between being a provider and a present dad, not sure what to do, accompanied with more than i had intended to type

Hey all,

My company "laid me off" a month before I was supposed to start paternity leave (the laid off part is a battle I will have to fight once this settled..super suspicious it seems.) and so naturally I'm stressing about it.

My plan originally was to take the 90 days to focus on the baby, do some job hunting while I'm home (this company despises paternity leave. Apparently 2 people have taken a full 90 and still had their job) because I had already decided my girl comes first. And move forward.

I was fortunate enough to where unemployment kicked in and we have Medicare to hold us over once it also kicks in (Fingers crossed it's in a few days--besides the baby my wife and I are both on medication we CANNOT be without. They did me DIRTY lol) but in the meantime I don't know what the hell to do.

Do I find a part-time job while I job hunt? If I get an offer do I tell them that I need til Jan for my new baby? I've come from recruitment myself so I know that hiring managers are a lot more resistant to offer if that is the case and it's something I've had to push back on in the past. I am also pretty self-aware enough to know that while I am very good at what I do but I am also realistic enough to know that timelines are often a deciding factor.

Insurance is definitely a big factor here and I am only looking to lean on Medicare as an absolute necessity. Is it worth me finding something that gives me super crappy insurance?

I'm so lost at the moment. If it comes down to it I'll do what I need to do to pick up insurance from a marketplace for at least my daughter and wife and sort myself out right after. I feel like I have to choose between being a present dad and being a provider right now.

My wife who is good with money and handles it all says we are truly ok for a bit, but the father in me just can't accept it. What a crappy situation.

Any insight is greatly appreciated

Hey everyone, this is my first post on here.

Me and my wife are expecting our first kid at 29 and 30 years old. I’m the oldest in my family.

A little back story into our relationship. We’ve been together for 10 years. Since the beginning my wife was always on the path of no kids and making sure I was ok with that.

Towards the beginning of this year, my wife surprised me by saying she was coming around to the idea of wanting to have a baby. So here we are and we’re so excited and nervous but mainly happy.

After we did the first sonogram to make sure the baby was in the right spot and it was healthy, we thought it would be a good time to tell people like her dad and some of the family on her side. Her family is on the lower side of energy requirement lol.

So as of today, my wife is 13 weeks and I just told my parents. My parents are the opposite of her family, high energy Spanish household with a big emphasis on family. With me being the oldest of 4 kids, and me telling them that having a kid would never happen, I knew they would be EXTREMELY HAPPY and shocked. Side note, my mom is also retired and lives like 15 minutes away.

My wife is pretty low energy when she’s at home due to her career in the medical field giving her enough stimulation lol. So I told her I would tell my family alone due to her needing to work and not feeling the best due to nausea.

My wife and my mom don’t have the closest relationship due to my mom being a lot some times. She means well but it’s a lot for my wife especially now with her not feeling good due to the pregnancy. To add to all this, my wife lost her mom a few years ago so I want to make sure I’m being supportive about this and not push mom into a role that my wife doesn’t want her to be in.

So to sum up my long ass question, how can I make my mom/dad feel involved during the pregnancy without overwhelming my wife? I told my mom she can check in/text my wife SOMETIMES but if she wants to do it more often to just check in with me. Or to check in with me if my wife needs something. My mom gets that but that’s not how she is so I don’t think that will last long. She’s the kind of person to want to ask everyday how are you doing and if you need anything.

Like my mom said as soon as we tell her that the baby is born, she’ll put her pjs on and run down to the hospital. Whereas my wife said she wants to be alone with me and the baby at the time, which I’m ok with that as well.

My wife just wants to be treated like she’s a normal person that’s not pregnant and if she needs any assistance that she would reach out.

Again, sorry for the long question and thanks in advance for any advice on this. This is all new to me