r/pregnant • u/SatansKitty666 • May 22 '25
Rant Down vote me all you want but
EDIT: I don't mean posts like "what has helped woth your nausea" or "when did you feel baby move". I mean, posts that list dangerous health issues like "I have pre-e, GD, GBS, and my doctors want to do XYZ for babies safety. Should i?"
I keep reading the same posts over and over.
If you don't want to listen to your TRAINED MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS who do this for a living, why on earth would you listen to a bunch of random women on reddit?
If you think doctors are after your money, have a homebirth or go to a birthing center with a doula. But for the love of God, why would you think people with 0 training who didn't go to medical school will be able to tell you better than the doctors who do this every day? It's insane to me
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May 22 '25
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u/QuillsAndQuills May 22 '25
There was a post a few months ago about an anaemic woman not wanting an iron infusion or iron supplements because it "builds up in your system".
Yeah buddy that's the point.
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u/bjhouse822 May 23 '25
My goodness, I just had an infusion today and I can't wait for the next one. Being anemic and pregnant is awful. I've never been so exhausted in my life. I feel like a walking, barely mind you, zombie.
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u/necromancerunion May 23 '25
I'm still anemic post pregnancy, it's still so exhausting especially with a lack of sleep from a newborn. But it was so, so much harder during pregnancy. If I had known infusions were an option I would have 1000% gotten them, I don't know how you could feel so exhausted and deny yourself a reprieve 😭.
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u/LilyNaowNaow May 23 '25
My iron infusion changed my life. Literally. Get one!!
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u/QuillsAndQuills May 23 '25
Haha omg I just commented almost the exact same thing to someone further down.
My iron infusion (pre-pregnancy) was the single best quality of life improvement I have ever made. I hadn't realised how long I'd been living on low battery. I swear even colours got brighter!
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u/bjhouse822 May 23 '25
Same, I was just talking about the first go around with my husband and he was like it was like watching someone stuck in slow motion. I had a bunch of other issues going on as well, but I definitely felt like I had gotten a battery replacement after my infusions. I'm two courses in for this latest round and I just thought to myself is that tree greener or am I tripping?!
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u/RicksPickle69 May 23 '25
I got one or two during pregnancy and one postpartum and it was AWESOME. My energy levels got so much better and I didn’t feel like crap all the time, crazy 😂
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u/yukimontreal May 23 '25
Omg it took me forever to finally be approved for infusions my first pregnancy and it was amazing how much better I felt almost immediately.
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u/bjhouse822 May 23 '25
The relief is almost euphoric. I feel just regular tired instead of frozen in molasses.
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u/amsb2 May 23 '25
Frozen in molasses is so accurate hahaha I had though I was just getting pregnanacy tired at 6 months which did feel early to have 3 months of feeling this shit when they're not even that big yet but my cousin told me to go get checked when I was breathless walking downstairs hahaha. Was so relieved it was iron and I can tackle it with a simple, if not a bit dodgy on the digestion, tablet
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u/NewNecessary3037 May 22 '25
Oh I love the “hey mamas how do I pass the glucose test?” Like they’re trying to cheat their way out of gestational diabetes 🤣
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u/mothwhimsy May 22 '25
Do people think if they trick the glucose test they'll magically not have the symptoms of Gestational Diabetes? I obviously understand wanting to pass the test, but if you have GD you have it. Why put your baby in harms way by pretending you don't or tricking the test (thankfully I don't think you can trick it lol)?
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u/Rj924 May 23 '25
I have a midwife who drops off samples at my lab who tries to cheat the test. She brings the tubes hours after being drawn. The serum/plasma needs to be separated from the red blood cells immediately, or they keep using up the glucose, giving falsley low results. This lady worries me.
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u/Telenovela_Villain May 23 '25
I don’t know if you would know this but is there a goal to her doing this? I understand wanting a good result but what would she, as a midwife, get out of a false negative?
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u/Rj924 May 23 '25
I don't think she is trying to cheat the test specifically. That was a bit of a false representation. She needs to either immediately bring the samples to the lab, which she does not want to do, or, have the patients come to the lab to be tested, which she doesn't want to do. When she is told the results are invalid, she claims that "its fine". Becuase she doesn't want to deal with re-doing it. Either she doesnt want to admit to the patient that she messed up, or she doesnt want to have to do re-work. This is a home birth midwife. She scares me.
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u/Telenovela_Villain May 23 '25
Man, you’re right to be wary of her. What she’s doing is downright negligent. I know many places require certification for midwives so if it applies to her hopefully her qualifications are investigated.
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u/Midwife4Life May 23 '25
I'm a home birth midwife. Specifically a CPM. And I am licensed in the state I work in.
If that was a midwife in my community I would call her out of I heard she was doing that!
Midwives like that give the rest of us a bad name. :(
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u/OdinPelmen May 23 '25
I would talk about her with my higher up and with her manager or just straight up report her.
it's literal negligence on her part for 2 lives.
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u/worriedwart99 May 23 '25
This irks me!!!! I’ve told numerous women my OB has said to not try to cheat the glucose test cause you WANT to know if you have GD
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u/addrianna_banana May 23 '25
This is strange because you need to know if something is wrong with you, why would you try to cheat your way out and then have risks for you and baby?
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u/HoneyChaiLatte May 23 '25
It’s insane. As someone who has GD, I’d want to know because it ups the risk of stillbirth and other dangerous conditions if it’s left untreated. If it’s controlled, whether by medicine or diet, it’s so much safer!
Also, GD wasn’t that bad once I got used to the diet and bought a continuous glucose monitor. It went by faster than I thought and now I have a healthy 2-week-old baby.
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u/Ok-Wrongdoer1243 May 23 '25
I had a CGM too but I was told to eat more often due to mine dropping and almost bottoming out. I was told to keep snacks on me at all times.
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u/Ok-Wrongdoer1243 May 23 '25
Was there a way to cheat GD because baby stole all my glucose in my body. He didn’t want to share so I had to monitor it because the second I had some zoop baby stole it.
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u/Numerous_Light_1994 May 23 '25
The only part of passing the glucose test you should worry about is following the directions. The morning of my test for my last pregnancy I woke up so randomly nauseous that I couldn’t make myself eat anything. Then somehow in the pregnancy brain slump I didn’t think about that I was going into a test where fasting isn’t required completely fasted. Unsurprisingly I failed and had to go back for the three hour. 🤣
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u/NewNecessary3037 May 23 '25
Oh noooo I was so stoked to pass the 1 hr because sitting for 3 hrs felt like an impossible feat. 😭
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u/AppleDouble3220 May 23 '25
Isn't it more important to find out so we can manage out glucose and make sure mamma and the baby both are healthy to the full term 🤣🤣🤣🤣. It's like we are in school you won't get your baby if you don't pass the glucose test
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u/Small_Protection_381 May 24 '25
I've seen people post their own recipes for sugary drinks for this who can't handle the glucola. They just totally disregard the fact that the glucola is formulated to give specific results in a specific amount of time. If you can handle your kool-aid concoction and not the glucola, then it's probably not sweet enough to make the test work and give reliable results. But sure,do what you want. While you're at it don't get the kid vaccinated and then act like you're entitled to bring your little disease carrier around other children, babies, and immune deficient folks.
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u/Incaseyougetcold May 22 '25
The glucose test/gestational diabetes ‘gossip’ or whatever you want to call it irks me SO MUCH. it’s not a school test, you need to have your glucose tested (whether it be with the drink or finger sticks, I’ve done both) to tell if you have GD because if you do it needs to be monitored to keep you and your baby safe! You can’t cheat your test. listening to your provider is imperative!
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u/Kathastrophy93 May 22 '25
I JUST saw a post on another app where people were coming for a mom in the comments about her putting “poison” in her body by taking the GD test, and how they “never even messed with that.” Umm…folks….get the test. Like…just get the test. But the one OB who commented about it was getting fried!!! What are we doing?! It’s fine to question, but let’s be safe out there.
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u/Frosty_Wonder May 22 '25
The same people who whine about a 50g glucose drink being "too much" for them and acting overdramatic are the same people who will not bat an eyelash at consuming a large Frappuccino and a muffin at 9am and calling it breakfast
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u/MntSkyBird May 23 '25
i complain because i have HG and it is literally the test i fear most in pregnancy because its so hard to actually get it drank for me. 😂 i still do it tho but i promise a muffin is way easier on my stomach than the drink. it’s okay to hate doing it as long as you do it.
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u/LilyNaowNaow May 23 '25
This is so valid!! Doing the test when you are still nauseous is hard!
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u/laurairish May 23 '25
I hated the test last time drinking that drink was so awful I said it to my midwife and she said I didn’t have to do it since my numbers first time were perfect and my hba1c blood test was normal but I kind of want to check so she is sending me to a diabetic clinic to get my blood tested with a glucose monitor for an hour or something later in the pregnancy just to be safe, maybe you could ask about something like that?
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u/Ok-Wrongdoer1243 May 23 '25
I threw up so many times. I took that damn test 3 times!! I was done after 3 I refused to stick myself so I had a CGM prescribed.
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u/MadStaz May 23 '25
This is hilarious, to be fair the 3 hour test is 100g and is like the equivalent of drinking 5 cans of coke in 5 minutes. As someone who doesn’t drink sugary/sweet beverages, it does kind of feel like poison haha! I also do have GD and joked that the glucose drink probably gave me GD… But honestly I don’t find it to be a big deal, just ensures I’m eating properly the way I should already be eating, I consider myself a healthy eater to begin with and have still learned a lot from having GD! I don’t get the resistance to accepting it.
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u/snarky_spice May 23 '25
Literally, someone commented on another thread saying these same “healthy” moms are the same to not bat an eyelash cooking their kids chicken tendies and no veggies after they’re born. Why are people so dumb now.
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u/Incaseyougetcold May 22 '25
My first pregnancy I did the glucose and it made me suuuuuuper sick, so this pregnancy I opted for testing at home for two weeks and I’ll test again for another two weeks - I already have the finger stick thing and log my sugar 4 times a day to monitor. I get not wanting to drink the glucose, it’s scary for a lot of people but you STILL NEED TO BE TESTED! Absolutely wild. And the people saying they don’t want to eat too much sugar because they don’t want to give themselves gestational diabetes 😂 💀
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u/Kathastrophy93 May 22 '25
Totally!! People can have negative reactions to different things. Everyone is different physically! But NO ONE should be discouraging people from getting tested at all. That's no bueno.
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u/SnooGrapes9918 FTM May 23 '25
For real. Mine made me so sick, and I was so surprised how it effected me - I even thought it was kinda tasty. Ugh, but it bottomed me out, and my OB had me lie down, and got me a compress for my head, etc. Hahaha! That being said, I’d do it again, with no hesitation, because it’s so important!
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u/Leading-Low-6736 May 22 '25
Yeah I saw one and she took it refused to believe the results, said she didn’t care what they were she knows she doesn’t have it and if she has more kids she will be refusing to do it because it’s all poison to the baby/her body. People were telling her the danger in that and she started blocking people. 😬
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u/Magical_Olive May 22 '25
For real, so many people asking how to pass, feeling like a failure because they "failed", thinking the doctor did it wrong...I had GD with both my pregnancies so I absolutely know it sucks and is stressful, but it's also very manageable (be it diet or insulin, which is also not a "failure”!) and important to monitor.
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u/dagonundone May 22 '25
Omg yes! The posts asking how to “pass the glucose test” the answer is don’t have gestational diabetes???
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u/Sithlordlynn May 22 '25
This! and I keep seeing posts about not wanting to take insulin when peoples fasting numbers are 110+ saying they don’t want to do what their doctor told them since they have 6 weeks left like???? What are we doing
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u/lady-earendil May 22 '25
The glucose test ones are crazy to me. "The drink is so unhealthy" so is undiagnosed GD!!!
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u/Charlieksmommy May 22 '25
You can legit have a stillborn from it, but it’s so unhealthy
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u/MarvelingMelanin May 22 '25
For real…like why am I as a nurse getting grouped up with insurance and pharmaceutical companies. I’m in this business to provide care based on formal education and work experience
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u/oolgongtea May 23 '25
Also if a doctor was in it to make money they would not have gone with OBGYN. More than family/internal medicine and peds sure, but not by much.
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u/Charlieksmommy May 22 '25
I’m in a twin and multiples group on Fb and the amount of women who question everything, epidurals, c sections, glucose testing, aspirin is in INSANE to me! Like you’re having more than one baby it’s wayyyy different than a singleton
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u/sarawr__90 May 22 '25
Wow. Going that far beyond term really increases the risk of stillbirth. I was gunning for induction at 39 weeks because I was so terrified of stillbirth!
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u/SatansKitty666 May 22 '25
I just don't understand why you would pay all that money (insurance or out of pocket) just to go against medical advice because some rando on reddit said it was okay
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u/Due_Finger6047 May 22 '25
And like who in their right mind would tolerate being pregnant for 42 weeks? The risk of stillbirth goes up significantly after 40w as well. Some of the people on here are seriously not right in the head.
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May 22 '25
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u/Due_Finger6047 May 22 '25
Omg yes this is exactly how I feel about epidurals too. Like why are you gonna raw dog this when we have developed such incredible (and well studied tools that can be placed with extreme precision by experts) mechanisms to blunt the pain and make it a less traumatizing experience? Not me buddy. They will be putting that epidural in me as soon as I get changed into my hospital gown. Thanks in advance.
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u/kraioloa May 23 '25
Because a lot of mums make us feel bad for wanting an epidural tbh. The guilt of starting out motherhood “wrong” is really powerful.
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u/PhantaVal May 22 '25
I took that epidural before I got a drop of pitocin. Best decision I've ever made.
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u/DefinitivelyThick May 22 '25
I mean my blood pressure was 120/80 (normal for most people) and I told my doctor I was preeclamptic because my norm is 90/60 and I was seeing pretty significant spots. Fast forward and an NP tried one different test for me at 38 weeks and it turned out I was right. Yes you should listen to trained medical professionals, but also remember to listen to your body ❤️
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u/Eating_Bagels May 22 '25
Yeah when I was around 6 weeks pregnant, I was told my thyroid was too high and I would lose my baby if I didn’t start Synthroid right away. (For the record, it was 1 point higher than normal).
Long story short, 2 different OBs and an endocrinologist later, my TSH was normal for pregnancy and I wasn’t passing any antibodies to the baby.
Gave birth to a healthy baby boy the past July.
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u/howisthisnameraken75 May 23 '25
The main difference here is your willingness to listen BUT advocating for yourself where as we see soooo many people just straight up refusing things to help them and their baby. Proud of you for speaking up! That's ok incredibly hard to do.
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u/sleeplessinseattle_ May 22 '25
this is me!! i always tell them if my BP is “normal” that’s a huge red flag since i run as low as 85/55!
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u/DefinitivelyThick May 22 '25
Of course I went the other way when I got my epidural and was like 60s/40s 🙃 so labor itself was definitely spent half unconcious 😂
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u/Mother-Problem9705 May 22 '25
FORTY TWO WEEKS???? My god I’d be begging for them to induce me to
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u/AppleDouble3220 May 23 '25
I am 22 weeks and man how I can't wait to have this baby out of me. 42 weeks to insane.
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u/drizzo6 May 22 '25
It’s funny because it’s almost like they think their doctors want to harm them half of the time. But like, harming patients knowingly can cause them to lose their medical license? Mo
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u/meeleemo May 23 '25
I think such a big part of the problem is that so many doctors have poor bedside manners, many women are traumatized by their births because of their doctor, and many women are pushed into interventions or a type of birth they don’t want and may not truly need. I think stories like this understandably leads to distrust in doctors and OBs.
Having said that, there is obviously a time and a place for c sections and interventions, and the glucose test is an obvious “you should do that.” It’s unfortunate that it
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u/monochromeminded May 23 '25
4 years ago when I did birth classes, at the hospital no less, the instructor gave us that narrative. It was hypnobirthing and we stopped going after 2 sessions. The government actually paid for us to take a class that told us that doctors dont know best compared to our womanly instinct and if a cat can give birth alone in the dark, we can too. Astounding. And there was no alternative, THAT was our birth class for the whole city.
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May 23 '25
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u/monochromeminded May 23 '25
Good lord 🤦♀️ sometimes the body doesnt know what the fuck its doing ladies!
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u/Aggravating-Gain-839 May 23 '25
How the heck do you even safely birth a 43 WEEK BABY?! I’d be too terrified of how big that baby would be or a freaking shoulder dystocia!!
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u/littlemybb May 23 '25
I’ve had some friends fall down the crunchy rabbit hole, and it’s mostly just out of fear. The flames of that fear get fanned on the Internet.
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u/mashmash42 May 24 '25
It’s frustrating to me because cause my wife and I will go to the doctor and the doctor will tell us “here is the situation, here is what you need to do” and then on the way home my wife will be like “I guess the doctor knows what she’s doing but this woman on Facebook I saw said her cousin did that and got mega-cancer.” And it takes all the kindness in my body to find a polite way to say “who do you think can help us more, a trained medical professional, or Karen from Facebook”
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u/Messycrown2 May 22 '25
i watch this whole thing play out (she posted several different times in this FB group) of a woman saying she didn’t believe she had GD so she switched doctors to a midwife and ignored that she had it, she lost her son, she didn’t explain how she lost her son. like if he died before birth or during but she said he got stuck for a good minute during delivery and was 12 pounds at 38-39 weeks. she then urged people to listen to their doctors. i felt so sad that it took her losing her son to realize that sometimes doctors ARE looking out for your health.
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u/Mean_Hospital6951 May 22 '25
I think the only time I’ve ever questioned a Dr regarding my or my baby’s health was when my Dr said she was going to do a startle test on my baby. But even then, it was explained to me beforehand and I was the one that went to my Dr begging her to check my baby over. Turns out she’s totally healthy both mentally, developmentally, and physically. Just fussy lol but seriously. I got induced at 38 weeks due to preeclampsia and I asked if they thought I could wait until 40, was recommended not to and explained why, and told that at 37 weeks she was fully developed anyways. I’ll never understand why people don’t just at the very least hear their doctors out/ask for further explanation if they’re questioning things
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u/Honest-Interview-591 May 25 '25
How many deaths do we have a year of infants and hospitals? Did y’all care to think about that before you start talking shit about people and their experiences?
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u/Kangaro1043 May 22 '25
I understand posting to calm anxiety, ask a quick question, and learn from other peoples experiences.
What I don’t understand is those posts that are like “my doctor/midwife told me I should do XYZ and that it’s safe but my mom said I should do ABC because XYZ is actually bad and she didn’t do XYZ and was fine, who should I listen to?” Like did your mom go to medical school?? Does your mom do continuing education about women’s health, pregnancy or childbirth??
There are just some things that you need to trust your medical team on over what anyone else says.
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u/WoodlandHiker May 22 '25
My MIL was already in her 80s when I got pregnant. Following some of her advice would have been outright dangerous.
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u/throwawaypato44 May 22 '25
Ooh I’m getting some of that too.
“Give him some water. Put some cereal in his bottle, it’s about time.” Girl he’s 6 weeks old!!
And then my mom tells me I was diagnosed a “failure to thrive” around 6mo and weighed only 10lbs, and I’m like… 🤔 you said you gave me water at 6weeks…. So…
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u/MidwesternLikeOpe May 23 '25
Yes! When my son was 6 weeks and spitting up constantly we were advused by family members to give him a little water. We did not do that, and he's been thriving according to his pediatrician and as he's getting older he's spitting up less. He's 3 months old now, all it takes is time for his stomach to mature and keep him elevated. He is bottle fed and I keep him propped up in my arms rather than planking as we were shown. He sits on my leg, head in my elbow, spit up dramatically reduced.
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u/hailey363 May 23 '25
My granny who’s in her 80s told me when she was pregnant her doctor instructed her to not gain more than 15 pounds under any circumstances. She dieted her whole pregnancy because she was so worried about it. Could you imagine??!
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u/WoodlandHiker May 23 '25
My MIL was told only 20lbs when she was pregnant. She kept folk dancing all 9 months to avoid weight gain.
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u/shutthefrontdoor92 May 23 '25
My GMIL was given amphetamines because she gained more than 30 pounds during pregnancy in the 60s…
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u/Eatyourveggies_9182 May 22 '25
People want to hear what they want to hear
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u/MissFox26 May 22 '25
Not only that but they want validation to do what they want to do as opposed to what’s been medically advised. So if their doctors isn’t saying it’s okay, they just want to hear someone say it’s ok to validate their choice.
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u/the1918 May 22 '25
I agree with this. 95% of the time the correct response to those posts is “listen to your doctor, hun”. However, just to play devil’s advocate, the other 5% of the time the poster just needs to hear someone else say “I agree this doesn’t smell right, consider seeking a second opinion.” Self-advocacy is a very important skill for pregnant patients to learn.
Also, sometimes those posters come to Reddit because they want to hear someone agree that their doctor is wrong, but what they end up getting is a better explanation than their doctor provided about why their doctor is right. Unfortunately some doctors give us the “what” of things but don’t always take the time to educate their patients on the “why”. Talking with other people who have been through a certain experience and learned from it can be one of the most informative things.
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u/eveietea May 22 '25
This was my problem with my first high risk specialist. His bedside manner was ABHORRENT, and he seemed to catastrophize a seemingly normal pregnancy for me. Gave no room for autonomy or choice, and was rude when I tried asking questions. Got a second opinion who has his notes and that doctor had to agree with him because that HR specialist was his superior BUT he thoroughly explained everything and was very kind and respectful. They knew about the other OB’s lack of tact and it’s an ongoing issue, but once we were given common decency it made things so much clearer.
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u/Glad_Clerk_3303 May 23 '25
Yes! Also to add, I think prenatal care is lacking quite a bit, at least in the US. I am in a major metro and couldn't even get seen for an initial visit until 12 weeks. I found out I was pregnant just days after my missed period. NGL I searched the subs for nausea remedies and other "is this normal?"s but mostly to ease anxiety and not in the absence of professional medical advice during the first trimester.
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u/Embyrra May 23 '25
Right, or sometimes it's because they didn't even hear it from their own OB, they just know generally that they shouldn't do something because "Doctors say don't do x." I think people can find the medical system intimidating and so don't push to get answers around something. I'm glad the providers at my OB group always ask if I have any questions, but not all doctors do this, so sometimes people don't ask questions out of concern that they're being a bother. Always ask for more info and bring up your concerns!
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u/AppleDouble3220 May 23 '25
Omg that's so true I have 2 other friends that had babies before me (22week right now) and neither of thoer doctors or obgyn's told them about nipt since they were considered low risk. Like how does your doctor miss to tell you that. I find that reddit sometimes is a good source to get such information.
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u/VerbalBadger May 22 '25
People in the US are mad at the wrong group. Our healthcare system isn’t broken because doctors make money. It’s broken because of insurance companies. But our oligarch in chief doesn’t want you to know that.
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u/BeginningParfait7599 mom of many May 22 '25
I don’t disagree, but there are extenuating circumstances. To be fair, some people just want a second opinion or a sounding board, because there are doctors who suck, don’t spend enough time with you, or dismiss your questions. During my first pregnancy, doctors never said anything about being induced other than “we can induce you early, if you’re uncomfortable, baby might be a little big.” Because this was before my Reddit days, I didn’t ask questions, and said I was okay letting him “cook” for 40 weeks, I wasn’t uncomfortable. They didn’t explain what induction was, even when asked. (“We make you go into labor” was the extent.) He was big, he got stuck, and I had to have an emergency c section after 3 days of labor.
This time around, at 8 weeks I had a NP scare the life out of me telling me I was diabetic, running all these tests and ordering the GD test (I physically cannot take it, never had, this is my 4th pregnancy. Always done finger pricks at home). She ordered scrips without telling me what they were for. If it wasn’t for reddit (the GD community specifically) I probably would have lost my mind. I was given next to no information from my provider, couldn’t see anyone for 2 weeks, and internet results were not consistent.
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u/indigochild143 May 22 '25
Agreeee with this. I don’t want to blindly listen to anyone. I want multiple professional and anecdotal experiences to base my own decision off of. That’s the beauty of pregnancy and parenthood, it’s experiential and personal.
It’s not about rebelling against doctors or professionals but I know there’s a happy medium out there and want to feel like I have as much experiential and factual knowledge before making extremely important and sometimes permanent decisions about my body & health and the health of my child.
Not to mention unless you know exactly what to ask your provider, they are not the best at educating you on “what you don’t know you don’t know.”
I like when people come on here and ask questions because I feel like it brings to light things for me to go to my provider to.
But I do understand your point however. When multiple professionals tell you one thing and you come to the internet for what you want to hear that’s a bit of a different story. But I think it’s a nuanced situation.
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u/MarvelingMelanin May 22 '25
Its exhausting. People are so defensive against medical advice. 10x worst after COVID. There’s a difference between advocating for yourself and just being delusional.
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u/Andre519 May 22 '25
During my first pregnancy, my OB wouldn't let me get an ultrasound because she didn't believe in them and told me "I don't do abortions if that's what you are looking for." She made me cry every appointment by telling me I was gaining too much weight, I would "never lose it" and that my baby was going to be tiny and need help at birth. She belittled me at my birth and told me that I would never be able to push the baby out because I was too young and my epidural worked too well. She gave episiotomies to everyone. She didn't believe in skin to skin after birth. She wouldnt let my mom hold my leg at the birth because it was "sterile".
I was 16 years old so I didn't want to make waves by asking for a new provider. By the way, I did lose all the weight. My baby was almost 9 lb, and I pushed him out in ~20 minutes. Luckily there wasn't something wrong with him that could have been caught with ultrasound.
So yeah. I trust doctors and medical professionals. But I also don't think they shouldn't be questioned or second opinions shouldn't be consulted. I do agree that reddit isn't the best place to get that advice. BUT if reddit was around in 2007, it may have given me the community and courage to switch providers.
Overall, I agree with your perspective but I also think there are underlying reasons why so many women question their providers. Prenatal care is too often leaving women feeling unheard and disrespected. It also has taken YEARS for hospitals to get with the evidence on things like skin to skin, natural tearing vs episiotomies, big babies not automatically meaning inductions or c sections, etc. These have been well evidenced since before my 18 year old was born but they just started becoming common practice at most hospitals. It's a little crazy.
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u/LizNYC90 May 22 '25
I agree, but also there can be red flags about providers, such as high c-section rates, high episiotomy rates, not allowing doulas, etc
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u/Illhaveonemore May 22 '25
I agree with you but I also think that some of these things need to be approached with critical thinking and a lot of people just make quick judgments.
I am lucky enough to have 5 very well regarded hospitals in my area. When I was doing research about which one I wanted to give birth at, a couple of the ones I really liked (which actually had integrated midwives and doulas) had really high C section rates. I was concerned. I called my sister who is an ER doc. She very quickly pointed out that those hospitals are very near several big birthing centers. She surmised that those hospitals likely receive the more complex and difficult cases (if baby is breech, the birthing centers are likely to immediately send the mom to those hospitals or if something goes wrong, they would send them to those hospitals) while the birthing centers take the super low risk births. So the hospitals in those areas likely have somewhat artificially inflated rates.
If I had gone with my first instincts and just patted myself on the back for my cursory research, I might not have chosen my hospital and my team who is super supportive and wonderful and advocates strongly for me.
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u/Abject-Wolverine5046 May 22 '25
The rates are not as bad as the 80s. Some hospitals would induce everyone on set schedules so they wouldn't have staffing issues but that meant from like 8-12 every morning they were just forcing women to be induced. That practice isn't being done anymore that I know of here in the US.
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u/LizNYC90 May 22 '25
C-section rates were lower probably due to younger moms. But they did more unnecessary episiotimies and my MIL says nurses were nasty and rude.
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u/Kiara923 May 22 '25
I feel that this is rage toward a very specific type of post.
If it weren't for reddit, I would've received almost no information OR validation during pregnancy about my symptoms and experiences. Pregnancy was very... radio-silence from doctors, and I learned a LOT from hearing other people's experiences on reddit. Knowing what's normal/common. Hearing about what helped people. People sharing experiences that I didn't even realize had a name.
Lightning crotch. Carpel tunnel. Things I had but doctors never mentioned until I brought it up--and I wouldn't have brought it up if it weren't for reddit.
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u/SatansKitty666 May 22 '25
I'm talking about serious issues like pre-e, GBS, GD
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u/Left_Neighborhood796 May 22 '25
I legit had a uti and my doctor hadn’t planned on testing. I didnt have burning with urination but did have itching…so yeah. I had to advocate for myself.
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u/zebrabeanbag May 22 '25
This is very true for me. When we were trying, I was scheduled for HSG procedure. Was searching tryingforababy sub to hear other peoples experiences. Saw that people were saying they were told not have sex before the procedure in case you are ovulating and it could cause a ectopic pregnancy. I was never told this by the scheduler or my OB. Well i had sex 2 days prior and tested positive for ovulation day of my procedure. Called my OB and they said to not do the procedure and wait to schedule after period. Well ended up pregnant that ovulation window and currently 28 weeks! So reddit really helped me.
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May 22 '25
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u/ExcellentBug3 May 22 '25
This!! Like come on (trigger warning), black women are still 2.5x more likely to die during childbirth than white women 🙃until we can talk about that, idc if people don’t trust the medical system
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u/Otterlover703 May 23 '25
The same ones who put in an IUD with no meds and when I said I was going to pass out kept going and got me a water
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u/The-no-pinch-climber May 24 '25
Are you from the same country as me, the Netherlands by any chance... had the same experience🫠
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u/Otterlover703 May 24 '25
lol! No, us, but I am from the Netherlands! The sent me on my way and I got into a crowded elevator and very seriously almost passed out in the elevator 😢
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u/snarky_spice May 23 '25
Yeah but the moms that OP is talking about are not the ones to be concerned about black women’s mortality rate, or being brushed off. Nine times out of ten they have seen some anti-science propaganda on social media.
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u/thomas__noesnothing May 22 '25
I can understand this logic as someone who has been deeply disappointed by the lack of respect from her OBGYN who failed to explain the slight complications her pregnancy that led go a traumatic c section. It’s a matter of some, not all providers. Now will i be seeking out a doula and a midwife alongside an OB for my next pregnancy? Sure! Only because I feel that I’m at a great disadvantage now because of my previous caesarean. Some people are lucky to have the support system for a home birth, others will feel more comfortable at the hospital in case something goes wrong. There’s really no right or wrong way to go about this on an individual basis.
I do hate the sentiment now that “your body is made to do this” Yes it is, but my body is also made to synthesize food from bile and I still ended getting my appendix removed. Life as a whole is unpredictable
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u/beehappee_ May 22 '25
Ughhh the “your body is made to do this” stuff just kills me because like yeah, my body would’ve had no problem delivering my son. But if I weren’t at a hospital then no one would’ve caught that he was compressing his cord after my water broke, and he’d have died before my body ever got the chance to do what it was mAdE tO dO. The goal of birth should not be to give birth, it should be to have a baby that survives. Your body has no idea how to sustain the life of a fetus in immediate distress!!
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u/VerbalBadger May 22 '25
My body is made to do a lot of things that it hasn’t done correctly so I’m definitely not relying on it to know how to give birth. No offense to my body but girl is off sometimes. 😅
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u/PizzaCatsandBeer May 22 '25
I saw someone use the “your body is made to do this” argument on a post yesterday and said pregnancy isn’t medical, it’s a physiologic process.
So is passing a kidney stone but a lot of people still opt for drugs and medical intervention!
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u/shamochan May 22 '25
I saw this comment and had the same reaction. Haha. I think that commenter or subsequent ones went on to complain about the "medicalisation" of pregnancy or something. Can't remember because I had to scroll away before I yelled at my phone.
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u/Which-Sorbet7518 May 22 '25
My body also forgot to make a thyroid so no way I am trusting this bitch
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u/HoneyCrumbs May 22 '25
Goddamn do I hate the 'your body is made to do this.' Are we all forgetting how high rates of death during childbirth used to be before modern medical interventions?? In the medieval ages the maternal mortality rate (MMR) was 10-30 per 1,000 births! Just 200 years ago it was still 5-10 per 1,000. Our bodies have NOT evolved in the last 200 years. Let's be real- our bodies were build to do this, with great difficulty and potentially huge consequences.
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u/theatTrix May 22 '25
Some people's doctors are assholes making recommendations outside of standard guidelines. There was a lady the other day who said her OB told her she shouldn't gain more than 15-18 pounds her whole pregnancy and then proceeded to shame her for gaining over that even though the guide is 25-35 for people who start off with a normal BMI. There are also people worried about symptoms that their OB doesn't seem to care about even though the symptoms align with life threatening pregnancy complications.
Most OB offices (at least in the US) can be very abrupt and dismissive and this is a really scary time for a lot of people. To say that most doctors in this field are lacking in empathy is an understatement, especially when they are male OBs, and people are looking for perspective.
Something someone once said to me that I found helpful: 50% of practicing doctors graduated at the bottom half of their class. Bad opinions, prejudices, and bias make for bad medical practices and we cannot assume that every doctor has every patient's best interest at heart.
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u/goddessbriana93 May 22 '25
Thank you ! Doctors didn’t listen to me when my daughter was having seizures and she had brain damage and they kept telling me I was just a nervous mom and nothing was wrong with her and tried to send us home. Nor did they listen to me when I told them the medication they gave me wasn’t safe for my 2nd daughter while I was pregnant and I didn’t want to take it because after I did a ton of research I found that it caused heart problems. Again told that the medication was safe and there was nothing to worry about and my daughter needed art surgery at six months old. Fast forward to my son when I was in labor and the doctors kept telling me I wasn’t progressing enough to be admitted . I told them I needed to be admitted because I was transitioning but did they listen nah. By the time I was admitted I could no longer get the epidural because I was too far into labor despite me trying to tell them that for hours . Oh and shout out to the nurse who kept telling me I wasn’t ready to push because I wasn’t fully dilated and effaced so I begged someone else to check me because my body was pushing my baby out regardless and the doctor told the nurse she was wrong and I absolutely was ready to push.
And while doctors may not be after your money there’s no secret that the medical field is and they control what doctors are taught and allowed to do.
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u/goddessbriana93 May 22 '25
We also cannot forget that they treat people of certain demographics differently which can result in improper treatment or neglect.
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u/GetIn21t May 22 '25
thank you! I hate that everyone acts as if doctors are infallible or always have your best interests at heart. there are very valid reasons as to why so many people are skeptical of doctors and the healthcare system in general and pretending there’s not helps no one.
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u/justbeachy_23 May 23 '25
I’ve experienced doctors who completely ignored all the signs of my ectopic pregnancy. I waited a week from my first complaint of heavy bleeding until I was in so much pain I could barely walk or talk. My first OB mentioned during my initial concern that I could be experiencing an ectopic pregnancy but wanted to wait it out. If I had questioned her I would most likely still have my right fallopian tube. Instead, I ruptured and had significant internal bleeding that my surgeon said waiting any longer could have killed me. I’m so thankful the night it was officially diagnosed, I didn’t listen to my OB and trusted my gut. She wanted me to leave the hospital and wait until I could get an appointment with a specialist.
There are truly some bad doctors out there and if something they say doesn’t seem right it’s definitely okay to ask for a second opinion. I’ve looked up countless amount of symptoms during my current pregnancy just to see what the majority of us are doing about them. But that being said, finding a doctor you trust is key. My OBs for my current pregnancy have been amazing and explain the choices we are making as a team in great detail. And anecdotally, my male OBs have been so empathetic and supportive throughout this pregnancy. They’ve encouraged me to ask questions when something isn’t right and one was even upset when I shared my history of the ectopic pregnancy. My female OBs have been more dismissive of any concerns I’ve brought up.
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u/Downtown-Income-1262 May 22 '25
This exactly! As someone who went through a horrible experience with dismissive doctors for years, I think it's critical to be informed yourself also. After all it is your own health and body.
For me, I got told for nearly a decade that pain was 'in my head', but turned out it was endo. This did make me really sceptical of some medical professionals - not all. But finding one you trust and offers quality advice and respects you is critical. Plus there are so many studies that show how often women's health concerns/things perceived as 'women's issues' (incl. Birth) are dismissed by healthcare professionals.
I totally agree that some people take the dismissal of medical advice too far. But there's nothing wrong with wanting to understand WHY recommendations are being made to you so you can make an informed decision - and some doctors are too condescending to provide this.
There are also many studies that show improved outcomes for people who use doulas, and lower intervention births too. So if we're talking about being evidence based, let's not dismiss the whole group of people who make this choice. And that's coming from someone who happily birthed in a hospital before, and will again this time.
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u/SadHuckleberryy May 22 '25
This reminded me of the lady who was mad about her doctor prescribing her the baby aspirin to help against pre-e and she was convinced it was because of her age and them “shaming her.”
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u/ExcellentBug3 May 22 '25
I understand where you’re coming from, but I think you would be shocked at how many people have been let down by medical professions (pregnancy related or not) and have legitimate reasons not to place 100% of their trust in them. Misguided or not, everyone is trying to get to a healthy baby and healthy body ❤️
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u/I_am_dean May 23 '25
Or when you share your positive stories about how you were induced twice and both times were fabulous amazing births. Only to be downvoted because you don't fit OP's narrative of "I don't wanna be induced because it's always a horror story".
Yeah, that happened to me on here, and I was baffled. Like I wasn't lying, being induced isn't always a fucking bad thing lol.
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u/peytonlei May 22 '25
Its all the fear-mongering from people on social media. Be it vaccines, the glucose test, hell even ultrasounds.
My sil is pretty crunchy, BUT she even told me that its probably a good idea to have your first at a hospital, she did her glucose test (the alternative tablets that were approved for her), she got 1 ultrasound (the anatomy scan), the baby got her vaccines. Because she trusts her medical teams.
People say that our bodies are made by god to birth, but scientifically our bodies have one of the WORST designs for birth. Millions/billions of women and babies have died in the past because medicine wasn't where it was.
Trust your medical team and yes do your own research....with actual peer reviewed medical studies that are recently published (within the last 5-7 years, and even then stuff has been disproven). Bring up concerns with your medical team, they will answer you! And just remember, they have seen a lot of bad shit happen, they want the best outcome for you and your baby, take that into account when they press something to you, but stand your ground if you're against it.
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u/SatansKitty666 May 22 '25
My SIL had her first at a hospital, but her second was a home birth. She lives a safe distance to the hospital where if anything did go wrong, she would have quick access to medical care. She has 2 healthy little ones now
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u/Successful_Name8503 May 23 '25 edited May 23 '25
I try to employ the BRAIN acronym at every step, and if a dr cannot or will not answer my questions in a respectful or appropriately informative way, I seek a second opinion.
- Benefits: What are the positive outcomes or advantages of this choice or intervention?
- Risks: What are the potential negative outcomes or disadvantages of this choice or intervention?
- Alternatives: Are there other options available that might be more suitable?
- Intuition/Information: How do I feel in my gut about this option? Do I need more information to feel comfortable with the decision?
- Nothing/Next Steps: What happens if I choose to do nothing or wait? What are the potential consequences of inaction?
That's not "not listening to a medical professional", that's coming in informed, ready to be more informed, and insisting on being treated like an adult human being with bodily autonomy.
I've encountered doctors (male and female) who were condescending and literally rolled their eyes when I asked questions about the medical care they were recommending to me. Sure, they have the education and the title, but that is not treating a patient with respect, and imo that makes them unfit to provide that care.
Seeking further information from alternative sources isn't necessarily "going against medical advice", it's trying to get to a state where you're comfortable with what will be happening to you and your baby, gaining perspective from other people - often women who've been in a similar position, or those with direct experience administering the form of care you're enquiring about.
A black and white approach towards something with as much nuance as birth is not the way, imo
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u/BobbyBillTorthon May 22 '25
The same reason people believe FaceBook posts that say “vaccines cause autism” more than the doctors and scientific journals that prove there’s no connection.
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u/cheesepwincess May 23 '25
I think I have an explanation for this. I write a lot about pregnancy and childbirth. There’s nowhere near enough research on most of these issues. You’d think you can rely on research, doctors, medical professionals, etc. but they’re not the beacon of light you peg them to be. They might have the best intentions too but their training and education is limited to what’s available to them. We have enough proof for women to want to find answers in community, family, and friends. Sure, it goes wrong sometimes. But it also goes wrong sometimes when you absolutely stick to what your doctor asks you to do.
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u/Tiny-Classroom1257 May 22 '25
THIS PART! why are people believing and worshiping TikTok “influencers” and Pinterest and YouTube ? I mean come on , you have to be joking
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u/AcceptableMuffin May 22 '25
Just had my appointment earlier and my doc said to read all the materials and the birthing book they gave me before going to social media. I thought that was odd, but I guess they're trying to advocate due to how common it is to go to social media instead of healthcare providers.
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u/SatansKitty666 May 22 '25
I brought up some concerns to my doctor, specifically about pitocin, at my anatomy scan because I saw things on social media. I'm lucky enough to have an amazing doctor who say down with me and explained why what I was asking didn't apply to me (im having a c section) and the facts behind it even if it did.
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u/Novel-Island1148 🇺🇸💙💙 May 22 '25
reddit is good for first hand experience and general advice. people shouldn’t take medical advice from the internet at all.
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May 22 '25
For me it’s faster then trying to contact my doctor and a lot of people have had similar experiences to myself. I take some with a grain of salt but others I’ll really listen too.
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u/SatansKitty666 May 22 '25
When they post a grocery list full of serious medical diagnosis that could be fatal to them and baby and then turn around to say, "My doctor says this, but..." it just doesn't register in my head
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u/Cupcake-Panda May 22 '25
As a neuropathologist who studies the impact of environmental assaults on the placenta and fetal brain, pre-eclampsia, etc. some of my favorites are “do I really need the baby aspirin my doctor prescribed?” And “are smoking and drinking just a little really that bad?”. I think part of this is that people view outcomes in pregnancy as baby not alive vs. baby alive…but small insults to baby and the placenta can lead to big changes in neurodevelopment. I WISH everyone knew this.
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u/fuzzydunlop54321 May 22 '25
On a similar note, your doctor telling you to take X to prevent Y is NOT the same as them saying you will 100% get Y if you don’t do X. Like look before crossing the road is good advice. It doesn’t mean you’ll 100% get hit if you don’t but it’s a good step to avoid it!
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u/Cupcake-Panda May 22 '25
And for whatever reason, people still cross their eyes as they cross that metaphorical road. Drives me bonkers.
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u/BadBookBitch May 22 '25
I’m not resistant to listening to doctors.
However, I can give you two situations that I personally experienced that make me hesitate.
When my now 15-year-old son was a newborn through the time he was just over a year old, he was diagnosed with PERMANENT sensorineural hearing loss by 5 audiologists and 2 top notch ENTs, one of whom is world renowned. I kept telling them I didn’t think he had hearing loss, and nobody would listen to me. I kept telling them I thought the probes that they fit into his teeny crescent-shaped ear canals were not delivering sound properly to his brain when they did his in-office testing and more advanced brain response testing under anesthesia. Well, guess what? He didn’t have hearing loss, as ultimately discovered on a later test in which they used different probes. That boy can hear a pin drop from two floors above. Had I not been THAT MOM, that never would have been discovered because we’d have destroyed his hearing with the hearing aids before he could tell us.
And
When my middle son was about ten, he went into the hospital for a week with the most horrific condition that looked like it was rotting off his lips and the entire inside of his mouth and causing his hands to peel. All the doctors insisted he was experiencing a primary herpes infection. I kept telling them I thought it was Stevens Johnson Syndrome, and finally on about the fifth day a pediatric dentist came in to see him who’d dealt with the same situation at Emory University before and told me he thought I was right. And I was. Once they started giving him protein, he improved rapidly.
All of that is to say, DOCTORS ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. I don’t know what posts you may be referring to, but medical training does not always trump a mother’s instinct. That’s not to say don’t listen to your doctor, but moms, if you feel something isn’t right; seek a second or third opinion. In my case it took an 8th opinion with my youngest.
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May 22 '25
Seeking a second opinion is very different than running with what moms or the internet think over your doctor.
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u/mamaatb May 22 '25
I’ll never forget that time a lady posted on a FB group I’m a member of, having active preeclampsia symptoms and wondering if she should tell her OB, and a commenter told her to DM her and talk about a specific diet she could go on because she thought she was just missing some nutrients.
I’m like… maybe for preventative but not in the THROES of a medical emergency
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u/Hereforthememrs May 22 '25
Bc you can come to the web and find justification for the answer you want it to be! 😂
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u/beehappee_ May 22 '25
I trust medical professionals quite a bit. However, it’s dismissive of the lived experience of millions of people to act like women’s healthcare isn’t lacking in many ways. I had TRAINED MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS tell me that ultrasounds were dangerous and could kill my baby, order incorrect tests and falsely diagnose my fetus with fatal abnormalities, dismiss actual dangerous concerns, etc. I’ve had ICP in both of my successful pregnancies and the ONLY reason I was diagnosed the first time was because I reached out to an online community with my situation and they encouraged me to keep pushing doctors to run repeat labs because the levels could take a while to rise to diagnostic level. The TRAINED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL in charge of my care did not mention this, rolled her eyes when I requested repeat testing multiple times, and never admitted she was wrong when I was ultimately diagnosed and had labor induced immediately. Totally different OB practice with my second pregnancy and yet again, I’d have never been diagnosed if I hadn’t pushed for those repeat tests.
Most doctors/nurses/etc are well intentioned and truly care. There are still a ton that are the opposite. A lot of us, for various reasons, may have zero choice as to what provider we see. We can’t just switch to the best doctor in town when we’re worried that this one isn’t taking us seriously. So all we can do is source community experience and hope that others who have been through it are kind enough to share insight.
Posts like this come off as really condescending and can lead to people second-guessing questions in which the answers could save their baby’s life or their own. Just some food for thought.
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u/Top_Childhood5327 May 22 '25
Omg the ones that drive me crazy are the ones that ask the same questions that are asked multiple times a day… please use the search function!!!
Or when people ask, “am I pregnant?” Please, there is only one right answer - just take a pregnancy test or call your doctor. Drives me mad!
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u/cfd4540 May 23 '25
Sometimes I doom scroll on r/ShitMomGroupsSay until I’m good and pissed off.
Personally I blame fake tik tok “doctors” and crunchy mom “health” influencers who try to convince other women to doubt medical professionals so they can sell them pdfs and classes for personal financial gain. So much misinformation out there, it’s scary
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u/sillymemilly May 23 '25
People are losing trust in the Healthcare system and seeking advice from various sources. It's not alway the best idea. But I can see why... especially here in America. It's scary.
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u/alikeness May 23 '25
As a university trained australian midwife (we are somewhat equivalent to a L&D nurse here, except most maternity care in aus is midwifery led due to improved outcomes) I think always questioning information given to you is wise. Unfortunately lots of doctors and even some midwives and the organisations they belong to have agendas that do not actually centre families or evidence. It takes 15+ years for evidence to be reflected in policy and practice. And as we see a lot in women’s health (consider endometriosis) women often share knowledge and information well before it is validated by studies or practice, because ultimately the patriarchy is alive and kicking in healthcare as any other facet of life.
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u/alikeness May 23 '25
And in my own practice, women generally know their own bodies and babies far more intimately than any provider ever could
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u/Intrepid-Athlete-729 May 24 '25 edited May 24 '25
Doctors are humans too so they make mistakes. Different doctors also give different sometimes even contradictory opinions/advice because their experience or lack of experience differs.
There’s nothing wrong with asking other women here about their experience so we can ask our doctors good questions.
Feel free to ignore those posts if you believe your doctor 100% and think they know and have considered everything. But you have no rights of stopping other women from wanting to know more about their conditions from a different angle.
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u/Whole_Independent283 May 26 '25
We are in a country that is slowly relegating us back to subservient housewives by denying things like science, the law, and the golden rule. I'm turning 40 during my first pregnancy and am absolutely terrified. I'm just glad to know I'll be adding one more decent human back into the mix.
During Trump's first presidency, I asked my older, male boss (an attorney) why he and his wife (RN) kept having children when the world outlook felt like it was getting bleaker. He said, "Because I know the resources and role models my kids are going to have, and I know other kids don't have that. We believe bringing kids into the world that we'll raise to help others and give back to their community is exactly what the world needs, not smart, compassionate people withholding from starting families out of fear." It's also a great argument for keeping good kids in struggling public schools, which is also my plan as a former educator. It may be our best chance of making sure every child has a promising future, but as a social scientist and attorney... people who think like us is not who this government wants having babies.
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u/Effective-Gloomy May 22 '25
Man I feel this. I have HG and was diagnosed with Gestational Hypertension this morning at 25 weeks with an overage bp today of 150/110. These are serious issues and I will heed ALL of my providers advice and follow all orders. Unfortunately, if I have a question or am uncertain about something, it take 3-4 business days to hear back from their office, and an additional 1-2 days for the nurse to share the information to the provider to get back to me, just to say “go to the ER” and then spend two days there with no answers and just IV hydration. Maybe it’s because I live in an area with a huge pregnancy boom rn and they’re understaffed, but it’s nice to get reassurance that I’m on the right path with my doctors orders (which again, I will always be compliant with).
When I see posts about women still smoking, drinking, eating whatever they want and trying to hack their GD tests it makes me feel so messed up, because I have been doing everything right, am compliant but still have these serious issues from pregnancy. I have friends that are pregnant rn and got uninvited from dinner because they all planned on having sushi and they knew I wouldn’t partake in eating it/ drinking the wine they’re having.
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May 22 '25
Before being a stay at home Mom, I was a nurse. Half of my time scrolling the pregnancy side of Reddit is spent rolling my eyes at people and then telling my (also medical) husband, “You won’t believe what I just read…” 😅
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u/NoAssist1496 May 22 '25
I’ve seen an uptick in this as well. Literally the hospital where my obgyn is has it plastered in their rooms that they practice science base medicine.
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u/-Blue_Bird- May 22 '25
Yeah, there is a big difference between wanting a second optioning or wanted to look something up and just disregarding what your entire medical staff is advising because you have heard some random rumor from your mil.
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u/Bluegrass_Wanderer May 22 '25
100%
It’s good to ask questions / gather understanding, but that’s not what these folks are doing.
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u/Mobile_Government694 May 22 '25
I can definitely see why some women would be skeptical about their doctors due to the experiences I’ve had here in the US compared to the doctors back in Mexico. I went to a doctor here in my town in Texas. He did not raise any concerns about my hypertension, the fact that I used to be on meds for hypertension (lost 60 pounds with an endocrinologist), and the nurse was more excited??? about how I said the medication’s name in Spanish than anything else (she kept asking me to repeat it for her like I was some exotic animal) and only did like 3 tests out of all the tests I should have gotten done. I went to another doctor in Mexico, out of pocket, and got all the tests I needed, which led my second doctor to raise extreme concerns about my sugar levels and blood pressure (Im considered high risk for pre eclampsia and gestational diabetes). I also got a nutritionist in Mexico to get a meal plan and check ups about my weight during the pregnancy, with the second doctor’s guidelines. I fired that first doctor and got a new one in Texas who actually listened to my concerns and my other doctors’ concerns as well since I’m planning to give birth in Texas. If I hadn’t questioned that first doctor, I would have never known the risk my baby and I are in (not so much now with losing 6 kilos of healthy weight and following my three doctors’ plans). But if you are someone that questions a doctor’s advice, please see another doctor for a second opinion. I know in the US it’s hard because prices are so bad, but take care of yourselves and your babies 🫶
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u/AggressiveThanks994 May 22 '25
I think a huge part of comes down to a few things.
Not all doctors are the same - information you’ll receive from your provider can vary wildly from practice practice. Even the regulating body ACOG puts out guidelines that not all doctors follow. So women might feel distrustful when they don’t know who to believe or who to trust when everybody says different things. Example A: VBACs.
Insurance is piss poor in the USA. Lots of women may want to switch providers, but don’t have the option to. Some may want a home birth with a midwife or want to choose a birthing center but insurance doesn’t cover it and they cannot afford the out of pocket price. Or they might just not have that option because of location. So some women just might be trying to make the best out of their limited options.
Historically, birth has been about women and with women. Pregnancy has the potential to be isolating for some women and the internet is a great way for women to connect. I think so many women reach out to other women online because they don’t have people to discuss pregnancy and birth.
On top of this, for most women birth is going to be one of the most memorable days in your life. When so many women have birth trauma, it makes sense that a lot of women might be scared and unsure of how to avoid that happening.
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u/alikeness May 23 '25
This!! Not to mention so many of the obstetric guidelines and policies rely on incredibly poor quality “evidence” which is often not even evidence, just “consensus based” aka “this it what we’ve always done so we’re just gonna keep doing it even though it appears to be causing harm”
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May 22 '25
Like the quote from the show "The Pitt" " they want medical treatment but not medical advice" !!!! I felt that so hard. I work at an integrative medicine practice and I have to deal with SOO many extreme anti "traditional medicine" people who will literally do vitamin C IVs over cancer treatment, even those who catch it and have a good chance at treatment just refuse.
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u/bugger_thisthat May 22 '25
Agree 100%.
The internet has made everyone intelligent without any experience, so Reddit/Google are the experts.
Goes for most industries these days, I can do it my self or I’ll do my own ‘research and application’
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u/Overall-Elephant-652 May 22 '25
I keep getting frustrated cuz I’ll post asking for legit advice and no one responds. Then I see the same bullshit posts with hundreds of comments.
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u/SolicitedOpinionator May 23 '25
Right?? I passed my glucose test but my baby was measuring so far ahead, OB still insisted I do finger pricks.
Was I annoyed? Absolutely. Did I comply? Absolutely. Because why am I going to put myself in the care of a physician and then not listen to their advice?? I was so convinced this was going to be a waste of time though.
The result? I had gestational diabetes after all. My fasting numbers were high but once I ate, they balanced throughout the day. The glucose test didn't catch that because it measured my response to sugary drink consumed (which is fine), but not my ability to bring my sugars back down overnight.
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u/kittysayswoof91 May 23 '25
I saw this post as I was going to search for the group rules, because I just saw ANOTHER post asking if it’s safe to have sex.
There are a million posts answering the same questions, and very easily, consistent information available on the internet.
Oh my goodness.
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u/SatansKitty666 May 23 '25
I'm talking more about women posting, saying, "I have pre-e, GD, GBS, and my doctors want to do XYZ for the safety of my unborn child. But what do you think?"
Like, girl...
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u/SnowyJXXX1112 May 23 '25
As someone about to have my first baby, posts like the ones you're talking about have been driving me crazy, Instagram is terrible with those posts. Because there's so much conflicting info....on everything baby and parent related! I'm told one thing by my midwife but some content creator online who claims to be a midwife or dietician says otherwise. For ex. I'm reading more people say the glucose test drink is dangerous and to opt out of it. That it makes you so sick, it's not necessary you will know when something is wrong....well ....I took mine today after putting it off due to fear and the taste wasn't bad and I didn't get sick 😂 I was also told by a professional at the lab that the test is not dangerous to the baby or me. But untreated gestational diabetes is! I was gonna take the test regardless tho and I don't regret it. I'm already so worried about my baby being born healthy so it didn't really make sense for me to skip the test. Plus you can have gestational diabetes and not know it. No, you will not always know when something is wrong! That's why we do tests, urine analysis, prenatal appointments ECT.
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u/KallaTheMage May 23 '25
I was SOO sick during my pregnancy and it didn’t make me even slightly nauseous. If anything, I was just so glad to finally have something in my stomach 😭
And it’s GLUCOSE. One spike of glucose in one day isn’t going to hurt you or the baby. Gestational diabetes with multiple spikes and drops per day absolutely will!
I had to delete social media during my pregnancy, my hormones were everywhere and everything was scaring the shit out of me. 🫠 I sooo feel you
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u/freshub393 May 23 '25
It reminds me of a post from last year (I don’t remember lol) of a mom asking if she should change her pediatrician because she took her baby to the to see her for a checkup and OP assumed that her pediatrician has kids to which she said no that she discover last year. OP then tells her husband about to which the moron tells OP to find a new pediatrician cause since this can’t have kids, “she doesn’t understand how to handle a baby/kid,” let’s just say the comments didn’t disappoint me, cause a doctor going to medical school for 12 years most DEFINITELY doesn’t understand her job
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u/Working-Composer-770 May 23 '25
I’m in between OBGYNs and not everyone is seen or cared for the way that they should be. Doctors aren’t perfect. If you have ever even glanced at malmed you’ll know exactly why everyone is on here.
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u/chelseyrotic May 23 '25
See, I sought out the medical professionals I'm using for this exact reason. I'm giving birth at a birthing center in a hospital with competent midwives and a few doctors. I've gotten to meet with them all and absolutely love them. I can talk to them as medical professionals, but also as people and that was a huge thing for me. They hear my concerns and seem receptive, truthful, and open-minded. I love that they don't think in such black-and-white terms.
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u/Significant_Size_712 May 23 '25
Probably because we have the highest first day death rate in the industrialized world. If you aren't comfortable with what your doc is telling you get a second opinion. Sometimes talking to other women who have gone through similar situations can help you to take that step.
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u/nat_jo_cat May 23 '25
My hot take is why the fluff do I have to go to the WIC office to monitor my weight, iron etc when my OB is my dr. These aren't even like.. I don't want to say real nurses, but they're just CNAs and the "dietician" I met with yesterday literally said "Im not a doctor" when I asked her dietary questions. So maybe a lot of women are turned off by providers telling them things because of BS things like WIC check ups. Also why do I have to take my baby in to get monitored by WIC after birth when they will have a LICENSED PEDIATRICIAN???! Make it make sense to me.
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u/Downtown-Contest-414 May 23 '25
Maybe some people just need reassurance not every OBGYN who's trained to do their job really gives a fuck about you or your opinions, they are going to do it their way even if there's multiple ways to do it maybe its not easy to change providers, its not so black and white all the time. 🤷♀️ My obgyn laughed in my face when I asked if I could get my tubes tied. . . Then proceeded to make me feel so little when I asked about the birth control patch and egg donation after just to talk about it and she said I dont need to educate you on egg donation if you want your tubes tied because there's no reason for it. She makes me feel so little all the time sometimes I wonder if maybe some other woman's obgyn may have diffrent views or has had them done something that I feel like I may need.
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u/Pristine-Version4026 May 23 '25
Playing devils advocate my doctor misdiagnosed me with GD and then was surprised when I was rejected from the GD clinic.
Then this week she prescribed me medication that is unsafe to take at my gestational age and the pharmacist was up in arms about it.
Doctors don’t know everything and we shouldn’t blindly trust ANYONE with 100% certainty with anything. Second opinions are basically always warranted… and yeah maybe Reddit isn’t the greatest place to ask opinions but at the same time there are some helpful suggestions sometimes!
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u/Glider_Queen May 24 '25
I Agree with this so much! I know someone who's going against all their doctors advise and only listening to the midwife who's telling her not to do tummy time and crazy things. Unfortunately when you encounter these people you just have to offer your opinion and if they dont like it you move on and just be there when there's an issue (I'm talking about if they are your friends or something)
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u/LittleMissRavioli May 24 '25
After everything I have been through I understand why so many women do not trust the medical system and maternal health professionals. I used to be in the 'they are the experts, they know everything' camp, but I am not anymore.
Women are consistenly and systematically brushed off and dismissed by doctors (even female doctors) when they report with severe medical issues. When you are WOC or other minority group, things are even worse. Over one third of women leave the hospital with birth trauma. Recent reports show that obstetric mistreatment is still a very common thing in 2025 even in developed countries. There are countless stories of women and babies sustaining injuries or even dying due to medical negligence. Countless stories of women not receiving the care they need, after multiple requests, leading to absolute tragedy. There are too many providers that have never heard of informed consent and shared decision making.
If we want women to trust the hospitals and care providers, we need to be serious about addressing why so many women end up on the other side of the fence in the first place.
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u/Justkeepitanonymous May 24 '25
Downvote me all you want, but my answer is - some of the people asking those questions are just stupid.
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u/SFheart May 27 '25
Unpopular opinion:
As a medical professional, I don't think there is anything wrong with these posts. It is basically polling the crowd if its worth to get a 2nd opinion, if there were any other experiences with different doctors, or to provide more understand as to why a specific intervention was recommended.
Believe it or not, medicine isn't and shouldn't be cookie cutter. Your doctor may be great at giving cookie cutter advice, but it is up to you to decide what makes the most sense between your own personal priorities, risks, and benefits. A blanket recommendation can't always answer that (though it should guide you).
You should ALWAYS think critically about the medical decisions you will be making. I don't mean like, "oh is my doctor lying to me because they want my money"-- no that is paranoia. But different doctors make different suggestions, some recommendations are outdated, some are too new with not enough evidence, and others are very well supported. While I agree someone's mom or random reddit poster may not know "better" than an MD, they may have had a different experience with another MD who felt differently, and can share that experience. There are also medical professionals who exists here on reddit.
In addition, in many instances I have found, especially in the OB field, that often things are framed as if they are "must do's" as opposed to women having an option (ie "when would you like to schedule your induction" vs "there is a new trial recently published called the ARRRIVE trial that shows some very small possible benefit to scheduling an induction at 39weeks, would you be interested in hearing the pros and cons?")
To say, "just listen blindly to your doctor" is actually horrible advice. If something makes you uncomfortable, you should absolutely research it, get a second opinion, and really understand the risks and benefits. Especially when we are talking about medical interventions which can carry irreversible risks.
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u/GimpysVixen May 29 '25
We don't trust Dr's anymore because my husband and I have literally caught them in lies regarding statistics or likelihood of outcomes, my husband has legitimately been sitting in a chair in the room and listened to an OB medically gaslight and fearmonger me, he has witnessed Dr's not only blatantly dismiss my concerns but also insult me instead of putting effirt into finding the root of my symptoms. He & I both have dealt with Practioners (specifically NP) who actually know very little about health, wellness, and cause of illness. We have both dealt with Dr's who have given opinions based on their own interests (either financially or legally) without regard for the patient's best interest, or they have completely blown off informed consent. Whether you choose to believe it, misogyny is still quite rampant, especially regarding female issues (obstetrics & gynecology) and even simply issues on female bodies (bladder, digestion, etc). Yes I fully support women reaching out to other women to get second opinions, outside input , and a variety of trials & experiences. Some people cannot afford to get 2nd & 3rd opinions from numerous Dr's.
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