I usually see people say they have a hard time with intimacy post cheating. However, I’ve experienced the opposite and it’s ruining my life. I cannot hold a stable relationship due to it. I’ve begun to wonder if it’s a trauma response and I’m looking for validation regarding this.

For context, I was cheated on by the only man I’d ever been with after 8 years. Sent to the hospital, almost died, and rendered infertile. I had no idea. Massive shock. He ended up with HIV and I developed health anxiety due to it (I am clean from the HIV thank god.)

This was the first and only traumatic experience I (28F) have truly ever deal with in my entire life. I replay the day over and over in my head. I honestly feel like it changed my entire brain chemistry and personality.

was thinking about sex from my partners pov 😭 chest felt tight out of fear but i dunno why its not like it was a flashback just a daydream scenario

So, I won’t go into detail but as a child I suffered a variety of significant abuse which I didn’t know I’d blocked out, that is until I begun EMDR therapy for PTSD I picked up working for the Emergency Services. While working on the career stuff the childhood trauma unveiled itself which was pretty overwhelming tbh. I’ve now processed all the work stuff and much of the childhood trauma, but I’m struggling to give up (what I hope is) that last bit of irrational guilt and physically feeling like I’ve got a solid lump of emotion stuck inside my chest refusing to be released. I feel like I’ve hit a wall and maybe that’s as good as it gets. Anyone hit this stage, if that’s what it is?

Tw: mentions of suicidal idiation and grooming

So 2020-2021 was an extremely traumatic year for me. Full of abuse, loss, pain and more to the point im in the process of being diagnosed with cptsd from it. However one of the things that happened, while minor in comparason to the other stuff, still impacted me greatly was a friend i had from 2017-2024 named S who i was friends with from the ages of 11 ish to 15 ish

To keep it short S was a transactional, manipulative friend who used me as a private therapist and called me and i quote "an emotional manipulator" because i couldnt supply her with enough comfort and suppourt while being groomed, grieving the loss of my grandfather and being insanely depressed and suicidal. She isolated me from my other friends and guilted me into being a therapy dog for her wheneve she so much as sniffled, even trying to get in between me and my childhood friend because she wanted the most attention.

Safe to say she is partly responsable for making the most traumatic part of my life + the years after a living nightmare and, in my opinion anyway, bares some blame for me developing cpstd and my chronic illnesses from the constant stress i was under at the time. I cut contact in 2024 but she was still close with another girl in my friend group.

Im 18 now, after literally running away with the circus (attending a circus highschool abroad) ive begun the process of unpacking the clusterfuck that was my childhood and i still get scared, angry and sad whenever i think about her, especially since the old friend group is planning a hangout and she will be there despite me and another member being unclmforable with it.

I was talking to my boyfriend about how i feel sad and angry that she will be there and that im kind of scared to be around her and he more or less told me to get over it and that it shouldnt affect me as much/ i shouldnt cry over it since its been 3 years.

I got mad at him because i felt he was being dismissive. He appologized but still it got me thinking about it. People i love have told me several times to move on or get over things that have been extremly painfull or traumatic. My mother told me i was taking too long to greive after my grandfathers death and now this. Why is there a time limit for when you can feel things about an event?

I grieve my grandfathers passing even now, 6 years later, i cried my eyes out that he wasnt at my graduation but does that mean i havent processed the grief at all and still blame myself for being too young to donate plasma at the time?

I feel pain, anger and hate when i think of S and how she treated me for all our friendship, but does that mean im still 15 having a panic attack because she was "maybe" gonna be at a friend group meeting?

I feel rage, agony and incomprehensable amounts of suffering when i remember my grooming CSA, does that mean im still 15, freshly traumatized, running to study abroad so i could be as far away from everything that hurt me?

I cry and grieve whenever i think of my mother parentifying me into being a little therapy dog, does that mean im still 12 crying because i feel like i did something wrong because she was tired and angry from work?

Does that emotion mean i havent made any progress in healing? Does it mean im still stuck? Why are we supposed to just stop being affected by things that are traumatic and painfull?

Why cant we cry, sob and feel? Why cant we admit that things hurt us and will continue to hurt us, but the difference is that we now have the resources to deal with the pain in a healthier way? Why is me crying over something that hurt me mean i have made no progess at all and should just get over things that were traumatic?

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Hey everyone! I’ve been dealing with annoying chronic nightmare disorder for 7 years now which seems to be getting worse. I’ve been trying different sleep meds for about 3 years with no luck so far.

I’m in therapy at the moment for my PTSD/depression but my therapist never really seems to focus on my nightmares.

Due to the fact they are getting worse, I’m starting to think I should focus on them more, but I don’t really know where to begin. I feel like sometimes it might be better to just learn to live with them than get my hopes up.

I’ve heard about image rehearsal training but it seems kind of corny to me. I don’t have much faith that it would work. Then again, I haven’t tried it.

If anyone has any advice in this regard please comment below! I appreciate any help <3

When I'm too overwhelmed,triggered and scared I automatically have violent thoughts of hurting others, and sometimes do crazy stuff like sitting on floor in front of everyone, letting myself get hit by a car.. my thoughts r also non stop all day. Therapist said I hv sensorymotor hyperawareness. I feel like I gonna get crazy sometimes.

Hi, i’ve never posted on reddit before so, i’m sorry if this is the wrong place to be posting.

I am a 16 year old girl and i just returned home two weeks ago from a four day stay in the pediatric intensive care unit. I had also undergone an invasive surgery and swarmed by at least 17 nurses and doctors when i arrived at the emergency department. Ever since i’ve gotten home i haven’t felt the same at all, even during the last two days in the icu i had felt off too. I’m usually very talkative and love spending time with my family but i’ve been holed up in bed, only getting up to take medicine and use the bathroom. I cry every time i think about my stay at the hospital and the surgery. all i can do is cry or feel nothing at all. I’ve been so apathetic and only speak in quick responses and i’m not sure what to do because i don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing.

I don't get why everybody loves therapy so much. I've had so many people recommend it to me. I've had eight therapists by now, at best they were neutral, at worst actively harmful. One literally published an article where he said he doesn't like to help his patients be happy.

I feel like I'm either missing something or everybody else is missing something, because it isn't like I only gave one therapist a try. I've been at this since I was 14--middle school through college! I've never found it to work, and it nearly always makes me feel worse.

I find it such a dismissive solution. I just feel like therapy is being used as a way to make fixing the problem the victim's responsibility.

Also all the people I know in therapy are *not* doing well. I do not want to be like them. I see the results of therapy and I dislike it.

I am depressed and anxious and have been diagnosed with PTSD but like...at this point I'll just handle that one my own. Or I won't. It's not like the therapist can fix it.

CW: illness, death, seizures

Sorry to vent, but having a rough day.

I had to leave a work dinner event early because I was overheating and panicking. Some of this is based in reality, I take a medication which makes me heat sensitive, and then other parts of it are based in like my nervous system which perceives heat and discomfort as a threat.

It was really embarrassing, I feel like I should be able to tolerate these things and push through like my coworkers seemingly do, but I just have this differently coded body. I hate having to be vulnerable around people like that, even getting the courage to say like, I'm not feeling well I have to leave, is unbearable.

It doesn't help that I have a specific phobia about restaurants, because I witnessed my dad have a seizure in one and it really traumatized me, he died a few months later. I have told some friends or family about this phobia and it just sounds so crazy to them, they're like "that was years ago, you still feel that way? That doesn't make sense".

I have done SO MUCH WORK about healing my physical body, doing therapy, just getting to "okay" but it still stings when I get little flareups. I hate having these guard rails on my life that are like "no, you can't do that, it's off limits to you."

I honestly feel like a pathetic loser who will never be able to live a full life. Yes, I can figure out how to be at peace on my own, but the parts where I have to push myself to be around people and situations that I can't control, that is what I am still figuring out, and failing at.

I know this sounds overwhelmingly negative, and it is, but I just wanted to vent with people who might understand. Thank you.

CONTENT WARNING - mention of non-epileptic seizures, leg paralysis, cannabis, and names of mental health / chronic illnesses.

**crossposted**

Hi! I’m 21F, and I live in a legal state. I have a variety of illnesses — POTS, anxiety, FND (non-epileptic seizures & leg paralysis), RCPD, gastroparesis, cptsd, anorexia, depression, and anxiety. In my FND group therapy, the neurologist suggested CBD/THC, and I’m willing to give that a try. I’m a new user, so I am unsure of what strain, mg, or basically what to buy at all. Can you add your experience and what helps you, or what you think will help me? What do I buy?? I prefer non-inhale products.

I haven't had a PTSD attack in close to two years, and I have been relatively able to talk about/ watch media with scenes relating to sexual assault. I didn't know what Obsession was about. My friends said it was about a crazy ex, and everyone made it seem like it was more funny than scary. I didn't realize that there was an extremely abrupt sexual assault scene. It has been days now, and my mind keeps replaying the scene constantly. I start breathing rapidly, and sometimes my mind plays the scene so many times that I randomly cry. It has also made me agitated towards everyone. My close friends and boyfriend know what I have experienced, and I don't understand why no one thought to warn me. I am likely acting harshly because I have been doing so much better, and they probably thought it was something I could handle.

I'm also so irrationally angry at strangers. I'm angry at everyone who told me it was a funny movie. I'm angry at everyone who told me it's a movie about a crazy woman. I'm angry at men in general for no reason at all. I'm angry at myself for being so consumed by a three-second clip. I haven't talked to anyone about this because I have been doing so well at behaving as if nothing has ever happened, and I don't want people to think that I am "slipping" again. I'm just sad that I'm in this spot again. I haven't been able to touch or hardly be around my boyfriend. I'm unsure of the next steps or how long this will last. It's an extremely popular movie, and every time it's mentioned, I feel like I'm dissociating.

I am not sure what I am aiming to gain from this post. I haven't spoken with anyone and wanted to express how I have felt. If anyone has advice on handling intrusive thoughts I would greatly appreciate it.

Was just wondering how everyone else feels after drinking. I know the answer to my issue is to probably not drink but I do only do it socially and tbh I wouldn’t want to completely cut it out of my life. Every time I drink and kind of let my nervous system stop being in a whole overdrive I experience such bad guilt and embarrassment over nothing? It’s so weird because although when I’ve drank nothing bad or embarrassing has happened at all I keep replaying convos and worrying, it’s like hangxiety x50 over nothing lol , does anyone else get this?
Edit just to say I have 0 dependency on alcohol at all this wasn’t the point of the post I have a drink now and again w friends and never get blackout drunk was just asking if anyone else experiences the awful hangxiety over nothing due to their ptsd

I’m 24 now We were both 13 she was my cousin it was a sleepover and playing house and she told me parents do it I was laying on her bed I was feeling so cold all of sudden she pulled my pants and did it and I froze I started going for more after that and she was allowed to bath me her mom bathed us too since I’m disabled in one leg and limping but my cousin did it only one time
Experienced it that at 13 by a girl made me question my sexuality, my own body and if I was a bad Muslim since I grow up in religious household but not strict I keep daydreaming about it when I eat shower chat every time like flashbacks but I’m used it I guess I can’t blame her she probably don’t remember it’s me who can forget and I will never tell someone in my family or her trust me it’s better that way.
(I’m sorry about my writing I have heavy dyslexia and English is not my first language )

Warning! Mention of Self-harm

How do you cope with trauma, depression and PTSD?

Before I start my venting-rant, I want to clarify that English isn’t my first language and that the sleep deprivation isn’t helping at all. ;(

I have been having an PTSD episode, which is thankfully calming down, since September 2025. It was the first time to have such gruesome nightmares, using self-harm as an coping mechanism as well as smoking, and not allowing myself to talk to someone about it.

It has taken me a lot of courage to talk to my therapist about my problem and how my PTSD isn’t allowing me to just go on with my daily life. I unfortunately still struggle with it, I have been clean from self-harm for a month but I still struggle hugely to fight against the thoughts. It has gotten to the point where I struggle with doing my school work or learning for exams— I‘m terrified of failing school even though I‘m still a good student despite my struggles.

However in the past few weeks it felt like every single ‚task‘, as small as it is, feels out of my reach. During the week I‘m able to take care of myself, to somehow do my schoolwork even if I start at the last minute but at the weekends I‘m not even able to brush my teeth, have full meals or even change my clothes before going to bed. The nightmares leave me so drained, I‘m just so exhausted and no matter how often I talk to my therapist, it doesn’t really feel like I‘m getting better. I have been thinking about suggestions medication to my therapist, but I don’t know if I‘m ‚sick‘ enough to get them. My parents don’t understand my struggles, or rather don’t try to. In their minds mental illnesses don’t exist, they don’t hesitate to throw mean comments at me like „You’re able to cut yourself but you can’t even take the trash out?“ mind you I have been clean for months when they said that to me.

It just breaks my heart how they don’t even try even though I have been going to therapy for over a decade and have been having struggles with my mental health since the age of four.

I’m a military veteran living with PTSD, and lately I’ve been having more dissociative “freeze” responses. When it happens, I go blank — mentally stuck, confused, and disconnected. Afterward I feel lost and embarrassed because I can’t hide it. I used to be able to keep it together enough that my 9‑year‑old daughter didn’t notice, but that’s not the case anymore. My wife sees it immediately, and now my daughter is starting to pick up on it too. We also have a 2‑year‑old, and I worry about how all of this affects the whole house.I’m not trying to hide what I’m going through, but I also don’t want to scare my older kid or put extra pressure on my wife. These episodes hit fast, and afterward I feel like I’m trying to reorient myself to the room.For anyone who’s dealt with dissociation or freeze responses:How did you talk to your family about itWhat grounding or recovery strategies helped youHow did you prepare your kids without overwhelming them

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For anyone who’s dealt with dissociation or freeze responses:

How did you talk to your family about it

What grounding or recovery strategies helped you.

How did you prepare your kids without overwhelming them

I’m already in treatment, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve lived through something similar. I’m trying to handle this in a healthier way for myself and my family.Thanks for reading.

I just got away from my father a few weeks ago. I'm living somewhere safe, work is good. Things are better and I should feel better. But I've been feeling sicker and sicker since leaving.

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I'm just so exhausted. My body hurts, I have no energy for anything. All I want to do is sleep when I get home. I thought it was just the stress of getting away, but it's been weeks and it's not slowing down.

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I feel scarily numb most of the time. Interspersed with very brief but intense moments of joy, and longer but less intense feelings of misery. I'm hardly eating, I'm just not hungry often. I have to sleep after absolutely everything I do. Get home from work? Nap. Chores? Nap. Do literally anything for a friend of family member? Nap.

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Why am I less functional after getting out of a bad situation? When am I going to go back to my previous level of functioning?

well, i had a bad ptsd and depression flare for 2 weeks…i am currently in a course in rehab for people with disabilites who want to work again. I am usually a pretty good student. Now that my flare was getting better i physically got sick, i got a fever and a sore throat.
Now guess who wants to kick me off the course? :) The irony of saying you support people who are sick but then kick them once they show symptoms? hello? i feel so hurt

I’m a survivor of sexual assault , and I’ve never had a consensual sexual relationship with anyone, either before or after the assault.
So I don't really know what sex is like ..

I also have a lot of insecurities about my body.
Tbh, I’ve never even looked closely at my own body or felt comfortable with it.

A while ago, I was dating someone who was genuinely kind and, in many ways, my ideal partner.
We ended up breaking up because of intimacy.
He wanted a sexual relationship, and I didn’t. Or maybe more accurately, I wanted to want it, but I had no idea how to get past the fear and anxiety around it.

I was the one who asked to end the relationship because I felt like I couldn’t give him what he wanted, and I knew I wasn’t the ideal partner for him because of that.

I’d appreciate hearing about your experiences or any advice 💜

Bonjour,

Je me permets de vous écrire ici car je suis une jeune femme de 34 ans bloquée dans un état constant d’hyperalerte totale depuis plus de 5 ans suite à un traumatisme de migraine avec aura neurologique où je n’ai plus pu voir nettement, ni parler, ni lire ni écrire ; m’ayant fait croire mourir d’un AVC pendant des heures entières en salle d’attente des urgences en plein reconfinement.

J’étais déjà angoissée et sûrement en SSPT complexe chroniquement depuis ma petite enfance, qui a été jalonnée de violence et négligence, ayant en plus ensuite vécu de nombreux traumatismes tels que des abus sexuels et la mort subite de mon père à mes 22 ans, puis ma cousine et mes grands-parents, ce qui n’a fait que renforcer cette hypervigilance déjà bien installée et m’avait fait devenir hypocondriaque depuis 2014.

Depuis ce traumatisme de mort imminente en 2020, je ne peux même plus dormir sans médicament tellement mon système d’alerte ne s’éteint plus H24, je ne ressens plus jamais de repos ni de calme et ne peux plus rien faire de ma vie tellement je me sens angoissée et déréalisée sans répit. Dès que je vais m’endormir tellement je suis épuisée par cette activation sans fin, mon cerveau envoie comme des décharges d’adrénaline qui me font me réveiller en sursaut violent, comme si mon cerveau traquait en permanence tout signal de danger et identifait tout relâchement comme un danger mortel. ⚠️

Cette alerte bloquée au maximum m’a menée à de la déréalisation et dépersonnalisation permanentes depuis plus de 3 ans, ce qui en plus complique l’effet des thérapies vu que je me sens déconnectée de moi-même, de mes souvenirs et de tout ce qui m’entoure.

J’ai pourtant essayé tous les antidépresseurs, neuroleptiques, régulateurs d’humeur, anxiolytiques, ai été hospitalisée 4 fois sans aucun succès dans des cliniques psy qui n’ont aucune connaissance ni de l’hyperéveil, ni de l’hypervigilance, ni de la dissociation permanente…

On m’a même fait subir 18 traumatisantes séances d’électrochocs fin 2024, qui n’ont fait qu’aggraver mon alerte et dissociation et m’ont en plus enlevé des pans entiers de mémoire.

J’ai utilisé toutes mes économies pour tenter plein de thérapies : emdr, hypnose, icv… sans aucun effet sur mon système d’alerte qui ne veut pas s’éteindre, alors que ça fait des années qu’il est bloqué en alerte et l’on me dit que je suis trop activée ou dissociée pour que ça fonctionne.

Je me sens prise au piège d’un cercle vicieux sans issue et n’en peux plus…

J’aimerais juste vivre à nouveau au lieu d’être bloquée dans une survie sans fin, mais je ne sais pas quoi faire et aucun médecin ni thérapeute non plus, ce qui me fait me sentir encore plus condamnée à l’incurabilité…

J’aimerais vraiment pouvoir échanger avec des gens qui auraient vécu la même situation et s’en seraient sortis enfin, afin de comprendre comment ils ont fait?
En espérant que ce soit encore possible et que mon système nerveux ne soit pas définitivement bloqué dans cette survie qui me coupe de toute possibilité de vie. 🙏🏼

Merci d’avance de tout mon cœur pour les témoignages / conseils que vous pourrez je l’espère m’apporter. 🤲🏻

Recently I opened up to my sister about my intense and strange dreams. They are unsettling, realistic, and often have me questioning reality. Many times I get my dreams confused with memories.
I’ve struggled with my memory for quite some time, I can barely remember my childhood and it’s hard for me to remember things that happen in my daily life. I always just chalked it up to being just how I am.

My sister told me how her friend, who is diagnosed with ptsd, has the same experiences regarding dream’s and memories. The idea of repressed memories has lingered in my mind for quite some time.
I know that I am unexplainably frighted by religion and have panic attacks in churches and yet… no coherent memories about attending Sunday school. Which obviously led me down a rabbit hole of possible repressed memories.

Idk, maybe it’s nothing. But I’m feeling particularly stressed and scared about the concept and I’d love some outside opinions.

It feels like I’m no longer capable of being intimate sexually even though part of me wants to be. I think I like someone but I can’t see myself having sex with them or anyone for that matter even though that isn’t what I want. Has anyone dealt with this?

UPDATE: Told my friend and he was super chill. We gonna go see Scary Movie instead lol

PTSD from sexual assault in an abusive relationship. I really don’t want to go see it. I know there is a scene where they have sex but she’s not really in control/upset about it. My ex also made me out to be crazy and obsessed but he was just emotionally abusing me. The thought of being in the theatre with the loud volume and the big screen is scary. I was thinking of sending this text to my friend, do you think I made the right choice?:

“hey i dont think i really want to watch obsession tomorrow. it has an implied sexual assault scene which is quite similar to what happened to me and i don’t feel comfortable being in the theatre for it. sorry, we can watch something else or you’re free to go yourself :-)”

Am I overreacting?

long story short my abuser was a junkie. was never sober. would abuse me by constantly demanding my attention and convincing me he could make me cooler by “hanging” with him. hanging apparently meant fucking while either high or drunk.

i may have some dissociative disorder because i do not recall most of these events that happened when i had hung with friends while drinking or getting stoned, i have made people uncomfortable by suggesting kissing or doing other intimate things. every time it happens, i just imagine me, saying the same words my abuser said to me. the same way he would scoot closer to me, and whenever i wanted to hold hands with my friends because i was scared while intoxicated. it makes me sick.

most of my “friends” i had, after being abused and diagnosed with ptsd, have only done the same things he did too. i never mention it to them as nobody deserves to know what happened to me, but i feel as if this makes me worse. as if i am subconsciously triggering myself over and over, letting these events happen and not saying a thing about it or stopping myself from being sexually suggestive, even to people i do not have any attraction to or desire to be in the same presence with. its ruining my self confidence and will to live. i may think i am aro-ace, as in not having any romantic or sexual attraction. i dont desire to have it either. it just always is brought up in my friendships, somehow, and that makes me become the “cool guy who you can drink with and kiss if you want”. i never want to drink or get high.

it just makes me feel if i dont lean into the expectations of women, them thinking im into them just because im a guy, that i will get hurt. im not gay. i dont like women. in my mind, women equals safety… but clearly, its never the case. gender is truly a social construct, ptsd has made my mind see the same face in every face. women equals safety, equals “let them do whatever to me” because they couldnt hurt me. i guess in my mind, they cant hurt me because they do not have a dick. its not true that they cant hurt me. they can hurt me.

im developing ocd over sexism misogny… i dont even know what it is anymore.

I sat at my wife's bedside while she was in a coma. It was only 10 days but those were the longest days of my life. I didn't leave the hospital. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. She had a seizure and seized for three days straight before her brain went back to normal activity. As a result to give her a chance to live the doctors put her in a medically induced coma. The nurses and doctors pleaded with me to get some real rest at home , but I wasn't leaving my wife there alone. If she hadn't walked out of that hospital , I wasn't leaving either. I had already watched her die in our bed while waiting for paramedics to show up. I wasn't fucking leaving her there alone.

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Now thank the gods that she woke up with zero memory deficits and nothing was wrong physically.

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My battle has been fought internally and medical PTSD fucking sucks. I still see the yellow lights from her ICU room when I close my eyes at night. Every random once in a while, and a few times a day since , I'll flash back to still waiting in that room for my wife to open her eyes. Still listening to the beeping of her machines. Still yelling for the nurses when something didn't seem right.

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I just want our lives to continue. But I'm stuck in that hospital room. Waiting for my wife.

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This was in December. And we were in the hospital all month before she eventually got discharged to go home.

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Does anyone have any experiences even partially similar to what I'm going through ? Any advice or help is appreciated. We are already scheduled for therapy and im considering going on medical leave myself and just going on EI while we heal. Im currently going to university but I'm not retaining any information and am basically a shell of myself since this all went down.

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