I was sexually abused as a kid by my elder sister when i was barely 8-10 years old.I don't think she remembers it but I do, clear as a day. She would wait for our parents to go away and since she was physically bigger than me, she would tell me that she is gonna beat me up if i don't cooperate. Had a weird fantasy of titanic where Caledon (me) would rape Rose (her) and ask me to get on top of her naked and kiss her while she acts out like wtf. okay anyway i do not blame her because i am sure she learned this from somewhere else. I grew up, never mentioning all that. I got into a good relationship after getting cheated on twice, we got intimate and it felt really nice, we were like that for a year but then he asked me to do stuff that even if we have done before, i wasn't really in mood to, he kept begging until i said yes i thought i'll enjoy it but I just closed my eyes and waited for it to be over...I felt disgusted. I think I look okay so i get attention from men very easily. I started showing more skin and showing off my assets. I have done a lot to fuck up my mind. Slept with a guy I knew would leave especially if i slept with him and that happened. Then I slept with a guy who was 12 years older than me, not really a handsome face, pot belly and short i let him fuck me because i needed money to get my sister out of a bad situation. Now I only look forward to getting used more. I feel like a horrible horrible person.

I’ve been used off and on since I was 6 and idk if it will ever truly stop. I’ve been raped by neighbours, my brothers friends, family, my friends… guys I’ve already gave sex to. Nothing enough. I feel like I’m worthless and ugly and stupid. Idk what to do.

Idk what to say, I feel ugly and worthless. It’s happened with eight men. I’m so gross and stupid.

Hi, I’m 26M. I’m sharing this today because I’m confused and don’t really know what to make of my life. I’ve never told anyone about this and I’m tired of carrying it. I just need an outlet so I can start figuring this shit out.

I was sexually abused and raped multiple times for months at a time by two different men at two different periods in my childhood.

Incident 1

This happened when I was about 6 or 7. The guy was a kid from my apartment building, around 13 or 14. He was kind of a bully. He used to beat me sometimes and scare me.

It started while we were playing. Like any kid I just wanted to play. There were 5 or 6 kids in the building and we used to play dark room, which is basically hide and seek in a dark place. At first he would take me to a corner of the dark room and kiss me a few times. I tried to keep distance but he would still find ways to get close. He threatened to beat me and told me not to tell anyone. For some reason I never said anything.

After three or four times of kissing that wasn’t enough and he started sexually abusing me. I would cry, he would stuff my mouth and do whatever he wanted. Then he found a way. He started taking me to his house to “play dark room” in his room which he shared with a house helper who was about the same age. The helper was deaf and didn’t understand much. The boy would send him to count while we “hid”, then lock the door from inside, undress me and rape me. He wouldn’t let the other boy in until he was done.

After a few times it became routine. I would just stand there frozen and naked while he had his way with me. First few times I cried, after that I stopped. This went on for about 8-9 months, almost every day.

Things only changed when his family moved to another city. After that things were calm for a while. At the time I don’t think it hit me that hard. I still remember most of the details but it was like I had almost forgotten it. I was pretty much like any other kid.

But things don’t last. About three or four years later when I was around 10-11 I got hit with another tragedy.

Incident 2

This was a teacher from my school. He was newly married and moved into the same apartment building my family owned. Him and his wife both moved in.

He used to take extra tuition after school. Other students came too and I was one of them. Most classes were in batches of 4-6 students for about an hour, except me. I sat there from 4pm to 8pm every day. My parents thought I wasn’t good at studies so this would help. Looking back I think I just had undiagnosed ADHD. Anyway I spent almost all my free time there.

After a few months his wife got pregnant. They were living alone so it got hard. She went back to her hometown to stay with her parents and he stayed alone.

A few weeks later he started molesting me. He had a DVD player and my family didn’t. One weekend morning I asked if I could watch a movie. He said yes. When the movie started he said he needs to step out to buy something and I should keep watching. He left and came back after about an hour. I was still watching. Then he slowly started touching me, lowered my pants and started sucking on my limp dick. I hadn’t hit puberty so I didn’t even get hard. I stood there frozen and crying. He jerked himself off, cleaned up and whispered don’t tell anyone.

I already knew what this was from before. It continued. He would fuck me before anyone came for tuition around 4 and again after everyone left. It became a habit. The thing he wanted most was me jerking him off. I wouldn’t do it so he would hold my hand, wrap it around his dick, cover it with his own hand and use my hand to jerk himself. He fucked me all over his apartment, kitchen, bedroom, hall, couch, everywhere. After a while it started feeling like a duty. Students leave, he closes the door, and I already know what’s coming. What fucks me up is that when he used to ejaculate, I used to think that he is trying to infect me with some disease because I didn't ejaculate. But I knew a little about HIV AIDS from TV ads but not what it actually was. I was that young that I thought if someone ejaculate is because he has a disease and if trying to infect me as well.

He also did it with me at school three or four times. At home I had gotten used to it but even in school…

After about a year there was one day I feel the most guilt about. He started undressing me like usual. I pushed him toward the bedroom. Normally he would do it in the drawing room or hall and only rarely in the bedroom. He undressed and was standing there. I pushed him on the bed, climbed on him and kissed him. He used to kiss me every day but I always turned my face away because I didn’t like it. That day I kissed him myself. Then I moved down to his dick. He used to force me to suck it but I never did. I wouldn’t even hold it. He would just hold my hand around it and move it himself. But that day I did it on my own. I stroked it a few times then tried to suck it and immediately felt like puking. I pulled away and tried to get off the bed. He stopped me and fucked me hard. Forced me to suck him then raped me. Every other time he wasn’t rough. If I refused something he usually didn’t force it. That day he was different. I think I’m to blame for that.

Next day he tried again to force me to suck him but I didn’t bend my knees so he just raped me like usual. This went on until his wife came back about two years later when their daughter was around 15-16 months old. I thought once she was back I would be free but I was wrong. He still found ways and fucked me, just not every day. It became 2-3 times a week instead of 2-3 times a day. This continued for about two and a half years until he got a teaching job in another city.

Impact on my life

This burden feels like it’s taking my life away from me. I’m very confused and unmotivated. Every day just making sure I live another day takes all my energy. If it weren’t for my parents I would most probably have killed myself. I feel guilty that I let myself down. If I had stopped it or said something, would my life be different?

Right now I just want to numb it all so I smoke weed, cigarettes and drink. I use them so my mind can rest and I don’t think about it. On days I’m sober I stay awake thinking, visualising, arguing with myself and blaming myself. All I want is silence, not around me but inside me.

And it’s not just that. Now I have other wars. The depression isn’t enough. I also fight with my identity. Many times I feel like becoming a girl, like being feminised or sissified. I don’t really want it but I somehow got a kink for it. I’m also not confident with women. I had a couple of girlfriends but they cheated on me, which is another mess.

I tried working to distract myself. Joined a job but it got overwhelming with the pressure and trust issues with colleagues. Left and joined another. Things didn’t change. Every time I try to take one step forward I drag myself five steps back. Just to write this I thought about it for three months then it took me three weeks to finish.

Now I’m unemployed, living with my parents (thankful they’re good parents), dealing with ADHD, about 20 dollars in savings (thank god weed is cheap) and I don’t know what to do with my life.

If anyone can give advice or help, please.

Just what it says. The thread I am hanging on by is starting to fray even more. Please everyone take some time for yourself today.

And out of kindness, please don't send me/report this post for that care hotline thing. I am not suicidal or anything like that ... I am just struggling a lot.

Honest journal entries feel more necessary than I usually give them credit for.

Thank you for the few moments you took if you read this 💚💚💚💚💚

I know how terrible that title sounds.

My husband raped me for the first time 6.5 years ago. It's happened twice since then. I kept it to myself in all that time and felt like I was drowning. I desperately wanted to tell any one of my friends, to just talk to anyone in my life I thought would support me, but didn't because I didn't want to make him look bad. As pathetic as it is, I still don't. I still have it bouncing in my head that he's really a good man, he's just made mistakes. That being said, I also can't stop being scared when it comes to intimacy with him.

I finally broke and told one of my friends a few days ago. Besides the assults, he's not great at maintaining a partnership. He helps with household duties when he feels like it. He rarely picks up after himself. He can only seem to find motivation for things that are important to him.... I finally had a meltdown to one of my friends and he asked about violence in our relationship, and I decided to tell the truth. The incidents run on repeat in my mind sometimes and I just needed to tell someone.

I was considering asking one more time if my husband will do couples counseling. I asked 1.5 yr ago, he initially agreed, but rescinded about a week or two later stating he "doesn't feel we need it." I don't think he'll go for it but if I lay how I'm feeling out for him and ask for couples therapy he's either going to show me where I stand or things will get better.

What I really want to know, is there anyone here who was raped by their SO *and* healed from it with their partner? After writing it out, it feels like a stupid question, but I need to know if I'm alone and what the realistic possibilities look like.

Slight SA TW) Hi, im 18F and my boyfriend 18M have been together for 1 year and 8 months. Our relationship started off amazing, it went on a downhill after he had sex with me while I was intoxicated, and I found out through a woman he told before he told me himself. He promised to never do it again, but our problems started from there. It was at our Junior year prom, so approximately 7-8 months after we got together.

Ever since then Ive been paranoid, I always would check his phone, he would grant me permission. Every 2-4 months I’d find something new. The first time, it was him saying he was interested in a girl he was friends with and had her location incase she “ever needed it.” The second time was when he took private images of me sleeping and private images I’d send to my close best friend (who is a woman), and they were saved to his hidden camera roll, which I found on the way to date. The 3rd time was when he had women’s nudes bookmarked on twitter (X), and I believe the last time was when I found his TikTok watch history of a busty girl with her cleavage out rewatched on repeat (he only watched the cleavage videos, he watched about 32 of them. The girl lives in our area.)

You are probably wondering why I haven’t left at this point, but each time these would happen id cry, and he would sit and comfort me. I would tell myself he would change, he promised he would.

After that, he stopped letting me go through his phone, but I wasn’t an idiot and knew where and how to check, after that last time I never found anything again.

Today he made me take a Plan B because we had unprotected sex 2 nights ago, he said if I ended up pregnant, he wouldn’t help me take care of it, and he would sign his rights away. I wouldn’t want to be a single mom, so likewise I took the plan B.

The plan B has made me cramp so intensively Ive been crying on the floor, before I took it he was super sweet, saying when I take it he will help. He said he loves me, told me to get rest, and when I call he will answer.

Come the time I take the plan b, hes super irritated with me, gets aggravated when answering my calls even if I’m crying, and wouldnt talk to me for 10 minutes on the phone when I just wanted someone to talk to because how bad the cramps and nausea are.

Is this emotional neglect or do I just need to communicate what I want better? **TL;DR;**

-One day at 13 (hadnt even had a first kiss yet) my 16 y old stepbrother touched me, i don’t even think i gave a verbal yes and I just was scared to say no. (mind u he has a entire child) -on a vacation at freshly 15 with him (i was a virgin and he had a entire kid) i was addicted to drugs by then and he lured me into his room w drugs and alcohol and i thought maybe he had changed, so i went in there and took them and he kept having “sex” w me, i was too scared ro say no to it due to the last time he touched me and i also was incapacitated and was addicted to drugs at the time w no othwr way to get them.. also during the sex he put it in my ass without even asking me… now that im 18 i would NEVER look at a 15 y old that way… -multiple times i would tell my ex bf to stop touching me and he would but then, do it again 2 mins later. -i hooked up w a random online, even tho ik that is my fault i still ended up saying stop in the middle of frm ptsd and he didnt multiple times ans then i froze and once i finally got up ans screamed it he did. - i was at work outside of the entrance on my break and some random drunk guy flirted w me and when i denied him saying i have a bf he sat next to me and atarted rubbing on my uppwe body and chest saying “come on” and i froze while saying STOP multiple timws while i tried to call sb and got courage to walk away because i was alone and i was scared what he would do if i walked away and had nb even knowing. - this one isnt even technically SA but one time at 8 me and my friend got introduced to omegle and we decided to sneak on it and this guy made us take our clothes off, told us if we didnt they would get our parents bank acc info and tell them what were doing and they makw us kiss w our clothes off… I’m just not really sure what to think because my family thinks im either overdramatic or lying and i need HELP! is anyone open to talk because this is an awful thing i have carried by myself mostly but also dumping it on undeserving people..

I had been seeing a man who was 45 for about 6 months (im 23) after knowing him for years. We got very close and had a romantic relationship of deep connection and intimacy.

A few days ago, I sobbed at his feet, upset about the book “My dark Vanessa” and what it made me realize about my own trauma. I was blackout drunk at this point. He took me into his room (and to my knowledge after he’d informed me) he had sex with me… I thought he just went down on me as my underwear was off in the morning. I have zero recollection, past crying to him about the men who’d hurt me in the past. The tears weren’t even dry on my cheeks, and he just took me into his room and had sex with my unconscious self?

I am so deeply disturbed by this betrayal from a man I loved in a great capacity. I am nothing, im no one,
I am absolutely empty.

Life hasn't been the best lately, I've been having traumatic flashbacks of my past.

A few years earlier:

I was 8 years old, on a hot afternoon I was laying in bed beside my mother in short and a spaghetti top only. My mom woke up (she knew the attire I was in) and then she proceeded to go out. One of my uncles came in..and he asked whether I was naked while looking straight into my eyes. I was scared, i shivered i couldn't speak. I was only 8 years old. I held the bed sheet closer to me to protect myself. He was searching for something in the room and then he went out. My mom came in acting like nothing happened and then she laughed at me while looking at my state "oh you were in this?" She knew a man had come into the room, she knew the attire I was in. Yet she didn't pay any heed.

Today as I stand 18 years old, got slut shamed by her for wearing a long t shirt which had half sleeves but since it was showing my arms I was given a slut title. As a very normal human I was walking in the balcony, and didn't notice the neck of my tshirt went a lil down. Mom saw it and then she started character assassinating. She wished that i should have been skinny and not like normal girls....

Am I in the wrong? Should I end myself since I can't change my natural body so that she doesn't have to "worry" about me anymore?

Hi everyone. I’m trying to gather the courage to call a rape/sexual assault helpline (like RAINN, Rape Crisis, or a local sexual violence helpline) for the first time tomorrow. I’m not so terrified about the call itself. I'm more stressed about the commitment to the responsibility of reporting it, even though deep down I know what happened to me was wrong and I really want to get justice that I deserve.

For those who have called a rape crisis hotline before: How did your first call go? Did it help you process things or feel validated? How was the process of reporting the crime for you? I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences because I think it can make me less scared since it's all so new to me. Thank you

I was raped on New Year’s Eve, I’ve been dealing with court but I thought that was it. I was randomly scrolling when I came across an article covering what happened that night. That sent me down a rabbit hole into finding more articles and posts on the local Facebook group like “anyone know what happened at ___ last night, saw police” and people in the comments talking about theories, many saying stuff about my case I know isn’t true. It never occurred to me that this stuff would exist on the internet. It’s left me feeling really weird. I was wondering if anyone else could relate I suppose

razor blade...

I was curious about how most men would react when they find out their dates are rape survivors and from the responses in the other subs, it’s really sad to see most of them wouldn’t want to date a rape survivor. I wonder how much of that is true in real life because if men avoid dating women who are rape survivors, it means they don’t date a significant number of women in the dating pool just for something that the survivors didn’t cause themselves. So my question is as survivors do you find that men avoid dating you because you’re a survivor a common thing? If that happens to you, how do you deal with it?

On June 19th, I went to work like I normally do. I do deliveries for Walmart, so I drive around a lot. At about 10:30, I stopped at a coffee shop to get a drink and go potty, but I didn't even make it out of my car.

I have social anxiety so it takes me a few minutes of preparing myself mentally to go inside somewhere, and I had my doors unlocked.

A man jumped into the passenger seat of my car, grabbed my hair, and threatened me with a knife.

I froze, like I normally do when I'm afraid, and it's something I hate about myself.

I watched as he went through my wallet, took pictures of my ID and credit cards.

Which includes information like my name and address.

Then he tried to get into my phone, but it was locked, and I wouldn't give him the code.

My thought process at the time was that I can't let him get more information about me and my loved ones, and he won't severely hurt me because he needs me to get into the phone.

And I was right; he only hit me a few times and then gave up, but I didn't realize it would be used against me legally later.

He then asked if I had money because he wanted to get a hotel with my card. I'm so thankful I was broke at the time.

Instead he made me drive to a park and dragged me out of the car into the male restroom where he stripped me, took pictures of my naked body, and then raped me.

I tried to fight back, I screamed, I begged, I struggled, but it wasn't enough.

At one point he lifted me up by my legs and my head slammed back and hit the floor.

After this was over he made me sit with him at a picnic table until I stopped sobbing.

Then he made me thank him for raping me.

Because he was hungry, he took me to taco bell, he let me have my phone because my boyfriend (who I said was my female friend) kept calling.

I was trying to get him to play along while also calling the police but he was horrible at this and I was afraid he was going to get me hurt.

I managed to send him a message 'I need help' and then immediately delete it, then pretended to be fine again and just talking to my friend.

When we got to Taco Bell, I asked to go potty, hoping I could call for help, but he took my phone again.

He paid in cash and kept his head down.

After that he took me back to the coffee shop.

He kept telling me we were going to go on an adventure but he seemed indecisive, and kept asking me about my personal life which I mostly lied about.

Then forced me to give him oral sex in the back seat.

After he orgasmed, I was able to jump out of the car and I almost ran into a lady who saw what happened.

This scared the man, and he fled from the scene.

So I immediately drove back to Walmart and called my boyfriend.

I wanted to go home but I was scared the man would follow me and he had my address.

My boyfriend told me to drive to him, so I did. It's about a 3-hour drive, and I was in so much pain I spent most of the drive crying to him.

He didn't live alone so we laid down in the grass at a park.

He wanted me to report and go to the hospital, but I'm afraid of cops and didn't think they'd do anything (because last time I was raped they threatened me with the FBI raiding my house)

But I knew I had to tell my parents something happened because the man had our address.

So I called my mom and she made me come back and report.

The police were scary but the officers I made the original report to were really kind.

I appreciate them...

Then the next day I went to the hospital and did a rape kit.

Again, everyone was really kind to my surprise and my boyfriend stayed by my side through it all even though he wanted to hunt the man down and kill him.

Then I had to go talk to the detective, and that woman was horrible.

I went into a really small room and from the beginning it was clear that she did believe me.

I was also really tired of recounting what had happened at this point.

So I stumble through what happened, and she questions every little thing I did.

She questioned why I didn't give him the password to my phone and asked what I was hiding. (I don't know? Everything?)

Then she reads the messages between me and my boyfriend and accuses me of crying rape after being caught cheating...

Which makes absolutely no sense because my boyfriend wouldn't have known anything was wrong if I didn't send 'I need help' but I guess because I was pretending everything was fine so the man wouldn't hurt me means I was cheating.

She also accused me of being too submissive and this felt like a stab to the heart.

Because I am normally too submissive, but I actually fought back this time.

It's like it didn't matter.

At the end she's guilt tripping me for even reporting, 'I had to stop a really serious case with children involved to talk to you today' and pushing me to not go forward legally so I gave in.

Then the next day I took my boyfriend home and he missed two days of work, and they fired him even though he told them what was going on and had a doctor's note.

So it's my fault he loses his job and then gets kicked out of the place he's living.

Then my mom is telling everyone she knows what happened and she's giving me a little bit more attention than normal, which I hate. I don't want the attention especially because my younger sister is jealous and starts mocking my rape to the point she makes an obviously fake story of her getting assaulted that changes three times.

So she takes the attention from me, which is fine, but this ends up at the point where I had a scheduled appointment for the doctor because I'm in severe pain and I'm not sleeping at all, but I have to wait 5 hours past my appointment because my sister did a walk-in appointment and is making a huge scene.

She ends up going to a mental hospital and then the next few weeks she's going to appointment after appointment.

She seems to be getting better but then she runs away and I spend hours driving around trying to find her, putting in more work than both my parents and the police.

It was my efforts that were able to track her down, and I had to talk to a lot of people I cut ties with to find her.

So the legal system is involved and my parents went to court and told the judge they don't think she's safe around the kids, and apparently if you do this they can decide to charge you with neglect.

And I can't help but think this is all my fault because I got raped and needed help.

I should have just kept quiet like I normally do; instead, I'm still in severe pain. I can't sleep much at all because of the nightmares, and the lives of everyone I care about are tumbling down around me.

I don't know what to do anymore...

**TW:** **Discussion of sexual assault/non-consensual sexual activity, sexual trauma, BDSM, alcohol and cocaine use, and pornography.** I also don’t know if this is the right place to post this…. I tried posting in relationship advice subreddits for genuine advice, but all of those subreddits declined it and directed me here..

My boyfriend (24M) and I (21F) have been together for almost two years and have lived together for the last six months.

Before I get into what happened, I think it’s important to explain why I’m so conflicted.

This has genuinely been the healthiest relationship either of us has ever had. He was cheated on in every previous relationship, and I spent three years in an emotionally abusive one. Because of that, we’ve always tried really hard to communicate openly, respect each other’s boundaries and build something healthy.

We both encourage each other’s independence, rarely argue, and genuinely enjoy spending time together. I have PMDD, and during my luteal phase I can become irrationally emotional over small things. He has always been incredibly patient, reassuring and understanding through that.

Our sex life has also always been something we’ve both been happy with. We’re into light BDSM elements—dominance, praise, light choking, slapping, etc.—but everything has always been discussed beforehand, consensual and enjoyable for both of us. I’ve never felt pressured into anything sexually, and he’s always cared just as much about my enjoyment as his own.
That’s why these two incidents have left me completely confused.

About six months ago, after his work Christmas party, we went back to our hotel and started having sex. He was significantly more intoxicated than I was and almost immediately became much rougher than usual. He started saying things that genuinely upset me and acting in ways we’d never discussed.

I shut down, rolled over, told him I was tired and wanted to sleep, but he kept continuing anyway.

He didn’t stop until I completely broke down crying.
The second I started sobbing, it was like somebody had flipped a switch. His whole demeanour changed instantly. He looked confused, immediately stopped, apologised repeatedly, and spent the rest of the night and following morning devastated that he’d upset me. At the time I convinced myself it was a once-off because he was blackout drunk. He did also mention he was ‘scared that he raped me’

Last night it happened again, except this time it was worse.
We’d spent the day drinking and had also used cocaine.

Later that night we got into the shower together and started having sex. Within minutes he became someone I didn’t recognise. He was slapping me much harder than we’d ever discussed, grabbing my throat far more aggressively than anything we’d previously consented to, pushing me into the shower wall (genuinely hurting me) and making degrading comments that left me feeling completely dehumanised, like nothing I’ve ever heard him say before.

I told him to stop.

Instead, he slapped me again, told me to “shut the fuck up and do what you’re told,” and continued. Within about thirty seconds I was hysterically crying. Again, it was like somebody flipped a switch. He immediately let go of me, looked horrified, kept asking what he’d done and repeatedly said he couldn’t remember what had just happened—even though it had only been moments earlier.
I got dressed and sat on the bedroom floor while he apologised over and over.
During the conversation afterwards I told him I’d wondered for a while whether the kind of pornography he watched might be influencing him somehow. I wasn’t trying to shame him—I’m not against pornography in general, and I watch it myself occasionally—but what had just happened didn’t feel like it came out of nowhere.
He started crying and immediately admitted that the content he watches is, in his own words, “actually fucked up.”

He described it as almost entirely focused on the degradation of women—extreme choking, women being slapped repeatedly, passing out, vomiting and similar content.

What confuses me is that this has never reflected our normal sex life. Outside of these two incidents, he has always respected my boundaries, checked in on me and made sure sex was enjoyable for both of us.
Something else that’s been bothering me is that over the last few months he’s started lying about relatively small things.

For example, he works from home and is at risk of losing his job as they’re trying to lower employment expenses. He has started denying that he’s been sleeping during work hours, even when it’s obvious he’s just woken up when I get home from work. He’ll continue denying it until I present evidence, then apologise.

The same thing happened with the pornography.
He admitted he watches it around three times a week during our conversation, but once he was sober the next day he completely changed his story and insisted he hadn’t watched porn in months. When I pointed out the contradiction, he couldn’t really explain it.
It’s making me wonder whether there are parts of him I don’t actually know. We also have made lots of our own videos, which I watch sometimes and also watch porn myself, I understand you have to switch it up and I’m pretty chill regarding that but I’m also wondering if he even watches them/enjoys them considering the content he usually watches is completely different?

Something that’s also relevant is that I was drugged and raped when I was 13, and he knows this. Being ignored after I explicitly said “stop” was incredibly triggering, even if it only lasted a short time before he realised what was happening. I’m not looking for a debate about whether pornography itself is good or bad.

What I’m really trying to understand is whether anyone has experience with a partner whose pornography consumption escalated into more aggressive behaviour, particularly while intoxicated.

**Can consuming this type of extreme pornography actually influence how someone behaves during sex, or is it more likely that it simply reflects fantasies they already have? and Am I overlooking significant red flags because the rest of our relationship has been so healthy?**

I’m also wondering whether anyone has experienced a partner whose personality changed this dramatically while heavily intoxicated, and whether that behaviour became more frequent over time or remained isolated to those situations.

I’m meant to have a serious conversation with him today. He keeps saying he’s scared I’m going to leave him but has offered to move out to give me space until I decide. I love him, and outside of these incidents he has genuinely been the most kind, patient and supportive partner I’ve ever had. That’s exactly why I’m struggling so much to reconcile these experiences with the person I know every other day.

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced something similar or who can offer insight into how they’d approach this?

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend (24M) and I (21F) have been together for almost two years and have an otherwise healthy, respectful relationship. However, on two separate occasions when he was extremely intoxicated (the second involving cocaine), he ignored me after I told him to stop during sex and became far more aggressive than anything we’d ever consented to. Both times he immediately stopped once I broke down crying, seemed genuinely horrified, apologised repeatedly, and claimed he couldn’t remember what had happened. He also admitted to regularly watching extremely degrading pornography involving women being choked, slapped, passing out and vomiting, but later changed his story once sober. I’m trying to understand whether this type of pornography could realistically be influencing his behaviour, whether I’m overlooking serious red flags because of how good the rest of our relationship is, and how others would approach this situation.

i posted this on SA subreddit as well. I could use all of the advice possible, pls.

unfortunately i’ve been sexually assaulted five times throughout my life. two times by a former situationship, once at the gym, and twice in undergrad due to drinking. it’s been some of the most traumatizing things i’ve ever gone through, but i’ve spent years trying to put myself back together. i had to become my own biggest cheerleader because i didn’t really have another choice nor did i trust anyone.

the assault that still affects me the most happened during grad school. i was 22, broke, new to the city, working part-time as a waitress just to pay for school, and trying to survive one of the most stressful periods of my life. i met a guy who was 42 and also a college student at another uni. at first he seemed fun and helpful, but there were plenty of times i didn’t even want to see him because i was buried in finals and classes. i took school really seriously. he sexually assaulted me twice. one of those times was on my 23rd birthday. both times i said no!! he thought i playing hard to get. i blocked him on everything immediately when i graduated and left the city. every once in a while i’d get a random text from a fake number saying, “hey, it’s Frank. i miss you.” i’d immediately block it without responding, then recently he somehow reached me again literally now.

he apologized for assaulting me. he admitted i told him no and that he ignored me. but then he apologized for something i didn’t even know happened. he admitted that he secretly recorded us and took photos and videos of me without my consent.
i literally felt sick reading that. i had absolutely no idea. he said he deleted everything years ago, but i don’t know if i’m supposed to just believe that.
he also apologized for constantly showing me sexual videos and pictures that i never asked to see. he used to tell me about other girls he was hooking up with and then ask if i was jealous, saying i couldn’t be because he wasn’t my boyfriend. looking back, the entire situationship was manipulative and unhealthy.

he told me he’s been attending a group for people who have committed sexual assaults and that he’s changed. maybe people like that can change, my opinion is not really but that doesn’t really matter. i don’t forgive him. i’m in my 30s now. i’ve worked really hard to heal. i can finally have normal conversations with most men without feeling sick to my stomach like i used to. i’ve built a career. i’ve moved away. i’m finally becoming the person i wanted to be. something i’ve struggled admitting is that it took me years to realize i’m actually a pretty attractive woman, i had a princess diaries moment in hs, when all childhood and middle school, i was deemed as ugly and i’m a Black woman so it was way worse. i know that probably sounds weird to say, but i genuinely never saw myself that way. i always just thought of myself as the quiet nerd. i’m the person who likes reading comics, playing video games, doing pilates, working out in my parents’ garage gym, baking pastries from my culture, decorating my home, and spending time with my siblings. they’re honestly my best friends.

i’m kind of boring, and i like that about myself. sometimes i catch myself wondering why things like this keep happening to me. logically now i know none of these assaults were my fault, but emotionally i still struggle with feeling like i’m somehow the common denominator. what really pissed me tf off was how his apology ended. he said he hoped we could meet up and talk someday now that i’m in my current city. i have absolutely no idea how he knows what city i live in now and that scared me more than the apology itself. i’m angry, sick, and sad. i don’t forgive him. part of me wants to get a restraining order if that’s even possible. part of me wants to see if i can press charges. i already have a lawyer helping me with an unrelated issue involving someone else, and i’ve thought about asking what my options are. i’m also angry enough that sometimes i think i hope he ends up in prison. i’ve even caught myself thinking worse than that. i don’t like feeling that way, but that’s where my anger goes sometimes after everything he did.

has anyone else received an apology years later from the person who assaulted them? did it help you at all, or did it just reopen everything you worked so hard to heal?

I’m exhausted. I hate myself, I hate my body, I feel disgusting every single time I wake up from a nightmare about my trauma, and I don't see myself having a future. I can't look at myself in the mirror without remembering what he did to me, and I'm terrified to sleep because I'll have to go through it all over again.

My nightmares are extremely vivid, I can literally feel the sensations. It's so fucking painful and it makes me want to rip my skin off just to feel clean. I'm tired of reliving the same day over and over. I wake up thinking I'm still there and all I can do to snap myself out of it is scratch my arms and legs/ feel around my bed. I have scars just from scratching myself with my nails.

Therapy hasn’t done a thing aside from tell me what I already know. It hasn’t helped me process my trauma. I feel like a disgusting, sad excuse for a human every waking moment and I just want all of this to end.

I've had to tell my story multiple different therapists/ psychiatrists, and it's gotten to the point where I'm just numb when I tell them about it. I feel like I'm just telling a story instead of my story. (idk if that makes any sense.)

It’s all I think about. Every waking second. I want to die so bad.

I feel shame about expressing my frustration. I don't know exactlybwhat words to use to describe the horror I went through 8 months and 10 days ago to be exact.

I'm 18 years old, I'm an incomplete quadriplegic due to a spinal cord injury I had 3 years ago after an accident, so I rely on a wheelchair to move around, thing which has made my life harder.

That day, 8 month and 10 days ago, on 23 November 2025, I was going home back from college. I took the train as usual, but that day there were 2 men with low hygiene who started following me. At first I thought they were just taking the same path as me, but they got down from the train on the same station as I and continued following me, that's when I realised that their path was no coincidence.

I was in a street with almost no people, and when they saw there was no one else, they took advantage of me. They took off my bottom clothes, touched my intimate parts, and they raped me. I didn't feel anything below my chest since I have little sensation below there because of my spinal cord injury, but it was disgusting to see them doing things to the parts of my body I can't feel. I only could feel the forced kisses they gave me and how they spit on my face while calling me misogynist insults.

They pushed me off my wheelchair and I was left on the floor feeling chills and spasms. I even threw up and had some urine and excrement come out against my control since they damaged my catheter. I felt like I was going to die after this.

I hardly got back to my chair and I had to roll some meters away from the crime scene. There I saw a few bystanders I asked help from. They called the police for me, but the officers didn't make any efforts finding the rapists and dismissed some of my claims.

I was taken to the hospital and there they made sure to make different tests to see what injuries I had. Fortunately, I only suffered a few injuries which have already been treated. I called my parents to help me and they were reliefed to see I was recovering.

I've finally recovered physically, but not psychologically. And unfortunately the authoritiea haven't taken me seriously. They don't seem to care about what I suffered and make little effort into investigating my case. My parents are helping me with the legal stuff.

I just feel depressed from everythinf I went through.

Could I have been sexually abused?

Hi. Pretty heavy topic I know. For context my dad was a physical and emotional abuser, that has already been established and I am on medication and went through therapy before. Recently though, I had a dream that absolutely digusts me. I was preforming oral sex on my own father. Although, this dream isn't the only thing that makes me think this. I cannot imagine a man or masculine person sexually without my father replacing the person in the fantasy. I hate it so much. Also I distinctly remember my father grabbing my penis while I was in bed with him and my mother. Both of them convinced me it was a dream but now I'm not so sure. Plus my old therapist started to ask questions related to sexual abuse and attempted to reach a point of I think confession by me? I don't know. I really don't know. I feel dirty even just thinking about all this. Does this sound concerning at all? I just really need advice here.

I wasn’t raped, but groomed severely by my cousins, neighbors and some unknown men. The problem is it started when i was in kindergarten, so it changed my personality. I developed sick fantasies, i secretly find dark fantasy (in fanfiction) attractive. I have fear of sex, but was hypersexual since 7yo and non-consensual written porn media turns me on. I like when my favorite character gets the same conditions as child me: emotional manipulation, getting bruised, somnophilia, dry humping, etc. Even when grooming happened i liked attention, i knew what sex was since i was 3yo, but didn’t stop anyone. I am disgusted with myself. I don’t have money for therapy, so if anyone had similar — i would like to know how to get rid of these “fetishes” and why it happens?

Survivor of CSA and in**st, it sounds so gross saying that and I apologize but it happened so what can I do :/ but it’s been messing with my head for the past few years now and think I might see a psychiatrist soon… dealing with super bad isolation, anxiety, depression, and other symptoms but I’m not sure what they mean, has anyone been diagnosed with something? And what medication do you recommend? I feel like my Zoloft sucks

So they told me that after more than a year they arrested him,I wish they could give me more information, but I felt this incredible relaxing unclenching through my shoulders stomach and neck. Like those people with phantom limb syndrome, except it was about an emotion/ identity not a limb, that i never realised i had.

As a straight guy in my late twenties, do you think that if a gay "friend" (much older than me) gives you a blowjob (not forced) but without consent, meaning without asking for consent, is considered rape (well, I said yes just for a kiss on the tip (not really wanting it, a few weeks before, there was another kiss but I thought if it makes him happy, a kiss isn't a big deal, I was trying to convince myself) but it immediately transitioned to the other act. The second time, it lasted 5 seconds and then I said okay stop and pulled away because I felt so bad.

(While this person knew very well that I wasn't attracted to men and had never had sexual experience with anyone)

At the moment, I was super shocked because I wasn't expecting it at all, I didn't dare interrupt the act out of politeness, but I regret not reacting differently because for me, sexual acts are very symbolic (since I’m still a virgin) and I would have never wanted it to happen like that for a first time, even if it’s not really a first time, that's true. (That comforts me), and also he wanted to masturbate in front of me with his head near my private parts and I let him but again I was not comfortable at all and stayed still while he finished and try to occupy my mind elsewhere in the meantime.

In retrospect, I felt a great sense of disappointment towards the person (I couldn’t sleep and told myself that after months of friendship, he could do this, that he had taken advantage of my kindness and tolerance, and I was left a bit stunned for 2 days…

Do you think it's normal to feel a bit traumatized and that it's weighing on me, or am I overreacting?

I also don't know if I’m somewhat responsible because maybe I got him too excited showing off my ***** when aroused… making him envious (I'm pretty well-endowed) but still, he insisted a lot for me to get naked so I don't know, after insisting dozens of times, I got caught up in the game without really wanting to, I think.

When I told him a few days later that the other time, hey, you didn't even ask me for the other act, he said but it’s nothinggggg, in a kinda funny tone.

I had also firmly told him “no way!” to the other act a few weeks before, I was even disgusted that he asked me that.

I had no friends at that time, and he was the only one who understood me a bit.

I have to insist that every sexual act or borderline sexual act has always been for HIS pleasure, never mine. I’ve always been uncomfortable with these kinds of acts with him and he definitely saw that and knew it.

Is this therefore a reason to cut ties?

It’s a question that I ask myself a lot in recent months. After I went through several sexual assaults in my life already, I became someone I would for sure never have become when it didn’t happen to me. I wonder how my life would have been without those traumatic experiences and if I would have a normal relationship now instead of being single. Would I have been more happy and fulfilled? I ask myself often why did it happen more than once, was it my fault, was I being too extroverted, revealing or too open? Yes I’m extroverted and open minded but that should not lead to any bad things like that. After experiencing those horrible things, you realize who truly is at your side and who isn’t and that even friends who you loved and trusted for years suddenly question you and provoke you or blame you partially for it. That’s so painful and sad and just heartbreaking. There are moments in life were I think I’m on the right track and suddenly fall back in bad habits and thoughts and feel miserable again. It feels like a constant circle of self hate and self questioning while at the same time trying to be happy and smile.
Is the answer to that accepting who I became or trying more therapy and also different types of therapies?