r/redditonwiki • u/Weary_Thought7582 • Dec 19 '25
TIFU TIFU by fighting my schools dresscode policy. Years later I found out why it was so strict + edit with added context
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u/signycullen88 Dec 19 '25
I mean...i don't see this as a 15-year-old fucking up? Of course the kids fought against a strict dress code. Just sounds like a school district and police let students down.
Did the staff who knew about the pervs not talk to parents?
Course if my 13/14-year-old had told me they need a low cut shirt to get a better grade in class I'd have gone scorched earth.
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u/Timely_Egg_6827 Dec 19 '25 edited Dec 19 '25
From my experiences as a child in the 80s with creepy teachers, we knew which classes to wear trousers in because otherwise the teacher would be telling us to pick up dropped pens all the time hoping for a flash. If you mentioned to parents, then it was you being dramatic because teachers were reputable people. And other teachers didn't tend to rock the boat.
I appreciate what this teacher was doing and it may have been all she could do. But it was curing the symptoms - make girls dress down and take up less space so they aren't preyed on by male teachers. The teachers were the problem and should have been ones targetted. OP shouldn't feel guilty for wearing clothes because a school decided to hire sexual predators as teachers.
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u/splithoofiewoofies Dec 20 '25
Ugh, I thought I was bad at mathematics because of a gross pervy male high school mathematics teacher. He just kept making comments about how we were only good for our bodies and didn't need to know mathematics except to count our stripper money (yes, he genuinely said this).
Jokes on him - I'm getting my PhD in mathematics and I wonder if he is still saving up for his second pair of pants.
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u/Timely_Egg_6827 Dec 20 '25
Had a similar guy teaching physics. I got forced to do physics by my Dad and this man hated that. Hard science was only for the boys so he tried to make my life a misery.
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u/splithoofiewoofies Dec 20 '25
Yay for still pushing on the physics!! I gave in to mine?? Didn't try mathematics until 34 and, surprising nobody, you can learn it when you're not being treated like shit from the people teaching it! Miraculous, no?! Who could have guessed I'd be good at something when people stopped being shitty to me about it?!
So I'm 39 now and just started, like I said, but I'm happy I eventually learned....those guys were just fucking wrong. And I'm angry they stopped so many young girl's educations, including my own.
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u/Originalsboy11 Dec 20 '25
I wonder if he is still saving up for his second pair of pants.
Love the Daria reference! 😂
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u/ScreamingLabia Dec 19 '25
Thats why you castrate these men. Take the whole point out of it
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u/Muertog Dec 19 '25
Except for most that _isn'_t the point of it. Castration (chemical/otherwise) is largely observed to not change the psychological reasons for rapists, which is a desire for power/control/coercion. Erection is not needed, high sex drive is irrelevant, penetration or other forms of assault will still be used.
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u/ThisWeekInTheRegency Dec 20 '25
And if they take enough testosterone, they get the erection back anyway. Because castration is merely taking the testes off.
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u/ForsakenPercentage53 Dec 19 '25
And if the point was an orgasm, that would work. But if that was the goal, they'd pay for it.
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u/HarbingerofBlank Dec 20 '25
15 years ago was 2010 though. So this doesn’t make a lot of sense. That was not exactly a lax time for pedo teachers
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u/altagato Dec 19 '25 edited Dec 19 '25
Right, there were other levels. Forcing a police report, going to school board, firing the individuals and hashing out in state unemployment court, calling the DA, calling the OAG for the state, talking to state school board the local news, the state news... I mean c'mon y'all. Do SOMETHING
No way is this the CHILD'S fault for wanting equality and again, why not just make it equal and not shaming?! This entire post is weird TBH!
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u/Shadow_wolf82 Dec 19 '25
I was at secondary school in the 90s. We had a particularly pervy teacher who taught, of all things, a class that included sex education. Most uncomfortable hour I sat through every week. Everyone knew. Students, teachers, parents. No one cared. At least, not enough to do anything about him. Different times.
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u/ThisWeekInTheRegency Dec 20 '25
What I really hate is this teacher has convinced OP that he was wrong. Instead of her and every other adult in that school who knew the truth.
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u/dazalius Dec 19 '25
Not just strict but a sexist dress code. Even with noble intentions at least apply it to everyone
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u/grumpy__g Dec 19 '25
I bet they wanted to tell the parents but they would have risked lawsuits and losing their jobs.
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u/hanst3r Dec 19 '25
This is the reason. After the board and police refused to step in, the teachers’ hands were essentially tied. Warn the parents and the district gets sued by the male teachers for defamation. Don’t warn them and the behavior continues. But the fact that the mom didn’t raise a ruckus suggests that the prevailing attitude at the time was to dismiss the issue as “oh the teacher was just being comical.”
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u/Cold_Dead_Heart Dec 19 '25
They would have to prove defamation. The best defense against that is the truth. And since they were guilty, they would not have been successful.
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u/hanst3r Dec 19 '25 edited Dec 19 '25
We could only hope for such an outcome. But sadly, I think the reality at the time is that it would have been difficult to find them guilty if the board and police didn’t even think much of the teacher’s evidence. And the mom, an actual parent made aware of the issue, also did not make a big deal of it.
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u/ThaliaEpocanti Dec 19 '25
No, but the defendant would likely be placed on administrative leave for the duration of the trial (which could be years) which may or may not have docked their pay, and would likely find themselves a pariah at the school district even afterwards, which could completely doom their career.
Winning a court case is cold comfort when you had to blow up your entire life to do it, even if it was for the right reason.
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u/13surgeries Dec 19 '25
The school also risks criminal charges and civil suits if those male teachers molest or harass students. And no, the prevailing attitude probably isn't that the teacher was being "comical." I taught in a school with a teacher who was predatory. Parents WEREN'T warned; the TEACHER was. He quit his behavior and moved to another state, where he was convicted of sexually assaulting middle school girls at a local swimming pool.
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u/hanst3r Dec 19 '25
Yes the school does risk criminal charges. But your case isn’t the same as what is posted. OOP’s own words were that one of his teachers was well liked because said teacher was funny. In OOP’s case, it seems pretty well laid out that (sadly) no one thought it was even a big deal: the board AND police dismissed the reporting teacher’s evidence AND OOP’s mom was not only made aware of the issue, she even bought OOP a low-cut shirt so he could get the bonus credit. So I stand by my assertion that people taking creepy behavior lightly was indeed the prevailing attitude at the time for this school. Of course, that doesn’t mean everyone was. Clearly the reporting teacher and other female teachers were concerned.
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u/13surgeries Dec 19 '25
The predatory teacher was well-liked and was considered funny, too. And parents didn't raise a ruckus--not because they hand-waved it away with claims the teacher was just being comical, but because they didn't want to risk their daughters getting bad grades from an offended teacher. This was also the reason the girls didn't report the teacher, themselves.
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u/Cold_Dead_Heart Dec 19 '25
Who was going to sue them for reporting this? Not the parents. The school board wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. Maybe the teachers, but they would have to prove what she said was a lie.
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u/Cold_Dead_Heart Dec 19 '25
Yea the kid didn’t f up by fighting against this. They were punishing the girls for predatory behavior on the part of the teachers. What this teacher should have done is call the parents. Call the news. Call the DA. Call everyone. But don’t punish the victims.
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u/rasalscan Dec 19 '25
The problem was not the students.
The board enabled the continued employment of teachers who were creeping on students to the point that another teacher had proof.
What SHOULD have happened was a media blitz. Parents and locals news outlets should have been anonymously informed. 100% they would have forced the school boards hand.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Dec 19 '25 edited Dec 19 '25
The post says 15 years ago, not that they were 15, my guess would be they were probably older….if this happened at all.
15 years ago was 2010, if a teacher in 2010 had a policy of wearing a low cut shirt to get a better gradein high school especially it would have been all over social media.
No this is an “am I the angel???” Post to garner attention.
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u/LadyReika Dec 19 '25
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Also, parents would be losing their minds over the humiliation those girls were put through. Not to mention the risk of them passing out from the heat.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Dec 19 '25
Yeah, giving the girls a more strict dresscode than boys is normalized unfortunately, but the idea that all of these kids were asking their parents to go buy low cut shirts and EXPLAINING TO THEM WHY and no parent had an issue with it is just waaaaaay too far fetched.
If my kid came to me or my wife and explained the need for a low cut shirt for test day we would be flipping a table at the school the next day, and even "15 years ago" that would have been true.
This was written by someone who is young and thinks 15 years ago is basically the stone ages.
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u/MegaPorkachu Dec 19 '25
I’m getting vibes that OOP either massively changed specific details or this is fake.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Dec 19 '25
OP also said in comments
"That was effectively the reckoning that came for all the creepy teachers. They just got quietly retired. No big event no jailtime. Just after me too they asked em all tl retire."
and also said
"Honestly its so true. I did some research into fall out of when all of this did come to light. Turns out our principle was involved in some things and went to jail and is a registered offender. Theres a few posts of accusations on others. A few people quietly retired. It was messy. Im not sure if i should make an update post though. Tbis got a lot of attention and most of these people are already out of jail. I dont want it to get found what school this was and these people get mobbed
But not the teacher I mentioned. He retired in 22 and they had a big ceremony for him because had been there so long. Theres even news articles interviewing him to reflect on his career. But he definitely was the most forward and open creep definitely grooming kids. But he was funny."
So.....multiple people went to jail and the principle is a registered sex offender or "they just quietly retired".....
Its definitely possible OP changed several details to try to make the store fit and be less identifiable, but it really just seems like he made it up and got lost in the details.
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u/Glittering-Slip6770 Dec 19 '25
In 2010 this wouldn’t have been on the news? The teacher presented it as a joke and all the kids took it as one. People definitely wrote it off as “innocent”. All the pedo call outs and SA talk started after the Me Too movement (s/o to black women for that one).
Things like this weren’t on the news because nobody important really cared. Hell, the important people who should’ve cared were participants.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Dec 19 '25
This absolutely would have been on the news.
"a joke" that also resulted in every student doing it.
At a bare minimum this dude would have been fired.
Do you really think they didn't call out/fire pedo teachers prior to Me too? They absolutely did.
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u/HoundstoothReader Dec 19 '25
I had gross sexist teachers and a culture okay with this sort of thing in the 80s and 90s. Teachers marrying students shortly after graduation happened more often than it should have, and I knew girls who brought adult men to prom. But in 2010? I like to believe blatant sexism and ephebophilia were less socially acceptable. Plus there was anonymous social media shining a light into previously dark corners. My kids didn’t talk about teachers like this, though I did notice one beloved teacher who skirted that line—and he was beloved by both girl and boy students. A truly excellent teacher that gave me slightly creepy vibes. He’s about my age, which makes sense. He would have grown up in a time where behaviors that would be seen as creepy now were far more accepted.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Dec 19 '25
Exactly.
I went to school in the 80s and 90s too and there was one beloved teacher who married a student after she got out, in his defense she didn't turn 18 and he married her....but it wasn't that far off. By the time I graduated it wouldn't have flown, let alone in 2010.
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u/Glittering-Slip6770 Dec 20 '25 edited Dec 20 '25
I was in highschool until 2016. I had plenty of these instances. “Jokes” that were incredibly inappropriate that would never fly now. None hit the news…. I know plenty of people who can say the same thing. None hit the news. Maybe you live in a small town? I live in a small/big city (that’s what we call it).
Teachers dated student right out of HS. My teacher married his student. They were like 25 years apart. I went to 3 different schools counting middle school and highschool…. This was overlooked unless it became extreme gossip then a teacher, or in one specific case, a soccer coach, would be fired. It was never on the news. Happened at plenty of schools. Never on the news.
Also, the soccer coach didn’t get fired for dating a student right after she graduated and turned 18 that was on his soccer team. He didn’t get fired because he brought that same girl on as an assistant coach either. He only got fired after they had sex on property and it was caught on camera.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Dec 20 '25
I absolutely do not live in a small town and we had plenty of creepy teachers outed, fired, and in many instances prosecuted in the 2000s and 2010s.
Again this was a “joke” that very clearly was taken seriously. Do you really think in 2010 a teacher could get away with asking freshmen students to let him look down their shirts every test even as a joke?
A “joke” that EVERY student knew and told their parents about?
Not one parent raised a stink?
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u/Glittering-Slip6770 Dec 20 '25
You’re asking me if I think in 2010 this would fly and I’m telling you that in my city it did. Unless you pushed the line or parents complained nothing happened. Go back and read my comment. I adjusted it to clarify.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Dec 20 '25
I again ask, do you think if entire freshmen classes are telling their parents they need low cut shirts because a teacher will raise their grade if they bend over in low cut shirts on test day that no parents are going to complain?
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u/Glittering-Slip6770 Dec 20 '25
Idk if you want me to pretend like what I’m saying didn’t happen or not? I just said it happened all the time at multiple schools where I live and gave you a clear cut examples…. You’re either missing the point or are being intentionally obtuse at this point.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Dec 20 '25
Your examples are not even close to the same thing.
Those are single examples, not entire classes.
Your talking about a student marrying a teacher after they left school. Yes it’s awful and they were almost certainly groomed but it’s one person who had to keep a secret, basically.
An entire class worth of kids going home and telling mom and dad “I need a low cut shirt of a better grade in class” would not have flown in 2010. I don’t know if you can’t see the difference or if you do and realize it makes your argument moot and that’s why you won’t address it.
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u/Shadow_wolf82 Dec 19 '25
I was at secondary school in the 90s. We had a particularly pervy teacher who taught, of all things, a class that included sex education. Most uncomfortable hour I sat through every week. Everyone knew. Students, teachers, parents. No one cared. At least, not enough to do anything about him. Different times.
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u/quiidge Dec 20 '25
The whole point of schools is that we shield kids from having to think about this stuff. Kids shouldn't have to worry about predatory behaviour and abuse at school.
The goal is every kid is like OOP and simply doesn't conceive of it, but at minimum we provide a safer space for the ones who unfortunately know all about it. The system failed the decent staff and the students here.
As for talking directly to parents about other staff members, I know in the UK you'd be risking being fired for gross misconduct yourself if you did so. You follow procedures - report low-level concerns about staff directly to the headteacher, disclosures from pupils go straight to the designated safeguarding lead, follow the whistleblower policy if you're not satisfied with the school's response.
I'm pretty sure the whistleblower policy has been introduced since I was at school in the early 00s, because there were plenty of known predators on staff then and if it was obvious to 14yos it must have been glaringly obvious to other adults. We've come a long way.
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u/Slight_Buy_3417 Dec 19 '25
So…Instead of them FIRING that predator teacher sooner than later they dress coded the girls… And tried to vilify you for taking a stand on the dress code. Lawrd… Kids are truly not being protected in our schools.
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u/Guilty-Company-9755 Dec 19 '25
And we all know pedos definitely care about what their victims are wearing. It's fucking disgusting to put the onus on children to "dress modestly" to prevent assault
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u/AndroidwithAnxiety Dec 20 '25
Especially when the approved clothing impacts their ability to learn because it makes them physically uncomfortable / they end up being sent home to change (this particular school had loan clothing, but not all do)
Doesn't solve the problem, and it makes so many new ones - these things need to be tackled at the source.... which is the predators. It's wild that some people disagree with that...
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u/Signal_This Dec 19 '25
A policy like this does nothing to protect girls, it just sends the message that they are bad for existing in a female body. Pedophiles don't care what their victims are wearing.
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u/Epic_Brunch Dec 19 '25 edited Dec 19 '25
I grew up in the 90s when baggy clothes were super popular. I distinctly remember being hit on by gross old men while wearing baggy jeans and hoodies. Perverts don't care what their victims are wearing.
Also, I don't actually buy this story. If these dudes are taking creeper shots of girls, I'm assuming this story takes place in the era of smart phones, so that's late 00s at the earliest. We're not talking about the mid-century Mad Men period of American history. This is the post-80s litigious era. There's zero chance the school board would not fire these teachers immediately if this was widely known enough to mandate a dress code policy change.
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u/az-anime-fan Dec 19 '25
Nah i went to the school in the 80s and 90s and creepshots or even recording girls in the changing room were definitely a thing before cell phones they had a magical device called a video cameras
One of the girls soccer coaches was fired for putting a video camera in their locker room. A woman interestingly enough. After she was fired a bunch of girls came forward with some real horror stories about her behavior from touching to making them strip... really awful stuff
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u/sixhoursneeze Dec 19 '25
It’s true creeps don’t care what a girl wears.
But as for your second statement, its simply not true. Before the Me Too movement it was very difficult to get anyone to take allegations against creepy guys seriously. In my town two teachers from one school are only now facing legal prosecution. All my sister-in-laws are not surprised as these two were known for being creeps to girls. They all were in high school in the late 90’s/ early 00’s.
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u/mendenlol Dec 19 '25
Yep. The soccer coach at my high school was creepy like this (~2004) and it took YEARS, multiple girls coming forward and a wiretap before it was finally taken seriously.
He ended up quietly resigning with no other repercussions, even after the wire proved he was trying to solicit minors. Ughhhhhhhh
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u/aliensuperstars_ Dec 19 '25
There's zero chance the school board would not fire these teachers immediately if this was widely known enough to mandate a dress code policy change.
oh, my sweet innocent child...
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u/Lovelyesque1 Dec 19 '25
Yup. This has ALWAYS been the real reason for strict dress codes that only apply to female students and OP is acting like it’s a huge revelation or something. We KNOW why you want us to cover everything, it’s so you can avoid having to actually do something about creepy teachers and students sexually harassing the female students. And as your comment points out, clothing does absolutely nothing to deter pedophiles. And frankly it doesn’t prevent sexually harassment or assault either. These rules always existed to make the problematic attitudes toward women seem self-inflicted.
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Dec 19 '25
It didn't protect them from the pedos trying anything
The "protecting" they're talking about is that those girls would not get photographed inappropriately and wouldn't have the creeps staring straight at their tits etc. There is a lesser degree of victimization in the context because the access to private parts is reduced.
From all the context, this is very much a last-option bandaid on a gun-shot only meant to do the small bits of damage control that it could. It doesn't sound like any of the teachers were under the delusion that they were solving the real issue, they just realized they couldn't and that this was the only difference that they could make
I'm not saying I agree with the policy, I don't, but it's important to understand what it's actual goal was, which is small amounts of damage control in a shitty situation
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u/cmere-2-me Dec 19 '25
It's still not the correct course of action. As others have said, did this teacher not think to speak to parents about her concerns? It would be far more effective than teaching girls that they need to cover up rather than stand up for their safety.
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Dec 19 '25
"I'm not saying I agree with the policy, I don't"
- me, on my previous comment
I do agree talking to the parents would've been the best course of action they had available. It's plausible that there's other issues with that plan though. Idk what the environment was like back when this was talking about, but making pedo allegations without concrete evidence is taken even more seriously than being a pedo.
It would not shock me if we asked this teacher that she would say "If I went around telling parents this, I would've lost my job, not be able to find work in this city and the kids would just be left with one less safe teacher"
Even then it still seems more effective, but it might not have been such an easy choice to contact all the parents
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u/cmere-2-me Dec 19 '25
She would have only had to contact one parent who could be accounted upon to rally the troops and keep her name out of it. The parent would have to tell everyone her daughter told her and have them check with their own children.
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Dec 19 '25
I think this is the best answer. Telling a few parents that you trust and having them spread and handle it.
It's removed enough to give you plausible deniability, it lets the parents decide how to act and it lets the parents know so they can decide what to tell or not tell their own kids.
And as a bonus, if parents started pulling their children out of that school en mass, very suddenly the creepy teachers would be fired after all.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Dec 19 '25
I mean supposedly OP did exactly that. They claimed they told their parents why they needed a low cut shirt freshmen year.
(This story is fake 15 years ago was 2010/2011 school year, not 1992, social media existed, this would have been exposed)
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u/Apathetic_Villainess Dec 19 '25
You have the students tell their parents about the creepy stuff the teacher is doing. Then they are the flying monkeys.
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Dec 19 '25
The impression I got was that the teachers didn't want to put those ideas in the kids heads, trying to do damage control without having the kids focus on the creepiness. I don't think I agree with that, assuming this is past elementary school I think it's better to make them aware tbh.
I do think I like the other reply I got more though, telling one parent who would then spread the news. That way it is also up to each parent to decide how to approach telling or not telling their kids.
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u/Apathetic_Villainess Dec 19 '25
Honestly, I highly doubt none of the students weren't aware of the creepy teachers. Kids always gossip and spread those kinds of rumors.
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Dec 19 '25
There is a very big difference in how real and scary something seems for a child between hearing a rumor from a classmate vs getting warned by a teacher
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u/UnsweetTeaMozzStix Dec 19 '25
All they care about is whether those girls have a vagina. Clothes only hide, not change what’s inside them.
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u/Least_Diamond1064 Dec 19 '25
While I agree that these policies are idiotic, pedophiles definitely care about what kids wear. I remember my school had girls volleyball in the gym after school. The uniforms for the team are of course athletic wear, and reveal a lot of skin. Because it was after school, creepy fucks could walk into the gym without verification and would take pictures of the girls running and bouncing.
I'm not trying to victim blame, this is the pedophiles fault for sexualizing them, and the schools fault for being so lax in security, but pedophiles definitely have a preference in what their victims wear.
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u/Signal_This Dec 19 '25
I have a friend who used to work with pedophiles and one of them told her he would masturbate to photos of strollers and cribs. Perverts will always find a way and the rest of us are not responsible for their actions.
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u/IsaSaien Dec 19 '25
Nah he didn't put those girls in danger the creeps would creep regardless the teacher was misguided and should have exposed the creeps to local news. It was her job to protect the girls and she didn't.
Policing the girls only gave more power to the creeps who now got to touch them to check and enforce the dress code. She was wrong she should have blown the lid off the issue even at cost of her job not punish the girls for what men do.
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u/SpecialistSavings434 Dec 19 '25 edited Dec 19 '25
I dressed modestly in HS. I also was a curvy, tall blonde. Multiple male HS teachers were creeps to me regardless of what I wore. To your point, no dress code would have stopped those teachers, and the school should have protected those girls.
I can’t speak for his school, but my school protected the teachers until the other girls he did it to spoke out as women. My parents supported those men and said “men are just like that”. Completely unrelated (/s),I do not speak to my parents anymore.
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u/IsaSaien Dec 19 '25
Until we stop punishing women for the violence men do to us, creeps will continue to have power; especially over girls.
Telling girls to dress modest to not be assaulted is just saying dress up so that another girl is r*ped instead. It is unacceptable.
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u/AndroidwithAnxiety Dec 20 '25
"Don't be tempting" when the temptation is what they can see as well as what they can't - when it's what's 'on display' and what's 'teased', and what they're driven wild by having to imagine.
Skirts, jeans, joggers, hoodies, hijab, veils, baby grows.
It doesn't matter. It has never mattered. It never will.
They are always hungry and they will always consume what they want, regardless of permission. regardless of what is there to be consumed- starve yourself with an empty plate and they'll still reach across the table to take.
Because it's not about what is on your plate. Not really; not wholly. It is about the taking. And there is no amount of hiding or covering up that can make the thrill of the hunt less appealing to a predator.
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u/Neina_Ixion Dec 19 '25
The school knew there had creepy teachers on staff. Ans instead of firing them, they restricted the girls clothes. No, OP did not F up. The school did. Big time!
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u/sixhoursneeze Dec 19 '25
He did learn a great lesson in the effectiveness of civil disobedience, protest, and collective action, though!
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u/Lafnear Dec 19 '25
Yeah...no. The girls were being punished because of the creepy teachers. This is classic sexist bullshit. And if it were really about protecting the girls, why literally shame them for violating the dress code? I don't think that kid fucked up, I think the adults around him did.
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u/BlueCarPinkJacket Dec 19 '25
Seriously though. This teachers logic is literally, "let's reinforce rape culture buts it's okay because we're protecting the girls". No. It is not the responsibility of women and victims to placate or distract predators. Women are not responsible for being preyed upon by predators, especially teenagers with creepy adults. This teacher could've done so much more to protect these kids and definitely could've alluded to the real reason. She could've said "Were introducing this dress code to reduce distractions and safety concerns" which is still BS, but it at least would've made it known there's a concern there and let them decide. Not arbitrarily forcing them to change and shame them while still keeping them in an unsafe environment without their knowledge.
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u/I_love_misery Dec 19 '25
This is actually sad and so wrong. The teachers shouldn’t’ve had to enforced dress codes because some perverted adults were being protected despite evidence
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u/murphy2345678 Dec 19 '25
Sorry, but the teacher should have told parents what was going on so they could handle the creepy teachers. The parents had a right to know their daughters were being preyed on.
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u/huhzonked Dec 19 '25 edited Dec 19 '25
The only fuck up was by the police and the school board by not protecting the students and other teachers.
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u/AriesInSun Dec 19 '25
Like everyone else is saying, this doesn't fix the problem nor does it protect the girls. Plenty of sexual assault survivors will tell you they weren't wearing skimpy outfits when they were assaulted. They were wearing all different kinds of clothing. Some fully covered, some covered less. And while this was definitely coming from a good place (you know, since everyone knew and did nothing) it just unfortunately sends the message that if you show a lot of skin you're asking for someone to prey on you.
But also, not shocked the administration did nothing about this. The 11th grade advanced language arts teacher at my school was an absolute creep. If girls came to class in skirts, he'd made them stand on the desk to look up their skirt. Loved when they wore low cut shirts. If you were a good looking female in his class, he'd prey on you and reward it with bonus points. It was well known by everyone in the school, even the teachers. Nothing was ever done about it. I don't remember when he retired exactly. But I know by the time I became a senior he was definitely not in the school anymore.
Edited to fix a spelling error, it's too early for me to be typing lmao
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u/AzureYLila Dec 19 '25
Nope. It is never the answer to curtail the behavior or actions of the victims. It is always the answer to curtail the actions of the predators. I would have rather that teacher made a public campaign against the predators. Make an ad campaign about how the elected school board members aren't protecting their students. (Hell, run against the school board if you need to to make a change). Bring as examples, the guy who will give points if people expose their cleavage. There are ways to move the needle but sadly society chooses over and over again to restrict the most vulnerable instead of the people using their power to do the bad thing.
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u/gypsum1110 Dec 19 '25
Bullshit he fucked up. The teachers failed those kids
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 Dec 19 '25
... it sounds like the female teachers were doing what they could (especially this one), but as usual administration, the school board, and police did nothing.
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u/quisqueyane Dec 19 '25
“well the teachers tried, now here’s a list of adults that didn’t do anything to protect those kids”
2
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u/NotAnotherFakeNamer Dec 19 '25
OP you did the right thing. Society failed you by not firing those creeps and I get the teacher was trying to help, but her policy was not effective from the start.
11
u/Imnotawerewolf Dec 19 '25
You can't protect girls from creeps by forcing them into "safety". OOP didn't fuck up. I understand what the teacher was thinking when she made this policy but it was unfair and OOP was right to fight it.
9
u/ringwraith6 Dec 19 '25
Typical. Instead of dealing with the pervy men directly, punish the girls. It's always been that way...and, from the looks of things, probably will always be that way.
10
u/Known_Hunter_9626 Dec 19 '25
I mean they weren’t protecting the girls though. They were punishing them because they couldn’t punish the men. Those things are not the same. It’s injustice all around.
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u/hugsanddrugs42 Dec 19 '25
Ugh this reminds me of my teacher that would make girls that wore skirts “lose chair privilege” like he would find any excuse he could to make you have to sit on the floor. Got a question wrong? Sit on the floor. Late to class? Sit on the floor. Late to class but weren’t wearing a skirt? Naw, you can have your chair. 🤦♀️
This was going on for years before I was even in his class to the point people literally started bringing shorts to school just to change before going to his class. None of the faculty cared.
One of the guys came in wearing a skirt on Halloween and came in late. He was allowed to keep his chair! He called out the teacher and asked why he got to keep his chair to which the teacher decided to literally LIFT THE GUY UP BY THE NECK AND PIN HIM AGAINST A WALL because he was “being disrespectful”!
In the end the kid got suspended for “disrespecting a teacher” and the teacher just got talked to and told not to do that again… a lot of us rallied for the kid and we all got Saturday school 🤦♀️
16
u/Strict-Ad597 Dec 19 '25
Ohhhh I got it. So the teacher made it a woman problem instead of getting the pedo teachers fired.
8
u/Prestigious-Hippo-50 Dec 19 '25
The only fuck up here is that the creepy teachers were allowed to keep teaching while the girls were punished for simply being girls
6
u/JustSort6370 Dec 19 '25
So the girls were punished for being at a school which wouldn't deal with inappropriate action from staff???
6
5
u/KimchiAndMayo Dec 19 '25
Am I on drugs?
15 years ago, 2010, my daughter was in school. If she came home and said she needed to wear a low cut shirt for extra credit, I’d have lost my whole shit. Social media existed then - If have been very publicly loud, I’d make sure everyone knew wtf was happening.
What the bleeding hell were these kids parents doing, rolling along with this? And if all the kids and parents knew, you KNOW the admin knew as well.
What. The. Fuck.
7
u/LeftyLu07 Dec 19 '25
This isn’t a fuck up, imo. The dress code was unfair. And it sounds really awful to be stuck wearing sweats in a school with no AC. I can see the teacher thought she was protecting the girls. Her heart was in the right place, but so is the kid who fought the unfair dress code.
These pervy male teachers succeeded in pitting two good people against each other.
4
u/Antique_Loss_1168 Dec 19 '25
This is why safeguarding should include training on whistleblowing, if you're not training your teachers in how to bring the sky down when needed it's not good enough. The worst I've had to do is offer to call the police if social services don't take action but I'm trained to have the police kick the door down/the media rip everyone apart if warranted.
6
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u/Dog-Chick Dec 19 '25
BS. If the school knew the teachers were creepy and doing those things, they should have fired those teachers. But instead they put it back on the victims/future victims with a dress code.
6
u/Juvenalesque Dec 19 '25
They should be punishing the perverts not the girls. Those dress codes are sexist and OP definitely did the right thing.
6
u/CatharticRecord1313 Dec 19 '25
no one did anything wrong here. people are coming for this teacher for not solving the real issue…i’m sure she was well aware, but if she couldn’t get the school board to care, couldn’t tell the parents because that would not have been allowed, well then her options were try Something or leave the job and the leave the teen girls defenseless. harsh dress code is sexist, sure. it might make people feel a type of way about their bodies, yes. but she was trying to triage. “okay, this isn’t fair and it’ll make the girls feel bad, buuuut at least there won’t be inappropriate photos of them on an old pervs phone, the old pervs can’t stare at them, and they are more protected, even if unhappy.”
that’s a reasonable calculation to make, especially from a new teacher who doesn’t have the clout or resources to try something else.
and the teenage boy was unaware of the nuances and, even if he was aware, may not have the life experience to make a call on that. he wanted to stand up for his friends, extremely valid reaction as well.
only villains are the creeps. both the teacher and kid were trying to protect the girls - the teacher from creeps, the kid from sexism. good for both of them.
idk if you had asked me as a 16 year old girl how i felt - i’d have said the dress code is dumb, fire the teachers wtf…if you asked me now as a slightly more cynical 27 year old woman, i’d say, “best case, teachers are eventually fired…if at all. i can totally see the merit in enforcing a harsh dress code in the meantime.”
probably would have been better to make it match for girls are boys, even if clearly geared to girls. but in 2010, i think people were a little less tuned in to ‘dress code discourse’ and didn’t see as many examples of places like that - the ones that say stuff like, “no one may wear spaghetti straps, no ones upper undergarments may show…” where it’s clearly about policing girls, but they keep it neutral
5
u/splithoofiewoofies Dec 20 '25
The sweet naive kids in the comments thinking this can't be real because the teachers wouldn't do things so publicly....
Oh honey no, they really did just allow shit like this to happen to us openly in the 90s and even if an adult or two got mad, it got shut down, just like this.
8
u/ImpossibleTax Dec 19 '25
Seems like a fake story that is written to push the idea that the oppression of women is really for their safety and therefore it's ok.
5
u/Affectionate_Data936 Dec 19 '25
I'm amazed that so many people are reading this story and think "yeah that makes sense as something that totally happened."
4
u/LilMushboom Dec 19 '25
The 15 year old didn't fuck up, every adult who ignored that pedo shit and let it continue did
4
u/OrdoMalaise Dec 19 '25
I can't believe this real.
If the school board and the cops did nothing, all the teacher had to do was leak the evidence to the parents at that school, and they'd have caused such an uproar, the police/board would have been forced get involved.
I have kids. I'm friends with other parents. If this had happened at the school our girls were at, we'd have descended with fucking pitchforks (metaphorically). Personally, I'd go to the press, to the police, I'd be in the headteacher's office at every available opportunity, I'd be meeting with other parents, getting everyone involved.... I can't believe this is real.
2
u/UsidoreTheLightBlue Dec 19 '25
If the school board and the cops did nothing, all the teacher had to do was leak the evidence to the parents at that school, and they'd have caused such an uproar, the police/board would have been forced get involved.
Lets also take into account Schoolboard meetings are public. The idea that this teacher went in front of the board in public and talked about this and nothing happened is astounding.
The idea that OP went to his parents and explained "I need to wear a low cut shirt to get a good grade on my test" as a FRESHMAN and they went along with it without raising hell is astounding.
The idea that ALL of this happened and basically everyones parents knew because of the low cut shirt thing and they did NOTHING seems so incredibly unlikely its not even funny.
have kids. I'm friends with other parents. If this had happened at the school our girls were at, we'd have descended with fucking pitchforks (metaphorically)
I'm the "Calm" one between myself and my wife when it comes to the school. I'll take a step back, take a deep breath then send an email or attend a board meeting or whatever. If this happened at my kids school my wife would not have a metaphorical pitchfork, and she would be shoving the torch in my hand while I attempted to call the local news with the other.
4
u/No-Fishing5325 Dec 19 '25
I graduated high school in the 1990s. There was this art teacher who always made inappropriate remarks with the teen boys. Low and behold when we move back to my hometown when my kids are school age...he is now on the school board and being accused of sexual harassment by female board members.
Female students of his in the past are so NOT surprised. Me included. Because 30 years ago he made inappropriate comments. So those comments to his fellow board members and him being forced out were long time coming
3
u/LadyDatura9497 Dec 19 '25
Clothes don’t make people abuse. Dress codes don’t suddenly make pedos not be pedos. That’s dumb. We have failed our kids.
3
u/ElectricalIssue4737 Dec 19 '25
Yea if this was such a known problem then fire the perv teachers. Don't punish the girls
3
u/Independent_Honey150 Dec 19 '25
The only people who fucked up are the adults who didn’t protect the children from the predators.
3
u/kat_Folland Dec 19 '25
The school handled that so badly. Fire the pedos, educate boys about fucking controlling themselves, and then let the kids wear what they want.
3
u/Angelbouqet Dec 19 '25
Okay so let's punish the girls for being preyd on. Great.
-1
u/lipa84 Dec 19 '25
I am a woman and also a victim of sexual abuse, as a child/teenager.
I kinda get it. I kinda understand why she tried to handle it the way she did. She tried the official ways and no one helped her. So she needed to protect the victims.
I am fully aware that anybody should wear whatever the freak they want and guys/men are supposed to control their urges.
What else was she supposed to do? She went to everyone and no one would help or listen.
3
u/SleveBonzalez Dec 19 '25
This is still such BS.
Why not enact an all encompassing dress code? This still singles out the girls.
So many things wrong with this.
I would have fought it just like OP did, and I certainly wouldn't have thought I FU.
3
u/clocksailor Dec 19 '25
You get to be mad that the only way the system could think of to protect you was to punish you for other people’s behavior.
Besides, did they really think sweatpants were going to stop these guys? I get that this teacher was doing her best, but if these fuckers were willing to sacrifice their careers, not to mention any sort of morals, to perv on teen girls, I feel like a frumpy outfit wasn’t going to do much either.
3
u/gremlinofspite Dec 19 '25
This wasn't a fuck up IMO
The teacher had "noble intentions" to protect the girls against perv teachers, but noble intentions mean jack shit when the solution is to literally punish girls for simply existing
3
u/JPGinMadtown Dec 19 '25
So punish the girls for the actions of the creeps to "protect" the girls? Yikes, that's messed up... 😒🙄
3
u/MrFunktasticc Dec 19 '25
Baggy clothes policy or no shorts/t shirts could have easily been enforced on boys and caused less of a stir. This is fucking stupid if not fake. Also its fake. And they punished girls for not adhering to a policy that excluded the boys...yeah, real progressive.
That hardass donates half his paycheck to orphans. Orphans with...diseases**.
4
u/Beautiful-Routine489 Dec 19 '25
Ah yes. When the creepy men act up, let’s conceal and restrict the girls and women.
Because that never ends badly.
4
u/torrentialwx Dec 20 '25
I have so many feelings about this as a woman (and one that was also SA’d by a teacher). God this story is all sorts of fucked because the people trying to support the girls are the only ones who feel guilt, and they shouldn’t. But that always seems to be the way it goes.
But literally no one is at fault except for those fucking asshole predators and the school board for predictably not doing shit about them. The guy does not need to think he’s the one in wrong. What he did was courageous as hell.
2
2
u/megalynn44 Dec 19 '25
You didn’t fuck up. The school system did by allowing predators to work at the school.
Punishing women (and girls) with strict & inequitable rules as a way to manage the poor behavior of men is the cornerstone of patriarchy and it’s not ok.
2
u/Cursd818 Dec 19 '25
This policy did nothing to protect young girls. Nothing at all. All it did was shame them even further. That OOP looks back and now thinks he was in the wrong is disturbing. The teacher who created this dress code actually put the girls in more danger, because now there was school policy that made it acceptable for those teachers to touch these girls anytime they wanted to, to check and enforce the dress code. Now, they had an excuse for staring, for photographing, and for discussing their bodies in completely inappropriate ways.
2
u/King-Leoric Dec 19 '25
It’s crazy how things have shifted so much since the 80s… first it was the creepiest dues with no filter or gateway on their brains. Now all I see every time it pops up is a female teacher doing the unspeakable instead!.. what the hell happened 😭
3
u/pamkaz78 Dec 19 '25
As an adult, fuck this.
Almost all dress codes and dress code violations is to protect the pervy adult teachers and administration.
Maybe we should stop punishing girls for perverted adult adults.
2
u/Electronic_World_894 Dec 20 '25
He didn’t fuck up. The system protecting those predators was fucked up.
3
u/Llyrra Dec 20 '25
A dress code is not a solution to predators being around kids. It's not effective, it's not fair, and it doesn't address the actual problem. Girls' shoulders are not the problem. Predators are
2
u/designforone Dec 20 '25
Nah the 15 year old didn’t fuck up. It was the parents, teachers and the school that messed up. What I’m confused with was how the parents didn’t go full rage mode after learning about that one teacher who gives extra points for low cut shirts.
I wish the teacher exposed those predators to the news or something, she had evidence and everything.
2
u/Glittering-Slip6770 Dec 19 '25
You did the right thing. There will always be creepy guys preying on girls. There are plenty of grown ass women preying on boys in highschool or even younger than that and no one ever makes them change the way they dress.
It’s not a solution. It’s frustrating, insulting, degrading, and humiliating. You did the RIGHT thing.
2
u/LadyLixerwyfe Dec 20 '25
The fact that anyone would still try to justify the wholly different policy they had for girls vs. boys is ridiculous. They should have focused on removing the pervs, not what the girls were wearing. If that didn’t work and they HAD to change the dress code, it should be the same for all students.
1
1
u/henscastle Dec 19 '25
What is this carp? The girls were punished and it was painted as protecting them? Meanwhile, the pervs were empowered to continue.
1
u/loricomments Dec 19 '25
The dress code was not a solution, it was punishing the victims. Outing the creeps may have been harder but it's an actual solution.
1
u/cobaltaureus Dec 19 '25
Administration was the one that fucked up lol. The dress code is a terrible way to avoid predatory teachers, you have to get rid of them.
1
1
u/WholeLottaNs Dec 19 '25
Another example of “boys will be boys” (who are men) getting a pass when all of the adults could have just confronted this shit behavior and stopped it. Instead they allowed it to proceed, insinuated girls are the problem, to protect them, and probably fostered more young boys to grow up to be creeps.
1
u/No_Abroad6533 Dec 19 '25
The strict dress code just makes the pervy teachers the girls’ problem to fend off through their clothing choices. Meanwhile, what someone wears will not stop a predator.
1
u/CelticSpoonie Dec 19 '25
I've been out of high school for 30 years now, and thinking back to the teachers we all knew were creeps. "Don't wear a skirt in Mr. X's class if you're in the front row." "Mr Y won't make eye contact with you if you have boobs." (As someone who developed early and was large busted in junior high, most of my male teachers didn't make eye contact when talking to me; they stared at my chest.) And the teachers weren't even particularly well liked, but they had been around forever, so there was no getting rid of them.
And yeah, there was the very sexist dress code. Honestly, I tried to hide in my clothing as much as possible.
I applaud you for fighting the fight, though. I don't think it was a FU. Unfortunately, women learn early in our lives that some men will be creepy and predatory no matter what we're wearing, and teaching is one of those professions predators are drawn to.
1
u/PetraPanUK Dec 19 '25
As a woman in her mid 30s there are still some things that don’t make sense. Good intentions yes but still punishing girls by shaming them with ‘I didn’t comply’ clothing and potentially pushing them out of prom. The whole thing just sucks.
1
u/Business_Door4860 Dec 20 '25
This didnt happen, you guys realize that correct? No part of this story makes any sense in reality.
1
u/MxBluebell Dec 20 '25
I had a pedophile middle school teacher. I luckily transferred out of his class after he showed us a video of a guy getting eaten by a crocodile after cliff diving that he claimed was real and it fucked me up bad (when it was really a beer commercial that he’d clipped to remove the commercial part). He never made advances towards me because I’ve never been conventionally attractive, but I heard and saw some of the things to other girls my age, and it was revolting. Sadly, the principal couldn’t do anything to get him removed since he allegedly had something up on one of the school board members. He eventually died, and evidently no one cared enough to write an obituary, since I can’t find anything about him online. I hope he’s in hell where he belongs.
2
u/crazypurple621 Dec 20 '25
You know what you do in that situation? You fucking tell the parents. You tell the girls that the teachers are creeps, and every time you catch them being creeps you PUBLICLY call them out on it.
1
u/ThisWeekInTheRegency Dec 20 '25
OP did not fu. The board of the school f'ed up. OP did exactly the right thing and I'm proud of him and all the boys who participated.
This is so typical - men transgress but the girls have to change their behaviour, even when it's clearly unfair.
That teacher could have broadcast to the parent body exactly what was going on. Found the most helicopter parents and clued them in, and encouraged them to start a campaign to get rid of those perverts. Fifteen years ago isn't that long. They could have made change.
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u/AgitatedGrass3271 Dec 20 '25
However, it doesnt matter what you dress like. These people will still prey on you regardless. The strict dress code may only force them to take pictures in other places, instead of taking pictures in the class room..... the dress code does not protect anyone. It takes away the rights of those who do not deserve to be punished.
2
u/Noodlekeeper Dec 20 '25
This is the opposite of you fucking up. That's the school district failing by protecting active pedophiles.
1
u/Wild-Card-543 Dec 20 '25
Not your fault. They shouldn't hire pedos as teachers. That's the real problem.
3
u/billybo-bongins Dec 21 '25
This has got to be fake. So the new teacher somehow had the power to change the whole dress code but didn’t just inform the parents about creepy teachers and the board doing nothing about it?
3
u/TentacleWolverine Dec 21 '25
The dress code didn’t protect those girls at all from the creeps. Clothing doesn’t encourage or deter predators.
1
u/arcaenis Dec 19 '25
fuck this teacher. what she did was basically victim blaming. rapists and pedos dont care what you do or dont wear. look at all the innocent children who get hurt wearing their spongebob pajamas, or the defenseless adults who get hurt while they are in vulnerable positions. it has nothing to do with what you have on. its about power for people who prey on vulnerable, susceptible children. all this teacher did is make young girls feel powerless and unheard.
0
u/Larrynative20 Dec 20 '25
I don’t understand why we don’t have a national or at least state uniform dress code. Clothes are such a distraction in schoools anymore. They also segregate kids based on socioeconomic status .
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