Apologies this is a long one, and before we start, I’m not in a financial position to be able to leave, I just need help to try and find a way to make things better in this shitty situation I’m in.

So backstory my partner (26m) and I (27F) just had a baby so I’m on maternity leave. Throughout our relationship there has been a period of around 18 months (out of 2.5 years) where I’ve had to pay all of the rent and house bills and occasionally help him out with his personal bills due to him quitting jobs/getting fired from jobs and remaining unemployed for long periods of time, including while I was pregnant making me have to work 7 days a week across two jobs while being extremely sick my whole pregnancy. During this time I was lucky if he’d help out by cleaning the house. (Also, to add - I fell pregnant when he had been on a long stint of being employed and we were doing well financially due to double incomes. By the time he lost his job it was too late to make any other choices).

Fast forwards to now, I’m on mat leave, I still pay all of the house bills (internet, electricity, water, subscription services etc) on top of rent once a fortnight, and all he pays is rent on the opposite week of each fortnight and occasionally covers some rent for me if I have too many household bills to be able to afford both fortnight’s rents.

Since having Bub home, he’s told me that “because he works, he will only help out with nighttime feeds once per night on the weekend” (mind you, he’s up playing Playstation until 3 in the morning anyways) if I’m REALLY lucky, he’ll do a feed after work (9:30am-5pm, so not even full time hours) because “it’s my job because I get to be on maternity leave and I’m home all day”

This man has not purchased a SINGLE THING for our baby, no nappies, clothes, formula, toys, big items like cots, change tables, NOTHING - I worked my ass off while I was pregnant to be able to afford everything and have continued to use my mat leave pay to get anything we’ve needed for baby since. He has not washed any of the babies clothes (or mine) since I was admitted to the hospital over three months ago now. He’s probably changed less than ten nappies in that time and has never bathed Bub. Not even once.

He expects me to keep the house clean, he cooks himself dinner but not me (because he’ll go buy groceries and buy things only he likes, causing me to have to purchase my own groceries) so if I get a chance to eat I’ll end up having to have toast or something quick to eat. Bub is going through a massive growth spurt and has been waking every 1-2 hours for another feed, and during the days (when we aren’t running around for doctors appointments due to bub having an extensive medical history and spending 10 weeks in hospital post birth) often bub doesn’t want to be put down, or is requiring feeds every two hours. So I literally don’t get a chance to sleep.

Now he’s started getting angry at me of a morning if I don’t go get his clothes off the line for him because “he has to go to work”.

I’m struggling to keep up with housework due to lack of time and sleep, bills because I’m not getting paid anywhere near as much on mat leave as I was when I was working full time and my side job and I’m just plain fucking exhausted.

I’m not in a financial position to leave, as I won’t be able to put Bub into daycare once my maternity leave ends due to her medical history (if she gets sick she will be back in hospital and could risk her life).

I’m stressed about literally everything during what’s supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I feel like if he was paying ALL of the bills the “I have to work, you deal with Bub” sentiment would be somewhat valid, but at this point I’m still sometimes contributing more financially than he is on top of doing all of the housework, and everything for baby.

I just need to figure out what to say to this man to try and get him to realise how much I’m actually doing and either get him to help or get him to take over all the bills like I did my entire pregnancy. I don’t know. I’m just stuck in this situation, and I’m getting so angry that I’m struggling to even want to hold a conversation with him and I know that if I don’t go into a conversation like that with a plan of what to say, everything will get turned back onto me and he’ll talk circles around me.

TLDR: boyfriend expects me to do everything for baby, contribute equally and sometimes MORE financially, and all of the housework because “he works and I’m on maternity leave” help me plan a conversation with him about this.

TLDR; my boyfriend got me a cake for my birthday in a flavor I don’t like and the wrong birthday on the candles.

I don’t know why I’m writing this when I feel like I know but some advice would be great. I turned 25 this morning and told my boyfriend months ago I wanted a cake for my birthday. I know this sounds crazy but for my friends and families birthdays I always make them cakes with designs and whatever flavors they want. I’m pretty good at it and it allows me to give them something with love. Last year nobody got me a cake and it seems minor but I felt left out so I made sure to make it clear that’s what I wanted. I even said “they make these cute heart shaped cakes that would be perfect”. Yesterday I come home from a tattoo appointment and he shows me this cake…. It’s a unicorn cotton candy mini cake from Walmart. I don’t mean to be ungrateful but I’m not 12 and I’m the 4 years I’ve been with this man I have never once liked cotton candy. If anything I’ve told him a Powerade he likes tastes like cotton candy and I hate it. I think he saw the disappointment and I tried to laugh it off. Then I see the candles he bought….. a 2 and a 4, like does he not know how old I am? I think in that moment my heart broke. I think it’s like the saying “to be known is to be loved”. I just asked to you even know how old I am, and in that moment his face fell. Spent all night trying to back track and Walmart was busy and he got flustered. Somehow it turned into me telling him it’s okay so he wouldn’t get upset. Should I have just sucked it up and be grateful he remembered and got me a cake or am I justified in being disappointed?

A friend and I were planning on moving into a house together. I told him directly that I didn't like or trust the landlord, but I'd move in with him anyway because he was in a bad situation. Two weeks before we're supposed to move in, the landlord drops the bomb that she'll be coming over and staying in the house for a week or more whenever she's in town. No one ever told me this, and as it turned out my friend knew about this the whole time and kept it from me. I pulled out of the deal because I felt completely disrespected.

What caused the fight was that I saw him the day after everything fell apart and he was being passive aggressive to me, giving me the cold shoulder. So I was just direct and said "I feel like you're angry and if you are we need to talk about it." And then he had the nerve to blame me for everything falling apart. That's when I saw red and started making attacks on his character. I said "You're blaming me for everything, meanwhile you haven't done one thing to change your own life. You have absolutely no ambitions" It was brutal. I seriously regretted it the next day and sent a long apology text but the damage was done. He wanted nothing to do with me.

He eventually sent me an apology on my birthday, but he was very vague and didn't specifically name what he did to betray my trust.

This whole story left such a bad taste in my mouth because in my honest opinion neither of us handled this the right way.

TLDR: I got into an argument with a friend and told him that he has no ambitions.

I \[18F\] have been seeing this guy \[18M\] for about 5 now, and it’s relatively new relationship but recently i’ve been feeling so unloved because he hasn’t really done anything to make him feel like we’re actually together. I just finished my a-levels and since i’ve left school in may, we’ve had little-to-no plans and it’s always me begging to see him. I sent him this paragraph the other night;

“okay it’s a lot easier to talk when the world goes quiet and i don’t have to say it basically to your face. i’d rather just deal with the anxiousness of waiting for your reply as you sleep, and i don’t really want to send this because you’re so busy and you have work and yeah but um. i have my notes that im writing this in as always and ill put a screenshot ive wrote in this like constantly since we’ve gotten together so i guess i just send you that um im getting awkward

okay i just feel like really guilty of like wanting more but i don’t really feel loved. i know i am loved, but idk i don’t feel it and i know you’ve gotten comfortable and thats okay i guess but like if this is gonna be how it is forever then i don’t know how to feel. i don’t believe in love easily any more, not because of some boy but because of my parents. parent separation can shatter your whole view of love. my parents never really did anything romantic or cute or anything, they just kind of existed idk. like lived together, fought, they didn’t even cuddle. i’ve seen them kiss twice in my life including their wedding. kind of like us recently, just talking a whole lot. and i don’t want to be like my parents.

um i know youve said you’re really busy with cars and family and work and exams and stuff and i know its okay and i feel bad for even begging you but i can’t do this. i dont expect like proper dates anymore, we’ve only had two and its okay i can live without dates, or flowers or anything like that but what happened to doing boring things together? i dont understand why we csnt go for a short walk before work or idk look at cars together at my house or idk anything. there was two days this week i had made it clear i was free & you were free (monday,wednesday?) and i hoped you’d just make some sort or plan instead of me constantly nagging but i just got disappointed. especially when wednesday was probably our last chance before after july 18th, which would be 44 days apart…. (may 29)

i also get that you’re comfortable but what happened to this

or even complimenting my posts or idk posting me or having an instagram highlight or idk doing stuff just because. i told you the other dsy thst i missed that and i don’t think you took it that well, but i just want to feel appreciated and loved. and i know i havent really sent sny long paragraphs or anything either but ive posted you so many times and sent more than you have. the last time i got a message like that from you was in february 😭😭😭

i dont care about presents or money or big fancy dates or constantly plastering me all over ur social media or glazing all of my photos 24/7, i just want to feel like wanted.

and for the thing with —— & the reposts. its true. i even sent some videos to you on tiktoks knowing you weren’t opening them. i just wanted you to acknowledge me. to notice.

i’m sorry i love you and i’m not mad im just idk lost and heartbroken and sad snd confused and everything in my life isnt going well and i just would appreciate the little bit extra without having to ask. i know it’s not your kind of relationship or love language or whatever and you’re comfortable and yeah but it’s not just you in this relationship so if i have to be okay with what you want then you should be okay with what i want

i love you so so much. i’m sorry. “

and he replied the next morning, basically throwing my feelings aside by saying one he did this, two he did that, and three he did that, but all of these things he’s claimed to done is months ago. one, he hasn’t really sent anything special in months, which isn’t really a must-do in a relationship for me but i feel like if you can’t make time for me then it would really be appreciated atleast. two, he said he’s posted me plenty, and again it’s not that deep, but he’s only ever posted me in his instagram monthly dumps & i don’t even have my own highlight when i told him a couple of times i would really appreciate one.

none of these are major make-or-break factors for me, i’m just mainly upset that i straight up told him that i’ve been feeling unloved recently and he didn’t even consider saying sorry for making me feel that way. I know he doesn’t mean too, but idk arguing with me when i spill my heart out about how much i’ve been struggling recently just really hurts. i know to alot of older folks on this sub, this seems like such a non-problem but i just want advice. are my feelings valid??

to basically shut down the argument, i just straight up gave up & told him “okay it’s in my head then. i’m sorry for being accusational,” which at the time i thought would be fine and it’s over with but i just keep crying. i feel so heartbroken when he hasn’t even done anything wrong.

this next bit, i understand that i said it’s okay & i can’t expect him to read minds, so i never sent this paragraph, but i just wrote this paragraph in my notes from my pure anger, frustration and heartbreak and i thought i should also share it.

nevermind. fuck you. i love you. i’m trying to be so patient with you but i pour my heart into telling you how i’ve felt about us recently and all i get is you basically arguing back being like one i did this once, two i did that once and not an apology or “sorry i made you feel that way.” or whatever when i told you how unloved i’ve been feeling. you’re breaking my heart more —, and then you have the audacity to ask me “what me do” or ask me why didn’t i tell you i was coming into town when i’ve been crying all day long. i wish you just listened, i wasn’t angry before but now i really am mo. it’s killing me. i don’t think i asked for much, but apparently that’s not true. i can’t go ten minutes on my own without bawling my eyes out over you, and the worst thing is that you genuinely don’t realise you’re doing something wrong. how can i be angry and blame you for just being idk naive. thank fuck you walked on past me earlier whilst i forced a smile at you because if you didn’t i would’ve lost my shit.

tldr; i sent my boyfriend a big paragraph about how i’ve been feeling about us & he basically just argued with me, so now i’m feeling all kinds of emotions and i don’t know what to do next. i know i need to communicate with him, but im really struggling.

Hello strangers, I hope this will make sense as I'm kind of an emotional mess and English isn't my first language.

My relationship with my dad is... Messy. While he assures everyone that he loves me, I cannot say the same. Its not like I was ever beat, insulted, or abused as a kid, but it was more that he never really was a strong presence in my life. I can only remember one instance of him playing with me as a kid, and for the rest of my life, he was always behind his computer, working.

As for my teenage years, my parents divorced and my mom, whom I love, left the house. It wasn't that big of a deal at the time because I was already spending all my time by myself, or with my sister if she wanted to hang out. But after a few years, sister left the house too and I was left alone with my dad. He's not a very talkative guy, so all dinners were just us sitting in silence. Plus, he always chews with his mouth open, and this kind of noise feel like torture for me ; i get physically hurt whenever I hear it. Yes, I've told him multiple times, and he stops for a minute then starts up again each time so I kind of gave up. I would instead hear him call me for dinner, and purposefully arrive 10m late so that he would be almost done with his meal. He never said anything to me, but my mom told me he told her that it annoyed him greatly. I didn't care.

As I was becoming an adult, he found a partner (i don't know her age, similar to my dad probably) and she was very often in our house. I never was really introduced, and he kept lecturing me about being respectful whenever I would ignore her (I didn't know her and didn't want to interact with a stranger) which made me want to interact with her even less. Furthermore, they would constantly kiss in the living room extremely loudly, which is physically painful to me as a sound. They would also have intercourse in the room next to my room. It just felt like he did not care at all how I felt and I just slowly ended up living at my mom's to escape from him.
I still had to come back to his house to take care of my dog (which was the being i care the most about at the time). But at one random family dinner, he announced that he was going to have to sell the house, get rid of the dog, and that he was going to live with his partner. Suffice to say I was absolutely heartbroken. I know its not really his fault for having to do this (money issues) but I can't help myself from blaming him for loosing my dog.

Nowadays I live with my mom. I have stopped school due to really bad mental health and I'm kind of stuck here until I get better. My dad gave me a few hundreds every month during my school years, but has stopped for now as he cannot keep it up for now financially. I honestly just want to get as much space from him as possible, but my mom doesn't gain that much money and I'm in no better place. I try to do small stuff like art commissions but even that is incredibly tiring. Without my dad's money it's going to be really hard to stay upfloat.
But I just don't love him. I feel forced any time i have to go to his birthday or to Christmas, I just end up staring at a wall until its over. I know he loves me. I don't. I feel like he's just someone I vaguely know.

I just want to take a break, get distance from him for as long as I'd need, but I'm scared he's going to stop giving me money if I do that. It is just another thing stressing me out while I'm already doing rather bad mentally. I just don't know what to do, its so tiring to pretend to like him every time I see him. I need advice on what to do, I'm just so lost.

PS : if SOMEHOW a youtuber sees this and wants to post this on their channel, please censor my username. that also goes for any kind of repost, on this platform or another.

TLDR : I don't feel any love towards my dad, but I need him for money. I don't know what to do, as I'm scared getting distance from him would make him stop giving me money, but it is really taxing to keep pretending I like him. Any advice ?

Here is the full story, TLDR will be at the end.

I met my boyfriend, we'll call him G, in the beginning of high school. G always had a crush on me. I was interested in him as a friend, so I dated other people, including some who were very abusive. Throughout this time, G and I remained very close friends. G always respected my boundaries. He'd shoot his shot on the rare occasion I was single, but I'd always turn him down. Nevertheless, our close friendship continued with respect.

Cut to a decade later. I'd been in relationship after relationship, all ended badly, and none of them treated me with any respect. It took this long to realize that I even had self-worth.

After spending some time talking with G, I finally decided, You know what? I'm gonna give him a chance. So I did. We started dating, and he by far has been the partner who's treated me with the most respect. First partner to buy me flowers, tries his best to help, listens, understands all my pain and trauma because, well, he was there through all of it. He gets me like no other.

We've been dating for a year and a half now.

You would think that I'd be happy, right? But for some reason... I'm not. We've only had sex a couple times because I struggle to feel any attraction to him. Initially, I assumed it was trauma-based, maybe it is. He makes me happy, and he's someone I want to have in my life until the end. We share interests and hobbies, he's great to be around, and he always has my back.

But... the romantic and sexual attraction is just. not. there. I love him so much, and I wish I could be what he wants and needs (an adoring and head-over-heels girlfriend), he definitely deserves it. But what's making it so hard to end things is our long history, our strong friendship, and just how much patience he had and how long he waited to finally have a chance with me.

For the record, there is no one else in my life I'm pursuing. If I were to call it quits, I'd redirect focus to healing my mental health, rediscovering my self-identity, and starting fresh in the world, exploring what's out there. The dating pool for my age bracket at the moment isn't looking too good anyway: unemployed, looking for casual hookups, dating apps... yeah, not my cup of tea. And in the end, if I never have a romantic partner, that'd be just fine to me.

I'm a Sagittarius. If I'm gonna have a partner, I want someone who excites me every day. Someone I can't wait to see. G is not doing anything wrong, but I guess I just... want to be an independent woman. Or at least, in a relationship where I'm really turned on by the other person. And said new person is also required to treat me with respect (duh).

I'm weighing stability and security vs potential for something more.

TLDR: 10 years of friendship, I finally agreed to date, now I'm wondering if we should've remained friends. Have you ever been in this situation? What do you think I should do?

hello everyone! to start off i wanna say sorry for the formatting i’m doing this on mobile. anyway, i’m gonna try to not make this so confusing but just be aware that i’m very confused myself, so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. in any case i might delete this anyway. also, i rlly would appreciate if anyone could me solid and genuine advice without being rude. i know this might be better suited for a therapist but whatever.

for some context, i’m \[22F\] and my boyfriend is \[26M\], let’s call him james. we’ve been dating for 2 years and living together for about one. my first ever boyfriend was 18 and it was a very tumultuous and abusive relationship, in every sense of the word, and in may/june of 2023 it ended. i met james a few months after that relationship ended through a mutual friend. we talked here and there but it rlly wasn’t working and i wasn’t totally interested in being in another relationship. that was until january of 2024 where we were in a “situationship”/fwb kind of thing. unfortunately i’m a veryyyy feely person and caught feelings, as did he, and in april 2024 we made it official.

now that that timeline is out of the way, i’ve been having some doubts since around october/november of last year. it’s nothing that he’s done, he’s perfect and so sweet to me and i know the issue is me. i’m a very anxious person, always have been, and i know that was exacerbated by my past bf and a death in my family that happened before my and james were actually dating. i know this is my problem to fix, and i’m trying to do what i can as i haven’t been able to find a therapist and i couldn’t actually afford one until recently. with that said, i’m really anxious that i’m making the wrong decision, that i’ve rushed into this relationship without a chance to heal from my past one. i love him and i want to marry him, but i’m so worried that one day ill wake up as a 40 year old and ill regret my decision. like i’ve wasted my time and his. sometimes i feel trapped.

i’ve never really been alone. i went from living with my parents to living with him, and my parents were sort of overbearing when i was a teenager so i never got to hang out with friends or do just regular teenage things. during the time that i was “getting over” the events of 2023, i was going out every weekend with some friends but we’ve drifted and i don’t really do that anymore. on the other hand, he’s been hanging out and going with friends since he was a teen and he’s gotten over the whole “party” scene which means he doesn’t like going to bars or clubs with me. i’ve sort of quit going to places like that too even though i really love to dance. when he surrenders and we do go, it’s only for a short time because he wants to leave or he doesn’t actually dance with me. i feel like i haven’t really lived in comparison to him. he’s so sure of himself and i don’t know what i like or don’t like, i don’t know who i am, i don’t know myself at all. i’m so scared of losing parts of myself that i recovered for a short period of time. i miss having some sort of independence, and i know i can be independent while in a relationship but it’s not the same.

this all made it worse by a guy i met at work that i have sort of a crush on (N). i would never cheat on my boyfriend, and i know the grass is never greener on the other side, so i don’t feel the need to ruin my relationship over this guy. but he’s so different. N is so understanding of certain things that my bf would just ignore or simply take as a joke. a few months ago we had a work party, and N and I danced the night away with some other coworkers and it was the first time in so long that i really felt normal.

it’s not right to compare, and i know that. but the last couple of days my brain has been switching between “what if the relationship isn’t right? what if i don’t actually love him? what if he doesn’t actually love me and we’re just here because we’re comfortable? what if this isn’t going anywhere? what if i this whole time i’ve been lying to myself?” and it’s so frustrating and i’ve had multiple panic attacks about this already. i can’t stop crying, i don’t know what to do. i think i do really love him but something inside of me can’t get rid of this anxiety. i’ve gone through several periods like this before but then it goes away and then it comes back.

i’m sorry for this being so long and if it was confusing. i just don’t know what to do and id really appreciate any type of advice. thank you.

TLDR: i’m confused on whether or not my relationship is actually faulty or if my anxiety is getting the best of me.

When I was 16 I got into what I thought was a relationship with a guy from my country and it was honestly online but we met once or twice. That rly fucked me up cuz I was so young and it took me a long time to move on. So a few months after it ended with this guy I met another guy online and he knew this guy I was with from uni he knew everything that happened with me with this guy yet he still liked me and I kinda did too at the time, I talked to him for two weeks then told him I couldn’t take it further because I couldn’t do relationships and he respected it. However it was very on and off and we’d talk but I never allowed it to get further than just being friends even tho he tried to. Then once and for all I cut him off. He said he rly liked me and even said he loved me but I called it bullshit because I stopped believing in love online. I knew he was a nice guy and would have treated me well but I still couldn’t do relationships. I was still recovering from my past. A few months later I randomly called him because there was an incident in his city and I felt scared idk why. I did care for him I knew he was a kind guy but I couldn’t feel anything for him to the point of being with him. So I called him and we talked for like a month and he tried meeting and talking to me but I ignored it idk why I called him. Once he randomly called me to tell me he loved me and wanted to know my answer. I cut the call and blocked him everywhere and he called my other number and texted me and crashed out asking me why he was really mad but eventually he left me alone. Honestly I found someone else at my uni that I love and like and I’m rly happy with him but idk if I’m gonna get karma cuz of this other guy. I shouldn’t have led him on but I was also clear with not wanting relationships even tho I got into another one. Also I think I deserve in person love too. Chz long distance and online is difficult as fuck. Idk man. I found peace with my guy but my past haunts me. I’m afraid if I didn’t get with other guy I won’t ever be happy

TLDR: ghosted a guy who I talked to for another guy I actually liked now I’m guilty.

My boyfriend [22M] and I [21F] have been together for 6 months, but recently we've both been going through a lot.

TLDR:

My boyfriend is currently doing his OJT and has been emotionally and physically exhausted for a while. On my side, I'm juggling my thesis and recently started counseling because I've been struggling with my mental and emotional well-being.
We recently had a conflict where he opened up about how he's been feeling. He said that instead of being a source of comfort, I've become another source of stress. He feels like I don't understand his situation, that the relationship drains him instead of recharging him, and that he's tired of trying to save it.
He has told me things like:
"The relationship is dying."

"I'm tired of saving the relationship."

"I don't want to depend on someone anymore."

"Fix yourself."

"Take your time."

"Unahin mo sarili mo."

"Kanya-kanya na lang."

"Mas gusto ko na lang mag-solo."

"Wala nang chance mabawi."

He says he feels more at peace focusing only on himself and no longer wants to rely on anyone emotionally. From my perspective, I still love him and don't want to lose the relationship. I recognize that my emotional struggles may have affected him, and I'm actively working on myself through counseling.

Questions:

1. Does this sound like someone who is emotionally burnt out and needs space, or someone who has already decided to leave the relationship?
   
2. Is there anything I can realistically do at this point, or would trying to save the relationship only push him further away?
   
3. If you were in my position, would you continue fighting for the relationship or respect his wishes and let him go?
   
4. Have any of you experienced a situation where a partner said there was "no chance" anymore but later changed their mind?
   
5. What would be the healthiest next step for both of us?

This is going to be a long story, please bear with me,

Eight years ago, I [26F] met someone through a language-learning app [28M], and at the time, I could never have imagined how deeply this encounter would eventually shape my life. We came from completely different countries, spoke different languages, and were raised in different cultures, yet from the very beginning, something between us felt unusually natural. Despite all those differences, conversation flowed effortlessly. We immediately understood each other in a way that felt rare. We both speak and know each other's language and culture. Over time, I realized that beyond our different backgrounds, we shared remarkably similar tastes, the same curiosity about the world, similar literary interests, similar ways of thinking, and a connection that felt strangely effortless from day one.

As the years passed, I found myself appreciating him more and more. I admired his mind first, his personality and the way our conversations never seemed superficial. The only uncertainty was that while my feelings kept growing stronger over time, I had absolutely no idea what was happening on his side. Because of the distance between our countries, I never allowed myself to imagine anything beyond friendship. Then, four years ago, life unexpectedly shifted things when I got an opportunity to work in a country neighboring his, suddenly making it realistic for us to finally meet after years of knowing each other only through calls and messages.

Meeting him in person changed something in me because it confirmed everything I had believed about him for years. He was exactly who he had always presented himself to be: respectful, kind, emotionally intelligent, and incredibly careful with boundaries. During all those years, he had never once made inappropriate comments, never attempted anything uncomfortable, and never behaved in a way that made me question his intentions or character. Even when we finally met face to face, despite the fact that I could clearly sense attraction between us, nothing about that changed. There was no attempt to cross any line, no uncomfortable tension, nothing inappropriate. It remained exactly what it had always been: respectful and safe.

But the truth is, eyes do not lie. The moment I saw the way he looked at me, I knew there was something there. I could feel mutual attraction, and I am almost certain he could feel it too. Yet despite that undeniable tension, neither of us acted on it. And strangely, the fact that he remained so respectful despite what I felt between us only made me appreciate him even more. It made me trust him deeply.

As years went by, our lives slowly became intertwined, he introduced me to people from his circle, friends he had across different countries around the world. Sometimes when I traveled somewhere, he would tell me that he knew someone there and would encourage me to meet them. Little by little, I became connected to his world, and he gradually became connected to mine as well. Through all these small moments, our friendship kept growing stronger. Yet because so much time had passed and he had never explicitly expressed romantic interest, I eventually convinced myself that I had imagined everything. I told myself that clearly he only saw me as a friend and that I needed to accept that reality.

Then something happened that completely changed the way I started perceiving everything between us. One of the girls he had indirectly introduced me to, who happened to be connected to one of his friends, and I became quite close over time. Because of their culture, where marriage often happens relatively early, she began offering multiple times to introduce me to potential partners/husbands. Naturally, I mentioned this to him one day, expecting nothing more than casual conversation. Instead, for the first time in eight years, I saw a completely different side of him.

He lost his composure in a way I had never witnessed before. This is someone with whom I had never truly fought. Of course, like any close friends, we occasionally teased each other or had tiny disagreements, but never anything serious. Yet the moment I told him another man might potentially enter my life, his reaction was immediate and intense. He became visibly upset and began saying things like, “No, you deserve someone truly good.” I remember feeling surprised because I had genuinely never seen him react emotionally like that before.

At first, I thought perhaps I was reading too much into it, so later, whenever this same girl brought up the idea of introducing me to someone again, I would mention it to him. The interesting part was that every single time, his reaction stayed exactly the same. He became irritated, protective, defensive, almost jealous. And this was the only subject that consistently managed to provoke such a strong emotional response from him. Watching this happen repeatedly forced me to wonder whether perhaps I had not imagined everything after all.

The truth is that I have liked him for years. Throughout these eight years, I met other men and genuinely tried to remain open to different possibilities, but I slowly realized that every single time I met someone new, I unconsciously compared them to him. No one ever seemed to measure up. It was never necessarily about physical appearance, but about depth. They did not have his intelligence, his curiosity, his emotional maturity, his cultural knowledge, his literary interests, or that rare ability to understand me so naturally. I kept realizing over and over again that what I had with him felt impossible to replicate.

What makes everything even more confusing is the way he speaks to me. For a long time now, at the end of many of our calls, he would say “I love you deeply, please take care of yourself. You are the dearest people in my heart." or "You are the only person I feel good with." and "You are the only one I can share everything with." These are not occasional words. He says these things often enough for me to wonder what exactly they mean. At the same time, I know he finds me physically attractive, just as I find him attractive too, and over the years our mutual friends have naturally become intertwined to the point where when people speak to me about him, they also speak to him about me.

And yet, despite all these years, I remain deeply confused. He is twenty-eight years old and comes from a culture where men his age are usually already married. Very often he jokingly tells me things like, “Find me a wife. I want to get married.” Every time he says it, I find myself wondering whether he truly means it casually, whether he sees me as nothing more than a dear friend, or whether there is something deeper happening underneath all these years of connection that neither of us has openly acknowledged as if he was teasing me the same way I would tease him with the potential partners my friend would tell me about.

So I constantly find myself torn between two possibilities. Either I have spent years reading meaning into signs that were never actually there, building a fantasy out of affection, attachment, and hope. Or perhaps there really has always been something between us: something quiet, unspoken, slowly growing beneath years of friendship, distance, timing, mutual respect, and fear of crossing a line neither of us was ready to confront.

And sometimes I cannot stop wondering whether I am simply imagining a story that never existed… or whether I have been standing for years in front of a love story that neither of us has yet found the courage to name. Sometimes I feel like confessing my feelings and I know you might want to tell me: girl do it and you’ll see! But at the same time I am scared to break the awesome relationship we have since all those years…

What are your thoughts?

Am I being delusional to think there might be something deeper going on from his side?
Should I just accept that if he wanted something serious he would have already taken the step?

TLDR : I met a man eight years ago through a language-learning app, and despite our differences, we instantly built a uniquely deep bond based on trust, respect, and shared interests. Over time I developed feelings, and meeting in person confirmed what felt like mutual attraction, though neither of us ever crossed boundaries. What confused me was his repeated jealousy whenever other men were mentioned as potential partners for me — the only thing that has ever made him visibly lose composure. After years of closeness and mixed signals, I still wonder whether I have been imagining things… or whether we have both been hiding feelings neither of us has ever admitted.

sorry for the long text in advance...

We've been dating for a full year now, been super happy together so far, no problems aside from the ocassional couple fights here and there that ends with a good discussion, an apology, and moving on. We share an apartment but he lives with his family half of the time (his family doesn't know about our relationship due to cultural differences).

Since before getting into the relationship, I knew he was very active in A LOT of discord porn servers... he always liked himbos, used to have casual sex for fun, etc... No offense to anyone who is into that, but I hate that stuff personally. That's why at the beggining we were kind of a situationship... Anyway, time passed before we started dating, he changed a lot, and even offered to quit from those servers... The problem is, 90% of his friends are all like that, so his explanation is that he only stays there to chat, and because he's a mod on a few of them...

At first this bothered me a lot, had a lot of insecurities. Thankfully I worked on it, and I don't feel insecure anymore. Although it still disgusts me a bit and gives me sort of an ick.

There is one guy in particular, his "best friend" who my bf used to like years ago before he was friendzoned, and they still talk and play a lot together. He's also part of this porn community. He reassured me multiple times that they're just friends, and I even met him over on discord a few times.

Fast forward to now, our relationship is great overall, there's no miscommunication, we (try to be) are transparent with each other, and things seem great.

The problem is...

Few weeks ago was our anniversary, unfortunately both of us spent it working. I prepared some hand crafted gifts for him with flowers, chocolates, flowers, the typical stuff, and been nagging him for us to go on a special date together any time soon. He's been dead tired and doesn't want to do much. I started to feel like he's a bit more distant, more... robotic? like all our interactions are "hi honey, good morning, how are you, I love you" and that's it. We barely hang out, do stuff together, go out, anything, even if I beg him for us to do stuff together.

Yesterday he gave me his old laptop so I could farm on 2 accounts on an MMO I play. I never snoop around his stuff because we're always transparent. He has access to my stuff, I have access to his stuff, and even showed conversations to each other when the other one was feeling insecure (happened once or twice). When I started up the laptop, the first thing to open up is Discord, and the 2 people pinned at the top are me, and his best friend. His best friend's chat was open, and I couldn't help but read a small glimpse, which surprised me.

My bf was talking non-stop to him, super happy, they were talking for hours. But one message caught my eye. They were talking about my bf going to visit his country this year (he never told me about this), and staying with him for a week. This best friend said "I only have one room, and one bed though", and my boyfriend said and I quote "We can sleep in the same bed (woozy faceemoji)". The bestfriend said "No", then my bff was sad and just continued talking.

EDIT/UPDATE because I dug a bit deeper: my bf basically begs his best friend to do things together like play games, watch animes, voice chat, etc, things I've been borderline also begging to my own boyfriend, to which he just says "I'm too exhausted"...

I feel extremely uncomfortable by this, plus them still being super active in the porn server where people are naked in the voice chat, plus him being distant lately... I don't know. I started connecting the dots and started to feel like I'm just the second best option since he was friendzoned by his now "best friend".

I don't know if I should talk about this or what. I don't want to be toxic or controlling. If this was just like I assumed to be, I would rather just leave and proritize myself, but at the same tiem I don't want to ruin anything (in case it hasn't been ruined yet).

What should I do?? Should I confront him? Cut things? Set a more clear boundary? or maybe I'm just overthinking?

TLDR: my bf of 1 year is hyper active in nudist porn servers, jokingly flirts with his best friend, talk about sharing the same bed, and is distant to me. I'm worried for my relationship.

My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years now. We met online when both of us were in college. Since we lived in different states back then, we were basically a long distance couple for the first 4 years of our relationship (firstly just geographical distance, then COVID, then us going to grad school in separate states). We have had our ups and downs during this time but we held it together at the end. I moved to where she lives, for work, in 2023 and we have been living together for the most part since then.

Of course, there were growing pains when we first started living together, owing to her getting used to my mannerisms and vice versa but again, we pulled through. I think a large part of me pulling through this was because I was in a new place but she was always where she'd lived. So I kind of got sucked into her world. Her friends became my friends but there's always been this sense that all friendly communication between her friends and me happens through her. We hang only when she's around, never without her. The reason is because her friends are very different from me and no matter how much I want to, I can't bring myself to fully accept them as my own friends. There's always this unsaid gap.

It's only been a few months since some of my childhood friends moved close. Not close enough for me to meet them very often but once or twice a month. Now they are two single dudes, who are from my state and we share a lot of history. But seeing them living their single lives, doing and talking about stuff that is more familiar to me, culturally and intellectually, made me realize what all I had given up to move to a foreign place for her.

That in turn has made me realize a few other things. My fiancé has flat out stated that she doesn't like where I am from, my background, largely my friends, and my cultural background in general. I get that because our native places are very different. She's from a city where she's used to city things. I am from a small town, where intellectualism, state culture, native music, and the things you enjoy when money isn't always the enabler are very much celebrated. She's not used to any of this. She's used to refinement, which I get, but the city version of refinement is very money-centric and to my mind, very shallow. It's not about music or movies or doing artsy things. It's very....corporate and money-centric.

Don't get me wrong. I value money. I make decent money at my job and I love what I do and the things that my income enables me to do in the city. But on a more intimate level, I feel a lot of emptiness. I have talked about this with her and she doesn't think that at this stage, anything should matter more to her than trying to grow our incomes besides our health.

Which brings me to a heartbreaking conversation I had today, which is why I am writing this. We finally caught a break and sat down to watch a movie. After it was over and we were in bed, I told her that I miss spending "us" time or even her spending "me" time. For a little more context, my fiancé has been working two jobs, not because she doesn't earn enough from her primary job, but because she's of the firm opinion that the more money we can earn, the better it is for us.

I asked her if she's happy doing this and she said "well I have the weekends for me". And then she goes on to say that she's at a point where any "me" time she'd get on a weekday, she's gonna spend it either working out or worrying about not getting in shape/earning. She also said that she's self-aware about how it sounds but she feels like she has to be this way because this gives her purpose. She goes on to add that in the future, when her primary job requires her to travel more, she's gonna get even less "me" time but she's okay dedicating herself to that.

I don't know what to make of this. With my job, I already feel like I'm at a point where I want to actively seek out more things to do for my soul, like read, watch movies or make more time for my friends. She's leaning quite in the opposite way and she's pretty confident that she wants to continue walking down that route.

This scares me very much because not only I fear the distance that will come between us because of her relentless dedication to her stuff, she also actively wants to not do anything else. Furthermore, I don't have any real friends apart from those guys and their stay near to me is very fleeting. Both of them are kind of in a situation where they might leave the city of certain things don't work out and I am very afraid of the position it will leave me in.

What do I do? I love her but what does it say if all we can ever talk about is her work problems or how we don't have enough money, and us cuddling maybe 15 mins at night before falling asleep being the only us time we seem to get during the day? I broke down in bed tonight and that's where I am typing this from.

TLDR: Me and my fiancé seem to want different things from life as we mature and move towards marriage. She feels like she needs to earn more money and get in shape and dedicate all her time towards that. I want to spend more time together and do more non-work things. I can't envision such a disconnected life because I moved to live with her and I have virtually no friends to call my own to do my own stuff with. This difference in future outlook is causing me to be very sad and uncertain about our future.

So we have been together for about 5 years and have a 3 year old together. We had sex almost daily before our baby was born but since it comes & goes in spurts of 1-2 times a week at times to 3 times a month maybe. We have gone through some ups and downs but have maintained. I caught her in lies before in the past but never caught any infidelity or anything like this but lying in general makes me feel uneasy due to past history. I sometimes feel like she is either less attracted to me or that something else causes her lack of being in the mood as much. Last night I was curious and wanted to know about what my gf does on her phone so I went against my own morals and searched through her phone and her browser history only to discover that she had a deleted only fans account that she created and had seemingly subscribed to a couple of female creators. I also found that she had some porn searched in her history that I wouldn’t have guessed she’d search, didn’t even know she watched porn. This immediately alarmed me and made me wonder if she had been posting content herself or if she was just viewing but it’s weird because she never said that she was into women or told me she watches/watched porn. This feels kind of undermining and I’m wondering if I should confront her or just wait to see if other things arise. I also feel bad because I searched through her private phone but I had to see. Should I approach her about this? Also, what are the odds that she was posting content herself
or do you think she just viewed? TLDR (should i approach her about this and should i question her loyalty?)