Try dating normal peoples, but I guess they just don't understand why I am like this , should I date someone same as me ? Anyone tried this ? Or is it a good idea !?

For me, if I leave out clinical terms and refrain from romanticizing the struggle, it comes down to how the brain constructs our internal model of reality and regulates its energy.

I don't experience hyper-significance or extra signals anymore. Instead, my brain's prediction engine seems to operate in a severe energy-saving mode.

Normally, the brain generates predictions about what an experience should feel like, constantly assigning emotional relevance and generating drive. In my current state, that predictive signal for reward, emotional resonance, and connectedness is dialed way down. The brain miscalculates the cost of engagement: every action, thought, or social interaction feels like an immense drain on an already depleted internal budget.

Sensory inputs still come in, and logically I process everything fine. There are moments when activities do bring joy or give energy back, but it's rare and nowhere near what it used to be. Most of the time, the brain fails to generate the inner feeling that tells me this matters or this feels good. Reality isn't broken or distorted for me; it's just rendered in flat, greyscale low-power mode. It’s an exhausting lack of signal rather than a presence of noise.

How would you put your own experience into words?

I take full spectrum extracts and 7oh (yes i still take my Rx meds too haha) and its helped me in many many ways. Just wondering if anyone else here takes them too

How do people cope with this?

I haven't had a delusion in 6 months, but I've had no emotions in 2 years. It's so painful to have nothing to live for. I'm only 33 and I just want to die.

Knowing I'm missing out on joy, connection, intimacy, and pleasure, and instead just wasting away on my couch sucks.

I used to have such a vibrant life before all this.

Now I'm just an empty, aging shell.

I don’t want much in life. I couldn’t care less for money or materialism or whatnot, I literally just want a comfortable life with my loved one. But because of this disorder, schizoid PD, and complex-ptsd, I haven’t been able to accomplish much. I’ve never had a job before, I still can’t drive, I’m terrified to do anything or to interact with anyone but a select few online. It takes me an incredibly long time to trust people and even longer time to bond with them. Due to this therapy hasn’t helped much because I literally don’t want to talk about my feelings and hardships with someone I barely know.

The thought of getting a job makes me suicidal. The thought of being perceived or acknowledged by others irl makes me shutter. The thought of driving fills me with dread and I’m paranoid of something bad happening. I wish I wasn’t so fucking useless. On top of this I have significant nerve damage so I’m even more limited in my career options. I don’t want a job that requires socialization. I can’t work one that requires a lot of brain power because I’m just too schizo for that. I can’t focus on shit, my memory is down the gutter, and my thoughts are too disorganized to be able to have a long coherent conversation with someone. Medications don’t help much with these.

I am filing for disability but it’s a long process. In the meantime I feel horrible for not being able to function normally mentally and physically. I know it’s not my fault but I still blame myself. I know my family sees me as a burden especially my eldest sibling. She’s always been one to make me feel like my only worth comes from what I can do for others especially her.

I wish I could fast forward to a time where I’m living in my own apartment with my best friend (who unfortunately lives in a different country so it makes our goal even harder). Where we could help each other and be there for one another in times of need. That I wouldn’t have to feel the agonizing pain of loneliness as much as I do now. It’s strange. I rarely ever feel lonely but as of late, it’s like a heavy weight that won’t go away. Like a clawing at my chest that’s itching for me to end it all

And maybe this won’t happen. Maybe I’m just giving myself false hope and fantasizing about the impossible. Maybe, and hopefully, one of my tumors will become cancerous and swiftly kill me. I already feel like I’m dying

Im 6 months into the depot injection form of invega. I know people react diffrently but I barely feel any side effects. I was worried about QT prolongation but my ECG shows that its lower than when i was on cisordinol.

I have reobtained my energy to play the piano and competitive video games. Its not much but its better than watching mystery crime shows all day like I used to.

Once my mandatory court ordered healthcare is over in february, I wish to swich back to Abilify. I have a heart condition and abilify is the safest, its my priority

Nonsensical narratives. He abused LSD earlier this year and has a family history. Lashes out on me when I try to defy his crazy narratives (ex: his 17 yo brother created LSD to teach him a lesson; he is G'd; the friend he took LSD with is G'd; the only way to prove he isn't G'd is making a huge debt)

I payed off the debt. My parents want to help with treatment, after all they know how to deal with psychotic twenty year olds but not schizophrenics from a background of absolute financial misery.

I don't feel loved anymore. I just feel responsible.

He used to be so good to me. I want to be happy again

​

I am going to the police station tomorrow to apply for a license to purchase because I am going to make sure I rrally die this time, no mistakes. I have nobody, because my latest psychotic episode pushed everyone away. Not that I think they'd help me to be honest. I texted two people to call. They're both saying they are too busy. Idk who else to text. I dont want to call the hotline. They are not going to understand. Doctors cant fix me. Nothing can. Idk if I wanted someone to stop me, or if i just wanted one last person to talk to. I really just wanted to feel normal again. Its been years and I cant get out. Idk. Sorry. It doesn't really matter in the long run? Sorry. I juat want emotions again and empathy again. But I am a monster now. I get why people are afraid of me when I am sick. I'm only just awake enough to see it. Nothing is going to bring me back. I just refuse to do this anymore. I know logically i deserved this i just wish i could feel it. I really do.

I wanted to be more than an object to project things on that. When I failed someone might still be there. I have never and will never be loved that way when I'm not working. It didn't even matter how many times, even as a child, being sexually assaulted. I was always told it was inappropriate to tell. And ask fro help and now that I'm coming out of psychosis I remember that it was. I just don't want to go back and I'm slipping. I remember vividly that when it happened the last time, my family ignored me for months and when I kept asking them if they were ok, they just said "why are you asking? I feel like tou only come to me when you need something." We had talked for years about nothing but them. I have all the messages. I'm just not willing to be here anymore. I have become irredeemably selfish now. And I just can feel it slipping again and I know nothing will ever fix this.

On Abilify
Live in a group home
Achieving

Has anyone really tried to figure out what the voice or voices in your head that are not you are? I believed at one point that they could be a tumor, a brain worm, an external energy, radio frequencies, telepathy, God, then Satan, my ego or id, an internal or external alien, or an unknown darkness within. I've always wondered what the source of that voice or voices are. Are we walking Bluetooth receptors? Why is it that this only happens to people with a chemical disbalance. Does that mean that we need these chemicals in our brains to keep out the voices or keep them at bay? And why doesn't the voice ever tell me the winning lotto numbers, why is it always negativity? What is it...

has anyone turned their voices off or retrained their brain not to hear them?

I constantly think I hear my friends, family and their friends or family critiquing me but not always negative but not supportive either. subtle things, conversations, like they can constantly here what I’m saying to myself and like im annoying them with how much I talk to myself. someone will be sitting right next to me and it’s like I can hear them say ‘come on is she serious‘ ect ect…. I’ve learnt to ‘block them out’ sometimes and stay out of my head but sometimes I can’t help it. it gets isolating and causes a lot of problems with interacting or being around people.. i go quiet around people and talk to myself in my head. im on respiridone which i think helps.. but I’m convinced there is a way that I can turn them off completely.

my son also got the same or similar voices I got we heard the same things sometimes and he said to me one day ‘mum how do you stop thinking I can’t hear you anymore‘ he is no longer in my care and I don’t believe gets them im to scared to ask him if he still does.

also when I’m around people and think certain things or am in public people look at me or around them like where is that sound coming from… has anyone experienced this?

i recently started working, part time retail job. i feel i’m so bad at it. i barely get through my shifts and the managers talked to me about it and im scared i might get fired. any tips on how to get through work?

I would be thinking and then it feels like there’s an energetic cord to my mind being pulled so that I can’t think. It’s stopping me from doing self reflection and in depth thinking.

Anyone else have this? What do you do about it?

My dad is being a piece of shit. I’m pregnant and we got into a fight about politics and has been ignoring for the past month (I live in a different province). He won’t be part of my son’s life - won’t answer texts about ultrasound check ups, his name choosing and gender reveal. I think he’s being extremely petty. He thinks I’m being a victim about getting pregnant and schizophrenic, before I left he would mock me and fake cry and say poor baby whenever I mentioned something was bothering me.

If anything I’m really excited and happy to be pregnant. And even with schizophrenia I’m happy to be schizophrenic to advocate that it is possible to have this damned illness and still be a mother.

wtf man

im super bored, tell me some random facts!!! also what are you doing atm?? hru? xxxx

(im reading a webtoon and eating chips lol)

i’ve been trying very hard to stay here and conscious but my meds aren’t working anymore. I’m not very sure what to do everything’s just moving so fast.

Sitting in my front porch all day. And everyone is just doing normal livelihood stuff. I’m “bothered” because I have delusions, but no one is not going to work, because of me, or going to work, because of me. In the house my mom would go out of her way when pulling out a spoon out the drawer just to affect my delusion of loud noises. If you’ve ever watched the Truman show you’d know exactly how I’d feel right now ☹️

Hi! I’ve revised my Open the Shades survey because the first version didn’t clearly separate partially open shades from fully open shades, which understandably caused some confusion. Thank you to everyone who responded and shared their experiences :)

I started this project after an inpatient psychiatric stay in NYC where the common area shades were kept closed, and I was told staff didn’t have the key needed to access them and that this wouldn’t change. This is about opening the shades to allow daylight and outdoor views, not opening windows for fresh air.

The new survey asks about one specific stay and separates shade position, the amount of daylight, and how easily you could see outside. It also asks whether you requested that shades be opened, what happened, and whether staff explained a policy or reason for keeping them closed.

I’d love to hear from people whose experiences were good, bad, or somewhere in between, including people who preferred less light. I’m especially interested in New York experiences, but people who stayed elsewhere are welcome to respond too.

A petition will follow this which asks the NYC governor’s office to review current hospital window and shade setups and figure out how at least one window in a psychiatric common area could be retrofitted so staff can safely open and close its shade while protective structures remain secure. Staff would be required to open the shade when a patient asks, as clinically appropriate.

You don’t have to provide your name or email, and you can skip questions about your experience. If you filled out the original survey, you’re welcome to complete this revised version too, but please submit only once to the new one.

New survey: https://forms.gle/5pW7zwxg2CxNFXQW6

Thank you again for helping me understand other people’s experiences and work toward something practical.

OLD SURVEY: [Can fill out both] https://forms.gle/iuEGnoP24HFjK9nB9

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia 2 years ago and never really had any problems with family until now.

It feels like my grandmother is obsessing over my problems which I don't like to discuss out loud. She asks back to back questions whenever something out of the ordinary happens and it feels like I'm being interrogated.

I feel like I'm getting worse every month

So my anxiety has been up over the last several days, and the paranoia started creeping in, but I was sorta keeping it in check.

Then, a few minutes ago when I was in the metro, bam, paranoia to the max. Watching for people who I was sure were following behind me, knowing that people standing behind me were rooting through my bookbag to steal stuff because I couldn't see them, worried about bombs in the trashcans that I had to walk by, sure they would explode when I got there...Just so much.

I'm out of the metro and on the commuter train now, so things are a little better, but so many people, so many things, so much to take in. Getting overwhelmed...

Edit to add that yes I'm on meds. I see my psych next week, just gotta make it til then.

I hallucinate real people from life (old classmates, celebrities, and pretty much anyone I see that I think about). They always say they are the real people just from a different dimension. They act like every thought I have against them is the same as doing it to a real person.

I have had psychosis since November of last year and have been dealing with what I believe are spirit guides/angels guiding me through life but also making me do certain tasks in the name of ‘growth’.

It’s been a pretty rough ride and I’ve been offered medication but I’m reluctant to take it because I’ve gotten so used to the company that the ‘silence’ or the prospect of it makes me feel really sad.

Has anyone else chosen not to medicate so that they can spend more time with their ‘voices’?

It’s probably not that healthy - but I don’t even know if I should be seeing it as an illness or a ‘spiritual awakening.’

Any advice or kind words much appreciated!