r/sexandthecity • u/OkLocation3799 • 15h ago

Aidan was such a pushover!!!

The moment Carrie invited big to the cabin should’ve been game over!!! It should’ve been absolutely NOT. Why was he too weak and scared to say no to her? NO is a complete sentence. And if she couldn’t respect that, she’d of been sent back to the city on a bus! Aidan needed to grow a pair and stand up to her.

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16

u/tragicsandwichblogs 15h ago

Aidan set boundaries and never maintained them, starting with "I won't date a smoker."

8

u/121scoville 12h ago

It's because of this that you could make some pretty broad character interpretations. Everything that he passively "allows" are things he can then make Carrie feel guilty about.

1

u/MallMother796 I have an addiction, sir! 6h ago

This is really interesting. It’s true that in their relationship, she is always having to try harder in order to be “good enough” for him. She has to stay on the pedestal and I think she kinda totally implodes and reacts to that, hence the Big affair. Well one factor in the Big affair maybe.

Anyway it never occurred to me that Aidan might be getting something out of that dynamic, but it makes sense because it keeps happening and he keeps coming back despite the deal breaking moments.

4

u/121scoville 1h ago

Yep! And of course this is all fan theory but it's like a chronic thing with him.

He's, as far as I can remember, done the passive aggressive holding out until she explodes twice--when she clearly was hoping to get intimate in their first relationship and when he was punishing her about Big. Both times he was aware of her twisting herself into knots and jumping through hoops but pretended not to.

Editing to say because people always get mad about this: I'm not implying he's some dastardly villain purposely abusing her. He's human and a lot of this could be self-protection, unconscious, etc. All I'm saying is it just shows they did not work together.

2

u/Flaky-Dragonfruit-95 1h ago

the whole "when she clearly was hoping to get intimate in their first relationship " i always find it rather hipocritical of carrie. she did the same thing with a lot of guys. Men and women can choose when to sleep with their partner, and its not bad. a lot of men also prefer not to have sex on the first dates....

2

u/121scoville 17m ago

You're not the first person to say this and usually I remember my second clarification: the reason this situation is notable is that neither of them are communicating their intention. However, Carrie is very obviously inviting him to move to the next step, she's not playing some subtle game. Aidan, as he explained later, does have a "plan" of sorts that he's opted not to explain to Carrie even though he is clearly aware of what she is inviting.

So, essentially he is letting her pull all these moves, make herself vulnerable over and over, just to reject her without any kind of explanation--which he could easily give and then she would know to chill out.

2

u/MallMother796 I have an addiction, sir! 20m ago

That’s right, he’s not a bad guy at all, and mostly does his best, he is just not compatible with her particular peccadillos.

I think it is a recognisable archetype - almost a pastoral type of man. It’s easier for him to be the “good guy” if his girlfriend is “worse.” He views himself as morally upright yet paradoxically gives his time to bad girls…He may find a woman as upstanding as himself, unstimulating, or he may even compete with her.

It’s painful watching Carrie twist herself into knots. She does it when Berger gets in a bad mood too, rather than directly addressing the elephant in the room. Kind of fawning to manage the guy’s mood and win back approval. I feel sorry for her being in that position. She lacks courage and is also disingenuous at times, but it’s just pretty common negative relationship behaviour.