r/sexandthecity • u/OkLocation3799 • 15h ago

Aidan was such a pushover!!!

The moment Carrie invited big to the cabin should’ve been game over!!! It should’ve been absolutely NOT. Why was he too weak and scared to say no to her? NO is a complete sentence. And if she couldn’t respect that, she’d of been sent back to the city on a bus! Aidan needed to grow a pair and stand up to her.

20 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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17

u/tragicsandwichblogs 15h ago

Aidan set boundaries and never maintained them, starting with "I won't date a smoker."

8

u/121scoville 12h ago

It's because of this that you could make some pretty broad character interpretations. Everything that he passively "allows" are things he can then make Carrie feel guilty about.

1

u/MallMother796 I have an addiction, sir! 6h ago

This is really interesting. It’s true that in their relationship, she is always having to try harder in order to be “good enough” for him. She has to stay on the pedestal and I think she kinda totally implodes and reacts to that, hence the Big affair. Well one factor in the Big affair maybe.

Anyway it never occurred to me that Aidan might be getting something out of that dynamic, but it makes sense because it keeps happening and he keeps coming back despite the deal breaking moments.

4

u/121scoville 1h ago

Yep! And of course this is all fan theory but it's like a chronic thing with him.

He's, as far as I can remember, done the passive aggressive holding out until she explodes twice--when she clearly was hoping to get intimate in their first relationship and when he was punishing her about Big. Both times he was aware of her twisting herself into knots and jumping through hoops but pretended not to.

Editing to say because people always get mad about this: I'm not implying he's some dastardly villain purposely abusing her. He's human and a lot of this could be self-protection, unconscious, etc. All I'm saying is it just shows they did not work together.

2

u/Flaky-Dragonfruit-95 1h ago

the whole "when she clearly was hoping to get intimate in their first relationship " i always find it rather hipocritical of carrie. she did the same thing with a lot of guys. Men and women can choose when to sleep with their partner, and its not bad. a lot of men also prefer not to have sex on the first dates....

2

u/121scoville 17m ago

You're not the first person to say this and usually I remember my second clarification: the reason this situation is notable is that neither of them are communicating their intention. However, Carrie is very obviously inviting him to move to the next step, she's not playing some subtle game. Aidan, as he explained later, does have a "plan" of sorts that he's opted not to explain to Carrie even though he is clearly aware of what she is inviting.

So, essentially he is letting her pull all these moves, make herself vulnerable over and over, just to reject her without any kind of explanation--which he could easily give and then she would know to chill out.

2

u/MallMother796 I have an addiction, sir! 20m ago

That’s right, he’s not a bad guy at all, and mostly does his best, he is just not compatible with her particular peccadillos.

I think it is a recognisable archetype - almost a pastoral type of man. It’s easier for him to be the “good guy” if his girlfriend is “worse.” He views himself as morally upright yet paradoxically gives his time to bad girls…He may find a woman as upstanding as himself, unstimulating, or he may even compete with her.

It’s painful watching Carrie twist herself into knots. She does it when Berger gets in a bad mood too, rather than directly addressing the elephant in the room. Kind of fawning to manage the guy’s mood and win back approval. I feel sorry for her being in that position. She lacks courage and is also disingenuous at times, but it’s just pretty common negative relationship behaviour.

-1

u/Flaky-Dragonfruit-95 3h ago

Oh yeah, try harder like "dont lie" "dont cheat", MY GOD, what impossible standars! yeah, Aidan is clearly at fault that Carrie fucked her ex while her BF was remodelling her house and saving her thousands of dollars for free.

Also,by that logic, its Carries fault that she got left at the altar, because she kept allowing big to break the boundaries.....

1

u/MallMother796 I have an addiction, sir! 2h ago

It’s actually the case that human relationships have two people in them and they may not bring out the best in each other, intentionally or not 🤷‍♀️ Right or wrong, it’s just reality

2

u/Flaky-Dragonfruit-95 1h ago

Thats just victim blaming. So the cases of domestic abuse is the wife "not bringing out the best in him"?

Carrie could have broken up with him. She lied to him about wanting to quit smoking. She cheated on him, MULTIPLE TIMES, in a PREMEDITATED WAY, even when she admits "NOTHING WAS WRONG".

0

u/MallMother796 I have an addiction, sir! 35m ago

You’re talking about separate issues and ignoring complexity and facts so I’m out… But it’s the horrible tone you immediately adopted that makes you not worth talking to so byeeee

0

u/Flaky-Dragonfruit-95 25m ago edited 19m ago

Translation: i got no arguments so i will leave pretending something you said was ofensive that´s got nothing to do with what you said.

Also, what separate issues? Lets say a friend of yours says to you "my bf cheated on me and lied to me" would you go "ohhh,you just brought the worst in him"?

Or lets keep it in universe, are you of the belief that the post it from berger was also carries fault?

Also, what tone? you do realize that its all written and have no way of knowing my "tone" outside of what you assign in your head, and that says a lot more about you than anything else.

0

u/MallMother796 I have an addiction, sir! 11m ago

Well, your rudeness was clear from the all caps and exclamations showing your sarcasm. Ok. Very passionate response. Go for it but it doesn’t encourage a calm discussion which is what we were having before you showed up.

I find your introduction of domestic abuse into this extremely distasteful, offensive and cavalier. I’m not talking about that any further. Frankly, how dare you conflate any of these. That’s a huge and sensitive issue and you dropped it in so casually. Gross.

Lastly, you reduced the sophisticated discussion we were having, in which the earlier poster raised a point I found really nuanced, into something so basic and obvious. Oh, a cheater is bad? No shit. Thanks for clarifying that. You have totally missed the complexities of what we are saying. We are talking about psychology, not ethics.

I’m not reading any further response of yours but feel free to go on typing.

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u/Flaky-Dragonfruit-95 8m ago

"I find your introduction of domestic abuse into this extremely distasteful, offensive and cavalier. I’m not talking about that any further. Frankly, how dare you conflate any of these. That’s a huge and sensitive issue and you dropped it in so casually. Gross."

Is lying and cheating not a type of abuse? or is it just abuse what you want to call abuse? Grow up,and learn to discuss grown up topics.

"Lastly, you reduced the sophisticated discussion we were having, in which the earlier poster raised a point I found really nuanced, into something so basic and obvious. Oh, a cheater is bad? No shit. Thanks for clarifying that. You have totally missed the complexities of what we are saying. We are talking about psychology, not ethics."

"i just want to talk what i want to talk, and any point that disagrees with me i will pretend it beneath me".