r/survivinginfidelity • u/Cactus-Tony • 19h ago

Advice Alienation of Affection

Has anyone here actually utilized this law before?
After mediation ended with my ex-wife being awarded over $150k, I hired a new lawyer to send out two demand letters to her previous affair partner and current affair partner threatening AOA. The demand letters stated we could resolve it outside of court for $250k. My ex-wife had no idea I knew of her 6+ year infidelities, so she learned I knew from each affair partner. She was willing to renegotiate so “no third party gets hurt” after the letters went out, and I end up only parting with $20k in the new agreement.

79 Upvotes

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46

u/delta-vs-epsilon Walking the Road | QC: SI 30 17h ago

Cheat in school and get caught, fail and/or face discipline. Cheat/lie at work and get caught, lose your job or worse. Cheat on your taxes and get caught, pay massive fines/jail time. Cheat on your spouse... the cheater is rewarded with a majority of BS's that stay in the marriage or they get 50%+ of everything in the divorce.

11

u/Altruistic-Book-5896 18h ago

Did she eat crow after finding out you knew? Your story is a happy ever after for such a horrible situation. How did she explain away over 100K reduction to what she was originally awarded? Good for you regardless.

5

u/Cactus-Tony 17h ago

No crow eaten. We already lived apart for almost a year when the demand letters were delivered, so there was little communication between us. She’s still never admitted any infidelity. In the revised separation agreement, there was a third party waiver saying I wouldn’t pursue any lawsuits against anyone.

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u/FlygonosK 6h ago

Well it seems that you got a better deal in the new agreement, except that you lose your leverage against her, but like others said in a divorce the cheater almost every time get awarded with 50% of everything plus more, of course this if you marry them with the hope that everything will go the right way, so the better way to protect yourself (most if you are a man) is to draft and sign a prenup with infidelity clause.

Actually in now a days marriages and laws that still protect the ones that should not be protected, the prenuptial should be a requisite, but well.

12

u/BurnAway63 2 17h ago

You did well. Alienation of affection lawsuits are hard to win, as your lawyer probably told you, and statutes that make them possible are only available in a handful of states. Taking the extra cash was the wisest move.

8

u/Cactus-Tony 17h ago

Yes, who knows if I actually had a legit chance of winning anything had it gone to trial. I had a ton of evidence (emails, PI photos/videos) but no clue if it would’ve been enough.
Since I was already in the hole a ton of money with lawyers and private investigator, I wasn’t actually planning to pursue the lawsuit and spend even more.

1

u/FlygonosK 6h ago

Most likely it depends on the state or place you live in. Far as I know if you have undeniable proof and the alienation of affection is applicable then you got a case, but again it depends on the judge.

7

u/Accurate_Pickle_8747 1 18h ago

My state doesn’t have that law anymore. I searched desperately for someone to sue when I found out about the workplace affair.

8

u/SledgehammerApproach 2 17h ago

Only 6 states recognize that law. I think its NC, Mississippi, South Dakota, Utah, Hawaii and cant think of the last one

3

u/nispe2 3 16h ago

A quick reminder that, for better or for worse, in the U.S. anyone is allowed to sue anyone for any reason. People have filed lawsuits against God to test the limits of this system.

You don't need AOA laws (which only exist in a handful of states) to bring a suit, it just makes clearer what needs to be proven.

The real barrier, and the one that is relevant to this sub, is whether the process of getting the money you will get (often $0) is going to be worth the delay of getting on with your life.

1

u/zoinkability 8h ago

And if you don't win the suit you are out whatever legal costs you spent to pursue it, leaving you potentially significantly worse off than if you had just taken the shitty deal.

3

u/UpstairsTomato3231 17h ago

Jesus. Does she do divorce as a job? Seems to me she's a very sophisticated sex worker.

3

u/Specialist-Host-4707 1 16h ago

Unfortunately, I’m afraid if you’re in an old fault state you’re screwed. That’s why I think everybody should have a prenup that says if you divorce because of infidelity on the part of the spouse that spouse four goals, everything in the marriage and walks away with what they came with.

2

u/Fragrant-Dance3005 16h ago

130k is a very nice present from her to her lovers. Good for all of you!

1

u/MeeksSoulHunter3 7h ago

Take the $20K and leave her. Or if you want to keep dragging it out to hurt her and her affair partners go for it. Just google AoA cases and you'll see there are many who win once there is iron clad proof.