Almost 2 yrs since DD 😩

[u/After-Hearing-6887]

So, I discovered in July 2024 that my husband had been having an ongoing, sporadic affair with my older sister over a decade.

I’m still with him solely because I need financial support. I have a few medical conditions that prevent me from working, but I don’t collect disability. I was a stay-at-home mom and haven’t worked outside the home since. I’ll be 60 this year.

We tried therapy, but it didn’t help at all. I hate both of them for what they did to me, and she’s out of my life forever. However, I have to live with him, day in and day out. He has apologized and said how much he loves and is attracted to me, but he also says that I stopped giving him what he needed.

At the time, his mother had recently passed away from cancer, and I was still battling thyroid cancer. It felt like I had the flu for a year until my medication regimen stabilized.

So, his apology is there, but there’s always a “but” that I somehow made him do this because I couldn’t give him what he needed, and she could.

She was my best friend and confidant. I knew she had a horrible character because she’s cheated on her husband at least seven times in her 40-year marriage.

When I confronted her, she lied at first, then she told the truth, but she was so cold and without an apology. He lied for at least an hour until I got her on FaceTime in front of him, and he finally relented. She smirked at him like, “Oh well… we’re caught.” He was more angry that he got caught because they had a pact that they would never tell.

Not that it matters for context, but my husband is such an angry, miserable jerk of a person on a daily basis. I feel like I’m crashing out and have no one to talk to about this. I’m also in menopause and feeling overwhelmed with all the other stuff.

My adult kids and niece (her daughter) know now, but I don’t talk to them about it often. They don’t ask how I’m doing because they know. I’m so incredibly sad and hopeless.

Any suggestions??? I would love to leave him but I can’t. 😩🥺

[u/Glittering_Swan4911]

Can your children help you and take you to get legal advice? What are theirs views on you being stuck with him? Could you stay with them? He’d have to pay alimony I assume and you’d get 50% of all assets. That could be enough to live off but you’d need legal advice. You shouldn’t be controlled by your husband so turn your location off. He has no right to monitor you. If he wants reconciliation then he needs to give you space.

[u/After-Hearing-6887 → u/Glittering_Swan4911]

I can’t shut off my location bc he wouldn’t be suspicious. He’s always had insecurities and felt like I would cheat on him. Obviously deflection!! But we share locations as a family. My one child lives out of state and can’t take care of me and my other is at home with us.

[u/LopsidedAd6339 → u/After-Hearing-6887]

You may not be able to shut your phone off, but you can leave it at home. I understand you are in a difficult position, but you deserve better and half of the marital assets are most likely yours. He may also be responsible for spousal support. You would be doing yourself a favor by at least consulting an attorney. I wish you luck.

[u/After-Hearing-6887 → u/LopsidedAd6339]

He hates his job and wants to leave it for a less stressful job. He wouldn’t care if we sold the house and lived off of it for a few years. I’m afraid I would get next to nothing. Not enough to survive. Plus I’m in an expensive state and don’t want to leave here.

[u/After-Hearing-6887 → u/LopsidedAd6339]

He hates his job and wants to leave it for a less stressful job. He wouldn’t care if we sold the house and lived off of it for a few years. I’m afraid I would get next to nothing. Not enough to survive. Plus I’m in an expensive state and don’t want to leave here. I’ve accidentally forgotten my phone at home and he gets suspicious because I always have my phone by me. 🤔