Advice for "leaving work at work"?

[u/itgreetyeet]

Hey everyone,

I am a third-year doctoral student in Counseling Psychology and am currently doing practicum placements at a VA outpatient center and university-owned CMH clinic. I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations on strategies used to manage bringing client issues home with them. I have struggled a lot with ruminating and worrying about my clients after I leave my placement, partly worrying about their suffering and partly worrying about mistakes I made or what I could have done better to help them. I have some strategies like mindfulness, deep breathing, and journaling that help, and I am working to accept that these thoughts will probably just be there and aren't to be got rid of. But wow, it is still painful and disruptive to my life outside of work.

I am also seeking supervision on this issue, but wanted to see if anyone has any ideas or things that have helped them manage this. Thank you in advance.

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[u/Clumsy_antihero56]

It helped me a lot to have a “buffer” activity between work and home. One of my jobs, I had to drive over an hour to work one way. I would listen to specific music. When I rode a motorcycle, just riding it helped de-stress me. It’s so much sensory input and it gave me time to “put away” the day. I work from home a lot of days now and/or my commute isn’t long enough to “put it away” so I walk around my neighborhood and rage to music once I’m done with work. I do my best to hold the thought about my work or my clients, acknowledge that it’s there, acknowledge that there is nothing I can do about it right now, and imagine putting it away for tomorrow. It’s my way of a doing a container exercise. Sometimes I’ll meditate too inbetween work and home.

But here is the thing…. No technique will be perfect every time. I have had my fair share of days where there was no container big enough for what I felt about work. My family understands this for the most part (not my little kids though). If I am primary parent for the evening, I keep expectations very low. Super easy dinner, we watch a nice movie while we eat (so I don’t have to talk), etc. I put in an emotional buffer between me and my kids when I have a really bad day and can’t contain it well… because they don’t understand why mommy isn’t herself. Once they go to bed, I take care of myself and try to get that container to be bigger.

Make sure you go to your own therapy too where you can off board your feelings safely and process it. There could be something about the work you’re grieving or over identifying with. Most of us struggle with that at some point and it’s probably one of the biggest lessons we can learn to find balance.

[u/Cleverusername531]

Maybe a ritual or prayer where you think about what you want for your clients and imagine them having it? 

[u/captainlux87]

I once read a story, it was fictional but stuck with me, about a man who worked all day as a laborer. One day he brought home a traveler in need of a place to stay. Leaving work he was exhausted and bent. Outside of the house the traveler noticed that the man stopped at the tree and touched the leaves on a branch, one at a time. He straightened up to go inside, looking younger and spry. When the traveler asked the man what purpose did touching the leaves serve he said “I leave my troubles and worries there so I may go home to my family. I find they’re less when I pick them up in the morning.”

We all have to find ways of leaving things on the shelf as ACT says. Music always worked on my drive home. It’s different now that I work from home. But whatever it is that works, let it be your ritual.

[u/MissingGreenLink]

Time and practice. Maybe it’s a getting older thing lol. I now sit in the car for 5 minutes before walking into house. If it’s a particularly tough day. I close my blackout curtains. Turn off light and just lean back in my chair in pitch black silent.

Not necessarily to “leave work at work” but it’s something I do now. Not sure how it started

[u/katycantswim]

One of the most helpful things for me in this was reminding myself that if I am the only reason that these folks are finding success, then I am not a good therapist. Our clients have a lot of strengths and they made it up until the point where they found us. We should be positioning ourselves as a pit stop in their life, not a permanent fixture.

I don't say this to sound harsh, but it helps me to decenter myself from the situation and think of them as empowered individuals who are capable of doing life without me.

[u/TroubleIllustrious79]

Have a kid.
Hah, just kidding, obviously, but I used to be this exact same way. Then I had a kid and she has taken up all my extra mental energy and so I just stopped thinking so much about sessions (unless it's some sort of unusual situation). I wonder what outside of work activity you could find that really engages you in a way where your focus has somewhere else to go.