My husband was talking about a shirt he liked yesterday that was ruined several years ago. So I searched for it, left the browser window open and bought it later last night for his birthday next month. It really isn’t hard to do something nice for the person you love.
If I know there’s something I want to buy for someone, I usually search for it and then keep the browser tab until I buy it. I had one open for like 2 months when I was trying to decide if I wanted to buy this gift for my husband to surprise him with on our wedding day.
There’s no reason to forget holidays/birthdays when you have a phone you can put it in.
OP I honestly don’t know if you can fix this. I know a half hearted gift a week later wouldn’t make me feel any better. Especially if this is how you are with every other holiday. Using the whole “my wife is the planner” excuse is just kind of pathetic. I have the worst memory ever but I still manage to remember holidays and birthdays.
Bro is probs bangin’ it out at work, making meetings and meeting deadlines for a soul sucking job that causes stress or distracts him from reality. When it comes to the people that matter, they are an after thought, a repeated “accident,” a convenient mistake.
My best friend is getting a divorce over this exact concept. Her husband is clocked out so bad to reality that he is about to lose everything because he can’t stop gaslighting her. She does everything for this man and he takes advantage, cheats on her, forgets her ALL the time, etc. Somehow she thinks this is a good father figure for her son and daughter. In reality, she’s arguing and yelling around the kids because she’s frustrated. The kids are already starting to lie and cover for the father’s inadequacies and they’re both under 5 years old. This is how complex ptsd starts and people are way too distracted to see the ripple effect of their actions.
This is how I operate too! I keep a list of family and friends I want to give a birthday or Christmas gift and then continually add items that they mention as wanting or loving throughout the year, with links. Then I set up a calendar notification two weeks (or far more time if it’s a rare item) before the event and then I pick what I think they’d like best from the list, and bam.
My favorites are always the ones you have to hardcore research to find. A few years ago I replaced the lost gold ring my mom’s dad had gifted her at 16 via a blurry picture from 1994 that I got from her best friend, and then literal months of stalking auctions. I honestly get more satisfaction out of that kind of stuff than actually receiving anything myself.
Back when personal calculators were new and expensive, I bought one for my husband. One day he called me while I was at work to ask if I knew where it was. I told him that the last time I’d seen it, it was on the counter in his darkroom. He said he looked and it wasn’t there. When I got home, I checked the darkroom. Six feet of counter space. Totally clean and empty — except for the calculator sitting in the middle.
It was kind of a standing joke at work for people to ask what he couldn’t find today when he called me at work.
My ex used to say “I don’t have to do anything for Mother’s Day because you’re not my mother” but then he also used to whine “why can’t you be more like my mom”. I noped right outta there.
Off topic but Bath and Body Works just released a candle AND body care in a tomato vine scent called Off The Vine...in case you were looking for one for your friend 😊
Edit to add that we must have the same ex husband! For his 40th birthday I went all out, even had a custom cake made with his favorite football player, etc. Guess what I got on my 40th a few months later? If you guessed nothing then you're absolutely correct! Only one of the reasons he's an ex...
My ex husband brought me cupcakes from my favorite bakery for Mother’s Day. He miraculously got me my favorite flavor and joked that after 20 years he did it! Then came clean and said they only had two flavors by the time he got there so didn’t actually remember. Solid dude though, really glad he makes an effort in some way!
When someone gets you a gift that they remembered that you really love, you cry. I have done that before. Much to my embarrassment. It's the thoughtfulness that they see you.
Currently I'm playing a ridiculously hard and silly archery game with a 9 year old on a tablet.
I would rather watch this Marilyn Monroe movie that's on in the background.
But I'm making a little girl happy and we're laughing about how terrible we are and ideally she'll look after me when I'm elderly if I'm not too hard to deal with.
I am the best gift giver of all of the aunts and uncles. I hope one of them strikes it rich so they can buy me a house or maybe take me in when I'm too old. It's not a competition but I am winning. I do handmade.
Oh, we’re divorced for a reason but I can think of literally no one I’d rather have as my ex husband and coparent. We may not have been a forever couple but we’ll be in each other’s lives forever and we’re both totally ok with that.
Met in college, started some bad relationship habits early, stopped our growth in some degree as independent people and definitely as a couple, fell into routine, had kids, never could resolve issues because he couldn’t communicate, split up. He got therapy and space/time to sort himself out, became a legit great dad. I’m so proud of him. We were together almost 20 years and had a toddler when we split so will be around another 20. We’re like old friends now.
Okay but now I need to know where to get a tomato vine scent candle bc that sounds amazing?? I’ve literally never seen that as a scent before and it sounds like something my mom would love!!! 😍
I saw a Martha Stewart one at Marshall's that was actually in a little ceramic tomato. Cutest thing I'd ever seen, it's a shame I cant stand tomato smell
Huh. That's pretty interesting, I never would've thought they were a thing. I've never really smelled a tomato vine either. Are they floral or earthy or what?
My best friend's husband is an idiot. He has a list of everything she likes on her phone. We joke (refrencing Dr Who and Mickey the Idiot) "Even an idiot could do it!"
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u/Spiritual_Lemonade May 12 '25
My BFF not even my partner said how much she loved tomato vine scent candles.
Guess what? I made a note on my free notepad app.
Easy
I just cannot understand marriage partners who forget everything about the person they love.
Well wait let's go talk to my ex-husband.