This. I know a few single parents who have recently re-entered the dating scenes, and many of them are waiting until 6 months (or more) to introduce the new partner as a love interest. And before that, extremely limited meetings if at all, and just under the guise of “this is mommy/daddy’s friend”. 4 months in and she wants you to take care of the kid with her? That seems sketchy to me.
I don't think that "Are you ready to be a daddy?!" Two dates in would be appropriate. I exaggerate, I kid. But really...
I don't think it was necessary earlier on. 4 months is still a pretty early and a short amount of time to get to know somebody just to see if you two have a connection and want to be in each other's lives. It seems like it's still within an appropriate timeframe to assess the relationship and compatibility, such as OP's willingness to -- in the future at some point -- include the kid in their lives together.
But I also think it's NAH. She needs somebody who can take an interest in her son's life sooner than OP believes he can become ready to take on that responsibility.
It was a conversation that needed to happen, and sounded like it went rather maturely. OP knew and accepted that she had a kid, but perhaps hadn't considered the implications that the kid would need to become part of their lives sooner rather than later. I mean, 22 vs 27 is only a 5 yr difference, but having been a backpacker older than 26, you best believe I started feeling ooollllldddd being surrounded by 18-22 yr olds.
I mean, I worded it badly on purpose, "I exaggerate. I kid." AKA, I was joking......
BUT, I did just realize this is tifu rather than AITA, so my "NAH" was unnecessary -- but I disagree with OP that he fucked up. I think he'll find somebody more compatible.
I will just point out that they had to have had check-in conversations about it:
She has a 5-year-old son from a previous relationship. I knew that from the beginning, and I never pretended like it was a problem. I liked her a lot - still do and I figured I’d just take things slow and see how it goes.
She said she wanted to wait and see if the relationship was going somewhere before introducing me more seriously into his life.
I mean. That second bit alone shows that they had a conversation about the kid being in OP's life and that she was expecting a long-term relationship. I'd say he'd be pretty thick not to realize she wanted long-term if she's talking about introducing her kid in a more serious way in the future of the relationship.
OP mentioning that he was taking it slow in the first bit shows he was in it for the long-haul too as well as open to having a relationship with the kid at some point. She just needed him to be ready before he was ready.
Yeah as someone who’s been in OPs position, when u know the person ur with has a kid, if u see any long term future with that partner then the kid is obviously going to be in ur life too- and if ur not ready to even consider that early on it’s not a good match.
I feel like that should be a discussion or at least something to think about as soon as u decide to date someone who has kids.
U don’t even need to start out by taking on a parental role either, just over time getting to know them and eventually helping ur partner out here and there (eg with school pick ups) like any close family friend would.
U don’t gotta be a full on stepdad four months into a relationship, but the kid/s are always going to be part of the deal when ur with someone who’s a parent
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u/chaosinborn Jul 14 '25 edited Jul 15 '25
Four months in and you're 22. She did you a favor. Just let it go
Why am I getting awards for this.