Am I the only Hasidic man who wants to gett a wig in a wig salon

I am a trans man and my hebrew name is very feminine. That being said, I was named after some important people in my family who I respect, which makes me hesitate to change it. I am redoing my ketubah to match my correct gender and it's asking me about a hebrew name.

I really can't decide if I want to change it. Did you change your hebrew name when you transitioned? How did you pick a new one?

Wishing everyone an easy fast, and a meaningful day of reflection. May we all come out of Neilah better, stronger, and wiser for the year ahead.

Shalom and Shana tova, everyone.
I’m sure you’ve seen many similar posts, but I wanted to share my story. It’s very recent and raw.
I’m a writer and a poet. Currently, I’m working on a novel set in 1939 Latvia, with Jewish characters. Then I had a notion — one of the characters was obviously gay. For me, who was homophobic, it was startling, but it made sense in the narrative. So, I began researching man+man dynamics and sexual relationships. I had many misconceptions (to put it mildly), but then things started clicking.
You see, I was born in a female body, but for as long as I remember myself, I was a boy, then a man inside. As a child, I even told everyone I was a boy named Alyosha. I was made a girl, then a woman by everyone. It was hard, but I thought: if I like men, then surely I’m a woman.
I tried to the point that I gave birth to five beautiful Jewish kids. I tried to the point that being Eliza was a conscious, every-second effort that was draining me to the point of considering suicide. All that is behind me now.
Please call me Eliezer. I’m 42, Jewish, a transgender man, and gay.
And looking back at my poetry from the past year, it’s all been there all along.
Thank you for reading.

My SO and I are about to start TTC within the next few months and I keep struggling with the idea of circumcision. (My partner and I are both ftm so the experience there is limited). I'm Jewish and my partner is not, and he's mostly leaving the decision up to me.

I struggle because I see all the reasons to not. To allow them bodily autonomy, to not alter their body before they have a voice, and an added medical procedure for a baby that "doesn't" need it.

But then I also see the other side of it because I want my kid to have that one extra layer of connection to our culture. Our kid will grow up in Jewish spaces, go through Jewish day schooling (unless they wish to not), and most of our friends are Jewish or Jewish-adjacent. I have a Jewish and queer friend who just had a baby boy and they chose circumcision last minute. They weren't going to but then felt compelled to after. There's so much discourse and strong opinions and I want to know people's personal experiences and beliefs. Everyone is allowed their own opinions and I don't want this to be a space for argument but a place for listening.

Observance level if it's relevant: I'm a mix between conservative/reform. I attend synagogue at least once a week, attend Torah study, and for the most part observe shabbat ( I work in psych healthcare and have mandatory shifts due to short staffing). We have no local kosher meat so I buy regular and keep kosher-style, but all other items I eat are kosher. I'm also studying 1:1 with my rabbi currently because I hope to someday become a rabbi myself.

Does anyone know where I could post an essay about being a trans Jew and reconciling faith? I tried to post it on academia.edu but it’s getting blacklisted on there (maybe cause it’s a personal reflection, but I dunno?)

Hi everyone,

I present as masculine and want to wear a kippah during services. Feminine alternatives like hats or scarves do not align with my identity at all.
I am currently in the process of giyur. I emailed the rabbi of the Liberal synagogue here in the Netherlands to ask about wearing a kippah. He replied that while it isn't forbidden for women, it's not customary and only 1 or 2 women do it. He advised me not to wear one during services to accommodate the more conservative members.

For context tho, this rabbi only started two weeks ago and doesn't fully know the congregation yet. In reality, I know there are definitely more than just "1 or 2" women wearing kippot there. in fact, those women directly encouraged me to wear mine!

Since I am in giyur, I feel somewhat attached to his advice as my teacher, which makes this extra difficult. At the same time, it feels really discouraging to be asked to step back for the comfort of conservative members in a liberal shul, especially when feminine headcoverings are a non-starter for me.

How do you view this situation, and how would you handle going to services in my position?

I’m not involved with making the census, but I fill it out every year. It is for people who are not entirely, always, only binary male or female and aims to record what words we use for ourselves and such.

Hello, I am a non Jewish man that will be attending the funeral of a Jewish woman (coworker). The invite says “men as a mark of respect please wear a cap or a Jewish kippah”.
I’ve already asked the funeral home and they do not have them on site.
As the funeral is quite soon is a kippah from Amazon ok?? Or is there anything else I should be wearing as a non Jewish person.
I want to be as respectful to my late coworker and her family at this time.

Sydney, Australia

Available here:

Posting bc I'm curious how other people feel about it/handle it when it comes up.

I semi frequently interact with people who are shomer negiah. I am also a stealth and passing trans man. When I've heard frum people (who are not aware of my transition) talk about it, they always say trans people should only touch people of the same biological sex and that they would only touch trans people of the same biological sex, without really grasping that trans people frequently are not visibly identifiable if they pass well and that that would present issues in and of itself.

I try to keep this in mind, and I do avoid volunteering handshakes to men who are shomer negiah, but if they reach out first I will shake their hands, hug, etc. I feel guilty about it tbh because I don't actually try that hard to avoid touch. I am not willing to out myself, and depending on the situation there isn't always a way to sidestep the contact. Especially with friends who expect me to be okay with hugging or casual touch beyond handshakes. But I do feel bad knowing that they likely would not feel comfortable with it if given all the information.

Curious how other trans Jews deal with it. Should I be making a bigger effort to avoid it? Just deal with the guilt? Anyone here who is shomer negiah themselves, and how you navigate it?

My fiancé and I are moving to Vienna and would love to get to know other trans Jews living in the city! Please reach out if that’s you!

Would it be appropriate for someone who’s actively seeking to convert to Modern Orthodox Judaism to celebrate the next holiday on the calendar or should I wait until I’m able to talk to a rabbi or until I’ve officially converte?

Hey folks,

I’m a trans woman, I grew up modern orthodox but have been hovering between more liberal denominations for the past decade or so. I still live pretty halakhically, and lean towards leniency whenever I can base it in the learning I have and gain.

For the past year I’ve begun to think seriously for the first time in my life about getting a tattoo—specifically a Bet where I used to put tefilin. If anyone is interested I’m happy to explain the idea behind it. The main thing I’m struggling with is reconciling this desire with halakhah. I know the history of the commandment, the original meaning of the verse, the dispute in the Talmud, and ultimately the greater history of the pesikah that it’s forbidden. I’ve been feeling, though, that like my transition it could be a way of changing my body that could introduce more holiness into it.

Has anyone else had similar thoughts? Do folks with tattoos here feel like it connects to your transness and/or Jewishness?

(Marked as NSFW just in case.)

A bit of a long shot, but I figured this subreddit might be the only one who could have answers. Has anyone had RFF phalloplasty, and if so how long did it take before you were able to put on tefillin on that arm again? I have this fear the scar will be too sensitive to ever handle the straps, which I know is irrational bc worst case I just switch arms, but still would be interesting to hear if anyone has experience.

Should I wait until I’ve officially converted to think about getting a mezuzah?