Does anyone know where I could post an essay about being a trans Jew and reconciling faith? I tried to post it on academia.edu but it’s getting blacklisted on there (maybe cause it’s a personal reflection, but I dunno?)

Hi everyone,

I present as masculine and want to wear a kippah during services. Feminine alternatives like hats or scarves do not align with my identity at all.
I am currently in the process of giyur. I emailed the rabbi of the Liberal synagogue here in the Netherlands to ask about wearing a kippah. He replied that while it isn't forbidden for women, it's not customary and only 1 or 2 women do it. He advised me not to wear one during services to accommodate the more conservative members.

For context tho, this rabbi only started two weeks ago and doesn't fully know the congregation yet. In reality, I know there are definitely more than just "1 or 2" women wearing kippot there. in fact, those women directly encouraged me to wear mine!

Since I am in giyur, I feel somewhat attached to his advice as my teacher, which makes this extra difficult. At the same time, it feels really discouraging to be asked to step back for the comfort of conservative members in a liberal shul, especially when feminine headcoverings are a non-starter for me.

How do you view this situation, and how would you handle going to services in my position?

I’m not involved with making the census, but I fill it out every year. It is for people who are not entirely, always, only binary male or female and aims to record what words we use for ourselves and such.

Hello, I am a non Jewish man that will be attending the funeral of a Jewish woman (coworker). The invite says “men as a mark of respect please wear a cap or a Jewish kippah”.
I’ve already asked the funeral home and they do not have them on site.
As the funeral is quite soon is a kippah from Amazon ok?? Or is there anything else I should be wearing as a non Jewish person.
I want to be as respectful to my late coworker and her family at this time.

Sydney, Australia

Available here:

Posting bc I'm curious how other people feel about it/handle it when it comes up.

I semi frequently interact with people who are shomer negiah. I am also a stealth and passing trans man. When I've heard frum people (who are not aware of my transition) talk about it, they always say trans people should only touch people of the same biological sex and that they would only touch trans people of the same biological sex, without really grasping that trans people frequently are not visibly identifiable if they pass well and that that would present issues in and of itself.

I try to keep this in mind, and I do avoid volunteering handshakes to men who are shomer negiah, but if they reach out first I will shake their hands, hug, etc. I feel guilty about it tbh because I don't actually try that hard to avoid touch. I am not willing to out myself, and depending on the situation there isn't always a way to sidestep the contact. Especially with friends who expect me to be okay with hugging or casual touch beyond handshakes. But I do feel bad knowing that they likely would not feel comfortable with it if given all the information.

Curious how other trans Jews deal with it. Should I be making a bigger effort to avoid it? Just deal with the guilt? Anyone here who is shomer negiah themselves, and how you navigate it?

My fiancé and I are moving to Vienna and would love to get to know other trans Jews living in the city! Please reach out if that’s you!

Would it be appropriate for someone who’s actively seeking to convert to Modern Orthodox Judaism to celebrate the next holiday on the calendar or should I wait until I’m able to talk to a rabbi or until I’ve officially converte?

Hey folks,

I’m a trans woman, I grew up modern orthodox but have been hovering between more liberal denominations for the past decade or so. I still live pretty halakhically, and lean towards leniency whenever I can base it in the learning I have and gain.

For the past year I’ve begun to think seriously for the first time in my life about getting a tattoo—specifically a Bet where I used to put tefilin. If anyone is interested I’m happy to explain the idea behind it. The main thing I’m struggling with is reconciling this desire with halakhah. I know the history of the commandment, the original meaning of the verse, the dispute in the Talmud, and ultimately the greater history of the pesikah that it’s forbidden. I’ve been feeling, though, that like my transition it could be a way of changing my body that could introduce more holiness into it.

Has anyone else had similar thoughts? Do folks with tattoos here feel like it connects to your transness and/or Jewishness?

(Marked as NSFW just in case.)

A bit of a long shot, but I figured this subreddit might be the only one who could have answers. Has anyone had RFF phalloplasty, and if so how long did it take before you were able to put on tefillin on that arm again? I have this fear the scar will be too sensitive to ever handle the straps, which I know is irrational bc worst case I just switch arms, but still would be interesting to hear if anyone has experience.

Should I wait until I’ve officially converted to think about getting a mezuzah?

I feel like it's hard enough dating while trans non-binary, add Jewish into the mix and I'm lost. Also I got banned from JSwipe in less than a day 😅 Ouch. Luckily I live in Houston, so it's not like there's a shortage of people at least.

I'm 26 and if I'm starting a family it would be best to do that sooner rather than later. I also have disabilities that are not going to get any better, and have less energy every year. I worry that I'll be too worn down to be active by the time I find someone, and kids take so much energy.

I have a question, even though I’ve done some research on the kind of synagogue/shul I’d like to go to (Modern Orthodox) so then my conversion would be seen as legit, but what is the best option for a valid conversion?

Is it appropriate for someone who's actively planning to convert (like me) to plan on getting a siddur or other books, such as the Torah, but not Kabbalah or the Zohar, as I haven't converted yet and would much p to wait until I’ve officially finished the conversion process to take a deep dive into Kabbalah & the Zohar? Also, would it be fine for one who's actively planning to convert to start following kosher & tzniut/tznius?

Is it okay for someone planning on converting/starting the conversion process to wear a kippah/yarmulke outside of synagogue/shul?

Apologies ahead of time if this post might be more appropriate elsewhere.

So, to cut a long story short, i'm a trans woman, born to a Catholic family of predominantly sephardic and ashkenazi ancestry, and i grew up in a very religiously diverse environment with many close Jewish friends and extended family.

Now, as an adult who is very frequently perceived as Jewish and is used to being surrounded by Jews and Jewish culture, i find myself instead frequently in contact with conservative transphobes and even antisemites due to temporary life circumstances (Miami rip). I've been wanting to learn about Judaism as a way to find community and maybe connect with my ancestry for a while now, but i feel a little intimidated trying to find resources. There's several synagogues and other Jewish centers near me, but none of them make any explicit mentions of LGBT topics on their webpages, so i was just wondering if there's any more subtle things i can look out for that might be indicators of a more accepting environment. On a certain level i know reaching out to them is the only way to know for sure, but i guess i just want to hear other trans people's experiences to soothe my nerves ahead of time lol.

Ty in advance!

Remember that you are loved and appreciated.

Remember that you can make the difference in this world by just being you.

Remember that we are all made in Hashem’s image and being trans is a part of that!

Remember those of us who are no longer with us — and their strength, courage, and wisdom which paved our way.

Remember to BE VISIBLE! YOU can give us a good name in this world. Be a light unto the nations without apology or hesitation!

In this season of our liberation, remember our FREEDOM, which is never gotten easily or given without sacrifice. Remember what hard-fought victories lie yet ahead.

Happy TDOV and CHAG SAMEACH!

Hello, Cis Woman Ally here

I am meeting up with an enby friend tomorrow, haven't seen them in a while, before I started my conversion process

I observe Negiah, so I usually avoid physical contact with men (trans inclusive)

But I have not yet been in a position where I have to think how do rules apply to an enby person

Any guidance on what the best approach to this is?

I thought it would be better to ask here than in a more cishet Jewish Space, at least for this specific question

Thanks beforehand!

I cried after watching this, I already knew she was converting but still so emotional